Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited Family\The Forest Ranger's Return\Mommy Wanted (50 page)

Maybe she thought Mitch had told the entire town who she really was, but she should know him better than that. Then again, he thought he knew her better than to think she would have lied to him the entire time she'd been in town. And he'd never have thought her the kind of person who could have left her husband and baby girl behind.

Maura huffed out an exaggerated breath as she plopped down on the other side of Hannah. “It took me a while to drop Emmie off because Annette was running behind, probably because of that person she brought along.”

“Who do you mean?” Hannah asked, and then Mitch heard her intake of breath as she spotted Kate on the other side of the building. “Oh, my, Kate's here.”

Bo, returning from dropping off Dee at class, sat next to his wife. “I think it's a good thing she's here,” he said to Hannah.

Hannah nodded and quickly recovered. “Me, too, Daddy. It's just, well, it's all kind of strange. But I agree that it's good she's in church.” She glanced to Mitch. “I'm still sorry I had to be the one to tell you everything.”

“I'm glad you did,” he said, then turned his attention to the elderly man making the announcements. After he finished, they sang a couple of songs, and Mitch shifted in the seat to glance at the only occupant on that back pew. She looked straight ahead toward the pulpit, never venturing even a passing glance in his direction.

And then Brother Henry took his place in front of the congregation and announced, “Tonight I've decided to put our study of Hebrews on hold while I cover a topic that I believe would be beneficial for all of us this week. Forgiveness and redemption, specifically as displayed in the lives of Joseph, Peter, Paul and the woman at the well.”

Mitch didn't know what had prompted Brother Henry to change his topic, but he knew one thing. He'd had his toes stepped on in church before, but he had a feeling this time they were going to be smashed completely.

* * *

Kate listened to the preacher describe the terrible things Joseph's brothers had done to him, throwing him in a well to die, telling his father he'd been killed by a wild animal and then selling him into slavery. And yet, when he saw them again, he forgave them, even loved them.

Then Brother Henry talked about Peter, how he was known for his faith...and also his lack of faith, when he started sinking in the water and again when he denied Christ three times. Yet Jesus forgave him, even loved him.

And he discussed Paul and how he'd first been mentioned as a tormentor of early Christians and as the man who held the coats of the men who stoned Stephen. He'd persecuted Christians, and yet Christ knew his repentant heart and forgave him. Loved him.

Kate swallowed thickly and glanced over to the center pews, where Mitch sat with his family. She locked gazes with him and wished she had told him the truth last night. Then, because looking at him and at the hurt on his face pierced her heart, she turned her attention back to the preacher. Why did it feel as if the lesson were aimed directly at her? As if Brother Henry knew how desperately Kate craved forgiveness from those she'd done wrong? From Chad, and now from Mitch.

By the time he started discussing the woman at the well, Kate's tears wouldn't stop falling. In each instance the preacher mentioned, someone had done something wrong, and no little thing. The offenses were terrible. And in each instance, they were forgiven, and they were loved.

Why was he torturing her with this lesson, talking about what she wanted while Kate knew it wasn't possible? Mitch's reaction this morning had verified the fact that even if they were able to forgive, they couldn't forget, and they sure wouldn't give her a second chance. Pretty soon, the whole town would know who she was, and then everyone would behave that way. These people in the pews wouldn't smile at her when she entered the church. They wouldn't speak to her when she met them on the square. She'd simply be the woman who, like Mitch said, abandoned her husband and child and who left anything and everything behind while she satisfied her own desires.

Brother Henry hadn't stopped preaching, but Kate couldn't take any more. Her crying was so steady now that she had to clamp her jaw tight to keep from sobbing aloud, and she didn't want to try to explain to the members of the congregation why the woman on the back row appeared to be at a funeral instead of a Wednesday-night lesson. So she stood, left the auditorium, crossed the empty lobby and headed outside.

She hated that she hadn't driven herself, because if she had she could leave. But she'd let the Tingles convince her to ride with them, so she'd have to wait, since both of them had Wednesday-night duties, Annette with the nursery and her husband teaching a class. So instead of fleeing in her car, she found her way to the darkened playground on one side of the building, sat on one of the swings and waited for the service to end. Maybe she'd spot the Tingles walking out and meet them at their car without even having to speak to another church member.

But, as one of the church doors opened and a sliver of light from the lobby fanned across the ground, Kate knew she wasn't lucky at all. Because she easily recognized the tall, muscular figure also leaving the service early...and walking her way.

* * *

Mitch heard every word of Brother Henry's lessons in spite of his awareness of the pretty lady on the back pew...and the fact that she was crying. He saw her trembling throughout the preacher's depiction of Joseph's brothers, Peter's denial and Paul's persecution. But when he'd mentioned the woman at the well, Kate's head had bowed, her tears dripping freely, easily visible from Mitch's vantage.

Those tears pierced his heart, and when he saw her stand and quietly leave the auditorium, he couldn't take any more. He waited for Brother Henry to say a few more words, then he left, too.

Exiting the building, he spotted her, the moonlight catching the pale yellow of her dress as she sat on a swing in the playground. Her shoulders were curved forward, head slightly bowed, and he was pretty sure tears were still falling when she looked up and saw him.

Mitch had no idea what to say, no idea what he was about to do. But he knew without a doubt that what he'd done this morning, blowing up at her and bringing up every sin of her past, wasn't the right thing.

He heard her breath catch as he stopped in front of the swing and looked down to see her eyes swimming in tears, her face and neck damp from the streams.

She ran her palms across her cheeks. “I...” she whispered, her voice sounding scratchy and raw. Then she swallowed and tried again. “I am sorry I came here tonight.”

“I'm not.”

Her eyes lifted, hands gripped the chains holding the swing in place. “You're...not?”

“No,” he said. “I know you needed the lesson tonight, and that's why God has you here.” Then he cleared his throat and added the part that hurt most. “But I want you to realize that I needed it, too.” When she didn't say anything, he forged on. “I shouldn't have said the things I did this morning, shouldn't have judged you based on your past.”

“I should have told you myself,” she said.

He nodded. “That would have been better,” he said, but even as he said the words he knew the truth. “But then...”

“Then you'd have never hired me, would you? You wouldn't want someone like me, someone who's done what I've done, working for you, or being around Dee and Emmie,” she said, her voice still raspy from crying. “And you probably still don't.”

He thought about how much pain she'd caused Chad by leaving, and then he thought about how much it would hurt Dee and Emmie if they got too attached and then she did the same thing.

Were they already too attached?

Was he?

Mitch couldn't make any promises about whether he could encourage Kate's relationship with his daughters. He also couldn't make any promises about whether he would trust her enough to have a personal relationship with her himself. Those were things he needed to think about, pray about.

But he knew one area that he could help her with now, and he'd simply start there. If she were going to try to stay in Claremont, talk to Chad and see about having a relationship with Lainey, then she needed a job. And she was a good office manager.

“You left work early,” he said, deciding not to respond to the second part of her question about whether or not he'd allow her to be around Dee and Emmie. He'd take this whole forgiving thing one step at a time. “Leaving early without giving me any indication of when you're coming back could cause someone to get fired.”

She blinked. “I thought you wanted me to leave,” she said. “And not come back.”

“Don't you think you should ask your boss about something like that instead of merely making an assumption?” he asked. Before she could answer, he added, “So I can't cut you any more slack. If you're late tomorrow morning, I'll have to fire you. You understand?”

Her eyes fluttered through enough blinks to clear her tears, and she nodded. “Yes, I understand.”

Satisfied that he'd done as much as he could do toward forgiveness right now, Mitch turned and walked back into the church.

Chapter Twelve

M
itch stared at his computer screen while Kate rummaged around her desk the way she did every day at noon, neatening her files, logging off the computer, withdrawing her purse from the drawer. Just two days ago, he'd have been standing near her desk and joking with her while she got ready to leave, and then the two of them would head to the diner and chat, maybe even flirt, over their meal.

But today they'd said less than a dozen words to each other since she'd arrived, and now was no exception.

“Do you—” she started, then her face paled when he looked up. “Um, do you want me to get you anything for lunch while I'm out?” she asked.

“I brought something from home.”

“Okay.” She took a couple of steps and then stopped as though she were going to ask him something else. Mitch waited for the question, but then she audibly inhaled and exhaled and proceeded out the door.

He listened to her car start and watched through the window as she left, then he made his way to the back, grabbed his lunch and ate the leftover chicken while working at his computer, the same way he'd had his lunch every day...until Kate came to town.

He missed being with her now, but he wasn't ready to say he was okay with what she'd done back then. He was “getting okay,” he supposed, coming to terms with the fact that she was the woman whom the entire town had despised merely three years ago.

How would the people of Claremont treat her after Chad got back and the truth came out to everyone? Mrs. Tingle knew and believed Kate deserved a chance to redeem herself; she'd told Mitch as much last night when he'd picked up Emmie from the nursery. And then she'd also added that she was pretty sure Kate had strong feelings toward him, and that she was also pretty sure he had them for her, too.

“Strong feelings” was an understatement, at least on his part, but he wasn't going to admit that to Mrs. Tingle, especially after the day he'd had yesterday with Kate. Even though she'd disappointed him, lied to him, he still couldn't stop thinking about her. And neither could Dee and Emmie. They had asked him multiple times why Kate didn't come over yesterday. He could only imagine what they'd be like this afternoon if they didn't get to see her again.

His cell phone rang, and he saw Maura's name displayed. “Hey, Maura. Everything okay?” She never called him during the middle of the workday unless Bo needed help with something or unless one of them was sick.

“No, Mitch. Everything isn't. Listen, I don't know what's going on, or if RuthEllen Riley got her facts messed up. But I was at the beauty shop this morning getting a trim, and RuthEllen was talking about your new office manager. Saying how nice and helpful she was when RuthEllen called in to pay her bill...this morning.”

Mitch should've known this was coming. “Mmm-hmm.”

“What does that mean? ‘Mmm-hmm'? Are you saying she did talk to Kate today? She didn't have her days mixed up and talk to her last week, before you found out the truth?”

“No, RuthEllen definitely called this morning,” he said, recalling hearing Kate's end of the conversation.

“And talked to Kate?”

“Yes, she did.” He tapped a few keys on his computer, not because he needed to look something up but mainly because he needed some kind of a distraction while Maura grilled him. The minesweeper game was the first thing that he found, so he clicked the start button, selected a square...and hit a mine.

Not a good sign.

Maura's end of the line grew so silent that Mitch momentarily thought she'd hung up.

“Maura?” he questioned.

“What are you doing, Mitch?” she asked, her voice no longer angry, but confused.

“I'm trying to put Brother Henry's lesson into practice, working on forgiveness.”

“But,” she said, then whispered, “God, please help us.” Then she took a couple of deep breaths and said, “Mitch, do you really think Chad will want her to be in Claremont after what she did? How do you think he's going to feel when he finds out you've given her a job?”

“I don't know, but I do plan to talk to him about it, after he gets back and after Kate's had a chance to talk to him first.”

“Well, he's not going to talk to her after what she did. Why would he?”

Mitch could think of one good reason. “Because she's Lainey's mother.”

His comment seemed to stump her, and she huffed out a breath. “Can I just tell you the truth, what's really bothering me?” she asked.

“Yes, please,” Mitch said, thankful to cut to the chase. “What is it, Maura?”

“I don't think she needs to be around you, not professionally or personally. And I really don't think she needs to be around the girls.”

“Why's that?” he asked, closing his eyes and wondering where this conversation was headed.

“Because the girls are already hooked on her, and that doesn't need to get any worse, because she's liable to up and leave again. And, if you want to know the truth, I think you're already hooked on her, too. And I can't stand the thought of her hurting you the way she hurt Chad.”

Mitch swallowed and thought about the events of the past two days, particularly when he'd sat at this very desk and screamed at Kate until she'd left the office in tears. “Honestly, Maura, I'm beginning to think she didn't hurt me nearly as much as I hurt her.” He saw Kate's car pull into the parking lot. “I've got to go. Thanks for calling. I'll think about everything you said.”

“Please do, Mitch. You know we love you.”

“I love you, too,” he said, disconnecting as the door opened and the office phone began to ring.

* * *

Kate hadn't been able to eat anything more than crackers. She didn't feel well, her stomach in knots, undoubtedly due to the loss of a potential relationship with Mitch...and the impending arrival of Chad and his family to Claremont. She couldn't wait to see Lainey, but in order to see her precious little girl, she'd have to gain Chad's approval.

And now she wasn't certain how to make that happen. Mitch had decided to tolerate her in the office; that was the best way to put it. He'd been cordial and hadn't brought up her past at all today, but he wasn't the guy she'd gotten to know over the past week. Wasn't the guy she'd started to fall for. And even though he tolerated her, had maybe even forgiven her for her past mistakes, he'd still clearly put up a wall between them. They were coworkers now, nothing more, nothing less. No friendly banter between them as they worked. Definitely nothing flirtatious happening, either.

And she missed all of that. She missed Mitch, period. Even though they'd sat in the same room for the majority of the day, she missed him. And she felt achingly alone.

Unlike the earlier part of the day, Mitch actually looked at her as she entered, so Kate held up a hand in a small wave then darted toward the ringing telephone. She dropped her purse and picked up the receiver. “Gillespie Insurance Agency, this is Kate. How can I help you?”

“I didn't believe it.”

“Chad,” she said.

Mitch looked at her and then stood as though he were leaving. Obviously, he thought she wanted privacy for this conversation. But she didn't want to hide anything else from Mitch, and she'd start that transparency right now.

She cupped a hand over the mouthpiece and whispered, “No, Mitch. Please stay.”

He looked confused, but he returned to his seat, while Kate slowly made her way to the chair.
God, please, help me say the right thing.
“Chad, I—I was trying to wait until you got home so I could talk to you in person.”

“Hannah texted Jess to let us know you were back and that you were working for Mitch. Seems she didn't want us to end our vacation with the shock of your arrival in town. So I'm asking you to leave, before we get back. There is no reason for you to be in Claremont, and you know it.”

“I need to talk to you. About Lainey.”

He grumbled something, but Kate couldn't make out the words, and then he said in a hushed tone, as though pushing the words through his teeth, “You lost all rights to talk to me about Lainey three years ago when you walked out that door. Your parental rights were terminated, Kate. You have no reason—no right—to talk to her or see her...or even be around her. Do you understand? Jess is her mother now, and you're not about to come in and confuse Lainey about that. She doesn't even remember you, and I refuse to let you ruin our lives...again.”

“Chad, if you would just let me talk to you in person, I have something to tell you. I've changed, Chad, and I hate the person I was back then. But I'm not that way anymore. I've—gone through a lot. And I've turned to God to get me through it.” She'd thought she'd cried so much over the past twenty-four hours that she couldn't shed another tear. But she'd thought wrong, because her eyes burned as the tears pushed through. “I've finally found faith.”

Another grumble, or growl, echoed through the line. “I'm glad that you think you've got your life on the right track, Kate. Really, I am. Because if anyone ever needed to turn their life around it was you. But that doesn't mean you can come turn our lives upside down, just because you've realized you have a conscience.”

“It isn't that, Chad. I don't want to see you only because I'm trying to do the right thing. I want to see you because I want—I need—to see my little girl.”

The growling voice returned. “She isn't your little girl, Kate, and she hasn't been for three years. She's ours—mine and Jessica's—legally, and there's nothing you can say or do to change that.”

“I'm not trying to take her from you....”

“Good, because it isn't happening. Ever.”

“But I have to get to know her, Chad. She doesn't even need to know that I gave birth to her. Just let me be some part of her world.” She looked toward Mitch and saw that his mouth had flattened, and his head shook slightly to the side as if he knew there would be no changing Chad's answer.

And there wasn't.

“No.” The single word seemed to be his final verdict, and Kate's throat constricted.

She couldn't give up.

“We're coming back into town on Saturday, and I don't want even the slightest chance of running into you in Claremont. So tell Mitch that you're quitting the job. I get that he didn't know who you were to start with, but I don't understand why in the world he's got you there now that he knows.”

“I think he's trying to forgive me,” she said softly, and the look in Mitch's eyes said he knew she was talking about him.

“Good for Mitch,” Chad said. “And just because I don't want you around Lainey, or around us, that doesn't mean I can't forgive you. I meant what I said. It's great that you've turned your life around. But whether I forgive you or not, that doesn't give you the right to reenter our lives.”

“I have to see her,” Kate said. “I need to have some semblance of a relationship with my little girl.”

“She isn't your little girl!” he repeated, this time bellowing each word into the phone.

“Yes, she is,” Kate said, gathering the strength to say everything before she lost her courage...or Chad hung up the phone. “She's my daughter biologically, and there's nothing you can say or do about that!” She hadn't meant to yell, but he wasn't listening to her talk, and if yelling was his method for handling this conversation, then so be it.

“The courts gave her to me,” he said, his voice now low and steady. Undeniably angry.

“Let me be a part of her life, Chad. I need that so much. I need her so much. There's no way you can know how much I need her in my life.”

“You haven't even called to check on her in three years, Kate. Now you expect me to believe you can't live without having her in your life? Why is that? What changed?”

“I told you, I've changed,” she said, her tone shifting from anger to pleading—begging. “And I want to get to know her so badly because...” She really hadn't planned on telling him this over the phone.

“Because why, Kate?”

“Because I
can't
have any more children. Lainey is all I have, all I will
ever
have! Please, Chad, let me see her. Let me get to know her. Let me—let me love her, Chad, and maybe she could even...” Kate sucked in a raspy breath. “Maybe she could even learn to love me? Not as her mommy, but as whatever you want. I could be like an aunt. Or just a friend. I don't care what you call me, Chad, but let me have a place in her life. Please, I'm begging you!” She gripped the receiver and prayed.
Please, please, please. Forgive me. Give me a chance. Please, say yes!

“No.”