Love Me Tender (26 page)

“You were pretty great yourself.” With the MS part of the conversation. And, truthfully, with the other part as well. She'd been honest with Robin. It was Dave's problem that he wished Cassidy had a different philosophy of life.

She twisted her head to look up at him. “You're not so bad yourself, Dave Cousins. I'm sorry I'm such a bitch sometimes. Honestly, I don't know how I'd do this without you. And now I've dragged your whole family into it.”

“You didn't drag anyone into it.” He shook his head, impatient with her. “Jesus, woman, don't you understand that people like you? They want to help. You just need to let them in.”

“Maybe.” The word held no conviction.

He thought again of her parents. Would she tell them about her diagnosis? Or tell her brother, whom she seemed closer to? Now definitely wasn't the right time to ask.

The microwave dinged and Robin ran in, Merlin at her heels. The dog knew that, whenever he smelled popcorn, he'd get a few kernels before the butter and salt went on.

A few minutes later, they were all in the living room. Cassidy curled into one corner of the couch, Dave sat on the other side, Robin was between them with the popcorn bowl, and Merlin lay on the floor at Robin's feet. Cassidy clicked PLAY.

Immediately, Dave had a sense of déjà vu. He remembered seeing this movie when he was a little younger than Robin. His mom had played it for him and his siblings. All he remembered now was that a nun became governess to a bunch of kids and taught them to sing.

When the nuns queried, musically, how to solve a problem called Maria, Robin giggled. “I like Maria already.”

“Me too,” Cassidy said. “I'm—I was—like her. A wave on the sand . . .” Her voice faded in sadness.

Robin leaned forward to stroke Merlin, and when the nuns next asked how to solve their problem, Cassidy muttered, so quietly Dave could barely hear, “You give her MS.”

“What?” His daughter straightened.

“Nothing,” Cassidy said quickly.

Listening to the words of the song, he realized that the woman sharing the couch did make him feel much the way the nuns did about Maria. Cassidy frustrated and confused him, yet she brought joy into his world. Especially before she was diagnosed. Of course she was going through a tough time now. But once she came to terms with her disease, she wouldn't let it hold her back. She'd regain her optimistic, sparkly, will-o'-the-wisp personality. And she'd be gone.

His life would be easier. His life would be . . . less.

When it was time for her to go, he couldn't try to hold her back. As the nuns said, you couldn't hold a moonbeam in your hand. And so, over the next months, he had to be careful not to let himself get too attached. He took a handful of popcorn and moved back farther into his own corner of the couch.

As the movie progressed, he watched the two females beside him as much as he watched the screen. As Cassidy was drawn into the story, she became her old self, totally engaged and animated.

During a lightning storm, Maria distracted her charges by singing about her favorite things. A couple of verses in, Robin cried, “The wild geese! That's your tattoo!”

Cassidy smiled at her. “A wild goose flying with the moon on her wing. She's me.”

He'd always thought her tattoo was beautiful and haunting, a symbol of her desire to fly free and solo. Now he was curious to hear the full story behind it. Later, when they were alone.

When the children started to repeat the verses, Cassidy said to Robin, “How about you? What are your favorite things? Galloping Concha across a meadow filled with wildflowers?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Watching a foal take its first steps.” She glanced at Cassidy. “What are yours? Those baby sea turtles? Rafting in the Grand Canyon?”

“For sure.”

“Picking wild strawberries.”

“The scent of a wild rose. Is anything more perfect than that?”

“Making my baby brother smile.”

“Oh, that's a good one,” Cassidy said.

And Dave thought:
This
.
This
was a good one. Having the two of them beside him, lighthearted and having fun.

Cassidy knew her singing voice was pretty awful, but who cared when she and Robin were having such fun, singing along to “Do-Re-Mi,” then trying to yodel to “The Lonely Goatherd”?

The first time she saw
The Sound of Music
, she was a year or two younger than Dave's daughter, and she and her brother had sung along too. They'd been staying with Gramps. Luis was living in France with his girlfriend and Justine had gone on a skiing trip with the guy she was dating.

Parents sure came in different flavors. She and JJ had got the self-absorbed kind. Robin's parents had divorced too, and no doubt there'd been some difficult times, but Dave and Jess obviously still cared for each other and supported each other. More importantly, they'd always ensured that their daughter knew they loved her and put her first.

Gramps had done that. With his daughter, Justine, and with Cassidy and JJ. If he hadn't died when she was fifteen, Cassidy probably wouldn't have rushed off to Europe as soon as she graduated. What would she have done? She'd been so driven to get away from her shitty life at home, she'd never considered an alternative other than escape.

A rich voice drew her from her musings. The abbess was singing “Climb Every Mountain.” It sent shivers up and down Cassidy's spine. Wasn't that what everyone wanted? To find a dream that would last all your life, and to follow it?

But it had to be a realistic one. Her own dream had been to explore the world and enjoy life to the fullest, and that was exactly what she'd done for ten years. Now, she hadn't the faintest idea what restrictions MS might put on that dream.

And somehow, as she lounged here with Dave and Robin, a life of moving from place to place, from one set of strangers to another, no longer seemed so full. In fact, it seemed a little . . . hollow.

On screen, the abbess was chastising Maria for having run away from her feelings for Captain von Trapp. She told Maria she must face her problems and live the life she was born to live. Everyone had a different dream, a different life. Cassidy realized that what the abbess was really saying was that the most powerful dreams were about a deep, loving commitment—whether to a god or to another human being.

Love. What did Cassidy know about love?

Gramps had loved her absolutely. For her and JJ, he'd have moved mountains. She didn't doubt that her parents loved her and her brother, but it was always secondary to their passion for each other.

Gramps had died; her parents were almost strangers. The only other person she'd ever loved, her brother, was a near-stranger too. Justine and Luis always put themselves first, and, it dawned on Cassidy, that was what she'd done with JJ. Once, they'd been best friends, but she'd run out on him in their teens. Ever since then, she'd kept to the fringes of his life.

Now, that felt wrong. She needed to see if the bond between them could be restored.

With that resolved, she focused again on the movie in time to see the Captain and Maria confess their love for each other. She kept her attention on the screen until the von Trapp family hiked to freedom and the movie ended.

Robin said, “Yay! They all lived happily ever after.”

Cassidy stood and stretched. “They did. And I know that they eventually made it back to their home in Austria.”

“Oh yeah?” Dave teased, sprawling at his end of the couch. “You mean they didn't travel through Switzerland, then on to, oh, maybe the south of France, then perhaps Greece, because there were so many exciting places to see?”

She rolled her eyes. “Ha ha.”

Gazing up at her he said, “It strikes me as odd that one of your favorite movies is about a family and the home that means so much to them.”

“Different people have different dreams.” Sensible people chose dreams they could realistically achieve.

Robin bounced to her feet and hugged Cassidy. “It was a cool movie. Thanks for bringing it.”

Cassidy hugged her back. “I'm glad you liked it. And now I need to get home.”

“I'll give you a ride,” Dave said, rising with the hugely appealing athletic grace that characterized all his movements.

This time she wouldn't snap about him being overprotective, but appreciate the thought behind it. “Thanks, but I feel good. Honestly. I'll enjoy the fresh air and the stretch.”

“Oh my gosh,” Robin said. “I forgot you were sick, Cassidy. How do you feel?”

“Just fine,” she assured the girl gently. “You don't have to treat me with kid gloves.” She glanced at Dave. “Neither of you do.”

“How about this?” he said. “We'll try not to do that if you'll tell us when you're tired or not feeling well rather than tough it out and pretend to be okay.”

She wrinkled her nose.

He said, “Yeah, that'll be hard, right? Well, it's hard for Rob and me not to fuss over you. But we'll try.” He gave her a pointed look.

Compromise. The two of them were learning. “Okay, I'll try too.”

When Robin had taken the popcorn bowl to the kitchen, Cassidy said quietly to Dave, “The movie reminded me of my brother. I'm going to call him.”

A slow smile lit his face. “I'm glad.”

Whenever she was near Dave, something about him tugged at her, making her want to move close and touch him. It wasn't only sexual. A brush of hands, a caress of sock-clad foot against sock-clad foot on the coffee table, things like that could be enough.

His daughter came back, dangling Merlin's leash, which brought the dog to his feet. “Merlin needs to go out. We can all walk you home, Cassidy.”

“Rob, you need to go to bed,” Dave said.

“Aw, Dad, it's Saturday.”

“Okay, maybe this once. But we should ask Cassidy if that's okay with her. Maybe she'd like to be alone.”

Happy that he was learning to respect her boundaries, she said, “I'd enjoy your company.”

“Yay!”

Outside on the street, Robin and Merlin jogged ahead. Dave clasped Cassidy's hand and she squeezed his. She breathed deeply, enjoying the crisp autumn air, the starry night sky. The bar at the Wild Rose was still lively, as was another down the street, but other than that the town was quiet, the streets almost deserted. So different from a big-city Saturday night.

Dave said, “Tell me more about your wild goose tattoo.”

Robin was probably out of earshot; still, Cassidy lowered her voice. “As a kid, I loved watching the wild geese. I thought how lucky they were to be able to pick up whenever they wanted and fly wherever they wanted to go. When things at home weren't great, I wished I was a Canada goose. That line from the song stuck with me. So beautiful, and symbolic of freedom.”

“When did you get the tattoo done?”

“Just after I turned eighteen.”

“When you were in Europe after high school?”

“Yeah. I went to Greece to visit Justine, but she was all wrapped up in her boyfriend, who I didn't get along with.”

“Sounds rough.”

She shrugged. “Whatever. Anyhow, I had my birthday and both my parents gave me money as their present. Right after, I took off on my own to travel around Europe. The first thing I did was hitchhike to Amsterdam and get this tattoo. It was my way of saying I was a grown-up, free to live my own life in my own way.”

“Wild geese usually travel in flocks,” he commented.

“Not this one. I like my independence.”

For a few minutes, they followed the girl and dog in silence, then Dave said, “By the way, I have to go to the Okanagan next Wednesday and Thursday to meet with suppliers. It's a four-hour drive, so it'd be easiest to stay overnight.”

“Do you need me to do anything? Robin will be at Jess and Evan's?”

“Yes. As for the inn . . .”

She bumped her shoulder against his. “This is why you have an assistant manager.”

“Call me if you have any problems, and I can drive back. Sam could help out too, if needed. I wish I didn't have to go, but—”

“Dave, stop. Or I'll think you don't have confidence in me.”

“It's not that. But who knows what could happen with your MS, or side effects from the meds. And you're supposed to reduce your stress level. I feel bad about dumping this on you. Actually, on second thought, I should postpone—”

“Stop!” This time she punched his shoulder. Not lightly. “Stop now, or I'm going to get pissed off.” Her job was one of the few things, these days, that made her feel like she was in control. If he chipped away at that, her self-esteem would crumble even further.

“How about this? If you're feeling okay on Tuesday, I'll go. If you're not, I'll postpone.”

As if Tuesday was any indication of how she'd feel on Wednesday. He had read the same MS information she had, and should know that. She wasn't going to remind him.

When they reached Ms. Haldenby's house, it was dark except for a light upstairs in her bedroom. Ms. H loved to take a mug of hot chocolate to bed and finish the night with a chapter of a novel.

Cassidy gave Robin a good-night hug, Merlin a pat, and Dave a lingering kiss on the cheek.

As she stepped through her door, she thought about her brother. He'd always been a night owl. There was no excuse not to call right now, and if she put it off she might lose her courage.

She pulled out the sofa bed, propped herself on pillows, and scrolled her phone to the rarely used number. “Hey, JJ. Is this a bad time? If I'm interrupting—”

“Cass? Hey, it's nice to hear your voice. No, this is good. Mags and I were just vegging in front of the TV. Hang on.”

She heard him say, “Honey, could you set it to record? It's my sister.” Then she heard Mags say, “Tell her hi from me.”

When he came back on the line, Cassidy said, “Say hi from me too.”

“Sure. So, what's up?”

They never called each other to chat, only when there was important news to convey. It hit Cassidy that she missed the way they'd chattered to each other as kids. “I watched
The Sound of Music
tonight. D'you remember watching it with Gramps?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess.” He chuckled. “That's the one where we tried to yodel, right?”

“That's it. We were pretty awful. I don't know how Gramps put up with us.”

“He was a good guy.” A pause. “I still miss him.”

“Me too.”

“When Mags and I have kids, that's the kind of dad I want to be.”

“Gramps is the perfect role model.” Just like Dave. “I hope things work out for you this time, little brother.” JJ deserved to beat the odds and finally find—or create—a happy family.

“They will. Mags is smarter than me. When I screw up, she whips me into shape.”

In the background, Cassidy heard his fiancée say, “JJ! She'll think I'm some kind of sergeant major. Or a dominatrix.”

“Not that there's anything wrong with either of those things,” Cassidy told her brother, tongue in cheek.

He laughed again. “Sis, it's good to hear your voice.”

“You already said that.”

“Yeah, but you're still on the line. Usually, we say about two sentences, then hang up.”

“True.” She took a breath. “I've been a crappy sister and I want to apologize.”

“Huh? You mean for not being in touch more often?”

“Well, yeah, but more for walking out on you when you were fifteen. For going off to Europe and leaving you with Luis. And for never really being there since then. Which was mostly because I felt guilty for skipping out.”

“Jeez, Cass, it's not like I was a little kid. I could look after myself and I had friends to hang with. Besides, Luis wasn't all that bad.”

“When he was around, which wasn't often.”

“True, but what teenage boy wants his dad around all the time? We did okay. And I knew you needed to get out. When Gramps died, you were kind of . . . well, I don't know what you were, but definitely not happy.”

“No. Not happy. Thanks for understanding. But I didn't exactly do the responsible thing.”

He snorted. “I was Justine and Luis's kid, not yours.
Their
responsibility, not that they seemed to notice. Cass, let it go. I never blamed you, so get over blaming yourself.”

That easily, he'd absolved her of guilt. Why hadn't she apologized years ago? Feeling like a weight had lifted, she said, “
You
will be a wonderful, responsible, loving father.” She really, really hoped that he and Mags turned out to be like so many of the couples in Caribou Crossing. “Hey, have you two ever thought of moving to the Cariboo?”

“What? You mean, where you are? You're not actually thinking of staying in one place?”

“No, of course not. Sorry, that's not what I meant. It's just, there seems to be some magic dust in the air here, and a lot of marriages actually work out.”

“Huh. I've always had a secret yen to be a cowboy.”

“You did! You had that cute little cowboy outfit and the toy six-shooter! I'd completely forgotten.”

“We don't exactly dwell on childhood memories, do we? It's funny, but now that I'm older, more distanced from the bad stuff, it's kind of nice to remember yodeling in front of the TV, and pretending I was the Lone Ranger.”

“You know what, Lone Ranger? You and Mags should come visit sometime. We'll get you up on a real live horse and see how you do.”

“Who's
we
, and I thought you said you weren't staying. I'm confused.”