Love Is Louder (41 page)

Why wear something that doesn’t mean anything?

Wiping away the last of my hot tears, I slide into my car and zoom out of the garage without thinking. I don’t want to give James the chance to catch me. As I get to the red light a half of a mile from his office, my phone beeps with an incoming text that I don’t care to read because I know it’s him, but I do despite myself. With shaky hands, I pull out my phone and stare at his words and his picture that fills my screen.

James: I’m worried. Please. Let me come for you.

I’m angry with myself and disappointed in him. In a span of five minutes, James obliterated my heart and everything in my life that I thought made me whole. My heart will never be the same. Ever. Nothing he says can erase this. I don’t reply; instead, I scroll through my contacts to find someone who can fill the void in my chest.

I find Ava’s number, the only person whom I can count on at this moment. My finger hangs over the
Call
button while I debate and try to think rationally. I know James will show up at Ava’s since she is my only friend, so I immediately decide against it. Pulling over on the side of the road, I contemplate my next steps. I can stay at the local hotel, or I can drink myself into oblivion somewhere. The latter sounds like the way to go, or I could call the only other person I consider a friend. I pull his business card from my wallet and dial his number, hoping he answers calls.

It rings once.

Twice.

Just as I’m ready to hang up, I hear his smooth, familiar voice.

After serving a couple of customers Harpoon UFO’s, I snatch my ringing phone off the bar top and stare at the unfamiliar number that flashes across the screen. My brain groans at the thought of not knowing who it could be.

“Who the hell is this?” I ask aloud, glancing up at my brother who quirks a brow.

“Just answer the damn phone. If it’s not the IRS, you’re fucking good, Bro.” His mouth twitches as he wipes the scarred mahogany bar top.

“Shit.”

When the phone rings a second time, I resolve to answer it. I’m not going to live like this for much longer. I have to end this crap once and for all. If it’s her, I have to come to terms with it and move on and see what she wants.

“Hello?”

“Hi...Mason?”

I shake my head. Hearing her voice is unexpected, but a welcome reprieve from a rather shitty day. I’m more than elated that she called me, but why is she calling me after nine at night? Did she dial the wrong number? Is there something wrong?

“Hi, Brie. Are you all right?” I answer, lowering my voice.

She sniffles.

“Yes. No.” Her voice echoes with loss and confusion. “I need a friend.”

“Where are you?” I grab my keys to my truck and prepare to meet her.

“In my car. Can I come to you?”

“Yeah, are you sure you’re okay to drive?”

“Yes, I’m taking you up on your offer, if it still stands. To talk.”

“Of course.” I exhale and smile, not convinced she’s okay. “I’m at the Bull.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“Be careful,” I say to the click that hits my ear when she hangs up. It must be something important since she was so quick to hang up without waiting for my reply. I have an uneasy feeling that she’s not just here to catch up; there is something more going on. I hang up and shove the phone into my pocket. I guess I will find out soon enough.

“Who was that?” Micah pins me with a look. “I haven’t seen that expression since before....nah. It’s not even possible.” He smirks, waving his hand dismissively at my phone.

“What are you saying?”

“Forget it, man. Forget I said anything,” he says. “You have that look in your eye. There was a woman on the other end.”

I turn my face away and snatch a beer. I admit it has been awhile since a woman has made me feel this way. Brie’s a woman you want to protect, to ravish, and to love. I just wish she were free, so she could be an option, and I could experience her like I want to. I turn to my brother and raise my cold beer to my lips.

“Just a friend, needing a friend.”

“This is good. Since the custody hearing is tomorrow,” Micah points out. “Something has to put you in a good mood for a minute.”

“Thanks, jackass. I didn’t want to think about that tonight.”

“Sorry, man. It’s been weighing heavy on my mind.”

“I get it. I totally fucking get it. I’m hoping the Fosters will play nice, and Mr. Trent can sweet talk the other side.”

“Let’s hope so. In the meantime, I can’t wait to see who you were on the phone with.”

“Fuck off,” I say, wiping my hands on a towel and throwing it onto the bar.” Can you manage alone for a few minutes, asshole?”

“Sure, shithead. Go do what you got to do.”

“Thanks, man, “I answer as I round the bar and head to the men’s room.

I’m too old to feel this way. The adolescent high she makes me feel just by the sound of her voice and the nervous anticipation at the idea that I will be seeing her in a few minutes. The feeling I might have my met the woman that makes me feel again. It’s a bittersweet feeling. I found her, and I can’t have her.

I thrust open the bathroom doors and stand in front of the mirror. Bracing myself on the sink, I stare at my reflection in the mirror and see the questions in my eyes. Have I found it? Did I think I could find it? Her. She’s real in every way. I see the beginning with her, but no end. Eternity is what I want to share with her.

I turn on the faucet and splash some cold water onto my face. Maybe this is not a good idea. Nothing good can come out of this, but at the same time, I can’t stay away, and it looks like neither can she.

Exiting the restroom a few minutes later, I catch sight of her taking a seat at the bar as the Civil Wars “Dust to Dust” plays over the sound system. I steal a moment to admire her innocence, allowing my gaze to stroke her body and causing a deep ache to grow. Dropping her eyes, she focuses on something in her hand for several seconds and then locks eyes with me from across the room. She smiles, and it makes my insides tighten. I stride across the room so that seconds later I’m standing in front of her.

“Are you okay?”

She chews on her lip, and the only thing I can think about is kissing her lips.

“No.”

Neither one of us speaks for several seconds. I press my palm to her cheek, and she lifts her eyes to mine. She freezes when I touch her, a current of energy snapping between us.

“You told me you wanted to talk. You can talk to me. You don’t have to hide anything.” There’s a long silence as she looks toward the stage, wrapping her hand around a gold necklace. “What’s that?”

“It’s nothing,” she murmurs, placing it inside her purse. “It’s broken.”

“I’m sure it can be fixed.”

She stiffens automatically, and I notice conflict play across her face.

“Yes...maybe,” she answers with slow caution as she turns toward the bar. “May I have a drink?”

I reach for her wrist. Her skin is warm and soft to the touch, and it makes me wonder what her body would feel like wrapped up in my arms, her cheek against my chest, and my nose taking in the smell of her hair. I let the thought dissipate like a dream and bring my focus back to the moment.

“What’s wrong?” I brush a strand of hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear.

She looks up at my face with silent thought. “Please, may I have a drink first?” Stubbornness enters her voice, and I fight the urge to smile.

“If I get you a drink, will you tell me what’s bothering you?” I lock eyes with hers and see a glint of pain as I release her wrist. “You’re not going to leave until you tell me.”

“Promise. I told you. I came to cash in. I just need that drink.”

I can’t control myself in her presence. She steals my breath when she smiles, no matter how small. I bet over time she’d be able to steal my heart, too. I’d let her if the stars were aligned and things weren’t the way they are.

After she has a couple of drinks at the bar, I guide her to a secluded booth so we can talk. Setting her glass of wine onto the table, she slides in across from me and immediately takes a sip. I see her eyes flash with loss like a gray cloud as she twirls the wine glass under her fingers. I need to know what has her so disquieted.

“Talk to me.”

There’s a long pause before she leans forward, as if she just found her strength.

“You...you’re the first one.”

“‘The first one’ to what?” I insist softly.

“I…” Her eyes drift down to her lap and back up to mine.

“Yes?” I reach for her trembling hand. The contact is subtle, but it radiates through my entire body. “Hey, it’s okay. Whatever it is.” All I know is that whatever it is she is going to tell me is not good.

“I…” Her breath catches, and a tear falls from her eye that she quickly wipes away.”I c-caught James with another woman.”

Closing my eyes, I gulp a breath of air, as if to douse the growing fury that sparks in my blood before it gets out of control. I can’t believe that asshole, but I’m not surprised either. I sit silent for several seconds, before I open my eyes and refocus on Brie.

“Lisa?”

She flicks her eyes to mine in astonishment. I fight the urge to lean across the table and take her face in my hands and kiss her right on the spot. I have to tear my eyes away before I actually do it in front of everyone at the bar. The bar isn’t even half full, but deep down in my gut, I don’t give a shit what people say or think.

A long wave of awkward silence passes between us, and I silently beg that she’s not mad at me.

“Yes. How? How do you know?”

“I saw them.” My voice is quiet, but there is no mistaking my undertone of disgust. Disbelief passes over her face for a second, and her eyes ping pong from my eyes to my hand as she pulls hers away. It hurts to lose the connection. I lean back against the booth and exhale heavily.

“And you didn’t tell me?” she whispers.

“I didn’t know you.” I swallow roughly before speaking again. “I mean, how would it have looked if I, some guy you just met, walked up to you and told you your husband may be cheating?”

I can’t tell if she’s sad or outraged as she twirls her wedding ring on her finger.

“I understand. I’m not mad at you. This...I just never expected that he would do this to me.” Looking at her, I give her a pained smile, wanting to tell her about James and how he hasn’t changed since high school. But I can’t, because even though I dislike him, it’s not right. She’s devastated, and I wouldn’t be much of a friend if I caused her more anguish.

Brie sucks in a breath and begins to rise from the booth, staggering from the alcohol and clutching the table for support.

“I...I thought I could talk about this, but I think it’s too soon. I need to go.”

“Let me take you home.”

She grabs her purse and straightens up. “Home?” She chuckles. “I don’t have a home.”

“What are you going to do? Where are you going to stay?”

“I don’t know. A hotel...I just can’t go back right now.” She turns and staggers once more. I want to kick myself for letting her drink in her fragile emotional state.

“You can’t drive.” Rising, I clutch her elbow and wipe the lone strand of hair that feathers over her cheek.

She closes her eyes, and I brush my thumb over her warm, trembling lips. I need to taste them, but I don’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or have her think I’m taking advantage of her in her condition. She half sobs as I pull her against my chest. I don’t know her well, but it’s taking everything in her to stay composed.

“Stay with me.” The words come out before I can think, but that’s all right, because my heart’s telling me she needs her. She may not know it yet, but she does. I lift her chin so her eyes meet mine.

Her eyes dart around the room before she lifts her chin and answers, “Okay. I’ll stay with you.”

I’m being selfish, something I’m not quite used to being with anyone. I usually give up my own happiness so someone can have their own, but tonight, I want this woman with me. The fact she has agreed to stay with me shows me that she trusts me. She’s better off with me right now.

However, I have to tread carefully because I’m close, closer than I ever dreamed I would be to this woman. My emotions are starting to get riled up being around her like this. The realization echoes in my bones. I hope I have the willpower to stay away. I’m playing a very dangerous game. While I battle against this attraction, I want to feel it all over again. It’s been so damn long.