Love Songs (26 page)

“Come on, love. That’s foolish—”

“But I can’t get things done the way I could before. It’s gotten to the point of being counterproductive.”

“Then
do
something about it!” Alex was suddenly vehement; the shooting sparks of silver in his charcoal eyes told her so, as did the fierce set of his jaw.

“Like…?” She readily sought out his opinion. His suggestions were usually good, particularly when she tempered them with her own instinct. She had, indeed, come to rely on hashing things out with him at night.

“Like stepping things up. Taking the offensive. Confronting the men head-on. Demanding
more
of them. Exerting that power you were given as Executive Vice-President. You have no need to be afraid of them. They’re trying to see where their silent form of intimidation will take them. Show them, love. Show them that it won’t get them anywhere!”

Dubious, Alanna considered his gentle command for several moments before shifting the subject to something less explosive. Her tension remained intact, however. Sensing it, Alex drove to his apartment, rather than hers, when the meal was over.

“You’d rather stay here tonight?” she asked in surprise. It had become their habit to stay together at Alanna’s apartment, where Alex had gradually left a collection of personal items. Perhaps he had felt she would be more comfortable at her own place; for her part, she easily accepted the arrangement, pleased simply to be with him.

“I think,” he drawled as he parked and led her from the car, “that you could use the pampering tonight. I have a treat upstairs.” Cocking his head in that direction, he seemed suddenly filled with mischief.

“A treat?” Alanna’s tone was one of skepticism, then caution. “I’m not so sure about you. Your treats … a little pampering … so solicitous … what is it you want?”

Alex’s dark brows drew together as he feigned indignance. “Have I ever bribed you?” When she simply stared at him, trying to camouflage her own humor, he repeated his question. “Have I?”

“Well,” she hesitated, “not in so many words.” There was bribery and then there was bribery. The lure of his body and the fear of its absence were a form of bribery leading toward marriage, as was a personal involvement with his family. Even the promise of a good night’s sleep had its power. “OK, so what’s the treat?”

He kept her on tenterhooks as they entered his building, took the elevator to the top floor, walked down the long hall to his door and then stood while he fumbled with deliberate leisure for his keys.

“Alex…” she warned teasingly. “What
is
the treat?”

But this time it was Alex who was saved by the bell, Even before the door was opened the muffled ring of the telephone penetrated its hard wood thickness. And Alex savored the suspense.

“Now who could that be?” he drawled, lazily guiding Alanna over the threshold and ambling toward the phone. She stood not far from him, hands on hips, watching the firm curve of his manly lips as he spoke deeply into the receiver. Then, abruptly, his smile faded.

Instinct told Alanna that something was wrong—something big. Alex was deeply disturbed. His gray gaze shot toward her, then away. He spoke softly, asking questions she couldn’t quite follow. With his body angled away from her he seemed to be shielding her from whatever it was that he said. There was a long silence when he finally replaced the receiver. At last he turned toward her, placing his hands on her shoulders, his expression softening slightly.

“What is it?” Alanna asked, eyes wide with worry.

“It’s Jake. He’s had a heart attack.”

10

“A heart attack?” Alanna’s hoarse whisper was barely audible, though the tremor of fear that passed through her could not have escaped the awareness of the man who had a strong hold on her shoulders. When disbelief yielded to the look of sorrow on Alex’s face she leaned full against him and moaned her anguish. He held her quietly, undemandingly, offering the sheer comfort of his presence until she felt able to learn more.

“When?” She looked up at Alex.

“About two hours ago.”

“But I saw him at the office at five.”

“It happened shortly after he got home.”

Alanna gasped. “Elaine…?”

“Elaine is at the hospital. That was Jake’s secretary who called. When there was no answer at your place Elaine suggested she try here.”

Alanna’s voice was choked for a moment, during which time she could only appreciate the fact that Alex was here with her, offering his silent strength. Finally she spoke falteringly. “Is it bad?”

“He’s holding his own, but it was a major attack. The next two or three days will be critical.”

Slowly Alanna stepped back from Alex and looked aimlessly around the room, seeming to search for direction in the inanimate objects before her. When that failed her she dug within to find her reserve of levelheadedness. Turning back to Alex, she spoke softly. “I’d like to go to the hospital. Elaine may need some company.”

Alex’s voice was sympathetic. “I was going to suggest as much. Come on, I’ll drive you right over. You’ll feel better once you’re with Elaine and can see Jake’s condition for yourself.”

The drive to the hospital seemed endless to Alanna. What would she find when she got there? Jake and Elaine had come to mean so much to her. If something happened to Jake …

“Try to relax.” Alex urged her gently from her somber preoccupation, giving her hand a squeeze. “Modern medicine can do wonders.”

“But he isn’t even sixty! There’s so much more living for him to do. I don’t understand it.… He’s had no trouble with his heart before! Oh, Alex … Elaine needs him so badly!” It was a moment of true weakness for Alanna. Somehow the luxury of having Alex’s sturdy figure beside her allowed her to show the feelings, to express the thoughts, that she might otherwise have bottled up. Absurd as it was to argue with him about the improbability of Jake’s falling victim to heart disease, she felt the need to voice her frustration and helplessness. Alex recognized that need, as he always seemed able to do.

“Until we hear otherwise, Alanna,” he soothed her, “let’s try to think positive. Chances for recovery from heart attacks nowadays are excellent. There are new medicines, with more approved every year, to greatly reduce the chances of follow-up attacks.”

She pondered his words, clinging desperately to them. “I only hope you’re right,” she sighed in prayer.

He was. By the end of the weekend Jake’s condition had stabilized so much that the prognosis for full recovery was good. Though still in the intensive care unit, he had spoken several times with Alanna, assuring her that he felt better and expressing his concern over Elaine, who stayed with him in the hospital. Alex was a comfort to both women. Alanna, for one, didn’t know what she would have done without his ever-present moral support.

On Sunday night, when Alex returned with her to her apartment, where they had spent both previous nights, Alanna was particularly quiet. Jake had spoken of other things shortly before she’d left his room, things she didn’t want to face until the morning. As always, Alex sensed her wish, coaxing her into several hours worth of chess before leading her to bed. If he had been troubled that night she was too engrossed in her own thoughts to notice. Yet there was a tenderness to his lovemaking that touched her.

It was as though he spent longer looking, tasting, touching her than ever before, as though some deep need had to be satisfied by a slow reacquaintance. Alanna let herself fall under his spell, gladly seeking out the escape from the world of reality that his impassioned virility demanded. There was something poignant in their coming together that night, something that she would not understand until the following morning, when Alex woke her earlier than usual.

“I have to run now, love.” He sounded strangely tired.

Blinking away her own fatigue, she struggled to sit up. He was dressed already. “Why so early, Alex? Is something wrong?”

His smile was sad. “Not really. Well, perhaps. I’m not quite sure.”

Startled into alarm by his uncharacteristic waffling, she awoke fully. “What is it?”

“I’m going now.” He repeated his first words, but there was a new finality about them. “You’ve got a very busy day ahead of you.”

So, he had guessed what Jake’s request had been. She had known he would. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?” she whispered. “He’s been so good to me. He gave me that very first chance. Now that he’s down I’ve got to fill in for him.”

Alex stared intently at her. “Acting President of WallMar Enterprises is nothing to apologize for, love. You’ll do just fine.” Again there was an uncomfortable hint of farewell in his words, upsetting Alanna far more than the prospect of what faced her at work.

Mustering a steadiness of voice, she asked the question that seemed inevitable. “Will I see you tonight?” And the answer, too, seemed inevitable. It had only been a matter of time.

“Not tonight, Alanna,” he said gently, reaching up to trace the gentle line of her cheek.

Her breath caught, making speech difficult. Still she forced herself. “Why not? What is it, Alex? Do you have other plans?”

His charcoal gaze speared her reproachfully. “You know I don’t.”

“Then why?” She felt as though the rug were being pulled out from under her and she struggled for balance. Yes, she had suspected that the time would come when she would have to make a choice. Wasn’t that what she had always feared—the choice between career and love? Alex had told her once that there need not be a choice. Was he changing his stance? But why now, when she needed his support so badly?

As though reading her thoughts once more, Alex sighed, looked straight at her and spoke softly. “I want you to listen to me carefully, love, and don’t interrupt. I’m not sure I can repeat this. It’s taken me a good part of the night to formulate these thoughts—”

“Then it really is over.” She struggled for calm, interrupting him against his orders. “Come the time that you can’t
sleep
with me…” What might have been humorous once was not so now.

“Listen, Alanna!” he fairly shouted, his own tension written clearly on his beloved features as she scanned them, one by one. “You have a very important period ahead of you. You’re right; you really don’t have a choice. Jake needs you to take over his job for a month or two until he gets back on his feet.” Alanna listened to his words, feeling a chill seep deeper into her with each one. Her protective hand drew the covers up more tightly about her as she leaned against the headboard.

“I think that, during this period, it might be best if we took a break from one another. It’s been an intensive few weeks…”

“Don’t you love me?” Her words were choked off as he interrupted her.

“Of course I love you, Alanna. Nothing can change that.” The fierceness of his tone convinced her, yet she couldn’t assimilate what he was trying to tell her.

“Then
why?
”

“Because you need time and I’ve run out of patience. Don’t you see, Alanna? I want to marry you. I want you to be my wife, career and all.” When she would have jumped to accept out of panic he went determinedly on. “But I
know
you. This is the apex, love. This is the high point, at least one of them, of your career. You need to be able to give it your all, the way you would have a month ago, before you met me. You need to work through this yourself.”

Alanna lay frozen, feeling the receding of a world of warmth and beauty, sunshine and sharing that had become a very important part of her. Alex sat by the side of the bed, looking as handsome as ever despite the invisible burden that seemed to weigh him down. Her instinct was to comfort him, to throw herself into his arms in search of that same comfort. Her heart screamed for him, urging her to agree to be his wife, clamoring that she do something,
anything
, to keep him by her side.

Her mind, however, knew Alanna Evans. Her mind knew, likewise, that Alex was right. This was a battle she had to fight on her own if she was ever to come to him with a free heart. It was an awesome challenge. Could she meet it and survive?

The pain of their impending separation edged her voice with a thin, barely wavering timber. “When will I see you?” Her gaze was luminous as it savored every last minute of him.

This, too, he had thought out. “That’s up to you, Alanna. Once you get to WallMar today and take over at Jake’s desk you’re going to be suddenly immersed in corporate business that will demand every bit of your inner resources. I know you can do it; I think you know it, too. But I can’t begin to predict when you’ll be able to emerge.” He paused, studying her with an intensity that spoke of his own immersion in the emotional abyss they shared. “You know where I’ll be … when you’re ready.…”

With that he stood and headed for the door. “Alex…!” Panic threatened to crumble every defense Alanna thought she’d possessed. Only a last-minute shred of reason held her back. When the tall dark figure turned on the threshold for a final look back she forced a weak smile and an even weaker whisper. “You never did tell me what that treat was.…”

He had been several steps behind her, totally lost in the act of leaving. Then confusion gentled to indulgence as he shook his head, sighed, then gazed at her a final time. “A sauna. I had a small sauna installed at the apartment. You would have enjoyed it.…”