Love Inspired January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Bayou Sweetheart\The Firefighter's New Family\Season of Redemption (50 page)

John didn't look surprised by his request. “Sure. Let's go to my office.”

Ryan followed and then slipped into a cushioned chair in front of John's desk.

“What's on your mind?”

Ryan got straight to the point. “You probably heard what I told Jess.”

“I did.” John waited.

Ryan wiped his hands on his thighs. “And you probably know who I was talking about.”

“That's up to you to tell me, but be careful there.” John peeked over the rims of his glasses. “I really don't want to hear a name.”

Ryan got the point. John wasn't going to come down on Kellie if he didn't have to. And that was good. A huge relief even, but Ryan couldn't leave. Not yet. “I care about her, John. Seriously care.”

John narrowed his gaze. “You're vulnerable right now. You could be transferring feelings you're trying to deal with, trying to get closure from.”

Ryan nodded. He'd thought about that, but kissing Kellie was different. She wasn't like Sara. “I know I have to back off and finish group. Finish my master plan here. But you need to know that nothing inappropriate took place. I kissed her and that was it.”

“Less than that crosses the ethical line.” John's frown was deep.

Ethics
. Ryan snorted. That list of professional dos and don'ts stood in the way of something beautiful that was happening between him and Kellie. Something strong and lasting. Something that might have the power to heal them both.

Ryan needed to be patient, but he also needed to be honest with the man who'd stamp his master plan complete. Giving John a grin, Ryan figured he might as well spill everything. “Well, you're really going to love this one. I've offered for her brother to stay with me. He's in recovery. Or claims to be.”

John muttered. “You're really walking the tightrope here.”

“I know. Got any advice on dealing with this guy?”

“Lay some ground rules, be honest and be careful. And don't be afraid to call me if you get in a jam.”

Ryan stood and offered John his hand. “Thanks. I appreciate you hearing me out.”

John took it with a firm shake. “Remember, you're working through your own recovery. More from grief, than a substance, but you could easily fall into relying on that substance to cope. Don't blow it.”

“Got it.” Ryan nodded.

He had no intention of blowing this opportunity to keep Kellie safe. And while Ryan was at it, he'd keep her safe from himself, too. Romance had to wait. For now.

* * *

Kellie took a deep breath and dialed Ryan's phone number. He'd have her cell number now. A necessity if something happened with Karl. Tossing pebbles at her window wouldn't cut it in an emergency.

“This is Ryan.” His deep voice sounded warm and caring, like a man she could depend on. Trust even.

Clearing her throat, she responded. “Ryan, this is Kellie.”

“Hey.” That silken voice of his dipped lower, sounding softer. His lips probably curled into that sweet smile of his, too.

Think.

“When would you like me to bring Karl over? I mean, if you're still serious about housing him.” Could she sound more lame? Karl was her brother, not some stray dog.

He chuckled. “Yes, I'm serious. Why don't you guys come for dinner and we can go over stuff.”

Panic ripped through her. “Stuff?”

“House rules, timeline, that sort of thing.”

Karl. This was about Karl. “Oh, okay. What about work at Dorrie's?”

“I called Jeff this morning to let him know I couldn't be there tonight, so he's going. He needs to take an inventory of what's left to do and what's needed to get it done.”

“Great, thanks for that.” Ryan was not only dependable but thoughtful, too. Because of Karl, Dorrie didn't expect her tonight either. Because of Ryan's call to Jeff, the builder who oversaw the project, work would still get done. They were covered.

“How's your hand? Did you get it checked out?”

“Not yet. But it's fine. It's healing nicely.” She gathered her thoughts back to what she'd agreed to. Ryan's place for dinner. Together. With her brother. “What time and what can I bring?”

“Give me half an hour. I'm almost home. And not a thing. I've got this.”

Kellie closed her eyes. She really hoped
this
didn't blow up in her face. “We'll be there. Thanks.”

“No problem. And Kel?”

Her heart did a little flip. “Yeah?”

“Did you tell Dorrie?”

“She didn't take the news well, but Dorrie's willing to let Karl see the girls only if he doesn't tell them who he is.”

Ryan blew out his breath with a slow whoosh. “How's that going to work?”

“We're going to make him volunteer on the house.”

Ryan chuckled. “Good call.”

Kellie wasn't sure she agreed with Dorrie on this one, but she'd abide by her sister-in-law's wishes. Karl had walked out on his family when Hannah was only a year old. He'd come back a couple of times but never stayed long, and Gracie was the result of Dorrie's last attempt to make something work. The girls had never known their dad, and Dorrie wanted to keep it that way.

“I guess so. See you in a few.” After Kellie ended the call with Ryan, she glanced at her watch. Where was Karl?

This morning, she'd left him asleep on the futon in order to grab more than cereal for breakfast. She'd called out from Beth's school with a personal matter excuse because she really couldn't leave her brother on his own all day at Mrs. Wheeler's.

This afternoon, Karl had gone into town to look around. Kellie made use of her brother's absence and called Ginny for a list of possible sponsors she could give him. She'd prepare for her brother sticking around even though he had a pattern of bolting. He didn't let anyone get close, either.

Fingering the treatment program completion coin Karl had left on her coffee table, Kellie prayed her brother would see his recovery through. He seemed different this time. Maybe he'd finally hit rock bottom and was ready to get serious about changing his life.

At the sound of a car pulling in, Kellie looked out the window to the driveway below. Karl was back in the nick of time. She raced down to meet him and tell him about their dinner plans. But by the time they pulled into Ryan's driveway and parked, Kellie hoped they weren't late. It was cold, and Kellie pulled the collar of her coat close when she got out of the car.

“Nice place,” Karl said.

“Yeah.” Kellie glanced at the single story cottage with a huge back deck and a perfect view of the lake. The property was neat and tidy and obviously well cared for.

Ryan's canoe had been put up under the rafters of a roof overhang from a huge storage shed. Stacks of firewood were nestled between the poles. A large fire pit had been constructed halfway to the water's edge. A lonely rustic chair sat empty but looked well-worn. How often did Ryan sit out here watching the dying embers of a fire, alone?

“You coming?” Karl had gone to the door while she gawked.

Kellie caught up and knocked on the door.

“Come in.” Ryan opened it wide. The fragrant smell of roasted meat and warmth from a crackling fire in a huge stone hearth drew them inside. “I hope you like pot roast.”

“When did you make that?” Kellie's jaw dropped.

“Crock-Pot.” He gave her a wink and then took their coats. “Make yourselves at home. I've got a couple of things to do yet.”

“Need help?” Kellie asked.

“Nope. Karl, you can put your stuff in the red bedroom.”

“Thanks, man. I appreciate this.”

“No problem.” Ryan words might be light, but his eyes looked grave. This was serious, and he did it for her.

Kellie gave Ryan a grateful nod and then followed her brother with his backpack and one duffel bag and gawked even more.

Ryan's home wasn't big, but he'd made the most of the space. He'd kept things simple and clean with hardwood floors and wooly area rugs. The overstuffed plaid furniture gave it a casual feel, but the richly colored walls of red and coffee were a surprise for a bachelor's home.

Curious, she peeked into the other bedroom.
His
. There was a big bed sporting a navy quilt, a bedside table with a lamp and a clock and that was about it. No picture frames anywhere. No artwork. The only thing hanging on the wall was a flat-screen TV. Where were pictures of his dead fiancée?

The other rooms were pretty bare when it came to knickknacks as well. Maybe he wasn't finished with his upgrades. The work looked freshly completed.

Kellie wound her way back to the open kitchen, living and dining room combination. “You did all this?”

Ryan shrugged as he placed the steaming Crock-Pot on the table. “Yeah. Everything was pretty ancient when I bought this place, but the structure was solid. I think we're ready to eat.”

Over dinner, Ryan laid out his house rules for Karl. Pretty simple really—no drugs, no alcohol and no lies. It wasn't the most comfortable meal, but she held her tongue while the guys hashed out a rooming plan.

Listening to them was like watching a couple of gamecocks circle each other, looking for weaknesses. By the time dinner was over, Kellie wasn't sure if this would work, but Karl had few options and Ryan was adamant to give it a try. Besides, it was only temporary—until Karl found a job and someplace else to live.

Kellie dried her hands on a dish towel. She'd cleaned up while Ryan showed Karl the ropes with the multimedia options on the TV and then the damper on the fireplace.

Maybe she should let the two men get used to each other. “Well, I guess I'll call it a night. Thanks for everything, Ryan.”

“You're welcome to hang out.”

She shook her head but stepped close to the warmth of a real wood-burning hearth. Tempting thought. Before turning to grab her coat, Kellie noticed a couple of picture frames tucked away on shelves built into the walls on either side of the stone chimney.

One of the photos was an old family portrait. She quickly recognized Ryan's parents and brother and a young girl who must be Ryan's sister. Her stomach tightened at the sight of the next picture.

It was a fairly recent one of Ryan with a giant smile holding up a young woman's hand that sported a good-sized diamond on her ring finger. Kellie stared into the laughing dark eyes of Ryan's fiancée. She resembled her sister, Hope, but her features were not quite as fine nor did she wear any makeup. Sara looked full of life. Warm and pretty in a natural, outdoorsy sort of way.

“That's Sara.” Ryan stood close behind her.

“Yeah.” They both looked so happy and deeply in love. Kellie's throat felt dry and tight. “Surely this isn't the only picture you have of her?”

“It's the only one I have out.”

Kellie turned to face him. “Why?”

He shrugged. “Too hard to look at them.”

It was still hard. She could see it in his eyes. He wasn't over her at all.

“I'll walk you out.”

Kellie nodded. Grabbing her coat, she said good-night to her brother and then followed Ryan outside to the deck. She'd walk home; it wasn't far. Tiny snowflakes fell but disappeared when they hit the ground, crinkling the dry leaves that lay everywhere.

“November came in with a vengeance. Man, it's cold.” Ryan shoved his hands in his jean pockets.

“Why didn't you wear a coat?”

He didn't answer but stepped toward her. “I need to tell you something.”

Kellie held her breath, while her heart skipped erratically. “Okay.”

“I told your boss about all this.”

Kellie felt her fists clench. “All this?”

“Your brother staying with me, and, uh, that kiss.”

“What?” She opened her hands before she pounded him.

“I had to.” Ryan looked her in the eyes without remorse.

Kellie knew honesty was a huge part of group dynamics and recovery. Expecting Ryan to hide their burgeoning relationship was wrong of her. Getting involved with him was wrong, too. With all her training, she should know better. And now Karl living with him was stepping way over the line.

“I'm taking advantage of you,” she whispered.

“How?” Ryan's brow furrowed. “I wouldn't have offered a place for your brother if I didn't want to do it. I wouldn't have kissed you without wanting to, either.”

She'd wanted to kiss Ryan, too. In fact, she still wanted to. “It doesn't make it right.”

“Says who?”

“Says everything I've read about it.” Thinking of all her classes, and the manual code of ethics that every counselor proudly displayed in their offices, Kellie wondered if she knew anything at all. What she felt for Ryan was real. It had nothing to do with power or control. If anything, she felt completely out of control.

“It's okay, Kel. It'll be okay.”

Kellie shook her head. She wasn't so sure. But then, she'd find out when she showed up for work at LightHouse Center.

Chapter Ten

B
y Thursday afternoon at LightHouse Center, Kellie was stumped. Her boss had not once brought up what Ryan had told him. Was he protecting a client's privacy or letting the whole thing go? Surely she deserved to be reprimanded for getting personally involved with a client while she was an intern.

Her internship was more or less finished, but was she home free? She closed her eyes, calling herself every kind of coward for not going into John's office to find out. The need to know what her boss was going to do gnawed at her, but that didn't make her feet move.

Kellie chewed the short nail of her pinky finger and stared at the phone. Rallying the courage to call John's extension, she jumped when her cell phone rang instead. Recognizing the caller as the school in Traverse City, Kellie answered before the second ring.

Bracing for bad news, Kellie blinked twice when she heard the opposite. They wanted to hire her as long as she passed her certification test. Those scores were due to be posted online the following day. She couldn't access the printable files for a few more days, but at least she'd know if she passed. And if she did, the job was hers.

All hers.

After she ended the call, tears gathered in her eyes, blurring her vision. “Thank You, Lord,” she whispered, and then hung her head in her hands.

She heard soft footsteps on the carpeted floor behind her and then felt a hand touch her shoulder. Ginny.

“Oh no, Kellie, what is it?” Ginny slipped onto the corner of her desk.

Kellie looked up with a grin and croaked, “I got the job.”

Ginny gripped the collar of her sweater. “You gave me a scare. I thought...oh, never mind.”

Kellie grabbed a tissue, blew her nose and then sniffed. “What did you think?”

Ginny rolled her eyes. “I thought it was, you know, romance trouble.”

Kellie's eyes grew wide and she sputtered, “But I'm not, that is...”

Ginny only raised an eyebrow, but her eyes held warmth not censure.

Kellie felt her cheeks turning red. Surely Ryan hadn't talked to Ginny, too, but maybe John had. Who all knew about her and Ryan anyway?

Ginny smiled. “You have to tell John.”

“I will. Right now.” Kellie stood and squared her shoulders. Was this why he hadn't made a fuss over Ryan? Did John already know the job was hers?

Leaving Ginny behind, Kellie rushed down the hall. John's door was halfway ajar and she could see him staring out the window while drinking a huge cup of his awful coffee.

She tapped her knuckles against the wood. “Got a minute?”

John swung his chair around and smiled. “I do. Come in.”

Kellie clenched and unclenched her fingers. “Well, I got the job.”

John smiled again but didn't look surprised. “Good for you. When do you start?”

“After Thanksgiving. As long as I passed my test and successfully complete my internship.” She looked at him and waited.

Nothing but silent consideration from the man in the chair.

“Will I successfully complete my internship?” Her voice wobbled.

John chuckled. “I don't see why not.”

“Even after what Ryan told you?” Kellie blurted.

“Ah, yes. Ryan.” John set down his mug of coffee.

A shiver of alarm traveled up Kellie's spine as she slipped into a chair. John's office was large but unassuming. Two windows on connecting corner walls gave a nice view of the small river that flowed from Lake Leelanau. She could see the dark silhouettes of tree branches stretching toward a cold November sun.

She tucked both her hands under her thighs to keep them still and waited. One of the many things she'd learned at LightHouse Center was that John was not a man to be rushed.

Finally, John let out a sigh. “Ryan's doing well. He's processing his grief.”

“Yes.” Kellie knew that but braced for the reprimand that was bound to come. Should come.

“Can I speak off-the-record and not as your supervisor?”

Kellie swallowed hard. “Absolutely.”

“My suggestion is to keep your distance until he's done here. Until you can be sure his feelings for you are stable.”

Kellie felt like her chest had been put into a vise that kept cranking tighter and tighter. What did that mean? Ryan wasn't over Sara. That had to be it. “I've come to that same conclusion.”

John leaned forward. “Don't misunderstand me. Ryan's a good man, Kellie. But I would hate to see either of you get hurt because you pushed things too soon.”

Kellie cocked her head. “He said he'd wait.”

“Some people are worth waiting for, and if not, you'll know because you kept a clear head.” John wasn't warning her away from Ryan at all. And that spoke volumes. But she could sense that he wasn't telling her everything. There was more to his concerns then he was showing.

“You don't think he's over his fiancée?” Kellie narrowed her gaze.

He didn't blink an eye, and she knew John wasn't at liberty to share that with her. Not now, after she'd crossed the line into a personal relationship with Ryan. Not when she wasn't part of their therapy group. But John had effectively warned her to protect her heart for now. Why?

Who was she trying to kid? Her heart was already engaged, but not completely given. She stood to leave, feeling more unsettled than when she first came in. “I get it. Wait this thing out.”

John nodded.

At his office door, Kellie turned and smiled. She'd received some fatherly advice she hadn't expected from a boss. Good advice, too. Being certain never caused anyone harm. That's all John was saying. Rushing ahead was for fools. Kellie liked to think she was no fool. “Thank you, John.”

“My pleasure.” He gave her an encouraging smile.

Kellie wanted to ask if she should fear alcohol dependence but knew that answer as well. She'd interned long enough to learn that once a person abused a substance to numb their pain, there was always the possibility they'd do so again in the future. Part of working recovery was about facing what lay underneath that need to self-medicate. To numb.

Ryan was working on that through group, but he wasn't home free. Not yet. Maybe that's what John was trying to tell her without telling her. And that meant she wasn't home free either.

* * *

“Hold it still.” Ryan drilled the screw halfway in place and then stopped. Hanging cupboards was tricky business. He wanted them straight, and Karl wasn't exactly laser beam focused on the task. The guy must have either ADHD or ants in his pants.

“Hope,” Ryan called out when he spotted her walking through the kitchen with a steaming covered dish. Dinner would be served in the living room tonight because the kitchen was torn up. “Does this look straight?”

She narrowed her gaze and then shook her head. “Up a titch on your left.”

“A titch?” Karl gave him an amused look.

Ryan grimaced as he shifted the block of heavy cabinetry. “How's that?”

“Perfect.” Hope nodded and then disappeared.

“Hold it still,” Ryan had to remind Karl. The guy's attention followed the food, and he couldn't really blame him. Something smelled incredible.

Karl had been working with him on the house for a week now. Every day Ryan had left early from the research center because November was slow and his duties were light. He and Karl had come to the construction site every afternoon. Sinclair often joined them.

Ryan was grateful for his brother's help and influence. He had to hand it to Sinclair for interspersing spiritual lessons while they worked. Karl seemed to soak it in, but then he'd get this blank look on his face like nothing had stuck. Did he think God's saving grace didn't apply to him?

Drilling in the rest of the screws, Ryan stepped off the platform and took a good hard look. Hope had been correct and the cabinets finally looked straight.

“Ryan and Karl, the cake is here.” Gracie twirled her way into the kitchen wearing a sparkly purple skirt over pink sweatpants.

“Shh.” Ryan placed his finger to his lips in a gesture he hoped would make the kid quiet down. “It's supposed to be a surprise.”

Gracie slapped her hand over her mouth and giggled.

“Blabbermouth,” Ryan muttered.

“Am not.” Gracie put her hands on her hips and jutted out her chin.

“She looks just like her mother when she does that.” Karl's voice sounded strangled and full of regret.

Ryan looked more closely at the seven-year-old. Both girls favored their mom, with dark blond hair and brown eyes. There wasn't much of a resemblance to Karl that he could see. Considering Dorrie's request to hide Karl's identity, that was a good thing.

And so far, Karl had abided by Dorrie's request. The girls had no idea who he was other than another guy volunteering to help. Ryan felt bad about that. Seemed like the girls should know their father, but then Dorrie had her reasons. And from what Kellie had told him, Karl had never been around. But Ryan suspected that Hannah might already know. He'd caught her studying Karl one too many times.

Ryan tousled Gracie's hair. “Where's your aunt Kellie?”

“Painting my bedroom.” Gracie grinned, the insult completely forgotten.

Ryan stepped out of the way of a huge sheet cake with the words
Congratulations Kellie
written in blue icing being carried inside by Dorrie and his aunt Jamee.

“Where to?” his aunt asked.

“Follow me.” Ryan cleared space on one of the card tables. “Thanks for doing this on such short notice.”

“Baking a banana cake for my nephew's girl is my pleasure.” She craned her neck and looked around. “Where is the beauty?”

“She's coming. Hope's gathering everyone.” Ryan didn't bother to correct his aunt that Kellie wasn't his girl.

But then he'd been the only one Kellie told about her job offer. She'd asked him not to say anything until it was a sure thing, after she'd not only seen her passing test scores but had forwarded them in writing to the school. That had happened yesterday.

He watched as Kellie walked into the living room, and her eyes lit up with surprise when she saw the huge layered cake. She glanced at Dorrie, who pointed his way.

Kellie looked at him with softened eyes and mouthed the words
thank you
.

He didn't look away. He couldn't. Yeah, he was definitely falling hard. They'd been tiptoeing around each other all week. Pretending there was nothing between them but friendship.

“Kel, I'd like you to meet my aunt Jamee.”

“It's a pleasure. You take care of this boy. He's a keeper.” His aunt pulled Kellie into her arms for a hug.

Kellie's panicked eyes widened and never left his face.

Ryan laughed. Didn't Kellie realize she'd already passed the test with his mom? Kellie was a slam dunk with the rest of the Marsh family.

“Well, Kellie, are you going to tell us your big news?” one of the volunteers asked.

“I got the job I'd interviewed for at a school in Traverse City. I start in a couple of weeks.”

The group cheered, and Ryan's aunt got busy cutting and serving cake after Sinclair said a blessing over the food. The celebratory mood grew more noisy and excited with each piece of cake consumed. The house was on schedule for completion, and the builder in charge promised to bring in his crew for any last-minute finishing. They'd make sure Dorrie and her girls had a place to move into before Christmas.

Ryan glanced at Karl. The guy looked at his daughters like he was trying to memorize their faces. Wasn't he planning on sticking around? A swell of fury gripped him. Surely Karl wasn't going to walk away from his family again.

He felt a touch to his arm. It was Kellie.

“What's got you looking like a thundercloud?”

He shook his head. “Thoughts.”

“Anything you want to share?”

He steered her away from everyone so they could sit on a couple of folding chairs near the far wall. Still, he kept his voice low. “I don't get your brother.”

Alarm shone from her eyes. “Anything more specific?”

“He had everything and blew it.”

Kellie nodded and moved her food around the plate with her fork. “It's been that way for a long time. But I think he's finally trying to change.”

Ryan wasn't so sure. He had nothing to go by other than a gut feeling. “How can you tell?”

“He's working on this house for one thing.”

Ryan didn't point out that it was because they'd forced Karl into it in exchange for seeing his daughters. Ryan had also reinforced that Karl's free lodging depended on how well he did here. He didn't appreciate the guy's indifference or halfway approach to getting things done right. Didn't he care that his daughters would live here?

“And he's meeting with a sponsor,” Kellie said around a mouthful of lasagna. She didn't eat her cake first. A small slice lay perched on the side of her paper plate.

She wanted her brother to succeed. He did, too. Only Ryan wasn't sure that Karl wanted it. What Karl did in the mornings while he was at work, Ryan could only guess. He was supposed to be looking for work; the guy was on the phone enough. But then Karl went out some evenings to meet friends. For a guy who hadn't grown up around here, Karl had made
friends
awfully fast.

Ryan had never smelled alcohol when Karl returned, only the lingering stench of cigarette smoke. But then if he were taking drugs, they might not have a smell. Ryan didn't know. Karl never stayed out late, so maybe it was okay. Maybe he
was
working his recovery, even if he was private about it. As Kellie said, Karl had a sponsor he met with.

“That's good then.” Ryan shouldn't make a mountain out of a molehill.

Kellie nodded. “How's group?”

He grinned at her. “Do you miss interning?”