Love Delivered (37 page)

“Ummmm… Jenna, where’s your restroom?” I asked after pushing back from the table.

~
Stenton
~

“You okay, Zo?”

She took her time turning to face me. I knew she was angry, and quite honestly didn’t know how to turn this train wreck of a dinner around.

“Why did you allow her to invite us over?” Zoey’s eyes were pink, and I couldn’t tell if it was from being ready to cry or the wine.

“I swear, I didn’t know until after it was done. And then there was no way I would I uninvite Sarah. That would be too confusing for her.”

“Her? What about me? Why do you think it’s not okay to confuse everyone else, but it’s just fine to practice ambiguity with Zoey?”

“That’s not what I endeavor to do with you. Maybe if you would talk to me...let me in, there’d be no ambiguity at all.” I struggled to keep my voice low. “Why can’t we just be friends?”

Then I saw the tears rimming. I saw the rage building. I felt my damn chest tightening. In that moment, I hated myself for bringing her to this point.

“There is no way we can
just be friends
, Stenton. There is no way I can be friends with someone who’s rejected me over the years, ripped my heart from my chest—”

“Everything all right out here?”

Zoey quickly shifted so her back was to me. I turned to find Maggie stumbling out onto the sun porch, holding onto the wall.

I exhaled while stuffing my hands into my pockets.
No, Maggie. I’m only out here trying to salvage the nonexistent relationship I have with my son’s mother, who so happens to be the love of my life. I almost got answers until your drunk ass spilled out here.

“All is well, Maggie. Is Sarah asking for us?”

“I don’t know. I just came from the bathroom. When I didn’t see you and I didn’t see her,” she pointed to the back of Zoey. “I came in search for ya.”

“Welp,” Zoey turned to her. “You found us. And you can clearly see there is more entertainment playing in your drunken head than there is out here with me and my baby’s daddy.”
Zoey with that damn sarcastic wit
. Then she turned to me. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to get
my
family out of here. I think I’ve done enough cooning to earn my next baby’s momma check for the month. Don’t you think so, Stent?”

Zoey didn’t wait on a response before trekking inside. After issuing Maggie a warning glare, I wasn’t too far behind Zoey when I went inside to say my goodbyes properly and walk them to the car.

When I saw Sarah to the driver’s side, she reached up and patted me on the cheek. “Don’t let anyone back you into a corner. When you do, you don’t perform well. When you don’t perform well, people sense it and don’t react to it well.” She tossed a glance over to the passenger side of the car where Zoey and Jordan were, leaving me wondering which of the two she was referring to, or if she gestured to both. “You’re a good man with nothing to prove. Goodnight, dear.” Her smile was warm and gentle as ever. How in the hell Sarah Barrett was able to remain so poised through obvious turbulence was beyond me.

I walked back into the house, feeling fucked up inside. I knew this was a bad idea, but just had to go through it to quiet ole girl’s curiosities about Zoey and Jordan. She’d been asking for time with him since just before Brazil, and when she finally met him, she’d continued requesting time since then. The problem had been I didn’t involve Jordan in my dating life. There was no need to. He had a solid support system with Zoey and her peoples; there was no need to drag him into the bullshit-ass relationships I’d engaged in while I waited for his mother…or whatever the hell I was doing, because at that point I’d lost my way.

All I knew was she was angry and I was fucking miserable. Knowing I’d caused the pain in her eyes and the confusion in her mind, did shit to me. It wasn’t my plan. I didn’t know where to go from here. I only knew I was miserable, and Zoey was someone I didn’t recognize.

“That didn’t go too bad,” I heard from behind me and turned to find Jenna grinning coyly.

Then Maggie entered the foyer, on her way up to her bat cave.

“Oh, you don’t think so?” I asked calmly. “I’ll tell you this: Don’t ever invite them over if your mother is going to antagonize Jordan’s mother and grandmother. It took everything in me not to intervene.”

“What did I do?” Maggie asked aghast, stretching out a few wrinkles in her face.

“What did you do? You belittled Zoey and disrespected her mother.”

“Zoey’s no angel, sweetheart. You heard her tone and choice of words with me,” Maggie defended.

“Two things that would have never surfaced had it not been for your claws coming out. When it comes to my family, if your fucking fangs are hanging from your mouth, stay the hell away. Next time I won’t be so patient.”

“Who in the hell do you think you’re taking that tone with, young man?”

“The same woman who disrespected someone sacred to me, “I shot back.

“Which one? Mother, son, or daughter?”

“Okay, Momma, now that’s enough!” Jenna warned.

“Yeah…yeah…yeah.” Maggie waved us both off as she started up the stairs, pilt to the max. I didn’t know why Jenna had never addressed her excessive drinking. It had been obvious to me from day one.

When Maggie was on her way up, Jenna took me by the arm.

“Hey, I’m sorry about that, but your behavior was a bit strange, too. You clammed up when I was trying to make a pitch to them. You damn near bit my head off at my proposal.”

“That’s because you sprung it on everyone, Jenna. Jordan has never spent time with anyone in his life. Shit like that has to be planned, not spurred.”

“Zoey didn’t seem to be offended by the gesture.”

“Would you expect an accurate response to such a surprise? She was being polite.”

“There’s a bigger issue here, Stent. I want a future for us.”

“And about that: kids? When did we ever agree on that?”

“It’s a natural progression.”

“For what trajectory?”

“So you don’t want a future with me?”

“Oh, so you’re giving me a choice now? Because you weren’t giving me one in front of my toddler about half an hour ago.”

Jenna’s eyes dropped to the floor.

“I have a real issue your reasoning, Jenna. This shit should have been discussed with me before presenting it my family—”

“They’re not your family! Jordan is your only fam—” Jenna caught herself, cupping her mouth as she turned away.

“I’m heading home. I’ll check in with you tomorrow,” I said as I opened the coat closet there in the small foyer.

“You’re leaving. Just great. I thought we’d celebrate a milestone, but I guess we haven’t exactly reached that tonight, have we?”

I turned to face her. “No. We haven’t.”

“Stenton, I know last summer we took our relationship to another level, but I’m not trying to stop at sex. I want more. Do I have reason to be concerned?”

I looked her in the eyes and in there, I didn’t see her pleading with me. I saw her issuing an ultimatum. I didn’t take to those very well. Never had and wouldn’t start then. In the beginning we agreed to just being friends. Now Jenna was forcin’ me into some shit I ain’t sign up for. Again!

“You do if you continue going behind my back arranging shit you know I ain’t with. I like you, Jenna. I really do. But I’m not ready for what you’re alluding to. I don’t need you taking initiative, thinking you’re progressing or fixing shit in my life. If that’s what you’re about, you do have reason to be concerned.”

I turned and walked out into the brisk autumn night, heading to my car. As I sat inside, waiting for it to warm, I thought about how I didn’t have security with me because my original plan was to stay the night. My second thought belonged to Zoey, whose actions tonight troubled me. I knew Zoey began drinking, but there was something very disconcerting about it. She threw ‘em back like she needed them. Like she had lots of experience with it.

After sending a text to Rob about my change of plans and heading out to Philly, I shot Sarah a text, too. She replied over a half hour later while I was on the Turnpike.

I’ve seen her better. I don’t like what I see.

That shit fucked with me bad. Real bad. I had to do something. I needed to break through to her. Things were going way off track. This was not my plan.

~~~~~~~~~~

January 2013

~
Zoey
~

“I think it’s wrong. Plain wrong.”

“I agree. People give too much control to their flesh,” Bernard asserted.

Hmmmm…

“And have done so, historically,” his associate, Reverend King, amended.

“Yeah, man. The Bible never noted that nonsense. It’s been since evolution. God ain’t pleased, man. I want no parts of it.” That was Bernard again.

Interesting…

Since we’d been at
Ocean Prime
in Philly, these two have gone on and on about theology, “what’s Bible” and holiness. This was one of a few of the conversations I’d been in on with Bernard that actually annoyed me. I never stomached judgmental talks like this. I would admit to having a good time hanging out with Bernard over the past couple of months. I’d gone to many of his shows and attended church events with him. It wasn’t unfamiliar to me. I was a worshiper. Those types of activities were cathartic for me and helped during the recent period of anger and disappointment with…Stenton.
It was even hard for me to think his name.

I hadn’t seen Stenton much since Christmas. He’d called and texted, all were ignored. I didn’t understand the need for being in touch. I was tired of the rollercoaster. I needed to move on…and away from him.

So, I was here. With Bernard. And his church friends from Tampa, who were in Philly for a convention, engaging in judgment and ignorance. Not only did the topic go against the good food, but the thoughts of who was paying for this meal had been concerning me as well. I knew Bernard asked Reverend King and his wife out, naming him as the responsible party to pay. The problem was Bernard always cried broke. He’d even come up short while we’d been out with a group of friends, forcing me to pay the tab, not wanting to embarrass myself. He’d paid me back, but it still wasn’t right. Tonight would push me over the edge, considering the conversation flow.

The topic of oral sex surfaced when a modestly known married pastor was caught on tape receiving oral from a missionary of his flock. That topic of infidelity and being caught on tape turned into how it applies to marriage. Reverend King’s poor wife sat next to him, appearing detached and subdued. I didn’t understand how such a reserved person could be married to one with such a boisterous personality like her husband’s.  

“And all of this from a married man of God,” Bernard repeated, thankfully bringing the conversation back into real moral context.

I reached for my glass of unsweetened ice tea, wishing it was fermented grapes instead and asserted, “Well, perhaps if his wife was exploring things outside of missionary, he wouldn’t have been exploring with the missionary.”

I felt Bernard’s eyes pop out like daggers next to me. I ignored them. I tried to play the quiet, non-heard, yet seen role.

“Well, see, that’s where I’d have to disagree with you at, Sister Barrett,” King straightened in his chair. “People love to pinpoint the cause of the lack of morality on what their partner isn’t willing to do in the bedroom. No. People cheat because of the flesh. People cheat because they want to cheat.”

“And I do agree that cheating is a personal choice, Reverend King, but I also believe married individuals have a responsibility to their mates to explore things outside of their traditional bounds. This institution of marriage was intended to be long term, until death. During which period, there will be transitions and evolution of those individuals. What satisfied or pleased them when they exchanged vows won’t exactly be what holds their attention five to ten years later. People change and so do their desires and tastes. Married couples should keep their minds open to sexual evolution, so long as it excludes other individuals and animals. I believe God wanted to set those boundaries during creation, which is what the Bible references in Hebrews 13.  What a man and his wife do behind closed doors is well within bounds, so long as it includes no one else and they’re both willing participants.”

King sat back visibly challenged and unhappy about it, and breathed, “Hmmmm…”

I could have stopped there, but why? I’d already put myself out there and his wife certainly wouldn’t have my back in the name of womanhood. So, I continued.

“Oh, yeah. And the term bed was an archaic reference because that was a common place for the act of sex, but please believe it wasn’t the only place it was implemented, neither should contemporary couples limit their activities to it. God knew the potency of pleasure he endowed on His people. He did not intend for it to be restrained to one position or method in one place. It is for recreation—secondary to procreation, no doubt, but for pleasure nonetheless.

“Sweets, you put so little emphasis on procreation, the original intent,” Bernard scoffed, trying to buffer my apparent blow.