Love Reflection (Entwined Hearts #1) (28 page)

“Come on Pea, time to get your lazy arse out of bed.”

I groan and roll over as Soph embarks on her daily routine to get me in the shower. It’s the only time I get out of bed, and only because I love my shower and feel peaceful inside it, warm and lost, like I’m somewhere else, anywhere else but here.

Soph grabs my ankle and yanks my leg. “Soph, I’ll let the world in soon okay, just give me five more minutes.”

I hear Soph harrumph. “You won’t get five more minutes and you won’t let the world in, Pea. You haven’t done for the last four days, and I’m fairly sure today will be the same routine. I’ll make you have a shower then I’ll call in sick on your behalf. Later, I’ll bring you lunch that you won’t eat and then dinner, which you will try not to eat, but I will threaten you with a selection of things that you know I won’t do, so to appease me you will eat a bowl of cereal. Then you will ignore everyone and we will start the same routine tomorrow.
Enough is enough!
”

I don’t even have it in me to try and argue the point. She’s right, I just have no fight left.

“You know, he isn’t the only one who loves you!” Soph snaps and I roll over slowly and lift my head to look at her.

“No, he isn’t in that group anymore because he doesn’t love me,” I say and feel the throbbing back in my chest. I lay my head back down and close my eyes. “He doesn’t love me anymore, I know that. Even if I ignore the conversation that Saul had with him, it wouldn’t matter, he would’ve come to see me by now. The fact that he hasn’t just reinforces what I already know. I've lost him.” I open my eyes and see Soph’s face is soft and a tear runs down her cheek.

“He just needs time,” she whispers. I know she’s just trying not to hurt me, but it doesn’t help giving me false hope. He’s not coming and I’m not sure what to do about that. I feel hollow. I feel like a shadow and I just don’t know how to pick myself back up.

I throw out my fist and it connects with Alex’s jaw, then I throw another, and the crack vibrates through my body and releases some tension. Before he can do anything, I lift my leg and kick him once then again. I throw my fist out and hit him with an uppercut and he falls to the floor. The sounds penetrate my mind again and I can hear Paddy shouting.

“Conner!” he bellows and I whip round to see him and a group of people staring at me.

“What the fuck is wrong with you lad? You’re supposed to be sparring not fighting to the death. This isn’t a gladiator ring!” Paddy is pissed.

I look around to see Alex propping himself up on one elbow and rubbing his chin with his hand.
What the fuck am I doing?

“Sorry Alex,” I say rubbing the back of my neck. “I guess I got carried away.”

“Yeah… no worries,” Alex says, but he gets up and maneuverers out of the ring slowly making his way back to the locker rooms.

“Sort your head out Con, and don’t come back until you have.” Shock moves through me at Paddy’s words. He’s never kicked me out of Murphy’s before. I nod and jump out of the ring grabbing my bag and head outside. I get in my car and I’m about to head home when a coldness covers my skin. I can’t go home, I have nothing there. I have nothing full stop. My head is fucked up and I don’t know any more whether it’s because I’m annoyed with Pea or because I’m like a ghost without her.

I start my car and drive, I don’t remember any of the journey which worries me, but I end up driving to the Brighton sea front. I sit with the car idling, staring out at the sea. It’s four p.m. on a cold November night. Therefore, it’s nearly dark and it’s completely empty. I turn the car off and get out stretching. I lock the car and hear the crunch of the stones as I step onto the beach. I walk until I’m at the water’s edge. Sitting down I listen to the waves crash.

Pea and I used to come here. It makes your problems seem so small and finite when you look out at the sea in all its glory. Tonight though… well, tonight it doesn’t make my problems feel small. I don’t think anything could make my problems seem small, at least not to me.

I can’t seem to pull the strands apart, to be able to separate it all out so I can address just one thing at a time. It’s completely confusing and it’s frustrating me. For the first time in my life, I’m not in control. I don’t know what to do and it scares the shit out of me.

One question above all others keeps coming back tapping on my skull like a sledgehammer.

Do you love her?

I have it floating around like a fucking phantom.

The answer?
Yes.

I sigh and hang my head. It doesn’t matter what happens she’s my person. My soul will recognise hers forever.

Without her, I feel like the whole world is on mute.

I feel the water droplets trickle down my back, choosing their path, not knowing where they will end up but still sticking to the path, determined and fierce.

I pull the towel around me and shiver. Day five.

I sit at my dressing table looking in the mirror. The same mirror I looked in not too long ago and decided I wouldn’t be hollow and weak anymore, that I was going to pull myself back together. That I was going to survive.

Now I want even more. I want to
live
.

The only way that will ever be possible is with Con. I
will
get him back. I
will
fight for his love. He deserves that, he fought for over ten years.

Now it’s my turn.

This is where it begins.

For the next hour I sit and stare out of my window, knowing what I want to do, but not sure how to pull it off.

Soph pops her head in. “I’m so glad to see you up and about, even if it is staring into space sitting in a wet towel.” She frowns at me and I giggle internally.

“Thank you for looking after me, Soph. You know I love you, right?” I reply.

She nods and tears fill her eyes. “Pea, I want you to be happy. I really thought he’d have come around by now. He’s ignoring everyone.” She sits on my bed and reaches across to grab my hand.

“If there’s no way forward for the two of you then what hope do the rest of us have?” she says on a shaky breath.

“Don’t worry, you will have your slice of happiness, Sophie Rawlings. That’s a promise,” I whisper and pull her to me holding her close.

After a while, she slips out of my room and I grab my phone. Having decided what I need to do, I make a phone call to confirm that my destination will be open tonight.

Then I send possibly the scariest text ever.

Me:
Brighton Seafront. AbsoluteRetro. Be there at 7pm. I’m using my last voucher.

I press
send
and wait for a reply. After ten minutes and nothing, I hang my head and hope to hell that Con decides to honour his birthday present to me all those years ago and that he’ll turn up tonight.

I stare at the text for at least ten minutes. It’s strange. I was at Brighton seafront last night.

I access the web and look up the place she’s asked me to meet her. I never thought in a million years that she would come to me, let alone use the last birthday voucher I gave her seven years ago.

One call with this voucher and I’ll come to you. No matter what.

I know I still love her. You can’t switch that off just because you’re pissed with someone, no matter what they’ve done to fuck things up. I now need to work out if I want to be a part of fixing this… or destroying it forever.

I arrive at AbsoluteRetro an hour early, just to calm my nerves. I’ve never felt this nervous inside one of these places before.

It’s probably a cheap shot trying to win him back this way. Taking something that was ours when we were starting out and using it to make him see the promise of us again. But I’m not beneath taking cheap shots. Hell at this point, I’ll take any shot possible just to be near him.

I watch the different personalities get up on stage and sing. I love singing, it’s such a release. My pent up emotions need that tonight. Soph just about burst when I told her what I was doing. She wanted to come with me, but I explained that this was something I needed to face alone. I had to show Con he was worth fighting for. That I loved him to my bones. I had already been up to the manager and told him what song I wanted and that I wanted it a little after seven. In the meantime, I try to enjoy the music and people singing songs I’ve heard a million times, just not through their voices.