Love Songs (Secret Songbook #1) (6 page)

Chapter 7

“You look beautiful, honey. Work it.” Georgie shooed Kaley out of the vehicle. She stepped out feeling very self-conscious. She had never worn a dress to school before, not since pre-school anyway. Why did she let her mother talk her into it? Especially a
red
dress. She felt as if she stuck out like a sore thumb.

She turned around to get back into the car, changing her mind about the whole thing, but Georgie locked the doors and drove off with a final wave. She stood on the path alone, feeling like everyone was watching her and she was totally alone.

Pulling the dress down, she wondered if it was too short after all. The popular girls wore their skirts so high they couldn’t bend over without showing their knickers. Hers was at least six inches longer than that.

She spotted Harvey walking up the path toward her. If she acted quickly, he might not notice her. She started moving to her locker, not having the choice to turn back now.

If there was ever a time when she wanted to be invisible, it was now. But wasn’t that the whole point? To stand out and actually be seen? She started wondering what madness had overtaken her.

“Nice dress, Kaley,” Harvey commented. She froze. Damn, he had caught up to her. She spun around and pretended to be cool and casual.

“Thanks, it’s my mom’s.”

Why did she say that? She couldn’t have stopped at thanks? She inwardly groaned at herself, it was going to be a long day. Perhaps she could change into her gym uniform, nobody would notice that.

“Well, you look really pretty. Have a good day.” Harvey smiled and hurried off without waiting for a response. Despite her concerns, she actually smiled. At least she got one compliment on her outfit, maybe the day wouldn’t be so bad after all.

Harper wasn’t to be seen anywhere when Kaley went looking for her. Then she remembered she had band practice that morning. She wouldn’t see her until their first class together – Science. She went to class and took her seat, not caring that she was fifteen minutes early. It was better than standing around feeling like a fool in a red dress.

By the time Harper took the seat next to her, the teacher was already standing at the front of the class and speaking. Good, she wouldn’t have to answer any questions about her outfit.

It was the only thing she could think about, wondering if anyone had noticed her and what they were thinking. Her biggest worry was that she looked so stupid people would be making fun of her. Would that mean her mission to be noticed was successful? Technically yes, she supposed.

She tried to distract herself by focusing on the lesson. Science was actually something she enjoyed, she probably got that from her father too. She liked the way things made sense and could be explained. If she mixed one chemical with another, it reacted in an expected way. No matter how many times she did it, it would always have the same outcome.

She wished life could be that easy. The trouble with taking risks was that she didn’t know the outcome. She could do the same thing repeatedly and now and then have a different outcome. Life had surprises, science didn’t.

When the bell rang signaling lunch time, Kaley didn’t have time to even stand before Harper was onto her.

“What’s with the dress? You look gorgeous.”

“You really think so? It was Mother Barbie’s idea. She thinks I dress too boring.”

“I agree with her.” Harper felt the fabric, it was soft and flowing, definitely something she approved of. She had been trying to get Kaley to wear dresses for years, just like her.

“It kind of feels weird though, this isn’t really me,” Kaley confessed. She knew that’s what she was going for, but it didn’t make it any more comfortable. At least while they lingered there talking, the rest of the class could filter out so she didn’t have to wonder whether they were looking at her as she walked.

“Maybe it’s a new you.” Harper smiled. “You do look really good. I’m sure Harvey would approve.”

“He’s already said he liked it. But it didn’t mean anything, he was just being nice and said it in passing.”

“Sure. Let’s get to lunch, I’m starving.”

They stood and headed for the cafeteria. They were at the end of the lunch rush, also at the end of the queue. They had to wait for seemingly ages before they reached the food.

Kaley chose a sandwich and a juice, her usual staple foods. She picked up her tray and started toward their usual table. It wasn’t that people left it for her and Harper specifically, just that nobody else wanted to sit there. It was next to the kitchen and nearly always too hot for comfort. The perfect place for the invisible people to sit.

As she walked, Kaley stopped suddenly to avoid the body passing in front of her. She looked up to see Eli only inches away from her. He was walking with a teammate, talking animatedly. Kaley didn’t move, she desperately wanted him to notice her in her red dress. Perhaps it would make him view her differently. Perhaps it would make him see her, full stop.

She could feel her heat beating in her chest, so hard it might jump through her dress. She wanted him to look her way, she imagined locking eyes with him and then seeing him smile. The world around them would stop and it would just be them standing there in the cafeteria. She desperately hoped for that moment, for even just a glimmer of hope that perhaps Eli and her actually had something.

But he kept walking. He didn’t stop for even a beat of his conversation with his friend. She was nothing but a red speck in his peripheral vision. If even that. For all he acknowledged, she didn’t even exist on the same planet as he did.

She skulked off to her table, hoping her burning face wasn’t as red as her dress. She felt humiliated, so embarrassed that she had dared to wish for Eli to look at her. She was so stupid for thinking he even knew she existed.

She scolded herself, wishing she could sink into the ground and never be seen again. Wearing the dress was a terrible idea, it wasn’t her and didn’t change anything. She was right, underneath she was still the same plain, invisible self.

She felt Harper sit beside her but she couldn’t look at her until she had composed herself. She didn’t need the third degree right now. Harper would probably guess what was upsetting her and ask a million questions about it to analyze it to the core. She put on a brave face and took a few breaths.

“So how was band practice this morning?” she asked, it was a relatively safe topic.

“It would have been better with you there.”

Okay, maybe it wasn’t so safe. “Did they tell you what song you’re going to be learning for the showcase concert?”

“They haven’t decided yet. They want to make sure everyone knows the basics so we have to cover nursery rhymes for a few weeks.” Harper rolled her eyes. She had been playing the violin in the school band since she was eight years old, she could play any of the basics in about any key chosen. “I hate it when newbie’s join.”

“I would have been a newbie,” Kaley reminded her.

“True. I probably would have had to give you mean looks for a few weeks too. I would have apologized after every practice.”

Kaley laughed, starting to feel so much better already. Harper had that effect on her, she would always say the funniest things just by being herself. In many ways, Kaley envied her for that. Harper wasn’t afraid to be who she was, she just got on with it. What you saw was what you got, and that was just one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet. It was a pity no-one else saw that too.

“Oh, speaking of which, I have to pick up my new uniform before lunch ends. Otherwise I won’t be able to get a good one and I’ll be stuck wearing something that someone else has sweated in for a year.” Harper stood, taking the last bite of her sandwich. “I’ll see you later, wish me luck.”

“Good luck.”

Kaley watched her go before realizing she was sitting at the entire table alone. It was pathetic. And lonely.

She finished her sandwich and left the noisy cafeteria. She tried hard not to look at Eli sitting in amongst all the popular people. But she couldn’t help it and was punished with seeing Abigail seated beside him. So they were back together. It was just another punch to her heart. She walked faster.

Looking at her watch, there was still another twenty minutes before the next class. It was English, she didn’t want to be early for that. It wasn’t one of her favorites, it was one of those interpretive subjects, one where the answers weren’t perfectly formulated like science was.

She saw Harvey across the courtyard, he was sitting with a few of the guys he called friends. Kaley had never really spoken with them before, but she knew Harvey got along well with them. She didn’t feel like barging in on their conversation.

She kept walking and found herself in the music room. She had music classes once a week at the school. Initially, she had been excited about them, except she soon discovered they weren’t practical.

The teacher was always going on about the history of music and Beethoven or Bach. She could play the 5
th
Symphony on the piano by the age of nine, she didn’t need to write a whole two thousand word essay on it.

The music room itself, however, was fully equipped. The instruments were mainly used by the band or for the annual school musical when they needed extra people to fill the orchestra.

Or perhaps there was a secret music class where the students actually got to make music. Kaley didn’t really mind though, she didn’t want to play in front of others. Which she would have to do if the class was practical.

Kaley wandered around, letting her finger trace the patterns on the various instruments. They truly were things of beauty. She could never stop appreciating the large, dramatic curves of the cello or the elegant feet of the piano. Their makers were craftsmen, she thought they were the most beautiful things in the world.

She sat at the piano, lifting the lid and running her fingers over the ivory keys. She always felt at home seated at any piano. She had a nice one at home, it was a gift from her parents for her tenth birthday. Before that she could only play at Mr. Doherty’s house. He let her use it whenever he didn’t have a lesson in session, but it was nothing like having her own she could play at any time.

Without realizing she had even started, Kaley found herself playing the song she wrote the previous night. It translated just as well from the guitar to the piano.

I’m standing in front of you,

My heart is in my hands,

But you just see right through me,

You don’t even know I’m there.

You fill my every thought,

You are in my every dream,

I want to feel your arms around me,

But all you ever are is mean.

Why am I so invisible to you?

Why do you never see me?

Am I just that unlovable?

What can I do to make you see?

My heart breaks whenever you’re near

Because I know you’ll never be mine,

If only you could see who I am,

I know you’d like me just fine.

Her fingers glided over the keys, not even needing the sheet music she had written. It was committed to memory, as were all the songs she ever wrote. They weren’t coming from a songbook, they were coming from her heart. And that memory went on forever.

She heard a noise behind her and instantly stopped, closing the lid of the piano mid-verse. She turned around quickly to see who was there, fearing they had heard too much already. Her heart raced in her chest wishing she had never come there.

“Was that you?”

“Harper, what are you doing here? I thought you were getting your uniform?”

“I did. Now, I’m picking up my music. I left it here this morning,” she explained, while still dazed from the tune. “Was that really you playing just now?”

Kaley wondered if she could lie her way out of it, but Harper wasn’t stupid.
She
was the stupid one for playing her song at school, she should have a rule to only play in her bedroom. That was how it was always done, she should have known better. She decided to go with the truth, at least a scaled down version of it anyway.

“I was just playing around. Nobody was supposed to hear.”

Harper sat on the piano stool next to her, opening the lid again. “Play it again, it was beautiful. You never said you could play so well. That was… amazing.”

“It wasn’t anything, really.” She closed the lid. “We should get to class.”

Kaley stood but Harper didn’t budge, sitting there defiantly. “I’m not leaving until you play it again. You know how stubborn I am.”

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to sit there forever then.” Kaley left the room, slowing her pace when she stepped into the corridor. She waited for Harper to catch up, knowing she would. She knew how stubborn Kaley was too.

True enough, Harper caught up to her only moments later. They walked to English class, Kaley refusing to answer any of the questions shot her way. Hopefully it wouldn’t be too long before something else caught Harper’s attention and she found another topic.