Love Inspired January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Bayou Sweetheart\The Firefighter's New Family\Season of Redemption (34 page)

“But you still have your work schedule. What's your plan?”

He closed his eyes, hoping to hide the anger growing in his voice. “You work, Renee. What's your plan? I don't question Kaylee's care while you're working. I trust you love her enough to find good people to watch her. I don't expect you to question me. I'll make arrangements for good care for her just as I assume you do. Do you understand?”

The line fell silent. He dragged in a breath wondering what new argument she would come up with, and then he heard her clear her throat.

“Can I call you tomorrow, Devon? After I give this some thought.”

“What is there to think about? I'm asking for temporary custody of my daughter. That's all. She can visit you when she wants, and you're welcome to visit here. I know she's been part of your life for the past three years.”

“Closer to four years now.”

He ignored her comment. “What do you say?”

Silence pulsed over the line. “Can I talk with her?”

“She's in bed sleeping. It's going on nine.” A stream of air whispered in his ear.

“When do you want to make the change?”

The question startled him. He'd anticipated a bigger battle. Grateful, he considered the situation with Ashley gone and made his decision. “I'll bring her home on Saturday and you can have the weekend together. Monday I'll come by my usual time, and I can pack up her things—what she'll need here—or if you and Kaylee want to do that over the weekend that's fine.”

“We'll pack her things. No need for you to get involved with that. She'll be ready on Monday.”

“Thanks, Renee.” Another issue struck him. “Will you tell Gina or should I?”

“Gina's in no condition right now to deal with anything. I'll talk to her when the time is right. Then the situation is up to you.”

Her admission startled him. “What's wrong with her this time?”

The silence stretched.

“Renee, what is it?”

Another blast of air, then he heard her voice. “She tried to kill herself, Devon. Kaylee doesn't know this, so be careful what you say.”

Gina? He pictured her years earlier when he'd fallen in love. She always had a side of her he couldn't understand—those quiet moods of withdrawal. Later he recognized it as depression. She took medication sometimes, but to be so desperate to want to kill herself? He couldn't grasp the concept. “I'm startled, Renee, as you can guess.”

“I'm sorry, Devon. I've tried to protect you from that.”

Something hedged in her words. “You mean, she's done this before?”

“Yes. It's not the first.”

Terror rankled him. Could she hurt Kaylee? Perhaps Gina had feared what she might do, and that was why she wanted to be around people. Could that have been why she'd left their marriage? And if so, did the fear remain? He couldn't take the chance. He needed to obtain full custody of his beautiful daughter before something happened, something he would regret forever.

“Thanks for being honest. I'll bring her to you Saturday and pick her up on Monday as we planned. You do what you think's right with Gina. I'll leave that in your hands.”

She said goodbye and he hung up, his mind tangled in knots of concern and grief. How could a lovely woman like Gina want to destroy her life, destroy her daughter's opportunity to grow up with a mother's love? He closed his eyes, unable to imagine Gina's plight.

* * *

Ashley slipped off her shoes and curled her good leg beneath her on the sofa. Her gaze shifted past the sterile decor to her cousin seated in a wingback chair closest to the telephone. Paula had aged since they'd seen each other, but then so had she. But age didn't diminish Paula's good looks. Her long wavy hair matched the color of her caramel eyes. If she smiled, she would be striking.

Ashley scanned the walls, lacking paintings or wall hangings—beige walls with windows the only item to break the muted scene, but even then the shades had been pulled, beige shades beside beige draperies.
Sterile
seemed the perfect word.

Paula leaned back her slippered feet resting on an ottoman that matched the chair. “Thanks for coming so fast and helping with the decisions. I dreaded handling it all alone.”

Neely pulled her shoulder from the edge of the archway, a coffee mug in her hand. “We were glad to come. I remember too well what it was like when Mother died.”

Paula averted her gaze. “I'm sorry I didn't come for the visitation or the funeral. I'm not even sure Mother let me know.”

Ashley jumped at the opportunity to address their mother's past. “Our mothers had a lot in common. I don't know if you realize that.”

“It makes sense.” Paula lifted her gaze, but didn't say more.

“They were sisters.” Neely's injection hung with question.

Paula wiggled deeper into the cushion. “Sisters and so much more from what Mother told me before she died. I suppose that's why I'm sorry for the way I reacted to her coldness.”

“We don't know what happened.” Ashley leaned closer, her arms crossed, resting on her knees. “Is this something you just learned?”

Paula nodded. “You mean, your mother never talked about their uncle?”

Ashley dashed a look toward Neely, who shrugged. “We didn't know she had an uncle.”

“It would have been better if they hadn't.” She lowered her head and stared at the carpet. “It cleared up the questions I had for so long, but it opened other doors I'll never have answers for.”

Gooseflesh rose on Ashley's arms. “What happened? Can you tell us about it?”

“Maybe we'll understand our mom better, that is, if you feel like talking.” Neely plopped into a matching chair across from Paula.

Tension grew on Paula's face. “Our mothers' uncle—their dad's brother—lived with them, and when their dad died, he tried to come on to their mother but she put him in his place. At least this is what my mother noticed happening.” She shook her head. “I don't know why she didn't ask him to move, but I think it had to do with money. He paid room and board, and Dad's illness ate up a lot of their savings.”

Trying to understand how this affected her mother, Ashley caught Neely's eyes and gave a subtle shrug.

Neely shrugged back. “But what does that have to do with our mothers?”

Paula bit her lip. “My mother didn't say much about your mom, but what she said about herself led me to believe it affected yours, too.”

“What affected them?” Ashley wished she'd stop hemming and tell them.

“I think their uncle didn't give up. When your mother ran off and married your dad, the uncle began to bother my mother. I suspect he went right down the line—their mother first, then your mother, and then mine, trying to satiate his lust.”

Ashley heard Neely gasp. She'd swallowed her reaction, wishing Paula was wrong.

Paula gave a nod, acknowledging Neely's startled reaction. “It's even worse. He'd grab at my mother, and when she rejected him, as your mother must have done, he started telling her she was ugly and not worth a nickle. He'd tell her if she wanted to know a man, he was her only bet.”

The hairs prickled on Ashley's arms. “You think he did the same to our mother?”

“I'm quite sure. Mom said that Aunt Marion got more and more withdrawn, and at night she'd barricade her door. Mother knew it because one time she wanted to talk with her, and she had a chair propped under the doorknob and had to move it. All she said was she felt safer.”

“That's horrible.” Ashley didn't want to believe what she was hearing. “Did he hurt Aunt Florence?” What she wanted to know was did he hurt her mother?

“Mom didn't go into details, but it's possible. She always seemed a little cold to my dad, and she was very critical of everyone. Very suspicious. When I wanted to date, she forbade it. She told me men were no good, except they worked and paid the bills. I looked at my kind father, and it made me sick. I moved away as soon as I had a job and a place to stay.”

Ashley glanced at Neely, recalling how she'd moved to Chicago right after college, and marriage hadn't been on her mind until she came back home and Jon stepped into her life. “Thanks for telling us, Paula.”

Neely added her thanks. “I think we can better understand Mom's hard exterior. We wanted our mother to be like our friends' moms were. She didn't have it in her, but if I grew up dodging a demeaning relative whose only thought was to use me for his purposes, I might have been like Mom.”

Ashley rose and settled on the arm of Paula's chair, slipping her arm around her shoulders. “You've cleared up so much. Our dad knows this, I think, but he'd never explained what was wrong. He just accepted it.”

Paula rested her head on Ashley's shoulder. “Maybe he didn't know the details, but if he did, he wouldn't say anything because he's a good man. I always liked your dad.”

“Then you have to come and visit us, Paula. Once you get things settled here, please come. Neely's getting married in a few weeks and Dad will have a free room and I have a guest room at my house. We'd love you to come. We're as close as you'll ever get to sisters.”

“We'd love it.” Neely rose and walked to her side.

Tears filled Paula's eyes. “Thanks so much for the invitation. I've never had a brother or a sister. Two sisters sound amazing.”

“You can stay as long as you want, Paula. I know you've had a difficult life, and we don't expect you to spill it out for us.” Ashley knew from her mother that Paula had had a rough past. Her mother let them know that. “Having you nearby would be special.”

“I don't deserve this, but I thank you so much.” Paula looked from one to the other. “Maybe one day I can talk about my rotten life, but for now, it's wonderful having you here to help me get through the funeral.”

“Sisters.” Ashley and Neely gave her a high five.

Paula flexed her hand and leaned in to meet theirs. It was the first time they'd seen her smile since they'd arrived.

Chapter Thirteen

T
hough surrounded by firefighters he considered friends, Devon felt lonely as he finished his last report. This time the emptiness wasn't from missing Kaylee. Instead, he was preoccupied with thoughts of Ashley. She'd been gone since Friday and arrived home last night. So much had happened since they'd talked, and his news wasn't meant for a phone call. He wanted to see her reaction and hear what she had to say.

He put his last report on the captain's desk, slipped out of his gear and put on street clothes. As he stepped into the hallway, Clint sidled up to him, as always with a coy smile on his face.

“Picking up that little girl of yours today?” Clint was the one man he talked to about everything. Though not much older than he, Clint had a wise head on his shoulders.

“Today's the day. I know she's excited. I talked with her last night when I had a minute and she was packed and ready to go.”

“It'll be different for you, but I know from the smile on your face this change is what you've waited for.” Clint rested his hand on Devon's shoulder. “But it won't be easy, either. You'll be torn when she's ill and you can't be there. I hope you have family or someone you trust to care for her.”

Devon's stomach did a yo-yo bounce. “Ashley volunteered to let her stay with her and Joey. I'll pay her, and I know Kaylee's in good hands. In an emergency, I have my parents.”

“Ashley's a good lady.” Clint tilted his head, his gaze probing Devon's. “Nothing happening between you two yet?” His expression carried a hint of concern. “You're not going to let this woman slip through your fingers, are you?”

Devon glanced at his hand, thinking of Ashley's dark hair grazing his fingers. “I'm working on it. She's a slow mover, and we almost got down to basics when a call interrupted our talk.” He shrugged. “Her aunt died, and she had to go out of town that night.”

“Bad timing.”

“She's home, and I'm hoping today we can finish the conversation. You'll know the result when you see me on Wednesday. You have a knack for reading my face.”

Clint slapped his back. “It's easy to read, pal. You haven't learned the art of masking your feelings.”

He grinned, facing that skill had failed him. He stuck out his hand and shook Clint's. “Enjoy your days off, buddy. I hope to do the same.”

Clint double clasped his fingers. “I'll pray that it's a good one for you...all the way around.”

The comment left Devon no question. Having custody of Kaylee and resolving the relationship with Ashley was almost more than one day could hold, but he couldn't wait.

When he rolled into Renee's driveway, Kaylee's nose was pressed to the window. She bounded backward as if connected to a rubber sling and shot out the front door. He hurried from the car to greet her, and while she toted a box to his trunk, he grasped the two pieces of luggage Renee had set on the porch.

Kaylee leaned the box against the back bumper and tapped her fingers on the lid. “I have books in the box, Daddy, and puzzles.” Her eyes glinted. “We can play games, and you can help me read. It'll be so fun.”

“Sure will, sweetheart.” He grinned, but something inside him buckled. Could he be the father she wanted...and needed? So many duties he'd never had to handle would now be his—dental and doctor's appointments, illnesses, shopping for her clothes and being a good role model. The list overwhelmed him.

When he glanced up, Renee stood at the door watching. They'd covered everything on the phone, so she had no need to go over it now. He closed the trunk and slipped into the car, waiting while Kaylee latched her seat belt, and her face beamed as she waved goodbye. Renee didn't appear as happy as Kaylee. He put himself in her shoes and understood. Kaylee had been a big part of her life. Could he measure up to Renee?

“Do Ashley and Joey know that I live with you now?”

Her question broke his thoughts. “Not yet. They got home last night, but we'll tell them today.”

“I can't wait.” She swung her feet, kicking the back of the passenger seat.

He couldn't wait, either. His shoulders relaxed, listening to Kaylee chatter in the backseat.

“Daddy?”

“What, sweetie?”

“Joey's birthday's soon. He'll be four and I'm four.” Her voice lilted with happiness.

“That's right.” Apparently the old age issue had faded.

“But I'm almost five so I'm still bigger.”

He chuckled. “You are...a little. What do you think Joey would like for his birthday? Clothes. Books. Toys.”

“Puzzles. He loves puzzles. Me, too, but I don't think I need presents when I have my birthday in January.”

“No presents?” Her comment surprised him. “Why? I thought you loved presents.”

“I do, but I got my present already. I'm living with you.”

He wanted to hold her in his arms and give her a big hug. “Hearing you say that is the best present I've had in a long time.” Today being a father heightened his awareness of the joy but also the responsibility. It felt different somehow, knowing something as simple as her bedroom was really her room and not a guest room. A smile stretched his taut cheeks and her singing made him chuckle.

When they rolled down Drayton, he braked to pull into the driveway, but Kaylee blasted a command that made him jump. “Go to Ashley's house. I want to tell her I'm living with you.”

He halted the car in the street. “First, say please. Second, don't yell and scare me.”

“Sorry.” Her tone held an apology.

“I know you're excited, but don't you want to unpack first?”

“Later. Remember what you always tell me. When you want to do something and I ask what about unpacking, you always say my things will still be there when we get home.”

He looked over the seat, and her expression made him chuckle. “I guess I do tell you that, don't I?”

She grinned and gave him a nod.

Though he'd love to see Ashley, what he needed was a nap, but he decided to listen to Kaylee's plea. He straightened the wheel and continued down three houses to Ashley's, hoping she was up and ready for company.

When he pulled into her driveway, no little nose pressed against the windowpane. He climbed out and waited for Kaylee to unhook her seat belt and slip outside before he hit the lock button. She bounded up the porch stairs and hit the doorbell before he reached the steps.

In a moment, the door opened, and Ashley's frown turned to a grin. “Kaylee. Good morning.”

She stood back with only a glance at him as she eyed Kaylee. “Why are you so happy?”

Kaylee darted into the room and spun around. “I live with my daddy now!”

“You do?” Joy filled her face. “Wonderful.” She leaned down and gave Kaylee a hug. “I know your daddy's happy, too, and so am I.”

Before Ashley misunderstood, Devon dropped the bombshell. “It's temporary.”

Ashley drew back, her eyes narrowed, brow furrowed. “But I thought—”

“It's a long story. Probably not as long as it is complex.” He hoped she'd invite him to have a seat.

She didn't move. “I'm surprised that you settled for—”

“It's not settling.” Her judgment sliced through him. “I said it's complex.”

Finally, she motioned to a chair. “Where are my manners? Please, sit and tell me what happened.”

His attention shifted to Kaylee who'd already plopped onto the sofa, all ears.

He scanned the room. “Where's Joey?”

“Upstairs. He was playing, but I think he fell asleep. He needs to get up or he'll be awake all night.” She turned to Kaylee. “Would you run up and check on him?”

Kaylee slipped from the sofa and headed up the stairs, appearing proud she had an important assignment.

Relieved, he wanted to make good use of the time alone with Ashley. He sank onto the sofa, which Kaylee had vacated. “Renee wouldn't make the decision. She said it was up to Gina.” He shrugged. “In part she's right, but who knows what Gina will say. She's very defensive, but I learned one thing. She's spent more time in the hospital than out of it lately.”

“Did Renee tell you that?”

“No, I said it to her and she didn't deny it.” He grinned at the way he'd gathered information she might never have told him.

“Good for you, Devon. Smart.”

“But the worst thing I learned...” He checked the staircase. Empty. “Gina tried to commit suicide. I'm thinking this isn't the first time.”

Ashley's gasp preceded the horror on her face. “That's awful. Terrible.”

He could only nod.

“Wasn't she a Christian, Devon? I assumed she—”

“Gina's the one who led me to faith. I wasn't a churchgoer before I met her. I don't understand her illness, but I think her values and beliefs have been damaged by her mental state. I pray the Lord doesn't hold that against someone who is truly ill.”

Ashley leaned forward, her head swaying from side to side. “I'm not blaming Gina or condemning her, Devon. Not one bit. Remember we're not to judge lest we be judged. I try to follow that.”

Weight lifted from his shoulders. “I hope you're right, Ash.” Hearing her nickname from his lips startled him. She didn't seem to notice, but using it brought her closer, more familiar than her formal name.

Ashley rose from her chair and resettled beside him. She slipped her hand into his. “Devon, I believe that we have a loving God. He sees us as pure and blessed. How could a loving God condemn a faithful Christian whose mind has warped and led her astray. God is the judge and He is forgiving and loving. What more do we need?”

He weaved his fingers through hers, wanting to draw her into his arms. “Thanks. I should know that, but I needed the reminder.” Touched by her tenderness, he leaned over and kissed her.

She turned her face toward him, her eyes giving him permission, and her lips met his again. His heart soared. Hope escalated. Though he needed sleep—needed it badly—he sensed today was the day to pursue their conversation cut short by Neely's call a few days earlier.

A noise from the upper floor caught Devon's attention. He patted Ashley's hand and headed for the staircase. “What are you doing, Kaylee?”

“Joey's up, and we're playing.” She appeared on the landing. “He dropped a truck.”

Devon glanced at Ashley. “Is it okay for them to play up there?”

“Sure. It's fine.” She nodded, a smile growing on her face.

His stomach tightened at the grin as well as the knowledge they had more time alone. “Kaylee, be good up there. Don't get into anything.”

“I won't.” She gave him a minifrown as if insulted at his suggestion she might get into something. He had to admit, other than looking into the photo albums without permission, Kaylee minded well.

He turned away and settled beside Ashley, his hopes growing. “How was your visit with Paula? Difficult, I suppose.”

“In some ways, yes.” She leaned her back against the cushion, but her hand rested on his knee. “We weren't close to Aunt Florence after Mother died. She wasn't the most pleasant hostess. Neely and I felt sorry for Paula. She was an only child, so she had little camaraderie.”

“Sad.” Though he was an only child, his parents had been loving people.

“Neely and I understood when she left home so young. Paula moved out right after high school. Went to college and never came back except for holidays.”

A strange look grew on her face, and he suspected something else had happened while they were gone. “Something's wrong.”

A frown curved her mouth. “Not really. I—” She shook her head. “I'm just thinking.”

“About your mother?”

Her head hitched back, questioning filling her eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I was here when you got the call. I know you wondered if Paula could tell you more about your mother's earlier years.” He tilted his head, weighing her expression. “Am I wrong?”

She lowered her eyes. “No.” She sat a moment before looking up. “But it's personal, and I'm not sure I should talk about it.”

Though curious, he knew his place. “Not if you think it's wrong. If you feel like talking, I'm a willing listener.”

She lifted her gaze, moisture filling her eyes. The story spilled from her, at least what she knew, and though it left more doors open, the truth seemed obvious. The two women had been sexually abused as girls.

“I can understand why you feel sad, Ashley.”

“I'm sad my mother had to endure the horrors of her uncle, but I'm even sadder that she let someone else's sin ruin her life. She carried the guilt and degradation as if it had been her doing.”

“Sometimes people blame themselves. In abuse cases, women sometimes think they asked for it by their dress or behavior. It's tragic, because the cause had nothing to do with your mother or your aunt. The cause was a predator who took advantage, made them lose self-worth and the power to do something about it.”

“You're right, Devon.” She leaned forward and rested her head on his chest. “My mother's feelings of unworthiness caused her to belittle us so she could convince herself she had value. Not only were my mother's and aunt's lives ruined, but their children's lives, as well. We missed the joy of having a mother who expressed her love and provided a warm, comfortable home for her girls. Everyone was cheated.”

Ashley's story pained him. His own self-doubts had nearly ruined his life, too, but somehow knowing her had opened the doors and turned his life around. Losing Ashley would undo him.

A sigh rattled from his chest, and he fought to keep his eyes from closing.

“You're exhausted.”

“I only got a little sleep last night. I would have slept better, but Kaylee was on my mind.”

“And the situation with Gina.”