Love From the Ashes (15 page)

Thomas watched from afar as the kids said their goodbyes.  He was hoping after breakfast that she would reconsider, but clearly that wasn’t going to be the case.  “Why do you have to go?  I thought we were having a good time.”

He looked at Kari; her expression was one of sadness and pain.  He hated to see his kids going through that.  "Something came up; I have to get back home.  I’ll see you on Monday.”  She kissed the tops of each of their heads and then went to the driver’s side of the van.  The kids looked at each other; their sad faces were enough to drive a knife into his heart.  When they moved away from the van, he knew he had to do something.

He walked around to the door and held it open.  “Are you sure you won’t reconsider?  We can work this out.”

She turned to him.  “There’s nothing to work out.  I’m not upset, or angry.  I just need to leave.  There is your family trip; I’m not part of that.  Please, help the children to understand that.”

He didn’t know what else he could do; outside of lying down in front of her van.  “I’ll make them realize that this has nothing to do with them, but I want you to stay.”

She smiled; it was the first real smile she had given him all morning.  “I believe that you think you do, but something is definitely going on.  Every time we’re together you feel the need to say you’re sorry.  I thought that we were building a great bond, but it isn’t supposed to be this difficult.”  He felt that she was right.  However, it still caused him to feel shame.  “We can talk when you get back.”  She closed the door and he stood there motionless.  “Goodbye!”  She turned and waved to the kids as she drove away.  He had some danger control and by the looks on their faces it wasn’t going to be easy.

“So, what do you say we go swimming?”  The best plan was to act like nothing was wrong.

“Why did she have to go?  Is she mad at us?  What happened?  Where is she going?”  The questions were coming at him like torpedoes.  “Did you ask her why she was crying?”  The last question was from Bethany.

He looked at her.  “She told you why she was crying; she was missing her family.”

Bethany rolled her eyes.  “Please; you can’t tell me you believed that story.”

He laughed.  “Well, it doesn’t matter who, what, where, or why; the fact is she felt she needed to leave.  That’s all there is to it; so, are we going to stand here and argue?  Or, are we going to go swimming?”

“I guess we’ll go swimming.”  Kari sadly replied.  They all dispersed to the tents and he waited for them to finish getting dressed.

“I’ll be just a minute.”  He went in the tent and grabbed his swim trunks.  He stood there for a moment and thought about what Bethany said.  He was thinking the same thing.  He didn’t think that Rebecca was being truthful about why she was crying either.  Although, it was just easier to go with it.  Watching her drive away was harder than he thought; even though he was constantly denying his attraction for her, it was there.  He put on his swim trunks and then walked out of the tent.  Obviously his feelings weren’t what mattered; he had to make the rest of the trip fun for everyone else.  Later he could sort out his feelings.

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As Rebecca was gaining distance from the state park and everything that she had grown attached to, she started to feel some more tears welling up in her eyes.  She had never been so emotional, not until she met the Campbell family.  Something inside her was changing and it wasn’t easy to admit that she was no longer in control of her feelings.  She looked out the window and aimlessly was driving when she recognized the fact that she wasn’t hurting herself or Thomas; she was hurting the kids and they did nothing wrong to deserve that.  They were so sad when she said goodbye; right then she should have dropped the notion.  When she was hit with that thought she knew there was only one thing to do.  She was only 10 minutes away before she turned the car around and headed back to the state park.  She had to put her foolish pride behind her and do something that was awkward, but necessary.  When she drove back around the scenic route to the tents she noticed that there wasn’t anyone else around.  She knew that the intent was to go swimming so she got out of the car and walked down the path of the lake.

As she rounded the familiar trail that her brothers and she always took she saw them.  They were at the same spot, but they weren’t swinging from the tree they were just casually wading in the pool.  She was embarrassed, to the say the least.  She just held back and watched them interact.  They weren’t laughing, or smiling.  In fact, they were barely interacting at all.  She approached the group; none of them seemed to notice she was there.  “What?  No one wants to swing from the tree?”

Bethany looked at her; her eyes were big and with seconds the group was out of the lake.  “You came back!”  Bethany ran over and hugged her.

“I realized that what I had to do at home wasn’t as important as being here with all of you.”  The rest of them hugged her and then she met Thomas’ glance.  “I hope that’s alright.”

His face was expressionless and he just shrugged.  “Welcome back.”

She wondered if he was as mad as he appeared.  “Thank you!”  She knew it was going to be strained between them, but he looked like he would have rather seen a rattlesnake.  “So, do you want to take a crack at the rope?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  Thomas quickly intercepted.  “You said that your brother fell off.”

“Yes, but that was a long time ago.  I’m sure that they have fixed all of the kinks.  It looks sturdy enough.”  She pulled the rope and smiled.  “See, I would think there are no problems.”

“Still, I would feel more comfortable if…”

“Aww dad, please.”  Frankie held onto his leg and he shot a look at Rebecca.  Something had definitely changed from the time that they said their goodbyes, to her standing there.

“Whatever!”

“Thomas, if you don’t want…” she began to speak.  She tried to be quiet enough that the children wouldn’t hear.

“No; they want to do it.  I was foolish to think that I was the boss.  Clearly, I was mistaken.”  He brushed past her.  He had never been so irritated when he talked to her.

“Come on Rebecca; show us.”  She looked at Bethany.  She had no idea that she was putting Rebecca in a tough spot.  She didn’t want to make Thomas mad, but his actions proved that he didn’t want her to corrupt his kids.

“In a minute!  Why don’t you take the younger kids and go swim for awhile.  We’ll be with you all shortly.”

They looked disappointed, but Bethany did as she was told.  Rebecca walked to Thomas who had found a tree that was far enough away from them to pout.  “What are you doing Rebecca?”

“Well, I don’t want to make you mad.  If you don’t want the kids to swing on the rope then I won’t teach them.”

He turned to look at her; his once stern expression had softened, but just a bit.  “That’s not what I mean.  “Why did you come back?”

“I thought that it wasn’t right to leave you in a predicament.  It wasn’t going to be easy packing up two tents and 7 kids.  I was trying to help you out.”

“Is that all?”

“It wasn’t fair to leave the kids when they did absolutely wrong.  I suppose that I felt a sense of obligation to them.  Was that wrong?”

He looked away and shook his head.  “No; I guess…”

“Yes?”

“I don’t know; this is all new territory to me.”  He laughed then; it helped to relieved a little of the tension.  “It makes me take on a whole new persona.”

“I didn’t want the kids to have all these questions of why I left.  That’s why I came back.”

“Believe me…they did.”  He laughed and turned to face her.  “I couldn’t answer them, when I was just as confused.  Why did you leave?”

Rebecca swallowed hard; it wasn’t easy to profess the truth.  “I left because I thought it would be easier.”

“Easier on whom?”

“There were times that I don’t think you really wanted me here.  When you apologized for kissing me that just cemented my theory.”

He nodded.  “I thought so.”

“You did?”

He laughed.  “I was a jerk.  There were many things that I should have said after last night, but instead I took the coward way out.  I hoped that when I caught you and Bethany outside I had recovered from that stupid instance.”

“You had, in a way.  I still felt sorry that you regretted it so much.”

“Rebecca, I didn’t regret it.  I thought you were mad that I kissed you and so that’s why I was so adamant to apologize.  The kiss was nice, but it scared me.”

“It scared you?”

“You’re a beautiful woman and any guy would be nuts not to fall for you, but I’m not any guy.  I am still struggling over losing my wife and even though it’s been two years…I worry that I will never be quite the same.  I wouldn’t get another woman mixed up in my drama, no matter how attracted I am to her.”

Even though she was finally beginning to understand a little of where his mind was, it still frustrated her.  “I understand what you’re saying, but when you kiss someone and then apologize…it sort of makes a person question themselves.”  She smiled; hoping that she was teasing.

He laughed.  “I realize that; which is why I then apologized for saying I was sorry.”

Rebecca laughed.  “News flash, that didn’t really help.”

Thomas snickered and then turned back to the lake.  “So, you want to teach the children to swing off a rope and fly into the lake?”

Rebecca laughed.  “It’s not nearly as dramatic as you make it sound, but yes.”

“Let’s go; their lives are in your hands.”

“No pressure!”  She mumbled as she led the way to the lake.  She was still confused as to what Thomas was wanting from her friendship, but it was best just to let it go.  If she couldn’t have him and the children in her life out of love; she would take them as friends.  It was better than having to turn her back to them.  Lord help her; she did not want to have to do that.

Thomas carried the tray of a country-styled breakfast into her room.  Things had been tough between the two of them; she had a difficult pregnancy and birth with Judy and he was so happy to finally have her back home.  She leaned up on her hands and yawned.  “Good Morning!”

He smiled as he placed the tray over her.  “Good Morning beautiful.”  They kissed passionately and he felt like they were finally starting to get back to normal.  “I hope you like it; I made eggs, bacon, toast, waffles, and didn’t forget the freshly squeezed orange juice.”

She laughed.  “You spoil me, but I love it.”

“Eat up.  The kids are with my parents and we have the house to ourselves.”

“I was wondering why it was so quiet.”  She laughed as she took a bite of toast.  “Almost too quiet.”

It was
true; when they were alone it almost seemed to be too boring and quiet.  “I wanted them to not disturb you.  This is your first full day home from the hospital.”

She smiled, but then it slowly turned into a frown.  “We have to talk.”

He didn’t like the sound of that, but he slowly nodded.  “That sounds serious.”

“It is, because after having the emergency c-section and not knowing what the outcome was going to be, it has gotten me to think about life.”

“Life?”

“We have never had difficult talks before and I think that it’s necessary to start.  We aren’t getting any younger and we have 5 kids that
need us to think about them.”

“We do think about them; all of the time.”

“That’s not what I mean.  What if something was to happen to one of us?  What are the other one’s plans?”

“Don’t even think about that.”  He scoffed as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“Thomas, we have to be realistic.  I need you to make me a promise.”

“What kind of promise?”

“I need you to promise me that if I was to die…you would find someone else.”

“What?  That’s absurd; you’re not going anywhere.”

“Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but someday I could die and leave you to pick up the pieces.  I have to be sure that you’ll know how to move on.”

“Don’t be crazy.  Just because you want me to find someone else, doesn’t make it so.  You can’t marry someone if you don’t love them and I would never be willing to fall in love again.”

“You have to be open to it; I want to make sure that you won’t close your heart off to love.  Someone great could walk in your life and you would just push her away, because you don’t want to hurt me.  Isn’t that right?”

Thomas looked away from her expectant question.  It didn’t matter; nothing was going to happen to her and he was never going to fall in love again.  “Be reasonable Scarlett.  You don’t know what you’re asking me to do.”

“I know that I want you to move on and be happy.  Wouldn’t you say the same about me?  If you were to die first, wouldn’t you want me to find happiness?”

“Could you?”  He just stared at her and she started to chuckle.

“I am not saying that I want you to go out the day after the funeral; you should give it time, but I would hunt you down from the grave if you pushed someone away because you were worried about hurting me.”

“Well, it won’t happen if I can’t fall in love with someone else.”

“Just promise me that you’ll give love a chance.  That’s all I ask.”

“Okay.”  He didn’t think it would be a problem he would have to face.  “You do the same.”

She nodded.  “I will.”  She seemed more relaxed as she leaned up and kissed him.  “I love you Thomas.”

“I love you!”  It was a mixed up request, but if it made her happy to hear him say the words he was willing to oblige. She went back to eating her food and Thomas went on believing that he would never be able to fulfill her request.

Thomas’ eyes shot open and he sat up.  He looked out the window at the Sunday morning sun.  Judy and Joey were still sleeping and he rubbed his eyes to wake up.  After things got easier at the lake, he allowed himself to enjoy the company.  He remained leery of getting too close to Rebecca, but he found that he was having a wonderful time.  Now, he tried to shake away the memories of the dream.  It seemed so real.  As he thought back to the words that Scarlett said to him, he realized that it was real.  It was just 3 weeks after having Judy.  He didn’t know why he let himself forget that conversation.  More than likely it was because he didn’t believe anything he had said to her.  He could never fall in love again; despite the begging from his wife.  He stood up and pulled on his jeans.  He had to get out of the tent and get some air.  As he opened the tent he spotted her sitting in a chair.  The only thing in front of her was the embers from the campfire.  There was only one problem to his thought process about falling in love.  He already was!  He pulled back from the flap of the tent; his breathing was turning ragged as each thought hit him. 

When he made that promise to Scarlett he did it to ease her mind.  Now, reliving those words he wondered if it was possible to believe them.  He knew, in his heart, that Scarlett was watching from heaven disappointed that he was being stupid.  It was possible to fall in love twice in a lifetime.  He kept pushing her away, but it was Scarlett that was speaking from the grave.  That was the only explanation he had as to why he would all of a sudden think about it.  He threw on his shirt; he had to talk to Rebecca before he totally lost his nerve.

He walked up and took the chair beside Rebecca; she looked at him for a moment, but then turned away.  “Good Morning.”

“Good Morning.”  He replied back softly.  “How did you sleep last night?”

She shrugged.  “As good as you can lying on a hard ground.”

He laughed, but she didn’t join in.  “The kids love the fact that you decided to come back.  They had a blast yesterday at the lake.  So did I.” 
It was high time that he finally stopped talking about how much the kids enjoyed spending time with her.

“I’m glad I came back too.”  She was staring at the embers like she expected them to do a trick.

“Last night I had a dream; well, it was more like a memory.  It was about Scarlett.”

“Hm…that’s nice.”

“It made me realize that I’m not exactly being honest with you, or myself.”

“Thomas, I really don’t need to hear any of this.  That’s great that you can still remember the good times you shared with Scarlett.  I would never want you to forget those.”

She finally turned to him and he reached out for her hand, but she quickly pulled away.  “Rebecca, I have been telling you that I can’t move on and…”

“I’m not asking you too.  You act like I’ve thrown myself at you.  Yet, you were the one that invited me; it wasn’t the other way around.”

“I know, but…”

“Thomas I came back so that I could help you transport the kids home, but as far as I’m concerned…the sooner we get home, the better.”  She stood up and he nearly knocked over his chair to stop her from walking away.

“Rebecca, I am trying to…”

She sighed heavily and turned to face him.  “Don’t you get the picture?  I don’t want to get discussing this.  I will continue to watch the children, because frankly I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with them.  I just think that you and I…we’re not compatible as friends.  It just wouldn’t work out.”

“What?  You can’t be serious.  I…”

“I am dead serious.  The sooner we realize that, the better.”

Thomas stood there in disbelief.  He wanted to tell her that he was falling; yet, she wasn’t even giving him the chance to finish his sentences.  “Won’t you at least hear me out?”

She shook her head.  “Too many things have been said and it’s best just to move on.”

He nodded.  He wasn’t going to push it on her; she obviously was speaking her mind.  Everything that she was saying to him, made him understand that he was wrong about her.  She didn’t have the feelings for him that he hoped she had.  “You’re right Rebecca.”  She turned away and headed back to the tent.  In only a few short hours they would be heading home.  Thoughts of anything else that had happened on the trip would be gone, and their lives would be back to normal.  Thoughts of Rebecca as his wife and a mother to his children had vanished; it was only a dream and he just needed to realize that.  There was nothing he could do.