Love Songs (Secret Songbook #1) (5 page)

Chapter 5

There was always a time in the school year which signaled the end of the world. It was a time when you felt the ground should open up and be done with you. Or lightning should strike you down to the floor right away. At Sandyridge High School, that moment was now. The posters for the first official dance of the year were being slapped onto the wall.

“Already?” Kaley moaned to herself as she stared from her locker. She wondered if she would fit inside and be able to lock the door from in there. It would be more comfortable than watching everyone fuss over the stupid dance.

And then there would be Harper. Every dance she tried desperately to get a date. She always wanted to go to every school event, she genuinely enjoyed them for some unknown reason. The problem was she rarely got asked so would drag Kaley along for company.

It was pathetic, standing by the wall watching everyone else have a good time while they sipped on their punch. The clock would slowly get more interesting than the dancers as she counted down the minutes until one of their parents would pick them up.

For just a moment of indulgence, Kaley wondered what it would feel like to be excited to go to the dance. She imagined what it would be like to have Eli ask her, pick her up and give her a corsage, and then dance with her all night.

The thought of it sent butterflies shuddering around her stomach. She quickly pushed the thought away, it would never happen. He was probably asking Abigail at that very moment, probably in some romantic way, too.

“Dance time.”

The voice came so suddenly behind her it made her jump. She shook away her daydream and turned to the owner of the voice.

“Hey, Harvey. Can you believe it’s that time again? They’re torturing us early this year.”

Harvey shrugged, the way he always did when he didn’t know what to say. “I guess some people enjoy the dance.”

“Yeah, the popular people.”

“Other people enjoy it, too. People like us.”

Kaley looked at him for a moment in confusion, she had no idea who he was talking about. There was the popular people and then everybody else. That was about it. Invisible people didn’t count, nobody ever counted them.

Harvey could possibly be considered invisible, he was on the cusp. He was a nice, cute guy – that got him some attention. Especially from those that needed a math tutor. However, Kaley got the feeling he was happy to fly under the radar. He didn’t really belong to any group so he was a free agent. He could talk to anyone, really.

“I wonder what the theme is this year,” Kaley commented, not really caring about anything but filling the silence. She turned to her locker to retrieve the books she needed. “The poster is a bit ambiguous.”

“I think it’s a fifties theme or something. I overheard some girls talking about poodle skirts.”

“Gee, I can’t wait.”

“Can’t wait for what?” Harper joined them, her usual perky self. She was already holding her books, ready for another day.

“Kaley can’t wait for the dance,” Harvey answered for her. “I know, I was shocked too.” He feigned surprise, his sarcasm getting the better of him. “I’ll see you around.”

Kaley closed her locker and started walking, Harper giggling at her side. She saw Harvey disappear into the crowd ahead.

“So did he ask you?” Harper questioned when she was sure he was out of earshot.

“Ask me what?”

“Ask you to the dance.” She rolled her eyes, as if that should have been obvious. “Clearly he wants to.”

That was possibly the scariest thing Harper had ever said. “No he doesn’t. We were just talking about the theme, that’s all. Eww, Harvey and I have known each other since we were six. He’s like my brother.”

“Feelings change over time, Kaley. You can’t deny that he’s hot. And you’re hot. I think you’d be cute together.”

“I’m not even having this discussion with you.” She started walking quicker, hoping to avoid the whole conversation.

“You’ll see I’m right. Maybe you should give him a break and ask
him
to the dance.”

She clearly wasn’t going to shut up about it. Kaley decided to turn it back around on her. “Who are you going to ask anyway? Have any victim in mind?”

“I don’t know. I’d really like to go with Cooper Sutton, but I don’t think he’ll ask me.”

“You could ask him, get in quick before someone else does?”

Harper shook her head sadly. “I couldn’t do that. He’d probably laugh at me. Why do the mean ones always have to be so gorgeous?”

Kaley’s mind turned to Eli. She would probably get the same reaction if she asked him to the dance. She didn’t blame Harper for chickening out. After all, she was doing the same thing. She would rather be Harper’s date to the dance than suffer the humiliation of being rejected.

“Who knows? Maybe we’ll both get lucky and be asked out by our dream guys this year,” Kaley said optimistically. She knew there was no chance of it, but it seemed to cheer Harper up. And who knows, perhaps it might happen eventually? She just hoped it wouldn’t be Harvey that asked her, as Harper predicted.

They walked to class slowly to allow for Kaley’s injured leg, watching all the happy couples talking about the dance as they went. It seemed like everyone was already paired up, not only for the dance but for the year too.

Everyone except them.

Perhaps there was something wrong with the boy to girl ratio in their grade. Perhaps the girls outnumbered the boys so some had to go without. But it seemed like there were only the two of them left over, maybe it wasn’t the ratio that was off.

Chapter 6

Kaley was so desperate she was about to do something she knew she would regret later on. Perhaps even start regretting instantly. However, she had no other choice.

She had spent the entire day watching couples cozy up together and chatter repeatedly about the stupid dance. Even Harper had gone on about it all through lunch.

With every couple reminding her of Eli, she needed to take drastic action. And that would be in the form of talking with her mother about it. She would kill two birds with one stone – make her mother feel included and maybe get some good advice.

She had kept an eye out for Eli all day, waiting to see him walking hand-in-hand with Abigail around the school. Yet she hadn’t seen him once outside the classroom.

She couldn’t tell just by watching him in class if he was happy to be back together with her. Was it wrong to hope he was miserable? Did that make her a bad person? Or was all fair in love and high school?

Probably.

“Mom,” she started, hoping she wasn’t making a big mistake. She leaned on the kitchen counter, pretending to act casual and not like her life depended on the conversation. “How do you get someone to notice you?”

“Are we talking about a boy or a girl?”

“A boy.”

“Oh good, you like boys, doesn’t hurt to check.” Georgie winked and smiled. “Well, the first thing I would do is change your wardrobe. You dress like you don’t care how you look.”

Kaley looked down at her clothes, she wore jeans and a plain black top. What was so wrong about that? They were clean and there weren’t any holes or loose hems. Surely that would show she cared about what she was wearing?

“What’s wrong with my clothes?”

“They are so boring. You always wear jeans and a plain shirt. Would it kill you to wear a pretty dress now and then? Or even a nice blouse wouldn’t go astray.”

“Do guys care about things like that?”

“Not really, but if you want them to notice you, then yes. Does a bee buzz around a boring tree? No, it goes straight for the bright flower.” Georgie tapped her on the nose, like she would do when she was five years old and learning how to spell. “You need to be a bright flower or the bees will always fly past for a better offer.”

Kaley tried to argue with that logic, but couldn’t. Her mother was right. All the popular girls at school always looked immaculate. They wouldn’t be caught dead wearing jeans and a black top. They wouldn’t even settle for a green top – it wouldn’t be pretty enough for them.

“So assuming I want to catch a bee, can you help me find something to wear?”

Georgie stopped in her tracks, a grin spreading across her face. “I thought you’d never ask. Let’s go.”

Before she could protest, Georgie had her hand and was dragging Kaley into her bedroom. She opened the doors to her closet and flicked through her clothes.

“Is everything you own so drab?”

“I don’t know, they’re just clothes. I haven’t really thought about it before.”

Georgie made a face of disapproval at every outfit Kaley owned. It was all so sensible, there were no other words to describe it. Functional – yes, guy bait – no. How had she given birth to a child that didn’t care about fashion? She must have inherited her father’s genes. He never cared about his clothes either.

“This won’t do. You and I are going to go shopping, my girl. Until then, follow me.”

Kaley reluctantly followed Georgie into her parents’ bedroom where the closet doors were flung open there too. The bright colors that confronted them were like an assault to the eyes. The wardrobe was overflowing with clothes, a tiny section devoted just to her father’s. Shoes lined the bottom, pairs upon pairs of high heels in every imaginable shade.

Georgie got straight to work, going through the clothes one by one. She would occasionally pull out a dress and show it to Kaley but only received a head shake in reply.

“How about this one? I think you would look adorable in it.” Georgie was holding a red dress with loose frills that fringed the neckline. While being bright red, it was still actually quite demure. It probably wouldn’t be too terrible to wear, at least it had sleeves.

“You really think I’d look good in it?”

“One way to find out.”

Georgie threw her the dress, she quickly changed. It fit perfectly, hugging her curves in all the right places. The hemline almost made it to her knees so it wasn’t too short, and the frills covered any obvious signs of cleavage. It was cute without being sexy, it probably wouldn’t be breaking any school dress codes.

“Oh, you look beautiful,” Georgie gushed. “My baby is all grown up. Let me get the camera.”

“No, Mom, no camera.”

Her pleas fell on deaf ears, Georgie returned with her camera and took a photo before Kaley could protest. She got only one before she started to pull faces at the lens.

“You’ll have a whole hive full of bees soon, honey.”

Kaley looked in the mirror, wishing that was true. While she considered the dress fit her well, she couldn’t see that she was competition for any of the girls at school. She had nothing on them, underneath the red dress she was still the same boring, invisible Kaley. It would take a miracle for anyone to see her.

She thanked her mother and retreated to her room. While her mother was over the moon for all the mother/daughter bonding, Kaley was left feeling depressed about the whole situation. She hoped the red dress would have unexpected results and actually work.

Taking a glance at Harvey’s window, Kaley could see he wasn’t in his room. Good. She had been nervous about seeing him again after Harper’s little rampage that morning. She didn’t believe Harvey thought of her as anything except friends, but the thought would annoyingly pick at her brain every time she thought about him. Damn Harper.

She picked up her guitar and started strumming nothing in particular, just a random tune her fingers created as they went along. She loved playing the guitar, it always made her feel better. No matter what life happened to be throwing at her at the time.

Soon, some words came to her lips to match the music. She wasn’t really even thinking about it, just saying whatever felt right.

I’m standing in front of you,

My heart is in my hands,

But you just see right through me,

You don’t even know I’m there.

The four lines perfectly summed up how she was feeling. About Eli, about everyone. There she was, vulnerable inside and just wishing people would see her.

You fill my every thought,

You are in my every dream,

I want to feel your arms around me,

But all you ever are is mean.

She repeated the verses over and over again, putting in a long guitar break. She put attitude into it, not wanting it to sound like a vulnerable song. She grew angry, annoyed that no matter what she did, people always ignored her. What could be so wrong about her that made her invisible? What did she possibly do to deserve it? The chorus came to her:

Why am I so invisible to you?

Why do you never see me?

Am I just that unlovable?

What can I do to make you see?

Without stopping, Kaley repeated everything from the start. Her hands didn’t need to think about the notes, they came to her like they had a mind of their own. So did the next verse:

My heart breaks whenever you’re near

Because I know you’ll never be mine,

If only you could see who I am,

I know you’d like me just fine.

Kaley only stopped long enough to scribble it down in her songbook. The notes breezed through her mind, replaying again and again. How music could always sum up what she was feeling was always a mystery to her. There was something magical about music, it just got her.

After the frenzied writing, Kaley became aware of eyes on her. She felt it before she saw them. She looked around, it had grown dark outside, how long had she been songwriting for? The clock flashed 6:48, it had taken her almost two hours to get the song out of her system. She turned on the lamp so she could see better.

She went to close her curtains and saw the eyes – they belonged to Harvey. He was sitting at his computer desk but his seat was facing her. He waved.

How long had he been watching her? She waved back, he had probably only just sat down when she felt the staring. Watching her would have been as boring as watching grass grow, she doubted whether she would have been able to keep his interest very long.

“Dinner, Kaley,” Georgie’s voice rung out.

Kaley closed the curtains and went to dinner, feeling so much better than when she had entered the room. It wasn’t just music to her, it was therapy. Far cheaper and less traumatic than the doctor type.