Love Songs (Secret Songbook #1) (28 page)

“Maybe your music can give you the answers,” Georgie said cryptically.

“Sure,” Kaley replied, not having any idea what she meant but humoring her anyway. If she asked, she probably wouldn’t explain it anyway. Not with her newfound tough love stance.

“I used to write songs when I was younger,” Georgie announced out of the blue.

Kaley looked at her, unsure whether she heard correctly. Mother Barbie as a songwriter? She didn’t buy it, it was so far out of the realm of possibilities it seemed like make believe. “
You
used to write songs?”

“Yeah, all the time. I didn’t show them to people either,” she said casually, like it was no big deal. “I put all my teenage angst into the lyrics so I didn’t punch a wall.”

Kaley laughed, trying to picture it. “Did you ever play them for people?”

“No, they were my little secret too. I wish I did now, though. The greatest gift you can give people is sharing something special with them. Who knows, they might have been feeling the same things that I was. We could have commiserated together. Music heals, you know.”

“It does. Do you still have them?”

“They’re packed away somewhere. I’ll show you sometime, if you show me yours.”

Suddenly, knowing her mother was a fellow songwriter, it didn’t seem so terrible showing the songs to her. Perhaps she would understand how precious and personal they were. She could do that, she felt like it was safe to entrust her secret to her.

“I’d like that.” Kaley smiled, seeing her mother in a completely new light. She always thought she was so… superficial? She always seemed so caught up in appearances, this was a whole new side of her that had laid hidden. “I can’t believe it, actually.”

“Why do you think I pushed you into music lessons when you were so young? I wanted you to be able to do all the things I was always too afraid of. I wanted your life to be filled with beautiful music. And it looks like it will be.”

Kaley put down the laundry and gave her mother a hug. She had always assumed learning the piano was something all the kids were doing at the time. Georgie would have wanted her child to be able to keep up with the others. Never in her wildest dreams did she think it was because her mother wanted her to experience the music and fall in love with it.

They finished folding the laundry before Kaley retreated to her bedroom. She felt closer to her mother, perhaps she had been underestimating her all those years.

It didn’t, however, fix any of her other problems. She turned on her computer, planning on doing some snooping. She needed to know what everyone was up to and she couldn’t call them to ask considering nobody was talking to her.

She logged onto the school chat room and scrolled through the list of others online. There weren’t many people. She scrolled through the archives, seeing if she missed anything.

Abigail, aka Sparkles, was online that morning. So was Macy and Madison, aka Lollipops and Unicorn.

I’ve decided to put my hair up for the dance. What do you think?

Good idea. I’m leaving mine out but I’ll put a clip in the side or something so it doesn’t look totally boring. What about you, Sparkles?

Up, I think. I haven’t decided yet. I’ve had distractions, remember?

I can’t believe that cow. She has no right to even be looking at him.

I know, I just want to punch her when I think about it.

She’ll get what’s coming to her. She needs to be taught a lesson about messing with another girl’s man.

Did you do what we talked about?

Oh yeah. She’s going to want to die when she sees it.

She’s probably too dumb to notice.

She’ll notice, it’s pretty hard not to.

Kaley felt a growing sense of dread in the pit of her stomach. Sparkles, aka Abigail, was obviously talking about her. But what could she have done to her that they were certain she would notice?

Could she have done something to her locker? No, that wouldn’t be upsetting enough to make her want to die. It was just a locker, she didn’t really care about it, or anything inside it, that much.

Feeling a sense of panic rising, Kaley clicked to Google and typed in her name, fearing the worst. If Abigail wanted to do something to completely humiliate her it could be something online. That was the only place where nobody could erase the damage.

A list of websites came up – all social networking sites. Kaley clicked into each one in turn and was horrified to see her sense of dread did not go unwarranted.

On every message board, blog, Twitter account, Facebook page, and Tumblr, Abigail had posted something. The messages varied but all stated how Kaley Thorne was a slut, a bitch, a skank, easy, stupid, and a man-stealer. She had posted her phone number and personal email address so people could tell Kaley exactly what they thought of her.

She started to cry.

The words were so vicious, so mean, and so out there for the whole world to see. Anybody in the universe could log on and see the story of how Kaley had stolen her boyfriend and would do anything to get some attention.

She painted her as a vindictive tart that would go to any lengths to get her man – and keep him. There were so many lies she couldn’t even count them. Site after site, Kaley never thought it would stop.

She opened her email account, dreading what was in there. She had one hundred and seventy-three new emails. Each header was an insult, she didn’t even dare open them to see what horrible words were contained on the inside.

The list of senders seemed never ending. Some of the names Kaley recognized, but most were from strangers that didn’t even know her but had a strong opinion of her anyway. She bulk deleted them all without opening them.

Kaley couldn’t take it anymore, she logged off and leaned against the desk, tears running down her cheeks at a rapid pace. She was so humiliated she didn’t know how she was ever going to show her face in public again.

For her entire life she didn’t want to be invisible, but now that was the only thing she actually wanted. She needed to be the ghost nobody saw, the girl nobody took any notice of.

The minute they saw her, they would ridicule her now. All the comments left on the website spoke of pure hatred. They all loathed her.

She crawled into a ball on her bed and tried to make the world go away. Not even music could console her, she was beyond help. She just wanted to die.

Chapter 31

Walking into school on Monday morning was the hardest thing Kaley had ever had to do. She didn’t have anyone to have her back anymore, she was completely alone.

Everyone she passed seemed to be looking at her or talking about her in hushed tones. Every step was an effort to fight the urge to turn around and run away.

She made it to her locker, but it seemed to have been a long journey. She could only imagine what others were thinking about her or what they were saying. She probably didn’t want to know, none of it would be good.

“Hey,” Eli said, opening his locker at her side. At least he seemed to be in a better mood than the previous day. He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek, she wasn’t expecting it.

“Hey.” She didn’t know how much of Abigail’s handiwork he had seen, she hoped none of it. If he thought the same things it would kill her. Cut right through her veins like a knife.

“Are you okay?” He laid his hand on her hip, giving her his full attention. “If this is about yesterday, I really did have something I needed to do. Parent stuff, you know how they are.”

Kaley smiled, the first time in twenty-four hours. At least he wasn’t with Abigail all Sunday, which she had silently thought and wished wasn’t true at the same time.

“No, it’s not that. It’s nothing.” She shook away her thoughts, trying to focus. He obviously hadn’t been online recently. She didn’t know whether that was a relief or just delaying the inevitable. “How was your weekend?”

“Well, yesterday was a bust, but Saturday was good. The team all got together for an extra training session. We figured we wouldn’t feel like it this coming weekend with the dance and all being on.”

They started to walk toward class, Kaley doing her absolute best to hold her head high and ignore every other person in the corridor. “I can’t believe the dance is so close. We’re still going together, right?”

“Unless you know something I don’t.”

Where did she even begin? “No, I just wanted to make sure.”

“Good, I’m picking you up at six.”

Kaley nodded, it felt so good to have him at her side. He was like a shield, if he was there nobody could hurt her. Not even Abigail or her nasty comments.

Just like in the song she had written, she wanted to win the race, she didn’t want Abigail to be able to claim victory. If that meant having to deal with all her evil acts, then perhaps Eli was worth it.

Just maybe.

The rest of the week passed painfully slow. Every time Kaley tried to talk to Harper, she would ignore her. Her apologies fell on deaf ears so she eventually gave up.

She knew her best friend better than she knew herself, Kaley knew she would eventually calm down and that would be the time to make her move again. She just needed time.

Or so she hoped. The alternative scenario was that their friendship was over permanently, but she wasn’t prepared to accept that. Not yet.

On Friday, when the school was abuzz with the excitement of the dance that night, Kaley still had not spoken with either Harper or Harvey. The latter being harder to read than Harper. If they knew what had happened online, neither of them mentioned it to her.

Harvey was a guy and Kaley had no idea how to get back into his good books. He seemed as unpredictable as Georgie. He wasn’t even walking with her to and from school anymore, he always had an excuse not to.

So while everyone else was bursting with happiness and excitement, Kaley walked like a lone soldier through the school corridors.

Even though she was going to the dance with Eli, it still couldn’t lift her mood. She was supposed to be getting ready with Harper, sharing the experience and gushing over their dates together. She wanted so badly to talk to her best friend. Not having her there was like missing a limb.

When the final bell rang for the day, it wasn’t entirely welcome. Kaley considered going straight home but decided against it. She had one last shot at repairing her friendship before the dance and she was going to take it.

Even if that meant attending the final dance decorating committee meeting. She made her way over to the gymnasium with hopeful trepidation.

Miss Aberdean was already putting people to work when she arrived. Streamers and paper chains were starting to be taped to the walls and the pink and red hearts were being dotted around the place. A row of tables were set up against one wall with pink tablecloths ready to cover them.

Most importantly, Kaley saw the band setting up on stage. The Ravens were going to rock the place in a few hours.

Looking around, Harper was knee-deep in sticky tape and paper hearts near the stage. She was carefully applying the tape and sticking them on the wall in neat little patterns. Kaley headed for her.

“Nice hearts,” she said casually, picking up a roll and getting ready to work by her side.

“I didn’t think you’d show, you never wanted to do this anyway.” As cool as a winter’s breeze, Harper obviously wasn’t over their argument yet. Nor ready to forgive by the tone of her voice.

“I was hoping we could talk.”

“Well, you hoped wrong.”

Harper picked up her pile of hearts and pointedly moved across the room. Kaley could feel her stomach sink, that wasn’t the reaction she wanted. In fact, the exact opposite of what she was hoping would happen.

She didn’t know what else she could do. If she kept trying to talk to her it would probably only make it worse. She couldn’t force Harper to listen to her, it took two people to have a conversation.

Resigned and ready to give up, Kaley kept going with the pink paper hearts. At least she could do something right, even if it was just sticking them to the wall.

Whenever she could, she stole a glance at Harper. Every time she had a determined look on her face, completely focused on the task at hand. She was putting up the hearts far quicker than anyone else in the gym.

Looking past her, Kaley saw Abigail with Macy and Madison. She was standing on a ladder and attaching paper chains to the wall so they draped across the room. For just a moment, Kaley had visions of pushing over the ladder so Abigail fell, it would be sweet revenge.

Her trail of hearts led her closer and closer to the trio. She tried to slow down, hoping they would move before she had to work closer to them. Unfortunately, they seemed to be working even slower. Kaley couldn’t avoid getting near.

“Can someone smell something?” Abigail looked at her minions, smelling the air. “I think I smell a cow.”

They erupted into laughter as Kaley went into double speed and shoved the damn hearts on the wall as quickly as she could. She tried so hard to keep her hands from shaking, but the stress of trying to ignore them was taking its toll. She desperately wanted to be away from them.

“Kaley, I’m so glad we ran into you,” Abigail started again with a fake niceness to her voice. “I was wondering if you’ve been online recently?”

Kaley took a breath and ignored her.

She continued anyway. “You really should, you know. I hear there’s plenty of people wanting to say a few things to you.”

They all laughed like it was funniest thing in the world. Kaley cringed, wishing she was anywhere else but there. It had been almost a full week since she had started the online campaign of hate and it still stung thinking about it.

Abigail took a step closer. “I’m also wondering if you were still delusional about going to the dance? Considering you’re putting up decorations, I guess the answer is yes. You are so pathetic.”

She didn’t turn around and kept focusing on the hearts. As she taped, she remembered the song she had written about Abigail and the way she treated her. It had been written out of anger and hurt but it had made her feel so much better. She tried to drown out her voice with the memory of the song.

Your words cut like a knife through my heart,

You break me up, you tear me apart.

You don’t even realize you’re doing it,

But everything is lost in that minute.

Kaley wondered whether Abigail fully appreciated how badly she made her feel. If she did, she was truly evil. Why would she purposely make someone else feel terrible? Did it really make her feel better about herself?

So many times she had heard bullies were insecure and that’s why they did it. But was that really true? She doubted whether Abigail had an insecure bone in her body.

You make me want to hurt myself,

Your words attacking with such stealth,

Hurting greater than any blow,

But you don’t care, you don’t even know.

Why can’t we just get along?

We can both be so strong.

Why does hurting me make you feel better?

While my scars are just left to fester?

“I think she’s deaf now,” Macy commented after they were being completely ignored.

“Or just dumb,” Madison added.

“Come on, girls. We should feel sorry for the poor,” Abigail cooed, her voice dripping with sarcasm. It only made them laugh harder.

You humiliate me in front of everyone,

Without caring about the damage you’ve done.

Does it make you feel good?

Or empty, like it really should?

Kaley felt her face reddening, not only with the embarrassment of having them heckling her, but also from anger. She wanted to yell and scream at them to stop.

She wanted to tell them exactly what she thought of them. She wondered what would happen if she did. Would they laugh? Would they feel bad? Would they even care?

I wish you could see the hurt every time,

But girls like you are completely blind.

You ignore the cause of the mess,

See only yourself, regardless of the rest.

“Come on Kaley, we know you can hear us,” Abigail spat out the words like they were poisoning her tongue. “Confess,
have
you been online lately?”

But not today, I’m going to be strong,

I’m going to stand up and tell you you’re wrong.

I’m not going to take it anymore,

I’m not going to run away like I did before.

“I wonder what Eli thinks about all the comments about you? Does he know he’s with such a skank?”

Today is the day that bullies lose,

Pick a side, you have to choose,

You don’t need to be scared forever,

Tell them you’ve reached the end of your tether.

Stand up for the person you are,

You don’t need to look very far.

Summon your courage from within,

And declare that you will not give in.

Kaley had enough. Her blood was boiling and she was about to explode. With her song repeating in her head, she didn’t want to take it anymore. She didn’t have to. Nobody ever said she had to listen to them and accept whatever dirt they threw at her. Now it was her turn to have her say.

“Shut up, Abigail.”

The trio laughed, pretending to be offended. Abigail took a step closer to her, too close for comfort. “I think my ears must be playing up. Did you really have the nerve to tell me to shut up?”

“I mean it. Shut up, Abigail.”

“You don’t know who you are dealing with. I can crush you like a bug if I wanted to.”

Kaley stood taller, staring her directly in the eyes. She was not going to back down. “And you have severely underestimated me. Tell me, who is taking you to the dance tonight? I know it’s not Eli because he’s picking me up. So Abigail, who is it?”

“Oh my god, she is so rude,” Macy commented. Abigail stood there, for once not having a comeback at the ready.

“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” Kaley could feel her knees going weak but she wasn’t going to let it show.

She half expected Abigail to take a swing at her, at least pull her hair or something. She
wasn’t
expecting silence. In a way, it was scarier than anything else she could have done.

Abigail crossed her arms, regaining her composure and well aware of her audience. “I decided to give you Eli. He’s a charity case – just like you.”

“How nice of you.” Kaley could do sarcasm, too.

“It was, you should be thanking me. I could have made your life a living hell.”

“I’m pretty sure you did.”

Without saying another word, Kaley picked up the few hearts she had left and walked off. She didn’t hear the trio laughing or talking amongst themselves about her.

All she heard was complete silence.