Love Inspired January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Bayou Sweetheart\The Firefighter's New Family\Season of Redemption (35 page)

She knew him well. “Yes. That, too.”

She slid her arm around his back. “Go home and take a nap. I'll entertain Kaylee. She can have lunch here, and we can get together later.”

Her eyes searched his, but he couldn't decide what to do. So much depended on their talk, but Ashley was right. He needed sleep.

She curved her palm against his cheek and turned his face to hers. Her lips moved toward his and captured his mouth, a kiss he had only dreamed about.

Devon shifted, drawing her closer, her mouth warm, his heart slamming against his breastbone.

Ashley drew back, a sweet expression on her face. She managed to rise and held her hands toward him.

He grasped them and rose, his focus on her. He loved her. No denying it. But he could never tell her until he was certain she felt the same.

She squeezed his hands. “A nap first. Then we talk.”

Balancing hope with despair, he nodded. “We must.”

Ashley tiptoed up and brushed her lips across his again. “Yes.”

With his expectations mounting, he managed to call up to Kaylee that he'd see her later and made it outside before Ashley's yes turned on him. If the two sentences congealed—
yes...we must
could mean anything. We must open our hearts to each other, or we must end this relationship and say goodbye.

His spirit sagging, he drove home and prayed he could sleep.

Chapter Fourteen

A
shley leaned against the recliner wishing she'd talked things out with Devon earlier. The delay preyed on her mind, and the day crumbled into dust. She couldn't concentrate on anything. She'd kept her eyes on the kids, fed them lunch and looked through magazines, but her thoughts stayed on Devon. She couldn't say goodbye, and she couldn't make a commitment.

She'd thought about calling him. The waiting dragged on until she thought she'd scream, but she restrained the desire and prayed instead that the Lord be with them during their conversation.

Only two other things hung on the fringe of her mind. One was Joey's upcoming birthday, but the one more urgent event was her sister's wedding. Though both occasions needed attention, the wedding was in less than two weeks. She gazed at her cast. Her next appointment with the surgeon left her hoping the clunky thing would be removed.

“Mama.”

Ashley straightened her back, then rose and went to the staircase. “What, Joey?”

“Can we play outside?”

She heard Kaylee's voice saying something about the park and waited for Joey to finish.

“Can we play in the park?”

“You can play outside, but not in the park. Maybe when Devon comes.”

Silence.

She returned to her chair. At the park, she'd enjoy the fresh air, and the kids would be busy on the swings and slides. She and Devon would have a little alone time. The thought ended with the clomp of footsteps on the stairs. Kaylee appeared at the bottom followed by Joey.

“We'll go outside until Daddy comes.”

Ashley gave her approval and listened until the side door closed. She leaned back into the recliner, the wait yawning in front of her.

Looking through the wide front window, she saw Kaylee at the foot of the driveway pulling Joey in his wagon. Kaylee turned and headed along the sidewalk. When she was out of sight, Ashley lowered the footrest and stood, but her fear vanished when Kaylee returned heading in the other direction. She sank into the chair, wondering if she would ever stop worrying about Joey.

A car door's slam brought her to attention again, and Devon strode down the driveway to greet the kids. He gave them both a hug, his attention mostly on Kaylee, who no doubt told him they were going to the park.

Whatever he said appeased her for the moment. Ashley listened for the doorknob to turn, and when it did, he strutted in, giving her a wink. “I see Kaylee's planned our afternoon.”

“Joey was part of the plan, I think.” She rose again, heading toward him. “I hope you don't mind I agreed.”

“Not at all.” He opened his arms to her.

Although he grinned, he seemed anxious. She stepped into his embrace. He held her tight for a moment, but not long enough to assure her all was well. “Did you eat?”

He nodded. “Threw a slice of meat loaf on wheat bread. Leftovers come in handy.” Motioning toward the door, he took a step backward. “Ready to go?”

A shrug escaped her. “Ready as I'll ever be.” She'd uttered more truth than she meant to.

He opened the door, and she followed, now making her way with more ease on the walking cast.

The kids clamored into the car, and Devon headed down Drayton toward Woodward. Though the kids chattered in the backseat, she and Devon remained silent. She tried to organize the muddle of thoughts crashing in her head. Positive feelings careened against the negative possibilities. Relief came when Devon pulled into the parking lot. She climbed out and helped Joey unhook his seat belt. Kaylee hopped to the ground on the other side and followed Devon around the car to meet them.

The playground was close, just past the roller-hockey field, and loosened from their restraints, they darted toward the playground. Devon hurried ahead of her as she trudged along with her cast. Kaylee climbed the ladder to the slide and shot down while Devon caught up with Joey and made sure he could handle the ladder. Her heart constricted, observing the love he had for her son.

How could she doubt Devon's affection? But the situation had nothing to do with doubting Devon. It had to do with doubting herself.

Devon watched a moment and then strode to her side. He slipped his hand into hers and led her a few yards away to a picnic bench in the pavilion, empty since it was a weekday. They sat, eyes on the children but her mind on their talk. Devon sighed and she realized she wasn't the only one worried about their relationship. “What are you thinking?”

“What I always have on my mind.” He shifted his eyes toward hers for a moment before redirecting them to the children as they moved to the swings. “I'm thinking about you.”

The admission wasn't what she'd expected. “I thought you had Gina on your mind and the physical custody issue you have to deal with when she's out of the hospital.”

“Sometimes, but that's not what scares me.”

She filled in the blanks. “You're worried about me.”

“In a way, yes. If you want me to be honest, I'm nervous about this talk.” He rested his hand on hers. “I try to understand you, but I don't. Maybe I'm just bad at reading women's emotions.”

“Mine aren't easy to read, Devon. I don't understand them, either.” She inverted her palm and weaved her fingers through his.

“Then that doesn't make the job easy, does it?” He gave her a plaintive grin and squeezed her hand. “Let's start with basics.” He turned his face to hers. “I think the world of you. I can't picture living without you.” He quieted a moment as if in thought. “I don't want to scare you, but I need you to know my intentions. I'd like us to see where our relationship can go.”

She looked into his eyes, her pulse charging through her, her heart in her throat. This was a time for honesty, if she could only find it. “I understand your feelings. My heart turns to mush when I watch you with Joey. You're loving and caring. You'd make a good father, and I never doubted you would be a wonderful husband. Never.”

His head snapped up, his eyes probing hers.

She dug deeper. “I know you questioned whether Gina's problems were your lack of attention, caring, love...a multitude of questions that filled you with confusion. I never believed you lacked any of those attributes. I sensed the kind of man you were within a couple days of knowing you.”

He shifted on the bench, his knees touching hers, his eyes seeking her heart. “Then what is it, Ashley? What causes you to back away sometimes? It frightens me, and I can't find a reason.”

“It's not you. The problem is what you do. Firefighting.” She'd said it. Finally. She'd admitted aloud the deep horrible terror that she faced daily since she admitted her feelings for him. “It's the fear, Devon. That's it. Nothing more, and it's something you can't fix or change. I would never think of asking you to leave a career that means the world to you. It would destroy the generous, loving person that you are. I will not be responsible.”

“I know the hours are bad, but the days off together have their advantage. I can—”

Her heart sank. “It's not the hours you work.” Her lungs constricted, leaving her nearly unable to speak. “It's the job. You lay your life on the line every day. Even now when I hear sirens, I think the worst. I wait for a call from a firefighter or one arriving at my door with sad eyes and telling me you were badly hurt or killed in a fire. I lived that experience once before, Devon, and I can't do it again.”

A deep sadness permeated his face. “You're right. I can't change that. I can't fix it. If I work anywhere, you would worry that I had a car accident on the way to work. Or on the way home.”

“That's different. I realize people take a chance whenever—”

His hand slipped from hers. “Ashley. You were injured by a tree falling on you in your yard. How often does that happen?”

Her pulse skipped, understanding his point. “I don't know. It's not a daily occurrence, but if I worked for a tree removal service, it would be more likely.”

“You're wrong. Those men learn how to remove a tree and stay safe. Do you know how much training I've had to be a firefighter? How much training I still receive? Do you know how many fires I've helped put out, how many lives I've saved, and I don't have a scar on my body?” He leaned closer, his gaze glued to hers. “I know firefighters give their lives, but we all die eventually, Ashley. We won't live on this earth forever.”

“I know, but—” He pressed a finger against her lips.

“This is where faith plays a part in our lives. God is in charge of every moment, Ash. You're the staunch Christian. You should know that. He gave us free will to make choices, but He also gave us opportunities to learn the right things to do, and He will only let us go when it's time. Adam's time had come. If he'd remained home and never joined the army, God wanted him at that time. Accidents happen. Diseases are contracted. We all leave this earth one way or the other in God's time.”

Her mind reeled with his arguments. He made sense. What she needed was faith. Trust. The words from Proverbs filled her mind.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
She'd tried to make it her prayer, but she'd failed.

“Devon.” She clasped both his hands. “You're right. I know it's senseless fear. I need to trust and to strengthen my faith.”

Sadness filled his eyes. “I can't do that for you, Ash.”

“I know. I'm the only one who can fix me. I don't know if I can fix me, but I want to change. Will you—”

He loosened his hand and slipped his arm around her. “I'll do everything I can. I'll pray with you. I'll be patient. I'll wait, Ash, because you're worth every moment.”

Tears blurred her eyes, but she blinked them away. She shifted her gaze to the children. They had returned to the slides, now a tube slide wide enough for them to slide down together.

She watched the kids while Devon's words about faith and trust began building a fortress against fear. She would fight the haunting visions. Confident God brought this man into her life, she could defeat her fears.

She lifted her lips to his, and he met them, his arms drawing her close, his heart beating against hers. As their kiss deepened, her heart melted and hope rose, offering her a second chance at love.

* * *

Devon stared into the closet at his pitiful tie rack strung with three ties—all he owned. Suits and ties could never beat out his preference for casual attire. He spent most days in his navy blue uniform and work boots. At home, jeans and a T-shirt or knit polo shirt eased his stressful life.

But tonight the wedding called for appropriate attire, and despite his aversion to ties and suits, he wanted to meet Ashley's expectations. He dragged a gray tie with a purple stripe from the rack and held it against his gray pants. Good choice. After manipulating a Windsor knot beneath his collar, he slipped on his suit jacket and appraised himself in the mirror. Not bad if he did say so himself.

He chuckled at his silly gawking. Meeting Ashley had changed him. Sadly, with Gina, he'd never worried about what he wore. Gina didn't care about much of anything after a year of marriage. The lovely woman who'd intrigued him became someone he didn't know. She'd lost interest in life, and so had he. One day followed another, and life became as exciting as marching up a steep hill going nowhere. The difference between the two billowed like a cold wind blowing the dead leaves away and revealing a field of flowers shimmering in the sun.

A sigh rattled from him, grieving for the lost life he and Gina had experienced. Why did illness sneak up and sever joy from their life together? He shook his head, unwilling to devote time to sadness. Hope had burst into his life in the form of a lovely woman and her three-year-old son.

Each day since their talk, Ashley confounded him with her new outlook. Her actions proved her follow-through on the trust and faith issues. His hope for their relationship grew with each day. With Ashley in his life, a suit and tie would be his gift of love. He might grow to like it. He gave the mirror another glance before heading down the stairs.

Glad that Renee had welcomed Kaylee there for the night, he had no worries about her care. Neely had asked Joey to be the ring bearer, and Devon couldn't wait to see the boy dressed in his tux. The Wellses, Ashley's next-door neighbors, had invited Joey to spend the night with them following the wedding.

But the best news for Ashley was the removal of her walking cast. She had to be careful—her surgeon suggested she use a cane—but knowing her, Devon already knew a cane would be out of the question. He'd prayed the Lord make her leg strong and free from pain.

He locked the side door, climbed into the car and headed toward the church. By the time he pulled into the parking lot, numerous guests had already arrived. He slipped from the car and headed inside, wishing he could see Ashley before the ceremony. She'd refused to let him see her gown, and the anticipation never left him. The bride and attendants had agreed to dress at the church, so Ashley had arrived earlier.

Fred, dressed in a tuxedo, greeted him at the back of the church. “I see you escaped wearing a monkey suit.” He extended his hand.

Devon chuckled as he grasped it. “This getup is enough for me.”

“But you look pretty good.” Fred gave him a wink. “I think my daughter will be impressed.” He turned to a woman standing not far off. “Paula.” He beckoned to her.

Hearing her name, Devon knew she was the cousin who'd recently lost her mother. For some reason, he'd expected her to be an older woman, but from her appearance, he guessed she was about Neely's age.

“Paula, this is Ashley's...friend.” Fred turned to Devon. “Paula is the girls' cousin.”

The awkward pause reminded him at the moment that's what he was. Ashley's friend. “Hi, Paula.”