Love on the Ledge (10 page)

“I have lots of friends at the medical centers on Long Island,” Xandro says. “I could get you through the door.”

I’m reminded of the way Bradley liked to show off his connections about everything—from his dad’s practice to City Hall to his friend of a friend who knows one of the million Arab Emirate princes.

I take the empty seat beside Hayden. He clinks his beer to mine.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey.”

I don’t let go of his gaze as we both drink from our beers. Something about Hayden makes me want to smile forever.

“Whose house is this?” Leti asks.

“Ours,” one of the guys says. His name is Jacob and he’s married to the girl with the Rapunzel hair. “It used to be my parents’. They were lawyers. I almost became one, too, but then Suzy here introduced me to beer making. That’s our beer you’re drinking.”

“It’s really good,” I say honestly. “I love beer.”

“I don’t really drink,” Maria says, sipping on the mouth of the glass.

Leti and I exchange the same annoyed look.

“That’s amazing that you guys have this operation,” I tell Suzy. They’re so young and free. She looks up at him and his eyes radiate with love. It’s nice to know that there are still people out there who make it work.

“Before me, Jake drank nothing but Corona Light, bless his heart. I was making moonshine with my dad since I could walk. It’s a different life, but it’s fun. You have to do what you love, you know.”

“I wish I’d grown up with that kind of thinking,” I say. “Or had been a little bit more rebellious like this one over here.”

Leti takes a bow and grabs another of the sweet lagers.

“There’s nothing wrong with the way you grew up,” Maria says. “Our mothers worked hard. We had everything.”

“I know that,” I say defensively. “But it would have been nice if, instead of forcing me to go to nursing school, my mom would have let me do what I liked. Look at Elena. She’s such a fantastic artist, and she’s miserable trying to become an accountant.”

Elena sighs. She knows it’s a losing battle and the sad part is that she doesn’t even try. “Art doesn’t pay the bills.”

“What would you do differently?” Maria asks. “What’s this passion that you have that makes you so resentful of your mother?”

One of the guys around the fire makes a cat noise.

“I think we’ve talked enough about me for one night,” I say. “Who wants to go for a swim?”

The waves aren’t that hard, and I really just want to get away from them all.

I stand, but Xandro’s hand grabs my wrist. “You shouldn’t. It’s cold and dark.”

“I won’t go far.” I pull away from him.

“I’m coming, too!” Elena shouts.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun,” Suzy says, taking off her sweater.

I pull my shirt over my head, and everyone gets down to their underwear. I jump in first, diving headfirst into a wave. The force of it pushes me back hard. It flips me over, and for a moment, I let myself float in the deep, dark of the ocean.

This is what it takes to be alone, I think. Diving into the sea. When I can’t hold my breath anymore, I break the surface.

A blond head is swimming towards me. “Sky, come back. You’re going too far.”

“You scared?”

I lick the salt water from my lips. I can’t touch the sand. That’s my favorite feeling, floating in water. I grab him by his shoulders and he secures a hand around my waist.

He laughs. “I’m scared you’re going to turn into a mermaid and swim away.”

I push off him and dive back. I
am
a mermaid. I let my body float on the water. From here, there is nothing but open night sky and brilliant stars. Hayden’s warm hand grabs me by my ankle, like my anchor.

“I have to apologize to your friends for my cousin,” I say. “I don’t know what it is. Every chance she gets she just digs into me.”

“I’d say she’s jealous.”

“Jealous? She’s just holier-than-thou. She’s so self-righteous, I don’t know why she didn’t become a nun like she originally planned to.”

Hayden’s laugh fills the whole sky. Elena screams as her sister chases her along the beach. Maria is standing at the shore, probably watching us. The glow-in-the-dark ball zooms back and forth between fists. It’s a pretty perfect night.

“I know what it’s like to do something just because your parents want you to. But you, Sky, you still have a choice. You show your freedom by taking time off. You show it in giving yourself the chance to start over.”

“I didn’t think of it that way.”

“And you don’t have to apologize to my friends. None of us are strangers to crazy families. Half of Jacob’s is in his house right now. Believe me, you’re perfect.”

I rest my hands behind my head. He lets go of my foot and puts a hand on my back. It reminds me of my first swimming lesson. Bradley made me float while he stood in the pool and placed his hands under my back.
“Relax, don’t you trust me?”

I don’t remember if I answered, but I did as he told me to. And he let me go, so I sank and then splashed around.
“Oh, come on, it’s just a joke, baby. Don’t be mad.”

I wasn’t mad. That’s the worst part. I smiled and I kissed him. Everything he did, even when he was being mean, I still felt the compulsion to kiss him.

Now, Hayden doesn’t ask me to trust him. He holds onto me because he doesn’t trust me not to swim away. I bob in the water and stretch my arms out.

“This is perfect,” I say.

Hayden doesn’t smile. He looks as torn as my heart feels. His finger touches my cheek and I swear it banishes the cold. He wets his lips.

“Sky.”

I’m about to say his name. I’m about to say fuck it, to our being friends arrangement. I don’t know where I’m going to be at the end of the summer, and I don’t know what I want from him. At this moment, I don’t care if our hearts get tangled and messy. I don’t care that my family and Xandro are watching, or that I’ll have to answer for the impulse of this moment.

I don’t care.

I just want to taste the salt on his lips.

I put my arms around his neck and pull him closer. He comes easily, meeting my lips with his. I’ve imagined this from the moment I met him. I imagined kissing him as he lay there, fallen from the sky. I imagined kissing him when he handed me that seashell. I’ve imagined kissing him in every daydream. But kissing Hayden now is more wonderful than anything I dreamt up. He kisses with a confidence that tells me this is the right thing to do. He kisses like he’s dreamt of me, too.

He secures an arm around me, and pulls me out of the water and against his chest. I wrap my legs around his waist, my anchor in the still, dark sea. I feel a part of me float away. It’s the part that’s stopped me from doing this sooner. Something that’s been too afraid to let go, but now, in the freedom of the night sea, it finally can. And in its place is Hayden.

Hayden. Now I can admit that I’ve wanted him from the beginning. Now I can let myself go and have him.

His lips are so warm, while the rest of our bodies shiver in the cool air. I want his lips to banish the cold from me. I pull back to catch my breath even though I wouldn’t mind drowning with his mouth against mine. He’s smiling. Of course he’s smiling. It’s a beautiful thing. He traces a wet thumb across my cheekbone.

“Sky,” he says. I’ll never get tired of my name on his lips.

But then someone screams our names. I jolt up, splashing. In the dark of the night, we don’t see the wave—we just feel the force of it crash over our heads.

I don’t have a chance to hold my breath. I breathe in saltwater. I thrash to get to the surface, but the wave presses over my head. I tumble once, twice in the dark. Something hits my head.

Then, his hand is wrapped around mine. He pulls me up, and I choke and cough and try to get some air. Hayden secures a hand around my waist and drags me to the sand.

“I know CPR,” Xandro says, running over to us.

I hold my hands up and cough until my throat is raw so I can breathe properly. Hayden puts his hoodie around my shoulders while a chorus of concern rains down on me.

“I’m fine, guys,” I say, voice hoarse. Hayden holds out his hand to help me stand, but Xandro swats it away.

“You’ve done enough,” Xandro says.

“Whoa,” I say. “Hold on a minute, Hayden didn’t do anything.”

“You let her go out there even though it wasn’t safe,” he says.

“I
let
her?” Hayden says. I realize this is the first time I’ve seen him not smile since the day I met him, and he had just fallen through a roof.

River and Leti come to my side. Suzy runs inside to get a blanket. How did everything turn so ugly so quickly?

I put my hands between Xandro and Hayden. “Back off, both of you. Nothing is Hayden’s fault. If you’re going to blame someone, blame the ocean. He’s the one that pulled me out. I’m the one who wanted to swim. You got that?
I
wanted to swim.”

“Typical,” Maria mutters.

Suddenly, I’m too tired to argue. I let River pull me towards the fire and Suzy wrap a thick wool blanket around me.

“We’re going,” Xandro says. Elena and Juliet put their clothes back on and shiver with their hands close to the fire. They complain, but Maria quiets them with a single glare. “Sky?”

“I’m fine,” I say. “I’m going with River.”

“Don’t be silly, Sky. You’re going to catch a cold.”

“Somehow,” I say, smiling. “I think I’ll manage to take care of myself.”

When they leave, the air gets a little lighter. Everyone still dotes on me. Jacob makes me a hot toddy with Suzy’s family whiskey.

“Are you sure this won’t make me go blind?” I ask him, grateful for the warm cup. The air isn’t that cold, and the fire is almost as tall as I am, but the wave felt like it was trying to dig into my bones.

“That’s moonshine,” Suzy corrects me. “And you’ll be fine.”

Hayden doesn’t come back to the fire. He plays volleyball and then stands at the shoreline. Now that they know I’m not in any danger, River and Leti challenge the boys to a game of “let’s chase each other and make out.” At least, that’s what it looks like from here.

When Jacob goes into the house to make sure his friends aren’t breaking anything, Suzy sits next to me.

“I’m really sorry about tonight,” I tell her.

“Don’t be!” She tucks her hair behind her ear. “It’s just nice to have people around. No one visits us in the winter, except for Hayden. He’s a really good friend.”

That makes me smile. “I’m starting to see that.”

“I’ve never seen him get so upset. He hates bossy men. Considering his relationship with his dad, I’m not surprised.”

“Oh, I’ve seen it,” I say, thinking about the way the old man seemed more concerned with losing a job prospect than his own son being hurt.

“I can tell you one thing,” Suzy says. “I’ve known Hayden since I moved up here from Tennessee. He’s fiercely loyal. There’s not a malicious bone in that boy’s body. He’s eager to love, even if it means getting hurt.”

“He told me he wants to be friends.”

She shakes her head. “I said he was loyal, not smart. Not always. He just wants to be with you, Sky. I knew about you the second he got home from work after his little accident. And there was nothing in that kiss you two shared that said you’re just friends.”

It’s weird when a stranger admits they know so much about you, but I like Suzy. Her accent is sweet-sounding, or maybe it’s the whiskey.

“Why are you still sitting with me, girl? Go talk to that boy.”

And I do. I guess all I need is a little push from a stranger to do something that feels entirely natural. Why is that?

I take his hand. He doesn’t seem surprised. He looks down at me and smiles. The waves are tempestuous now. There’s a bright white light at the end of the beach that makes me feel like I’m walking in a dream.

“Thanks for saving me,” I say.

“Sky,” he says, half smiling, half shaking his head. “You scared me. I could feel you getting pulled out of my hand.”

“Well, the ocean got a taste of me and spit me back out.”

He tucks my hair behind my ear and zips my/his hoodie up to the top, leaning in real close. “I doubt that. You taste amazing.”

Fire. I close my eyes and think of the fire that lights inside of me.

“Friends don’t say that to friends,” I remind him. But I suppose we never had a chance. Not really. “They don’t kiss either.”

“That’s very true. But before the wave crashed over us, I was going to kiss you until the tide pulled out.”

His confident smile knows that I’m not going to correct him. Still, the moment is gone, and the idea of all the repercussions of my impulses come to the forefront of my mind.

“I think I’m still concussed,” I say. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He laughs, and the warmth of it makes me want to bury myself in his arms. The only thing that’s stopping me is me. I know that.

“We have to go,” I say. “But I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Actually, tomorrow’s Sunday.”

“You could still come over. You don’t have to do any work.”

“I have an idea. But we have to wait till it’s dark out.”

When he tucks my stubborn hair back one more time, I take his hand and hold it.

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“It’ll be a surprise,” he says, smiling wide and bright and just for me. He leans his head down and lets his face linger in front of mine. He’s waiting for me to decide what I want. He’s giving me space. He presses a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Don’t worry. We won’t go far.”

The closer the wedding gets, the more deliveries arrive. Because everyone in the house is too busy filing their nails or roaming the Hampton shops and beaches, and because the grooms are equal workaholics, I sign for another package.

Dozens and dozens of boxes of alcohol. Leti is the only one who will get off her ass and help me take inventory. We have a giant walk-in fridge where the white wine and champagne boxes go.

Leti takes a bottle of the bubbly as payment for her services, and I take one to the newly converted office and former pool house. Half-naked mannequin bust-forms make me feel like I’m walking through a fairytale where all the women have gone bald and are frozen, but still wear their best dresses.