Love or Money? (2 page)

“
Please don’t tell me you’re still hooked on the name Paris for a boy?” Felicity asked with distaste.

“
No.” Zara replied shaking her head. “Steve said he doesn’t like the French and so he won’t be naming his baby after them. It’s between either Rory or Layton now.” 

Felicity almost cringed at the naivet
y of the comment. Steve, a self-taught builder, had never been as far as the port of Dover, let alone France. How he could judge an entire nation of people without knowing or visiting them was beyond comprehension. She let the comment slip by her, not wanting to have to give opinions on the suggested names. She was sure that Zara would be offended if she heard her thoughts.

 
Zara picked up her bag and rummaged through its contents, picking out a crumpled magazine page and passing it to Felicity.

“
Have a look at this, tell me what you think. Do you like the colours? We were thinking that it would be nice to do this nursery a bit differently. You know; jazz it up a bit” Zara said, watching as Felicity eyed the article in front of her.

“
Zara, it’s awful. You cannot paint a baby’s room in jungle colours, and those stick on plastic animal things are tacky”, Felicity said turning up her nose.  Zara’s small semi-detached house was already awash with clashing bright colours and clutter. To think of painting a nursery in cheap, murky green and brown tones would be the icing on the cake.  An idea struck Felicity and she looked up with a smile.

“
What?” Zara questioned hesitantly. “You’ve just rubbished my idea and now you’re smiling at me like a Cheshire cat?”

“
Let me hire you an interior designer for the nursery, as my gift to the baby. It wouldn’t have to be their ideas; it would be your ideas but their creation. What do you think?” Felicity asked excitedly.

Zara smiled, careful
ly choosing her words as she responded. “Wow Fee, that’s such a lovely gesture. I couldn’t expect that of you though - it’s far too much. Plus the baby will be toddling before long and then it will no doubt be ruined with crayons and dirt.” 

Zara tried to keep her voice light-hearted as she chuckled at her own comment. She didn’t want to hurt Felicity’s feelings
, but the thought of watching her shell out fortunes for someone to decorate a nursery, when Zara could barely afford to buy the children their favourite sweets, wasn’t something she could justify. She knew that Fee was only trying to help, but frankly, half a dozen packs of nappies as a gift would have been more beneficial to her.

“
So you don’t want it then, is what you’re trying to say?” Felicity asked, a trace of hurt in her tone.

“
Please don’t be disappointed Fee - I just don’t want you wasting money on things that aren’t of value. How about you come and help me to paint the nursery instead? You can choose the colour with me?” Zara suggested, knowing full well that Felicity would prefer to jump off a cliff that lift a paintbrush.

Watch
ing Fee´s despondent shrug, she sighed and reached out her arm to hug her friend’s waist. She didn’t like turning her down, especially when she knew her friend’s intentions were good hearted. But someone had to rein in Felicity’s destructive behaviour. It had been going on for far too long.

Chapter Three

Glenda carefully pressed the hot iron against the delicate silky fabric. She wondered how a task so simple could make her feel fraught with nerves. Yet it wasn’t any pile of ironing she was working her way through; it was Felicity’s. That meant a whole different approach.

The iron sputtered brown water onto the blue fabric, leaving a dirty trail.
“Oh dearie me” Glenda huffed, trying cautiously to rub the mark from the blouse with her finger.  The stain refused to budge. Taking the blouse she threw it back into the washing basket in Fee’s store cupboard. It would have to be washed again. Besides, she’d done enough ironing for one day, she still had the windows to polish.

Busying herself with tidying away the ironing board, she stopped short suddenly, hearing the creaking of the cottage gate hinges.

“Whoever could that be?” Glenda asked aloud to herself, walking across to the hallway window to peer out.

Glenda watched with fascination as Felicity’s blonde hair glittered in the sunshine whilst she tottered in ridiculously high heels down the pathway towards the street door.
 

Why was her daughter home so early? Had something awful happened at work? She opened the door as Felicity unzipped her handbag in order to retrieve her keys.

“Hello, love, you’re home early” Glenda’s concern spilled out of her as she looked worriedly into Felicity’s face. “Everything ok?”

Felicity rolled her eyes. She’d completely forgotten that her mother was going to be doing her cleaning round. Much to her disappointment it seemed that Glenda was even more anxious than usual.

“Hi, Glenda” she said with a tight smile, pushing past her mother and walking into her home. She immediately noticed that Dan’s disarray had been eradicated and her immaculate standards were once again installed. Her mother had certainly been busy - every surface gleamed. 

“
Place looks nice, back to its former glory” she said approvingly. Glenda hovered behind her, waiting to take her coat to hang it up.

“
Yes, well, I thought I had better make up for my mistake of giving Dan the keys” she said carefully, avoiding her daughters eyes.

Glenda had been more than upset at Felicity’s reaction to her decision to help out Dan. She didn’t understand why her daughter couldn’t be the least bit compassionate towards him. He was such a lovely person and clearly had feelings towards her. Fee hadn’t been brought up with bad manners. She’d always been one to help out others in times of need as a child. When had her giving and beautiful daughter become so cold and distant?
 

Felicity shrugged off her coat into her mother’s arms and set down her bag.
  “Look Glenda, I’d prefer not to go over things again. Dan is a nice man, but he’s not for me and you should know that by now. Anyway, you’re probably wondering why I’m home so early; Maurice is out of the office and I met Zara for lunch, so I thought I might as well work from home for the rest of the day.” Felicity tried to keep her tone even but her mother’s anxiety and nervous disposition never failed to irritate her.

Glenda let out a breath of relief. At least Felicity’s work situation was ok. She couldn’t imagine what would happen if her daughter’s career was ever in jeopardy. Fee lived and breathed Maurice and the company. It wasn’t natural, in Glenda’s opinion, to be so wrapped up in a job. But Fee had accomplished so much through her hard work; she could even afford to have organic produce! Glenda would have to work three times over to afford such luxury. It just saddened her deeply that such a strong young woman wouldn’t entertain the idea of a long term relationship. Ever since James, Fee’s attitude towards men had changed.
  Glenda had long given up hope of her only offspring giving her a grandchild. It just wasn’t to be.

“
So how’s things with Zara?” she asked following Felicity through to the kitchen. 

Felicity opened the fridge, taking out a half-full bottle of wine.
“She’s gained so much weight with this baby. I’m surprised, I would have thought she’d lose weight with the extra stress of a fourth child on the way and Steve being his usual useless self.”  

Glenda frowned; Fee was always so bitter towards Steve and she couldn’t understand why. He was a hardworking father figure and he adored Zara.
  Both she and the kids were his life. He’d never had a bad word to say about Felicity and yet Fee couldn’t bring herself to ever be complimentary towards him. Glenda knew better than to jump to Steve’s defence. Felicity wasn’t one to back down and she didn’t want any more fallings out.  She was already taking four different types of pills for her anxiety. The last thing she needed was another panic attack; Felicity knew nothing of her worsening nervous state and she wanted to keep it that way.

“
Well, I saw her at the weekend and looks to me like she’s carrying more at the front; they do say that means a girl. Although I have a feeling she would like a boy this time” Glenda said tactfully, avoiding Felicity’s comment.

“
Hmm, well I guess whatever she has is unlikely to be the last one.  Personally I think it should be - they can hardly afford to feed and clothe the three kids they already have, let alone another one. Zara is a silly woman to think more kids is the answer to her woes. It’s ridiculous.” Felicity seated herself at the dining table and looked up, catching her mother’s shocked expression.

“
Love, you shouldn’t talk like that” Glenda chastised softly. “Those children are her world. She has been blessed with a lovely little family and her woes are no more than the next person’s. You shouldn’t judge when you haven’t got children yourself.” 

Felicity didn’t expect the lump to form in her throat as quickly as it did, nor did she expect her heart to skip a beat so suddenly. James, it was all his fault. His fault for ruining her life.
  She took a large gulp of her wine, hoping to push away the uncomfortable ball of energy that had wedged itself in her windpipe. She couldn’t let her mother see her cry. She was strong, not a weak emotional wreck.  No one ever saw her shed tears, except for Dan. But that had been one time only. She wouldn’t be repeating it again. Especially now, since he wouldn’t be in her life anymore.  The lump seemed to double in size as the realisation sank in. She squeezed her eyes closed, hoping to stop the onset of the tears forming behind her eyelids.

“Are you okay, love?”
Glenda asked concerned, watching as Felicity sank her head into her hands and covered her eyes. 

“
I’m fine, just got a sharp migraine all of a sudden. I think I’ll go and have a lie down. I’ve got so much work to do later and you need space to get on and finish what you’ve got to do here” Felicity lied, rapidly getting up from the table and pushing past her mother.

“Right, I see...”
Glenda began, eyeing her daughter curiously as she dashed from the room and into the hallway.  

What on earth had just happened? It wasn’t often that she heard Felicity complain of illness or headache, not to mention the look of sorrow that had passed briefly across her daughter’s face. But what could she do? Fee had continuously pushed her away in recent years and she didn’t know how to begin to rebuild a strong relationship once again. It was best to leave Fee to it. Give her the space she needed and hope that she’d soon see sense.

Felicity didn’t know how long she’d been lying staring at the ceiling but she heard her mother gently call out goodbye and then close the cottage door behind her.
  Her head felt heavy with confusion as she slipped on her house shoes and pattered into the hallway, welcoming the silence and aloneness that greeted her.  So much for a productive afternoon working from home. She’d spent a listless hour feeling sorry for herself and trying to push away old memories, gently sobbing into a cushion so that her mother wouldn’t hear.  

She had been so happy in recent years, working her way up to being Maurice’s sole second-in-command. It had been so rewarding buying the cottage and renovating it gradually from something old and decrepit into a home worthy of being featured in a magazine. Yet that project had long since finished. Aside from a constant stream of long work days, schmoozing clients and the odd date, her life was pretty empty.
  The friendship circle that had once played such a big part of her life, had gradually whittled away and now Zara was the only person she had regular contact with. When had she become so isolated? Dan had filled any extra time she had with stolen moments of pleasure. Yet now he was gone, she would be forced once again to make more effort with meeting new potentials. 

Sometimes she wondered if she was a paradox of herself; the successful and ambitious men that Maurice regularly introduced her to through work, were at first both appealing and exciting. Yet on nearly all occasions, getting to know them better proved them to be spineless and selfish. They seemed to only be concerned about their own careers and finances, their egos their main driving force. What room did that leave for a relationship? She wasn’t someone who would happily support them in their ventures without having that same need herself. But deep down, she knew these men found her a threat. She was too independent and intelligent. What man wanted a woman he couldn’t control or impress? The alternative though, was to be with someone like Dan. But how could she find it within herself to respect someone who earned half the amount of her monthly wages and was happy with doing something so lowly? He didn’t even own his own property! Not to mention had any intention of expanding his business...

Why then, did she feel she had lost the only good thing within her life?

Felicity knew she needed to make changes, but where to begin was an issue. How did one go about changing their life for the better? More importantly, what did she even want for her future?

Sylvia was blow drying her hair, half dressed in jeans and nothing else when her phone started to vibrate against the dresser.
  She didn’t immediately recognise the number flashing across the screen but then, as a mobile hairdresser and professional make-up artist, she didn’t know most of the people who called her.  She set down the hairdryer, answering the phone.

“Hello. Sylvia speaking”

“Sylvia, hi how are you?” came the vaguely strained response.  Sylvia hesitated, biting down on her lip. The voice sounded so familiar and yet she couldn’t quite place whom it belonged to.

“
Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but who is this?” she asked apologetically, glancing into the mirror at her appearance. She was already late for meeting the girls and she still needed to touch up her make-up. The last thing she could do with was a client keeping her chatting.

“It’s me, Felicity.”

Sylvia’s focus immediately shifted to the voice at the other end of the phone.  “Fee? Is that really you? I just can’t believe it. Do you know how long it’s been?!” Sylvia walked across to her wardrobe, in shock. 

The last time she’d spoken wi
th Felicity had been nearly five years previously and it had resulted in a complete breakdown of their friendship. She’d missed Fee so much in the year that followed, but despite her frequent attempts at reaching out and trying to make peace, Felicity had resisted and retreated even further into her own world. The last she had heard of Fee, she had bought a new house and was working all hours under the sun.

She could almost hear Felicity smile at the other end of the r
eceiver. “Yes, I know it’s been years, partly my fault at being so wrapped up in work. I just thought I’d call and see how you are, what you’ve been up to?” Sylvia knew better than to expect an apology from Fee, but she hadn’t expected her old friend to sound so flat.

“
Well, I’m so happy you’ve made contact, Fee - I’ve missed you. But listen, I’m just getting ready to go out and meet the girls. You know, the old gang... why don’t you come along, we can have a proper catch-up?” Sylvia asked, waiting patiently as silence greeted her in response.

“
Come on Fee, I know they’d love to see you.”

Felicity stiffened at Sylvia’s invitation. It had been a total shock even to herself, to do something so drastic as to contact a totally unsuitable old friend. Yet she’d hoped maybe by reaching out to Sylvia that it would give her a new balance on her social life once again. Surely rekindling friendship with the one person who was known as a party animal would be beneficial in some respect to the changes she needed to make?

She sighed suddenly, regretting her decision to contact Sylvia. Now she had put herself into a situation with potentially having to see a gang of people she had nothing in common with. What did a group of women who did little but gossip and drink copious amounts of alcohol really have to offer her?

“
Ok, where are you going to be – I’ll meet you there.” She had no choice but to agree to the invite; as much as she didn’t want to spend her evening listening to dull and mind-numbing drivel, she also didn’t want Sylvia giving the others the impression that she couldn’t face them. From what Felicity had heard through the grapevine, most of them were now married and had children, not to mention had gained weight and given up their career paths.

“
Fabulous, I can’t wait to see you. Bet you haven’t changed a bit! We’ll be at The Kings Head within the next hour or so. See you there, ok?”