Love Delivered (39 page)

My uncle, Stan, caught my attention in my peripheral. When I turned to glimpse at him, I saw the shaking of his head. He was warning me to not match her animation. Ironically, I knew I had no choice. Zoey was still angry from my time with her when Quincy passed.

“Elizabeth Ardell!” Sarah shrieked, launching from her seat on the sofa. “You will not—”

“I can do it all on my own! If you need to replace me as the little sister, Ruth can always use a punching bag who comes to her rescue after each blunder. As for me, I’m done.” She stomped out of the room and up the stairs before I could even respond.

That shit fucked with me all night. I didn’t leave as any man with good sense would have. I couldn’t. I had to stay with Jordan and answer for why his mother threw a temper tantrum on Christmas morning the way she had. I did leave the following day. I promised Jenna I’d be at her place that morning. I was late because Jordan woke up with a fever and headed straight to my bed. After giving him a bath to cool his body temperature and waiting until Sarah and Zoey got his meds and foods set up, I finally left just after eleven in the morning.

On my way to Englewood, all I could think about was how Zoey still didn’t speak to me that morning. I watched as Sarah took the lead in taking JR’s temperature after his bath, and fired off orders for Zoey to get a concoction ready in the kitchen. When Sarah was around while Jordan was sick, it was her show. Zoey and I were her assistants. It was a rough role to play at first when Jordan was a newborn, but we quickly adjusted to it. I understood that since Zoey gave birth prematurely and seemingly without a traditional partner in the house, her mother felt more protective of Jordan. She cared for him as if he were her own. Michael said she was even more rigid with Jordan than she’d been with her own daughters. I didn’t sweat it. The more love given to my son, the better for him. These were interesting dynamics in this family. I had no experience with family dynamics because of the lack of experience with my own.

But that damn Zoey… Why wouldn’t she just talk to me? Why was she so damn angry that she couldn’t even look at me?

When I arrived at Jenna’s house, I rang the doorbell. Maggie opened the door and rolled her eyes, leaving me to catch it. I wasn’t in the mood for her shit. I was operating on little sleep and the shit Zoey had my head spinning in. I sauntered into the living room where I saw Jenna sitting on the couch with her feet tucked underneath her and holding herself. She turned to look at me with glossy eyes similar to Zoey’s last night. The only difference was that Zoey fought to keep the tears at bay. Jenna let them fall freely.

She swallowed then wiped her eyes. “You didn’t call.”

I angled my head to the floor, once again measuring my tone and words. “You knew I’d be here.”

We’d spoken about me coming this morning when I left Alpine.

“You said first thing.”

What the hell? Were we getting that technical? I glanced at my wrist. Damn. It was, in fact, after noon.

I exhaled. “Jordan woke up with a fever. I gave him a bath and didn’t leave until his mother and grandmother got things under control.”

Jenna quickly rose from her seat and rushed over to me. “Oh, my god. Is he okay?” Her eyes were big, anxious. Sincere.

“I don’t know. I’ll call in a few to check on him.”

I saw Jenna processing my words in her head. Her previous emotions were being pushed to the side, yielding for my world. Her arms encircled my waist and her cheek snuggled into my abdomen.

“I’m sorry.”

I curved my arms around her. Jenna wasn’t exactly a cry baby, at least it wasn’t what I perceived her to be when I first met her. However, I noticed since we started fucking, her emotions expanded and expectations grew. Concurrently, my returns on her need of me had remained the same. Sex didn’t change my expectations for our relationship. It was simply a means of mollifying a good friend’s needs. We’d discussed this a bit the day after Zoey, Sarah and Jordan left her place the night after Thanksgiving. I was still pissed about the “future” she’d hinted at as though it was a shared goal.

“We made a big breakfast. It was supposed to be the Christmas meal we missed together,” she mumbled into my bubble vest.

“I’m sorry,” was, again, all I could offer. I was empty of sentiments. Zoey zapped all that shit out of me last night.

Jenna’s head popped up. “Are you hungry? I can warm you up something. Make you a fresh omelet.”

“Nah. I’m just tired as hell. It was a long night.” I didn’t want to say more. I hoped she’d assume it had to do with JR’s sudden illness, which it didn’t.

“Let’s go upstairs, get you in the bed for a nap. I know you have a long day tomorrow,” she murmured.

Jenna removed my vest, tossed it onto the sofa and led me up to her room. I followed in silence, head spinning, stressed the fuck out. All while she removed my clothes, my thoughts were on the despondency in Zoey’s eyes when she opened the gift box yesterday. There was a semblance of exhaustion in them. There was a hardness in them. As I watched Jenna strip out of her clothes with her eyes pinned to mine, I mulled over Zoey’s reason for making it clear that she no longer needed me as though she ever did. I didn’t understand that. Zoey had never been a burden to me. She’d never been needy. When Jenna urged me back on the bed and climbed on top of me, I tried to relax. When she placed her shaky lips on mine and threw her tongue in my mouth, I couldn’t help but recall the tremble in Zoey’s lips when she tried to maintain her cool while ripping into me.

Jenna opened the plastic packet and encased me. When she slid down on me, wincing while taking me in increments, I thought about how Zoey damn near lunged at me when she made it clear she didn’t need a car. She said she didn’t need for me to play the role of her brother. As I observed Jenna’s small perked breasts bouncing while she gyrated on top of me, moaning her pleasure, I thought about the sibling reference. When had Zoey ever resembled a sister to me? She was the most alluring woman I’d ever encountered. I thought about her piercing smile, her impressive capacity for love, her infectious laugh, and quick return on wit—something my son had inherited.

And when Jenna started grunting on top of me, I realized I’d missed most of this session with her. I’d been just as absent as if I’d been in a different room. Then I wondered if she shared the same grievances as Zoey about being perceived as something short of a lover. She was, after all, on top of me riding the shit out of my cock. Suddenly, I got angry. There’s no way Zoey could accuse me of not being in the moment with her during sex. She had all of me outside of the element of sex, but in that act she had the best of me. As Jenna’s body flopped on top of me, I realized Zoey’s was the only name I’d ever called out during sex. No one made me lose my shit like that fucking frustrating Zoey did. Just at the thought alone, I felt my wood getting harder. It was when I got a flashback of Zoey screaming some variation of my name…or when I fucked her that time in her dorm room and my girl told me she couldn’t hold out…

“Goddamn!” I found myself crying out, thinking about the way Zoey’s eyes squeezed and lips parted when she flooded me with her essence.

“Wow! That was excellent!” Jenna beamed as she collapsed on my chest. “I didn’t think you were ever going to finish, babe.”

I laid there collecting my thoughts. I couldn’t believe the head trip I’d just experienced. What the fuck is this? Jenna was a cool…sweet woman. She didn’t deserve this shit. Once I was able to catch my breath, I took off for the bathroom to flush the condom. Though completely unnecessary, hard habits don’t die easily. Needing to check on Jordan, I grabbed my phone and sent Sarah a text. Then I rolled into bed and closed my eyes in an attempt to block out the noises in my head.

I awakened to complete darkness. When I was able to gather my bearings, I realized I’d slept the damn day away. Shit! I shuffled in the covers, turning over to find my phone and saw Sarah said Jordan’s fever had broken. I was relieved. I then saw Jenna in the sofa chair next to the window. She sat with her feet tucked under her again, gazing outside. The light from the street lamp post shined through and into the dark room.

“You hungry?”

I cleared my throat and rubbed the sleep from my face. “Nah.”

I scooted off the bed and ambled out to the bathroom, needing to take a leak. When I came out, I searched for my clothes and put them on.

“You’re leaving?” I heard the panic in her question.

“You know I have an early flight in the morning. I need to go pack.”

“I thought you brought your things with you to Alpine?”

I shook my head.

“We didn’t even spend Christmas together, Stent. I wanted us to talk.”

I took a deep breath and sat on the bed to put my boots on. I knew I wouldn’t see Jenna for almost a week, leading into the New Year. I could spare a moment on that fact alone.

“Let’s talk,” I offered.

She turned around in the chair, dropping her feet to the floor to face me. It took a few moments for her to start.

“I know things are heating up in the season...” She took a heavy breath. “And I don’t want to be a burden to you, Stenton. I swear I don’t.” Her tone turned formal.

This was the Jenna I knew. The one I met and was taken by her primness. Jenna conducted herself as opposing party at all times. Even when she tried to lower her professional veneer, for the most part, she left her emotions out of the equation. That was until we started fucking. That’s when all things changed. That’s when we had to talk more about my demons because she wanted to connect more. That’s when I shut her out and into a place I reserved for people that wanted more of me quicker than I cared to give it.

“I just need to know where we’re going with this relationship. I feel like the more I try to make room in your cluster for us to move forward, the more you pull back.”

“Cluster?” I didn’t think I liked the connotation.

“Yes. Your intricate world with your family. You keep them locked away from me when I think we should be bonding. If you and I are going to continue to grow as friends, we should be blending families.”

“Was that your purpose for Thanksgiving?”

“It was, and then Christmas rolled around and I spent it alone. Hell, even your uncle was with Zoey and her family…at your house!”

“And? What concern of that is yours?” That was a fucked up response, but I didn’t like her undertone.

“The fact that I want more with you?”

I raked my fingers from the top of my head to my chin. I felt the first of a headache growing.

“What’s more, Jenna?” I asked calmly.

“A hell of a lot more than you’re giving right now! For starters, I want to get off of birth control and for you to stop using rubbers.”   

My head jerked up. That shit got my attention.

“Yes! I want a child together. Perhaps that will garner me the same respect as your impermeable “family”.” She used air quotations. “Then maybe we can progress to…marriage.”

I froze. Couldn’t speak for too damn long. It was so long that my silence communicated for me. I didn’t want to hurt Jenna. I knew she’d come out of a tumultuous relationship a few years ago and took quite a while to recover from it. I didn’t want to be on the bad list of lovers for her as I now was with Zoey. I also couldn’t rebound from this confrontation. Jenna was laying her cards out on the table in a moment of honesty and full disclosure. There was no crying ‘I didn’t know’ after this. Any real man knew this was his cue to shit or get the fuck of the bowl. I couldn’t give her even half of what she was asking for. Another child…with another woman? Marriage…with another woman?

I heard the sob hurl from the back of her throat. I stood to pull her into my arms. I felt helpless as fuck for what I was doing to her. About to do. I rocked her as tightly as comfort would allow. When Jenna’s tight grip and pull on the sides of my shirt let up, I knew she no longer needed my embrace.

I pulled back. “I appreciate your honesty. But, Jenna, when we started kicking it, we agreed to no games or lies.” She nodded her head enthusiastically. “We also agreed to not pressuring each other for more than friendship.” Jenna’s eyes went big and she heaved. I was hoping she didn’t get amnesia about that covenant. It was when she captured my attention. “What you’re asking for moves beyond the bounds of friendship.”

“You expect us to stay in that place forever? How can we make love and remain easy friends? When we do what we did earlier”—she pointed to the bed—“you didn’t want to be just friends.”

“Jenna, it was your decision to move our relationship to that level. I was fine with your celibacy. I cautioned your eagerness, too.” She couldn’t deny that.

I was no kid. Too old to be playing games with women. I didn’t need the guise of a relationship to get pussy. Shit, before Zoey, I’d had those very arrangements. There were plenty of people in the industry who preferred sex only. I didn’t come with games, didn’t have to. 

“I’m going to step off here. I can see you’re far more involved than I can be at this point in my life.” I stared her straight in the eyes.

“Wow. Just like that. Have you ever even considered more than friendship with me?”

“I’ve once survived a dark period of my life because of my friendship with you.”

“But that’s the only value I’ll ever hold,” she stated, not questioned. “If I’m not good enough, Erika isn’t good enough, and Zoey’s not good enough, then who?”