Love Me Forever (10 page)

He glanced back when the others looked at Jen coming up behind him. His eyes lit mere seconds before he smiled. Butterflies stirred in her stomach as she forced a big smile. Her fellow employees didn’t need to know anything was amiss.

There’d be no hiding it from Matt, though. He saw straight through to her soul.

When the automatic doors closed behind them as they stepped outside, Jen said, “Do you mind if we eat in? It’s been a rollercoaster day for me. I can’t offer steak, but I’m sure I’ll have something palatable we can cook.”

We
. Now she was doing it, acting like they were a long-distance couple, not an incredibly sexy man and the loser he’d fallen for.

A frown brushed over his brow, vanishing quickly. “That sounds fine.”

“You can follow me. It’s a bit of a drive, but I take the back roads so it goes quickly.”

Quickly was a relative term when she was trapped in her car with her doubts and feelings of guilt.
Please, let me do the right thing, whatever it is
. When she parked in front of her garage and Matt pulled his rental car beside hers, she gripped the steering wheel and repeated her prayer.

Matt came around and opened her car door. “This is a nice little place. It has character. It suits you.”

Her smile was completely real. “I thought so. Picket fence, roses below the front windows. When it’s warm out, I can open the window in the living room and fill the room with their fragrance.”

Tension slipped away slowly as she led him up the walk and unlocked her door. Something in his words acknowledged her choice in buying the house. He wasn’t a threat to her self-confidence, other than the fact she’d chosen to walk away.

She turned on some lamps in the living room and powered up the CD changer, filling the room with relaxing music. After dropping her purse on a chair she asked, “Would you like to see the place?”

“Yes, I would.”

The Craftsman-style bungalow had only four rooms on the main level and two upstairs, so the tour took almost no time at all. As they came back downstairs, she continued into the kitchen. “Pull up a stool and I’ll see what I can whip up.”

Matt sat at the counter. “Don’t make it hard on yourself. We can easily still get a table somewhere if you prefer.”

Smiling, she shook her head as she set down some frozen chicken breasts. “I don’t think I could keep smiling through an entire meal in a room full of people.”

He got right to the point. “Are you uncomfortable with me being here?”

“No! No, that’s not it. I mean, I know I owe you an explanation, and that has my brain going places I don’t like to travel, but it’s not the problem tonight.” She scrubbed a pair of large potatoes a bit harder than necessary, but stopped before scrubbing off their skins. “A favorite resident is dying.”

There. She’d said it, and her voice hadn’t cracked.

“I’m sorry. That must make your job difficult.”

“Actually, no. Those people are independent for the most part, not like a nursing home. Some of them might live another ten years. It doesn’t make me sad, really, that they die. It’s saying goodbye that’s hard. Knowing I won’t see them in the dining room anymore or exchange a few words as they go out on day trips or shopping.”

She set the chicken breasts in the microwave to defrost. “I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself that my life will go on without them. Luckily I haven’t been there long enough to make many friends among the residents.”

“What a great way to work, though. Visiting your friends every day.”

“I know. It’s the best.” Jen slid a plate of carrot and celery sticks across the counter to him.

“I can see in your face how happy you are now. Even more than in Maui.”

Another chunk of weight lifted off her shoulders. His acknowledgement that the job was good for her meant one less battle she must fight.

Or did she have to fight at all? She hadn’t asked him why he came. Maybe he didn’t intend to continue their relationship. God, was her ego making assumptions that were far removed from reality?

They kept the conversation casual as she cooked, and on into the meal. Two friends catching up on life. Doubt crept into the outskirts of her thoughts. Disappointment followed.

The idea that he might be over her crossed her mind and she wanted to crawl under her chair. She set down her fork, suddenly losing her appetite. She waited until he finished speaking, then gathered her nerve. “Matt, why are you here?”

He tipped his head and took a drink from his wineglass, his eyes never leaving her. “I have some business in the area—”

“Business?”

Dabbing his mouth with his napkin, he sat back in his chair. “Yes. I was going to tell you about it after we ate. If you’d like, this weekend we can take a road trip and I’ll show you what I’ve been up to.”

Her shoulders slumped as her heart deflated. He was over her. What an idiot she was, to imagine he wanted more than a vacation fling while she’d been in Maui. Heat rose up her chest and neck, a combination of anger and embarrassment. Was he planning on another fling now?

He appeared to study her and she wondered if her thoughts were written on her face. She closed her eyes as she brought her wineglass to her lips. She couldn’t let him see the realization of how much she wanted him to want her.

“And, there is the matter between us…” His chair scraped the wood floor
.

Setting down her glass, she watched him rise.

“Can we go sit in the other room?”

“Of course, let me put the dishes—”

“I’ll help you with them later. Come.” He offered her his hand.

Leaving her plate where it sat, Jen took his hand and followed him to the couch. The music still played softly in the background. It’d grown dark outside and she wanted to close the blinds, but knew it was just another excuse not to talk.

Matt let go of her hand as they sat, turning slightly to lean into the corner of the couch. He waited until she stopped fidgeting before he spoke. “What happened in Maui?”

She swallowed, her mouth suddenly dry. Did she even have the words to explain what went through her mind in her hotel room that morning? She knew he would let her ramble until she found her way. “I panicked, I guess.”

When she didn’t continue, he repeated the word. “Panicked.”

“Yeah. That’s the only way I can explain it.” Knowing how inadequate the word was, she took a deep breath and plowed forward. “I began thinking about us. About how things were growing between us. Feelings. How perfectly we fit together.”

She wished she’d brought her wineglass, or some water. She licked her lips and searched her mind for a road sign to guide her. Finding none, she rambled on. “It was almost too good to be true.”

“So you left because it couldn’t really be that perfect?”

“No, I didn’t doubt what was between us.” A smile spread her lips and she became almost shy as she looked at him. “I know myself enough to recognize that. My thoughts started running away with me and I looked at the reality around us. The four thousand miles between us.”

He nodded, his expression bland.

Jen shifted on the couch, slipping her shoes off and curling her legs beside her. “I know long distance relationships can work for some people, but I know myself. I know I’d want more.”

“Okay. So why didn’t you wait until I got home and talk to me about it? We hadn’t discussed the future at all. What made you panic?”

Against her will, her eyes welled and she blinked to clear them. “I told you about my divorce. My marriage. What my life was like.”

“And you thought I’d begin to treat you the way that bastard did?”

Tears broke free and she wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hands. “I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking right. It hasn’t been long enough. I was afraid I’d become the old me out of habit. I’d give up my job, my house, whether you asked me to or not. Then if we didn’t work out, I’d be the one who’d have to move away. And I couldn’t do it. I had to come back where I was safe. Before I lost myself again.”

Matt closed the space between them and took her into his arms. He petted her head as she cried and cried against his shoulder, drenching his shirt. He’d wondered if her marriage had anything to do with her sudden departure. She hadn’t been divorced very long when they ran into each other.

Of course she needed time. That was one reason he hadn’t pushed the conversation toward the future. He kept them in the present, one day at a time. He’d hoped to wait until her last day in Kaanapali before broaching the subject of after her vacation.

As much as he understood why she overreacted, the pain she’d caused him still stung. She hadn’t given him the chance to tell her he cared. She’d lumped him in with her ex and assumed what Matt expected from her.

Her tears tugged at him almost as badly. They brought out the old guilt. If he hadn’t lost her number, their lives might have been so different. They might have married after college. Had kids. She wouldn’t have met the bastard who recently traded her in on a newer model.

But his what-ifs were as futile as her assumptions.

Her gasps quieted and her breathing evened out. He pushed her hair behind one ear. “Where can I find tissues?”

“On that table,” she said, pointing.

Easing her away from him, he collected the box and set it down on the coffee table, then went to the kitchen for their wineglasses. After topping off their drinks, he set the bottle down beside the tissue box
.

Jen drank some after blowing her nose, then sat back, still not looking at him. He waited, and when he decided she’d said all she was going to say, he spoke.

“I’m not going to jump on you for not waiting around to talk to me about your fears. That wouldn’t do either of us any good. You’d get defensive and I’d get cocky and we’d quit listening to each other.”

He plucked at a lock of her hair, stretching the curl. “If you aren’t working on Saturday, I’d like for us to go to Table Rock Lake and look at a building there.”

She frowned. “A building?”

“Yes. It’s on the water’s edge. There used to be a boat rental business there, before the economy sank. The price is good. I’m thinking it’s time to add to the number of my shops.”

Her eyes widened, but appeared unfocused, like the words weren’t sinking in.

“I never talked about business while you were in Kaanapali, did I? The shop at the resort there is my second. I started in Waialua with surfboards and branched out in snorkeling, adding even bigger equipment as the business grew
.
And when the resort owner ran into financial trouble, I bought him out.

“I can open shops anywhere people take to the water. There are a few lakes here in Missouri that are popular with the Jet Ski crowd. I can rent fishing boats. Lake of the Ozarks has water-skiing and wake boarding. I might even organize some tubing trips.”

He let her digest what he said, watching the light return to her eyes. Her lips twitched, her tongue tracing over them, and then she smiled
.
“It’s called floating.”

“What is?”

“Tubing. If you’re going to attract the locals you need to learn to speak like them.”
 

The urge to kiss her distracted him for a moment, but he pushed it back, fighting to remain serious. He took her hand and stroked her fingers. “Look, I can’t promise where we’ll end up, Jen
.
But I know where I’d like us to be. And I want to give us that chance.”

She met his eyes but didn’t speak.

“Opening a business in Missouri could be a great investment, whether you and I work out or not.”

She drew in a shuddering breath and he feared she would spring a leak again. He reached for the box of tissues and she pushed them away with a laugh. “I’m okay now. I think. I don’t believe I could cry if I wanted to, I’m dried up.”

Jen took a drink before continuing. “I am more sorry than I can say that I didn’t talk to you in Maui. Part of me wants to say I don’t deserve a second, or third
,
chance.”

He opened his mouth, but this time she stopped him.

“But I won’t say it. I make you this promise, Matthew Brashiers. I will try with all my heart to keep my insecurities from coming between us ever again. They are still a part of me, and I don’t know how long it will take me to get back to where I was before I married. But I’ll beat down any thoughts that doubt you.”

Leaning down, he planted a gentle kiss on her jaw, her cheek. She turned toward him, making the next one land on her lips. He moaned, sucking her lower lip between his, pressing his tongue deep into her mouth. He tasted the sweetness of the wine, and it mixed with the faint, floral scent of her perfume, increasing his hunger for her.

But he was afraid to rush her. He drew back, kissing a trail across her other cheek. He spoke between kisses. “One favor. Don’t…call…me…Matthew
.
”

He grinned down at her. “Grandmom usually had a wooden spoon in her hand when she called me that, and I knew I was going to get a whoopin’.”

She laughed. “You’re kidding.”

“Yeah, about the wooden spoon. But not about the tone of voice when she called me that.”