Love Will Find a Way (19 page)

That was the one thing Emily had always been sure of. “I never doubted that."

Moisture crowded into the corners of Robert's eyes. “But you doubt what I'm saying to you now?"

There was some doubt and a vast amount of caution. “I think you can understand why I might be a little hard to convince."

"I can, but it's a chance I have to take.” Robert rubbed his sleeve across his face. “After what happened in my apartment last Sunday, I thought I'd ruined everything. I should have known I couldn't handle being alone with you. Once again, all I can say is I'm sorry."

"There is no need to apologize.” Her smile was ironic. “I suppose I should be flattered.” She would have been if she had thought what he had felt had been anything more than a basic biological urge.

"You accused me of using you for a substitute.” He swallowed, deeply. “Believe this even if you can't believe anything else I say. I never made love to you and thought of another woman. And if you wanted revenge for my past actions, you had it last night. Seeing you with Dennis Morrison was as near hell I ever want to get. I realize he's a formidable rival. Dennis Morrison is no Thad Thackery. I'm sure his intentions are honorable."

He thought there was something between her and Dennis. He also thought that she and Thad had been lovers. Emily should set him straight on both issues. Pride wouldn't let her. “Why are you prying into my personal life?"

"Because I want you back, I have every intention of trying to win your heart again.” His eyes locked into hers. “I want another chance."

On an expelled breath, Emily asked, “Why?"

Robert's answer echoed across the empty room. “Because, damn it, I love you. I've loved you all your life. I've been in love with you since you were sixteen years old. I'll be in love with you until the day I die."

Chapter 9

Anger erupted inside Emily's brain and ran like molten lava through her veins. This man had broken her heart and shattered her pride. Nothing in her life would ever be the same again. Now he had the audacity to tell her of his undying love? She struggled to control the rage that pushed her to her feet and propelled her across the room. “You bastard!” The words exploded from her mouth, “You sorry bastard."

"If it makes you feel better to call me names, go ahead.” Robert studied her with calm detachment. “But you wouldn't be so angry if you didn't care."

Emily turned to stare out the window as she tried to master the moment. Behind her she could hear Robert's labored breathing. One by one the memories of past rejection played across her senses, bringing pain so acute it was almost physical.

On a tortured note, Robert cried, “For God's sake, Emily, talk to me."

Folding her arms across her chest, Emily turned to meet his tormented stare. “All I can think of to say is, ‘I'm sorry’ and we've already worn that trite little phrase threadbare."

"It can't be over. I won't accept that.” Robert's face contorted. “You did love me once. We had something shining and wonderful."

Emily swallowed around the knot of tears in her throat. She couldn't bear to love again and be spurned again. “Don't threaten me with your love. I've already lived through that hell once."

This time it was Robert who turned away. Putting his hands in his pockets, he hunched his shoulders. “Don't I even have a prayer?"

One of the things that had always attracted her to Robert was his self-assurance. He was not a conceited man, but he did have a strong sense of his own worth. To see him so humble broke her heart. “We can't go back to what was. I've changed. I'm not the woman you left a year ago."

"I've changed, too. I'm not the fool I was a year ago.” Straightening his shoulders he turned, determination written in every line of his face. “You have to give me another chance.” A note of despair crept into his voice. “I can't sit idly by and let Dennis Morrison steal the place I once held in your heart."

Light slanting through the bare window cast long shadows across the room. The afternoon was far spent. But then, wasn't it always later than it seemed? Maybe it was too late. “I can't give you an answer now. Can you give me some time?"

Tears glistened in Robert's eyes. Unable to speak, he nodded his agreement.

Emily's hands were awkward appendages with no place to go and nothing to do. She clasped them behind her. “I have to go. Can you manage going through all this stuff by yourself?” She had to get out of here and the sooner, the better.

"Are you throwing all this away?” Robert nodded toward the stacks of crates and boxes.

Those containers held Emily's past, her painful past. “There's nothing there I want. Goodwill is coming tomorrow. They'll pick up what you leave."

Robert's voice was husky. “I had hoped we could go through the pictures together."

Emily would rather face Chinese water torture. “I'm going home.”
This
house had been her home for over two decades. She amended her statement, “To my new house.” Moving across the floor like a zombie, she headed for the kitchen.

Robert's plea echoed across the space between them. “May I call you tomorrow?"

Emily pointed to the kitchen. “I have one more box to put in my car."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

"I have a new telephone number.” Not denying the pain it caused her, Emily forced her self to admit a truth. She loved Robert. She always had. There was a better-than-average chance that she always would, but she was afraid to trust him again.

His voice impinged on her flagging senses. “Do you enjoy watching me die a little more each time you spurn my every effort to make amends?"

Emily felt removed from the scenario that was playing out like the final scene from a bad movie. “You can call."

"If I leave a message on your machine, will you promise to call me back?"

For some reason she couldn't explain, his request angered her. “No promises about anything.” Emily hurried to the kitchen.

When she returned a few minutes later carrying a box in her arms, Robert was sitting cross-legged on the floor with an opened carton beside him. “Do you need help?"

"I can manage.” Outside the rain fell in sheets. Emily paused in the doorway for one final good-bye look at the house that had been her home for so many years. Then she stepped out into the cold rain. Without looking back, she put the box in the back seat of her car, got into the front, backed out of the driveway and drove down the rain-drenched street.

When she drove into the driveway of the house on Oakdale Drive, Kim and Amy were sitting on her front porch. They waved and shouted greetings as she stopped her car. The rain had slowed to a fine drizzle. Emily ran from the car to the front porch. “What are you doing here?"

"We thought we should stay with Boo until you got home,” Kim explained, “and we wanted to remind you again that you're coming to our house for supper after services."

Emily unlocked the door and invited them inside. They refused. “Evening services start in an hour,” Kim said, as Amy waved good-bye.

Emily stepped across the threshold. A bone-chilling cold had settled over the cluttered room. “What a mess.” She couldn't face trying to make order from this chaos, not now. She showered and dressed and went to evening services.

She found a seat on the back pew just as the strains of the last hymn were dying away and Dennis was stepping to the podium. She was struck anew by his magnificent physique and commanding presence. As he began to speak, Emily's mind drifted back to the events of the afternoon. Robert's unexpected declaration of love had hit her with the force of an earthquake; now aftershock had set in, leaving her shaken by tremors of indecision. She wanted to believe again, to trust again, but somewhere along the way, skepticism had eroded her faith. Now wisdom, an abstract from that painful past, made her wary of any promise for the future. Forcing her mind back to the present, Emily folded her hands in her lap and listened to Dennis's eloquent discourse extolling the virtues of forgiveness.

Dinner with the Morrisons was a welcome reprieve from the trying stress of the afternoon. By the time the meal had ended, Emily felt relaxed and rejuvenated, Larry was all smiles and Kevin was telling stupid, pointless jokes that made everyone laugh.

Larry left immediately after dinner, explaining that he had to drive back to Austin tonight. As his car pulled out of sight, Emily said her good-byes to Kevin and the Morrisons and began the short walk to her new home. A brisk north wind had blown the clouds away. Stars as bright as diamonds were scattered across night sky. She was almost to her front door when she heard someone calling out, “Mom, wait up.” Turning, she saw Kevin hurrying toward her.

He caught up to her. “I want to talk to you."

The catch in his voice told her this was something serious and she wasn't up to another soul-searching conversation. “I'm very tired."

"This can't wait.” Kevin followed her onto the front porch.

Emily put her key in the lock. “Is there a problem?"

Kevin answered, “That's what I'm here to find out."

That was a strange statement. Emily flipped the light switch and took her key from the door. “The house is a mess."

"And like an igloo.” Kevin closed the door behind him. “Where's the thermostat?"

Emily pointed to the square box mounted on the wall in the hall. “It's there but it's not working.” She rubbed her hands along her upper arms. “It's not usually so cold this time of year."

"It needs to be turned on.” Kevin lifted the little glass lid and turned a knob inside. “Does it seem odd being here in this strange house instead of home?"

Emily welcomed the sudden warm blast of air that filled the room. “You didn't come here to talk about my new house.” She gestured toward a chair stacked high with boxes. “Put those boxes on the floor and sit down.” Perching on the only empty chair in the room, she folded her hands and waited.

Kevin looked around the cluttered living room. “Is this house going to be big enough for you?"

"Now that I've gotten rid of a lot of excess baggage, Boo and I should be very comfortable here."

Kevin stretched his feet out in front of him and stared at the toes of his shoes. “What the hell is going on between you and Dad?"

Emily was amazed that he would ask such a personal question. Her laugh didn't quite cover her annoyance. “No one could ever accuse you of being subtle."

Kevin asked again, this time more emphatically, “What is going on between you and Dad?"

Emily didn't owe Kevin an explanation, but she half-heartedly offered one. “What has always been going on; Robert and I have a long history and mutual concerns."

Even her not-so-observant Kevin recognized her deceit. “When we came into that room, the air was tense enough to ignite. Is Dad giving you a bad time about something?"

"Certainly not,” Emily snapped. “Your father and I are on the best of terms.” Kevin's scowl made her add, “Is it so hard for you to believe that a divorced couple can be friends?"

"Friends,” Kevin hooted. “You two aren't friends. And I'm not the only one who sensed something was wrong today. Stacy noticed, too."

"You were both imagining things,” Emily declared with more bravado than she felt. She wanted to add that her relationship with her ex-husband was none of Stacy's business. Prudence made her reconsider and hold her tongue.

"Maybe we were,” Kevin acknowledged slowly, “but I don't think so and neither does Larry."

"Larry?” Emily echoed. “You talked about this with Larry?” She didn't like the idea of her sons discussing a very private aspect of her personal life.

"He's the one who brought it up.” Kevin smiled wryly. “He said he thought you and Dad were quarreling again."

So her sensitive Larry had been the one who had picked up on the obvious. “Why didn't you just take an ad in the personal column of the newspaper?"

Kevin answered, “We thought about confronting you and Dad together. Then Dennis pointed out that—"

Annoyance was plunging headlong into full-blown anger. “What goes on between Robert and me is none of your business, nor is it any of Larry's concern. Dennis Morrison is way out of line even listening to such prattle from the two of you. That he would offer advice is unforgivable."

"Not really,” Kevin argued with practiced lawyer-ease. “Dennis is almost a part of the family and he's also a certified counselor. But he didn't pry, we asked for his advice."

"This is certainly an about-face,” Emily observed, caustically. “I didn't know you were that fond of Dennis and I always suspected that he disapproved of you."

"He did at first. Then he changed his mind."

"That was after he got to know you,” Emily taunted.

"No. It was after he got to know you. Dennis likes you, Mom. He likes you a lot."

"That doesn't give him license to interfere in my life."

Kevin raised an eyebrow. “And how about Larry and me? Don't we have some rights? You are our mother."

He was striking where Emily was most vulnerable. The last thing she wanted was to hurt her sons. “And Robert is your father,” she asserted, striving for dignity and not quite achieving it.

Kevin straightened his back and crossed his legs. “And I did show up and talk to him, just like you asked me to do. It wasn't much as conversations go, but we are on speaking terms now."

Emily bit her tongue to keep from asking what they had talked about. “That's a start."

Kevin's voice was resigned. “Don't go looking for miracles, Mom. Things between Dad and me will never be the same as they were before he left us."

How could a grown man entertain such an infantile idea? “Your dad didn't leave you."

Much to her annoyance, Kevin said, “That's not the way it seems to me, but Dennis agrees with you. That's one of the things he told us when we talked."

Was her elder son deliberately trying to send her into a fit of rage? If he was, he was very close to succeeding. She asked, even though she knew she shouldn't. “What else did Dennis say to you?"

"Several things, some I didn't want to hear.” Kevin leaned forward. “Damn it, Mom, I still haven't figured out what happened to Dad. He was on his feet and pacing between the boxes in the room. “Just about the time I come to terms with what happened and accept that he's gone, he comes back around, wanting to be a part of our lives again.” He stopped pacing and ran his hand through his tousled hair. “My forgiveness doesn't extend that far. I don't want him around messing everything up and upsetting everybody all over again."