Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited Family\The Forest Ranger's Return\Mommy Wanted (51 page)

Chapter Thirteen

M
itch put the girls to bed and then went out on the porch. Ever since Chad had called his office this afternoon, he hadn't stopped thinking about Kate's side of the conversation. The pain in her voice haunted him, as did the sound of her begging Chad to let her see her daughter.

And the look on her face when his friend told her no.

But Chad's anger was a direct result of the Kate he knew three years ago, not the person she'd become since. Hadn't Mitch also been angry when he realized who she was, what she'd done? But then he had time to think and to realize that she, like everyone else, had made mistakes. She was sorry for those mistakes, and she wanted another chance. Mitch understood that now. He saw it when he looked at her, heard it when she spoke.

He'd sent her home after her conversation with Chad had ended, partly because she was too upset to work and mostly because Mitch didn't know what to say to make her feel better. The one thing she wanted was the chance to be a mother to Lainey, and that was something Chad wasn't allowing. At least not yet. Maybe not ever.

Mitch had texted Chad and received no response. He'd called, and it went straight to voice mail, so he left a brief explanation, saying he hadn't realized Kate was “that” Kate when he'd hired her, and then he also said he wanted to talk to Chad, because he truly believed she'd changed.

Obviously, Chad didn't agree and didn't want to talk to Mitch about it over the phone. Mitch knew his old buddy would come see him personally when he got home so they could discuss what had happened. Chad was a good guy, and they'd been friends since elementary school. He'd forgive Mitch.

But would he forgive Kate?

“I
can't
have any more children. Lainey is all I have, all I will
ever
have!”

Her words, delivered in a panicked cry, had replayed in Mitch's mind all afternoon. No wonder she'd been so eager to help with Dee and Emmie. More than anything else, Kate wanted to be a mom.

Mitch wondered why she couldn't have more children. Did it have something to do with that doctor's appointment? Because she'd never said that much about it, not the type of appointment it was or what she'd learned from the doctor.

He thought of Lainey, one of Dee's best friends, a beautiful little girl with blond curls, big blue eyes and a smile that always seemed on the verge of laughing. She had Kate's smile, Mitch now realized, and her bright blue eyes. But Kate's hair was inky-black and curly. Chad said she'd been blonde when they dated and married. Why would Kate change her blond locks to black, not that she didn't look beautiful with her ebony hair and ivory skin, but why change? He'd heard that some women changed their hairstyle when they were upset or when they experienced a dramatic life change. Maybe Kate had dyed hers when she realized she'd given up her only child and couldn't have more.

His cell phone rang, and he fished it from his pocket to see Maura's name illuminated on the screen. “Hey, Maura.”

“Mitch, I'm afraid I have some bad news.”

He'd had plenty of bad news this week, so he figured he could handle a little more. “Okay, shoot.”

“Autumn has a fever, and she can't keep any food down. I'm thinking that she caught that same virus Dee and Emmie had last week. I was hoping she would keep from getting it since we were out of town when it hit the majority of the kids, but it got to her after all.”

“I hate that for her,” he said, remembering how difficult it had been for him and Kate to take care of the girls last week when they were sick. He and Kate, taking care of Dee and Emmie. It'd felt so right, working together to run his business...and his family. She'd blended in as though she belonged here, and for a brief span of time, he'd thought she might.

“I hate it for her, too,” Maura said. “I'll take care of her while Hannah has her screening appointment in the morning, but we won't be able to go to Muffins with Mom. I am so sorry.”

“It's okay,” he said, not wanting her to feel bad when she needed to take care of Autumn. “I'll work something out.”

“I was thinking that maybe you could keep them out of the day care tomorrow? Take a day off of work and spend it with them, a daddy-and-daughters day? Undoubtedly they'll be talking a lot about mommies at the day care, since it is Muffins with Mom, and it might just draw attention to the fact that their mommy isn't here. What do you think? Could you take a day off for the girls?”

Mitch knew her well enough to know there was more to her question than she let on. She wanted him to take a day off of work and spend it with the girls not only because the girls didn't have a mother figure for sharing muffins, but also because she didn't want Mitch at work...with Kate. “I shouldn't take off of work tomorrow. I didn't get as much done yesterday or today as I would have liked, and I'll need to catch up.”

“Problem with your assistant doing enough work?” she asked.

“She's had a rough couple of days.” Mitch set his jaw, then decided to ask the obvious. “Maura, what would it take for you to believe that Kate might have changed? Because the truth is I believe she has.”

“You didn't feel that way last night,” she reminded him.

“I had to think about it. Pray about it,” he said. “So, what would it take?”

“I don't know,” she said, her voice losing the steely edge she'd had a moment ago. “I guess I'm scared.”

Now they were getting somewhere. “Scared of what?”

“Of the fact that Hannah said you seemed to be falling for her, and the fact that she's hurt people in the past. I don't want to give her the opportunity to hurt you, or the girls, or...”

“Or what?”

“Or me and Bo,” she said. “We see you as a son, and I've prayed that when you found someone again after Jana—and we knew you would, eventually—that she'd be a sweet, kindhearted God-loving soul who wouldn't want to sever our relationship with you, or with Dee and Emmie.”

So
that
was what was going on. Maura was afraid that Mitch would leave them behind if he ever found someone else. And then he'd taken an interest in Kate, and she knew her history, so she panicked.

“Maura, no one—and I mean
no one—
is going to harm our relationship. You're the only family I have, and you're the only grandparents the girls have. I love you, and they love you. No matter who comes into my life, we aren't leaving yours.”

She sniffed. “Thank you, Mitch.”

“You're welcome. And don't worry. Somehow, everything will be okay.”

“I know it will. And I'll start praying about my attitude toward her, but please, promise me that you'll be careful with your heart.”

“I'll try.”

“And I'm sorry again about Muffins with Mom.”

“It's fine. Don't worry at all. Everything will be okay,” he consoled her, and then said goodbye and hung up.

“Will everything be okay, Mitch? For me?” Kate's voice, carrying across the porch as she climbed the steps, took him by surprise, but he was glad to hear it. Very glad. He'd wanted to talk to her about her conversation with Chad, but he needed her to decide if and when she was ready to confide.

“I think everything will,” he said honestly, then patted the swing beside him. “Want to sit and talk?”

“If you don't mind. I came over because I need someone to talk to. I know Mrs. Tingle is happy to listen, but I—well, I wanted to talk to you.”

“I wanted to talk to you, too.”

She sat on the swing and that hint of peaches teased his senses. “Really?”

“Really,” he said.

“You can go first,” she said, her voice trembling as though she were nervous about this conversation.

Mitch didn't want her to be nervous, not around him. He'd hurt her this week because he'd judged her based on her past. But it wasn't his place to judge. And now he realized how wrong he'd been.

“I wanted you to know that I believe you, that you aren't the same person that Chad knew back then and that you want to start over. And truthfully, I believe you deserve that chance. I can see it in the way you act, the way you talk, but most of all in the way you are with Dee and Emmie.” He could still see Dee, snuggled in her bed tonight, clutching her Snow White figurine close, the way she had each night since he'd bought the prized toy. “It's obvious how much you care about them and that you'd never do anything to hurt them.”

“You believe that now?”

He nodded. “And I plan to tell Chad that, too, when I see him.”

She rubbed her fingertips over her eyes. “I appreciate that, more than you know, but I believe he's made up his mind. I've been praying all afternoon that he will talk to me, listen to me and let me explain what all has happened and how very much I've changed. And I want him to know that I'm not in any way trying to take Lainey from him and Jessica. I wouldn't even have to be ‘Mommy,' because I don't want to steal Jessica's role. I just want to be
something
to her.”

Mitch nodded and said another prayer that Chad's heart would soften toward his ex. Chad's ex. It was so difficult for Mitch to see her in that light. Because every time he was around her, he still felt a pull toward her himself, and he knew the feeling wasn't one-sided. Right now, he wanted to scoot next to her, wrap an arm around her and take care of her as she went through this pain. But there were obstacles now. His family, for one. His friend, for another. And then, a small amount of fear at what would happen if he surrendered his heart...the biggest obstacle of all. Because if he did, he risked not only hurting himself, but also the girls.

No, he should stay on this side of the swing.

“Mitch,” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Would you—hold me?”

So much for staying on his side of the swing. Chad had hurt her terribly today when he said no; Mitch wouldn't—couldn't—do the same. Besides, he wanted to hold her probably as much as or more than she needed to be held.

He edged toward her, wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. She seemed even smaller, even more fragile, against his side, and he wanted to protect her from all of the pain absorbing her world. He leaned his head against hers and whispered, “I'm sorry I hurt you, Kate.”

“I'm so sorry I hurt you,” she said, placing one hand on his chest and then looking up at him, her lips so close that if he edged forward they would touch.

He didn't need to go there. She said she wanted to talk, and Mitch still needed to find out the rest of the story. “Kate, today, when you talked to Chad, you said that you couldn't have any more children.”

Her shoulders trembled, and she shook her head. “I can't, and that's what makes it even worse that I left Lainey back then. I gave her up, and now I can't have more children.”

“What happened?” He rubbed a hand up and down her arm as he continued holding her, comforting her, wanting to help her through this difficult conversation.

“A year and a half ago I started feeling bad, lots of little problems that turned into bigger problems. It started with pain in my back and lower abdomen. I ignored it for a while, and that was a mistake,” she said, her voice becoming clearer as she spoke. “You should never ignore pain.”

Mitch's stomach knotted. He had a feeling he knew where this conversation was headed because he'd had a similar one with Jana a couple of years ago, when she'd blamed herself for not going to the doctor quickly enough the first time the cancer hit.

Don't let her say it, Lord. Please. I can't take that again. You know I can't.

She cleared her throat and continued, “And then, by the time I went to the doctor, I'd waited too long.”

Mitch closed his eyes, tried to keep his pulse steady, get the tension ratcheting in his body under control so she couldn't tell how badly he didn't want her to say...what he knew was coming.

“It was ovarian cancer, and they had to work fast to try to remove it because I'd waited too long. And then I started the chemo and radiation.” She lifted her hand to her hair. “I'd always been a blonde, but when my hair came back, this is what I got.”

He nodded, unable to speak. Jana's hair had come back a lighter shade of brown than before and a little more curly...the first time. And the second time, when the cancer returned, she hadn't lost her hair because she'd opted against treatment, not wanting to hurt the baby she carried.

And then after Emmie came, there wasn't time for treatment, and he lost his wife.

“I'm in remission now,” she said. “And if this week's screening comes back clear, I can start going every six months to the doctor instead of every three.” She looked up at Mitch, and he forced his jaw to relax. “But I can't have children anymore. The cancer took that away from me.”

And cancer had taken Jana away from Mitch. “I'm sorry, Kate.”

“That's why I want so much to be a part of Lainey's world. For a while there, I thought I might never get to see her. I didn't know if I would make it. But I did, and I believe God let me survive because He wanted me to have this chance to know her. But I need Chad to say yes.”

“I'll talk to him and see if I can help,” Mitch said, lifting his arm from around her and easing away from her on the seat. His subtle way to end the conversation and to give him a chance to get away.

She took the hint and stood, wrapped her arms around her waist and said, “I appreciate that so much.” She stayed there for a moment as if expecting Mitch to stand up and hug her goodbye, which would be the normal way for this visit on the porch to end, if not with a kiss, but Mitch didn't budge from his position on the swing.

“Good night, Mitch.”

“Good night, Kate,” he said, then watched her walk away while he processed everything he'd learned. Kate was a cancer survivor. So was Jana, right up until the cancer came back. He'd barely made it through that horrible time and wouldn't have wanted to continue living if it hadn't been for Dee and Emmie. He never wanted to go through that kind of pain and worry again, and he certainly didn't want to put his girls through it. Therefore, he couldn't get any closer to Kate. He'd help her try to work things out with Chad, and he could even be her employer. But Mitch had been stung by that disease one too many times, and he wouldn't risk losing someone else he loved to it again.