Love Me (10 page)

His fist was clenching and unclenching against his knee, as if remembering every blow. He looked down at it, staring at it as if it was somehow to blame. “I guess I had,” he murmured. “Erica and I were his real family. And he loved her so much.”

“You didn’t know,” she whispered, her heart breaking for him.

“But I should have.” He lifted his head, pinning her down with his stare. “I should have seen it. I should have known he wouldn’t touch her. He hated her. Everyone did but me. I wised up and split with Nicole a few days later, but it was too late. He was gone. I sent him away and he joined the Marines soon after our fight. I wanted to write to him so many times, but I didn’t.”

She wanted so much to hold him. Draw him against her bosom and just cradle him close, stroke his hair, soothe him. But he was still so tense. “But they’re married now,” she offered. “So it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“Maybe,” he allowed. “But it wouldn’t have happened if not for pure coincidence. He was walking down a desert road with a killer hangover and a few bruises, and she found him. Brought him home with her.
Fate
gave them a second chance. Not me.” Finally, he met her eyes. The struggle in his had been replaced by something she thought might be relief—and again that plea for understanding that she’d seen so often before. Had Nicole understood him so little? “Not everyone gets a second chance handed to them. I want to make my own. Do what I want, not what someone else wants for me.”

What someone else wants for me.
Like a family. A future together, with three children that weren’t even his own.

In that moment, she was tempted to run away again. Protect her heart from his inevitable departure. But if she did that, she’d be shutting him out of her life the same way she’d shut everyone out of her life when she’d turtled up and turned into a protective Mama Bear. So she leaned her head against his shoulder, offering the comfort of her closeness if she could give nothing else.

“Anything can be forgiven, Thomas. If they hated you, they wouldn’t talk to you at all. Do they talk to you?”

“Yeah. Of course.” He leaned into her. His warmth wrapped around her. “But I still feel guilty as hell. I love them so much.”

And I might be falling in love with you.
She bit her tongue, swallowing the words back. How could she fall in love with him when she knew their time was limited? And how could she even think about love when he constantly held himself distant from her?

Tonight had been a start, but that’s all it was. In a few days, he’d be gone. And she’d be alone. Again.

Chapter Twelve

On Thursday afternoon, creeping even closer to Thomas’s scheduled departure date from Vegas, Brianna sat beside Cody on the living room floor. His new Transformer and the instructions were spread across the carpet. Brianna squinted at the paper. Cody had earned the toy by spending Sunday helping Thomas clean out the rain gutters. When he’d first gotten it, Cody had been so excited he hadn’t even tried to transform it. It had taken a few days for the glamor to wear off, and now he wanted to make Optimus into a truck.

Unfortunately, Optimus had about six million moving parts, and the instructions were either in Chinese or Sanskrit. Or maybe it was just that it wasn’t possible within the laws of physics to turn a robot’s arm that way.

She twisted it anyway. It snapped in half. She cringed and dropped the useless thing on the floor. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“I think you turned it the wrong way.” Cody picked up the instructions and studied them. “Girls don’t get Transformers. When’s Thomas going to get here? I bet he could do it.”

She ground her teeth together. “Girls get Transformers. Girls get a lot of things boys don’t. Like how certain boys might want to watch their mouths if they ever want to see dessert again.”

He flushed and ducked his head. “Sorry, Mom.”

Brianna smiled and ruffled his hair. “It’s okay. Thomas will be here soon. He’s just taking care of a little paperwork.”

Paperwork that would finalize their business arrangement together. Brianna had been driving herself half crazy with worry. Afraid that once Thomas got her signature on the contract, their entire attempt at figuring out if they could be something would crumble at their feet. Afraid his boss would find out he’d been sleeping with their client and not only pull the contract but pursue some kind of legal action against Thomas.

Almost as afraid as she was that he would be sent back to California now that they’d finished their negotiations.

A truck engine revved outside. Cody’s head snapped up. “That’s him.”

He tumbled to his feet, grabbed the instructions, and ran for the door. Brianna followed more slowly. Cody ran across the yard to Thomas’s truck, holding up the toy and the instructions. Brianna couldn’t look away. She never thought she’d accept another man in her life, let alone with her kids. Yet here they were, Cody’s eyes bright and shining as he looked up at Thomas with utter trust.

He had to stay. She needed him to
want
to stay.

“Can you help me transform Optimus?” Cody said. “Mom can’t do it.”

“She can’t?” Thomas took the paper and studied it. “I bet she could. Your mom’s a smart businesswoman.”

“That’s true, but I can’t read Chinese,” she said.

“I’m pretty sure that’s Korean.”

“Well, then, I can’t read that, either.” She rose up on tiptoe and gave him a light kiss. “How did it go? Are we officially business partners?”

“Yes.” His arm slid around her waist, and he pulled her close. “We are.”

She wanted to ask him if he would be staying in Vegas or leaving, but the words wouldn’t form. What if he said no? What if he was leaving? Her chest squeezed tight, stealing away her ability to breathe. She didn’t want to face reality. Not yet. If nothing else, she could wait until after dinner to ask him.

He jostled her shoulder. “You in there? You’re being awfully quiet.”

“Yeah. I’m just thinking.”

His brow furrowed, and his eyes met hers. She saw the same uncertainty she felt echoed in his eyes. “About what?”

“Hello?” Cody tapped his arm. “Are you going to help me or what?”

“Oh. Yeah, of course.” Thomas ruffled the boy’s hair, but his eyes remained on her. “Come on.”

They headed up the walk. Thomas kept Brianna close, and she fell into step with him comfortably.

“Katelyn’s waiting for another tea party, too.”

“Little girls do love their tea. How’s Zach doing?”

“Still completely and utterly dedicated to hating you. I wish he was this committed to his homework.” She slipped her arm around his waist and squeezed. “He would have straight A’s.”

He tapped his fingers on his thigh as they walked. “I might have a little talk with him.”

Brianna tensed. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Last time you tried to talk to him without me, you got a black eye.” She glanced up at him. The remnants of the bruises were still there, a sickly yellow-green. “Actually, it’s still kind of there.”

He pressed his fingers to his cheekbone, wincing slightly. “Kid’s good at soccer. It doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“I think I should keep working on him. Not you.”

He tugged her to a stop. “Cody, go inside. I want to talk to your mom.”

Brianna bit down on her tongue so hard it nearly bled. What gave him the right to tell her kids what to do? But Cody was already gone, running inside with his Optimus Prime.

Brianna folded her arms over her chest and eyed Thomas. “What?”

“We’ve been over this. I need to talk to him,” he said with a sigh, then held up his hand. “I know—he’s your son. And you know your kids better than I ever could. But the problem is between Zach and me. If we don’t work it out between us, it’ll just fester.”

She shook her head. “It’s a bad idea.”

“You may be right. But I have to try, Brianna. He needs to know I’m here for the right reasons and he needs to hear it from me. I’ll risk another black eye on the off chance it’ll work.”

“What if it just makes the problem worse? And what if you make him like you, and then leave us? What then?”

He swallowed. “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed.” His hand on her shoulder was warm. “You need to trust me with this. If I’m going to be part of your life, you can’t be there to dictate every time I have to interact with your kids.”

“But will you be here? Or are you—?”

“Bree. Shhh.” He pulled her into his arms and rested his chin to the top of her head. “Now isn’t the time for this conversation. We can talk about it later.”

“Later when? I’ve been avoiding bringing it up, but it’s time. We need to stop avoiding this ax hanging over our heads.”

“I’m not avoiding it. I’m just pushing it back a bit.” He kissed the top of her head. “Trust me. Please?”

“I’m trying.” She pulled away. “I am.”

“We’re going to talk about the future.
Our
future. When we can talk freely without a kid knocking on the door.” He sighed, looking off into the distance. “Jeremy and Erica are coming to visit. And…they want to meet you.”

“They do?” She froze. If his family was coming out to visit him…did that mean he was staying? “Really?”

“Yes.” With gentle fingers, he brushed her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. “My sister wants to meet the woman who managed to tie me down to three kids. She’s even agreed to watch the kids overnight so we can have another real date. An overnight date. And we can talk all you want then.”

She’d think more on that later. But for now… “That’s a big step, meeting your family. What if they hate me?”

“Well…I met yours. It makes sense for you to meet mine.” He shrugged, just a little too diffident. “And they won’t hate you. How could they? You’re you.”

Her heart melted. “Come here, you idiot.”

She caught the front of his shirt, pulled him down, and kissed him. He nearly fell into her with a strangled sound. His arms locked around her, and he took control of the kiss with a breathless intensity that left her whimpering and clutching at him. Arousal burst through her in a hot rush. She wished they didn’t have to go inside to a G-rated, kid-safe evening. Wished she could take him upstairs.

Take him upstairs and show him how much she needed him. But maybe she could do that tonight, once everyone was in bed. They had kept their hands to themselves long enough.

When she drew back, he was breathing raggedly, looking down at her with dark, unreadable eyes that burned with an emotion she couldn’t identify—an emotion that nearly stopped her heart.

“Brianna, I—”

“Come
on
!” Cody ducked through the front door and grabbed Thomas’s hand. “Enough kissing.”

Thomas laughed. “Right. We have work to do.”

He followed Cody into the house, but not without a lingering glance for Brianna. A glance that said his thoughts were very much in line with Brianna’s. She bit back a frustrated shriek. Why did she get the feeling he’d been about to say something momentous?

Or had that just been wishful thinking?

With a groan, she followed her boys inside. “When is your sister coming?”

“Uh…tomorrow.”

“Oh God. That’s not enough time to prepare.” She’d have to call the housekeeper and have her deep clean the entire house. And dust, and Windex all of the windows. Then she would find out Erica’s favorite meal and cook it. She could top it off with Jeremy’s favorite dessert, followed by—

“I see that look on your face. Take a deep breath. And stop worrying. She’s just a lawyer. She might put you up on the stand but she won’t put you through a polygraph. And don’t worry about her Marine husband.” He flashed her an impish look. “I don’t think he knows much about waterboarding.
Much.
”

“Not. Helping.”

Thomas chuckled and sat next to Cody. She left them to their important work while she retreated to the kitchen and started on the dishes from lunch. When she put away the last glass, her gaze fell on the photo of Michael. She paused, looking up at him.

I know our life wasn’t perfect. But in the end, we were there for each other. I love you. I miss you. And I hope that, wherever you are, you can be happy for me.

For the first time, she thought he might just be. He might even approve of the changes in the household. Cody laughed from the other room, mixed with Thomas’s deep chuckle. Brianna hugged her arms to her chest and smiled up at Michael.

Yeah, he just might be happy about this after all.

…

Thomas handed Cody the transformed truck. “Here you go.”

“I knew you could do it.” Cody grabbed the truck and took off for the stairs at high speed. “Thank you, Thomas!”

“You’re welcome,” he called, but Cody was already gone, calling Katelyn’s name at the top of his lungs. Shaking his head, he rose to his feet, wiping his hands on his pants.

Zach came down the stairs with a scowl. “You’re here again? Aren’t you going back to California yet?”

“As you can see, I am not gone yet.” Thomas picked up the instructions and folded them. “How are you?”

“I
was
fine.” He looked Thomas up and down, his upper lip curled. “Not so much now.”

Thomas took a deep breath. This again. He couldn’t let this go on. “It doesn’t have to be like this, Zach. We don’t have to be enemies.”

Brianna leaned out of the kitchen. “Thomas, we need sauce for dinner. Could you run to the store and—” She froze. “Oh. Zach. Hey.”

Zach sneered. “Yeah, go get some sauce. And don’t come back.”

“Zach, knock it off.” Brianna scowled. “I’ve had enough of your—”

“If you think you’re going to chase me off, you’re wrong,” Thomas said.

Brianna shot him an incredulous look, opened her mouth, then caught his eye and closed it again.
Trust me,
he pleaded silently. After a moment, she nodded subtly and looked away. She’d give him a chance, at least. A chance to smooth the ground between himself and Zach.

Now he just hoped he wouldn’t screw it up.

If he could show her he was trustworthy enough to be with her kids, then hopefully she would say yes to him tomorrow when he laid his heart bare. Hopefully she wouldn’t laugh in his face and walk away like everyone else had in his life. He’d lived in plenty of houses over the years, but for the first time in his life…he’d found a home.

Now he just needed to be accepted into it.

Thomas returned his gaze to Zach. “You can be as nasty as you like. I’m not going anywhere. So I think you and I need to figure out what we’re going to do about that.”

“I’ll tell you what you can do. You can shove it up your—”

“Swear jar,” Cody said from the head of the stairs. He sat on the top step, hugging Optimus to his chest. “I think Thomas should move in. Then he can help me work on Optimus whenever we want.”

Zach paled. “Move in? He’s not moving in, is he? He’d better not be or I’m leaving. I’m leaving right now.”

Thomas ignored the sting of the boy’s words. “Where would you go? You’re thirteen. You might be able to stay with a friend for a few days but what happens once his parents find out your mother’s looking for you and she’s frantic and terrified? Because that’s what you’d be doing. Frightening your mother for no good reason.”

Zach snarled and looked away. “If it gets rid of you…”

“And if it doesn’t?”

“I don’t know!” Zach exploded, then sank down and sat on the bottom step. He buried his face in his hands. “I don’t know.”

Thomas let out the breath he’d been holding. He’d cracked the tough-guy shell and got down to the boy hidden underneath. That’s who he needed to talk to. “Brianna, I’m going to head out to the store. Zach is going with me, if you don’t mind.”

Please, God, let her not mind. He needed her to be on his side, or Zach would never believe he wasn’t the bad guy. Wasn’t the enemy.

Brianna nodded. “That’s fine.”

“I don’t want to go with him.” He raised his head and shot his mother a desperate look. “Mom, I’m not going with him.”

“You’ll go because I told you to.” Brianna slipped back into the kitchen, calling over her shoulder, “See you two soon. Pick out a dessert, too.”

“Thomas, can we play more when you come back?” Cody asked.

“Sure thing, kiddo.” Thomas smiled, then offered a hand to Zach. “Let’s go.”

Zach ignored his hand and thrust himself to his feet. With a seething glance, he stalked to the front door. Thomas shook his head and followed.

At least it was progress.

In the truck, they buckled up in tense silence. Zach glared mutinously out the window. Thomas waited until they were on the highway to speak.