Love Is Blind (7 page)

“You said your nickname used to be Playboy,”
I reminded Chris as I pulled my t-shirt back down to cover my heaving breasts and sensitive, erect nipples.  All I wanted was for him to keep playing with me, but I couldn’t ignore my reservations any longer.

He rolled off of me, looking angry.  Whether
it was with me or his own self-admittedly sordid past, I wasn’t sure.  “Yeah,” he muttered.  His face was unreadable.  “It was.”

It killed me to dwell on the subject.  It killed me to dwell on
any
subject.  I didn’t want to be talking.  I wanted to be in Chris’s arms naked and safe and loved.  I wanted to give myself to him completely, mind, body and soul.  The last thing I wanted was to grill him about things I’d rather not be thinking about at all. 

But if there’s one thing I’ve always been, it’s cautious. 

Maybe I’m too sensitive.  Maybe I take things too personally.  I probably go to such lengths to protect my heart because my ego has been battered and bruised so many times over the years.  No matter what the reason, I knew I couldn’t risk letting Chris hurt me.  I had to ask the question that naturally followed.

“How do I know you’re not just…
?”  I trailed off, unsure of which words I should use.

Chris propped his hand up on his head.  Then he winced a little and shifted around uncomfortably.  I looked down and saw a bulge in his jeans but to his credit, his attention was focused on my concerns.  “How do you know I’m not just going to use you
and then throw you away,” he finished sadly.  “That’s what you’re thinking, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I confessed quietly.

He reached out for me and his hand bumped into my arm.  He stroked my bare skin gently.  “You’re so different from any girl I’ve ever met,” he said with such earnestness that I had no choice but to believe him.  “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, and
I’m
different now, too.  I’m absolutely, without a doubt in this for the long haul, Michelle.  But nothing I tell you matters.”

Blinking, I looked at him in confusion.  I hadn’t been expecting that last part.  “It…doesn’t?”

“No.  I’ve been one of those guys, Michelle…the smooth talkers who know exactly what to say to get a girl into bed with them.  I’d never do that to you but the point is, you have no reason to believe me.  And you shouldn’t.”

I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  What was he saying?  “I don’t understand.”

Chris pulled my hand to his mouth and kissed it tenderly.  I was too stunned to pull away.

“Don’t believe a word I say,” he repeated.  “
Don’t trust me.  Trust yourself.  If you have doubts about me or if this doesn’t feel right, then it’s okay.  There’s nothing I want more than you, Michelle, but only if you’re ready.”

Wrapping my arms
tentatively around his waist, I clung to him.  I could feel the bulge in his pants brushing against my thigh and it sent a shiver of delight down my spine.  My nipples pressed insistently against his chest and I knew he could feel how hard they were, yearning for his caress.  But he made no move to touch them, instead waiting for a signal from me.

I’d expected Chris to try to reassure me…to try to talk me into
handing over my virginity like it meant nothing at all.  He hadn’t.  I’d expected him to take the reins and he had, but as soon as I’d put the brakes on he’d relinquished all control to me. 

I knew he wanted me, but he’d just made it clear that his desires were secondary to mine.  In this moment,
Chris was being completely selfless.  I could tell that he was more concerned for my emotional well-being than his physical cravings. That meant the world to me, and gave me the reassurance I needed.

As his hand lightly stroked my back, I realized my bedroom was no longer my safe place.  Now, Chris was my safe place.

Feeling aflutter with a sudden flurry of nervous energy, I took Chris’s hand and guided it back beneath my shirt until his hand cupped my breast.  A slow, easy grin spread across his handsome face.  “Does this mean…?”

“Yes.  Just promise you’ll be gentle, okay?”

“Of course.”

Sex wasn’t anything like making love to my mechanical boyfriend the vibrating toothbrush.  That was robotic and expected, and I was in complete control.  This was different.  It was slow and sweet, unpredictable and
even a bit painful at first.  But what struck me the most was how it made me feel things I hadn’t known were possible, both physically and emotionally.

Chris took his time with me, his fingers skilfully moving over my taut stomach and
beneath the elastic waistband of my panties.  He stroked my soft folds with patience and purpose.  I could see the look of concentration on his face as he listened to the sound of my breathing to gauge my reaction. 

Lying there beneath him as he explored my body, I was a mass of emotions.  When his finger slipped inside my velvety depths and I let out a gasp, he paused.  “Are you okay?” Chris murmured immediately, the concern in his voice evident.  I couldn’t imagine being with a more considerate lover.

“Yes,” I whispered. 

I was barely
able to breathe.  I spread my legs wider and I could feel how wet I was…how wet he was making me.  I arched my back and tried to stifle my sighs of pleasure as Chris continued to rub and caress my most private places.  I’d never shared my body, this vessel I hated, with anyone before.  While it was a terrifying prospect, the heat between my thighs and Chris’s gentle touch gave me courage.

Of course, it didn’t hurt that he knew what he was doing.  When his mouth closed around my neck and he gently
nibbled at my sensitive flesh as his finger swirled around and around the erect nub of my clitoris, I nearly lost control right there. 

I cried out in longing and then immediately blushed, embarrassed
by my strong reaction.

But it seemed to only spur Chris on.  “God, you’re so sexy,” he groaned as I involuntarily began to squirm beneath him.  I could feel his hardness through his jeans and more than anything, I wanted it inside me.  I reached down and freed his erection from his clothing.

“Are you ready?” Chris murmured.  As I looked on, he took impressive manhood in his hand and ran his palm across the shaft a couple times.  I stared at the hard flesh in awe.  I had no idea how he’d ever fit that thing inside me but I was eager to find out.

“I’m ready.”  I was, in fact, more than ready.  I felt like I’d been born for this very moment.  I felt like I’d been made especially for Chris.  Maybe fate had brought us together, the deformed girl and the blind guy.  It was like we just fit one another…our minds, our personalities and yes, even our bodies.

“There’s a condom in the pocket of my jeans,” he told me. 

Without hesitation, I reached in and fished it out.  I’d only ever seen them in sex education class back in the sixth grade, but
putting it onto Chris’s throbbing erection was straightforward enough.  I loved the way his breath caught in his throat when I touched him there, as though he wanted me so bad he could barely stand it.

I felt the same way.

He rolled on top of me.

“Can you let me up please?” I asked suddenly.

“Um, sure…”  Chris did as I requested but the look of confusion on his face was evident.  Maybe he thought I’d abruptly changed my mind about having sex with him.  I didn’t take the time to explain.  That would have delayed us further and my body was so ready for him that I thought I might scream. 

I got up,
hurriedly flicked the light switch off and then rejoined him in my bed.

“You shut the lights off?” Chris said questioningly.

“Yes.”

“But you know that I can’t –”

“I know.  Just humor me, okay?”  Even though Chris couldn’t see me, I felt more comfortable being intimate with him in the dark.  Maybe it was because with the lights off, it was easier to hide from myself.

And then Chris was on top of me, and inside me.  He pressed the tip of his manhood against the slick entrance to my quivering sex.  His touch was feather light as his fingertip traced teasing circles around my swollen nub.  I moaned and shifted beneath him, raising my hips in search of
more stimulation. 

Bit by bit, the thick tip of his erection slid inside me.  I was so consumed by pleasure that I barely noticed he was inside me until he hit my barrier.  My electric toothbrush had never gone
inside
.   This was new.  This was different.  It was…well, kind of alarming. 

Chris stilled.  “This might hurt for a second,” he warned.

I nodded.  “It’s okay.”  My voice sounded uncertain.  It wasn’t Chris I was unsure about.  I was just worried about how much losing my virginity would hurt – and disappointing him.  After all, he was probably used to being with sexually experienced girls.  I was far from it.  I didn’t want to let him down.

“What is it?” he asked, holding back. 

“It’s just…what if I’m bad at it?” I asked, feeling stupid.

“Oh Michelle…”  His lips brushed my forehead and then made their way down to my mouth.  His kiss was calming and reassuring, breathing confidence into me.  When he pulled away, he murmured, “It’s not possible for you to kiss like that and be bad at sex.”

My hand found his.  “Okay,” I told him.  “Do it.”

He pushed his length into me in one deliberate thrust, instantly filling my tight tunnel to the hilt.  It was kind of like pulling an adhesive bandage off all at once instead of prolonging the pain.  I cried out
as I felt my barrier give way, the tears that had been brimming behind my lashes spilling down my cheeks.  Any woman who says losing her virginity was painless is either a liar or very, very lucky.

Chris held still inside me, stroking my hair as my body adjusted to being penetrated for the very first time.  His other hand, steady and unwavering, never left mine.
  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice tinged with regret over hurting me. 

He kissed my tears away as
my body stiffened beneath him.  My legs were wrapped around his waist and my hands clutched at his thick dark hair as I gasped.  I’d never felt so full in my life, but once the initial discomfort faded, the sensation of being stretched wide wasn’t entirely unpleasant.  The base of Chris’s shaft rubbed against my engorged button every time I inhaled and it felt amazing.

Pretty soon the pain faded entirely and was replaced by a need so great that there are no words to describe it. 
Slowly, tentatively, Chris withdrew and then pushed back inside me.  “Are you alright?” he asked anxiously, his fingers seeking out the swollen nub of my clitoris.  When he touched me there, I could practically feel the electricity shoot through me.

“Yes!
” 

Satisfied that I was no longer in pain, Chr
is began to make love to me.  I moaned as his thickness slid in and out of me and his fingertip danced expertly over my most sensitive part.  My hips began to instinctively join him in a slow, sensuous dance. 

I bit my lower lip and arched my back.  Every time I involuntarily tightened up on him, Chris let out a hiss of approval.  Knowing the effect I had on him only made me hotter. 
I could feel the longing in my loins growing and growing until I just couldn’t stand it any longer. 

A cry of ecstasy filled the room and it took me a moment to realize the sound had come from me.  I threw my head back on the pillow and
pumped my hips, my thighs squeezing Chris’s midsection as my body shuddered in climax.  All I knew in that moment was pleasure.  My muscles rippled involuntarily as I rode wave after wave of pure joy, rhythmically squeezing then releasing Chris’s manhood.

Just when I thought I’d reached the apex of pleasure, his gentle yet insistent fingers drew a second, smaller explosion out of me.  I whimpered an
d pressed my body up against his, wanting to be close to him.  A flood of emotions overtook me as my body quivered and trembled in sexual satisfaction.

Chris buried his face in my neck and began to thrust into me harder and faster than ever.  His movements were less controlled now and I knew it meant he was close.  I clung to him like I was drowning and he was my lifeline.  I concentrated on squeezing my muscles down there, determined to give him as much pleasure as he’d given me.

I knew the exact moment he tipped over the edge.  He let out a grunt and thrust deep into me, as though he wanted our bodies to be one.  And for a moment, they were.  It felt like I was made for him and he was made for me.  It felt like nothing else I’d ever experienced.  All I could do was wrap my arms around him and hold on.

After it was over, neither of us spoke for a long while.

He made no move to get off of me or to pull out – which was fine by me.  I liked feeling his body pressed against mine, his manhood inside me.  It felt good.  It felt right. 

After a few minutes, Chris reached up to touch my face.  Though I’d never said a word to him, he somehow knew to avoid the side where my birthmark was.  I think he could sense how uncomfortable I became any time his fingertips or lips straye
d too close to the source of my years of emotional pain.