Love Will Find a Way (20 page)

"Sit down, Kevin,” Emily ordered.

Returning to his chair, Kevin sat down. “He's a sly bastard. The full impact of what he was trying to do didn't hit me until I started talking to Larry and Stacy."

Her son's behavior was indefensible, but his pain was very real. Emily was torn between a desire to comfort and a need to reprimand. “Don't call your father names.” She was set to say much more when she realized that less than eight hours earlier, she had twice called Robert that same derogatory name and to his face.

Kevin bounded to his feet again. “Dennis says that middle-aged men sometimes get involved in affairs that don't last and then they begin to have second thoughts.” He came to stand directly in front of his mother. “Promise me you won't let him screw your life up again."

Emily pushed herself to a standing position. It was all she could do to contain her anger. “I appreciate the thought behind your concern, but you are prying into things that you have no right to call into question."

"I didn't mean to sound so dictatorial.” Kevin stepped back. “I've been a little overwrought since we talked to Dennis this afternoon."

Emily raised an eyebrow. “And who is we?"

"Larry and Stacy and me.” Kevin glanced at his watch. “It's late. I have to go."

Emily wanted to assure Kevin that he could trust his father not to hurt him again. At the same time, she wanted to give him a good tongue lashing for being so judgmental. How could she do either when the same doubts and fears that Kevin had voiced plagued her like a persistent ache? “Why don't we give this some more time and see how everything goes?"

Kevin shook his head from side to side. “You think time cures all ills and heals all wounds. Well this time, it won't."

Tomorrow Emily intended to call Robert and find out what he had said to Kevin that had upset him so badly. And then she was going to have a long talk with The Reverend Dennis Morrison. “Goodnight, Kevin. Try not to worry. In time things will work themselves out."

"My mother, the optimist,” Kevin mocked as he closed the door.

Emily stared at the bare walls of her living room and thought that her life was like her house, messy and strange and littered with useless items while some of the more essential elements had been lost in the chaos of change. After awhile she called Boo from the back yard and spread a mover's quilt in the corner of her bedroom for him. Then she went to bed, but it was a long time before she slept.

The next few days were busy ones. Emily's intention to call Robert was lost in the press of work by day and straightening her house at night. Robert called once and left a message on her answering machine. He was polite but distant, asking her how she liked her new house and inquiring about her state of health. It was late in the week before she realized that several days had slipped by and he hadn't called again.

Late Friday afternoon, Emily rang his office and left a message inviting him to dinner. Keeping her voice impersonal and her message formal, she said she would understand if he couldn't make it on such short notice.

Robert was waiting on the front porch when she drove into the driveway that evening. He called to her as she opened the car door. “Am I early? You didn't specify a time."

Emily hung her purse over her shoulder and lifted a bag of groceries from the car seat. “I'm late. I had a last minute conference and then I stopped by the store."

Robert hurried to meet her. “Let me have your groceries."

Emily dumped the paper bags into his arms. “I hope you don't mind deli food.” She hurried up the steps and opened the front door, then held it for Robert to enter. “Just take it into the kitchen."

Robert looked around the living room. “Where's Boo?"

"The twins have him. They take him for a walk in the afternoon and keep him until after dinner."

Robert followed Emily into the kitchen and set the bag on the table. “I had about decided you weren't going to return my call."

Emily opened the bag, glad for a task that kept her hands busy and her eyes averted. “I've been busy at work and the house was a terrible mess. I finally had to call a cleaning service. They came yesterday and set the place in order.” She took items from the bag. “I got baked chicken and a salad. I hope that's okay with you."

Robert slipped out of his coat and hung it on the back of a kitchen chair. “Relax, Emily. I'm not going to make unwelcome advances, or embarrass you by baring my soul to you again."

Emily opened a package of paper plates, realizing as she did so, that her hands were shaking and her backbone was as rigid as a stretched spring. “I'm glad you could make it on such short notice."

"I thought it must be important.” Robert dropped into a chair. “I'd offer to help, but I don't know where anything is."

Emily opened a drawer and rummaged around for a spoon. “I'm not sure I do either."

Robert's steady stare followed her every action as she moved back and forth between the cabinet and the table. “I hope you'll be comfortable here.” He made some inaudible comment under his breath.

Was it that exaggerated sense of guilt that made him want to set things right between them, or was it just plain loneliness? Maybe it was a little of both. “I'm very comfortable here. This place has many advantages. It's smaller, easier to keep and nearer work.” She opened cartons of food and set them on the table. “Did you get what you wanted from the junk in the attic?"

Robert said, “I took all of it."

Surprise halted Emily's hand in midair. “Even the baby crib and that old chest?” She dropped her hand and stared at him. “You don't have room for all that junk in your apartment. Where did you put it?"

"I don't think of memorabilia from our life together as junk. I rented a storage space."

Emily could think of no answer to that so she changed the subject. “How is George?"

"He's had to slow down but he seems to be doing well.” Robert leaned back in his chair. “He and Mom were surprised when I told them you'd moved. They asked me why."

"The other house was too big and too far from my work."

"Why did you choose this particular house?” Robert asked, “Was it because it was so near the Morrisons?"

There was just enough scorn in his voice to make Emily stiffen, “Certainly not!” Her words rang hollow in her own ears. Subconsciously, did she see in the Morrisons a substitute for the husband she had lost and the daughters she would never have? “I do enjoy being with the twins and they help me with Boo.” She motioned for Robert to move his chair to the table.

They ate in uncomfortable silence. Once or twice, Emily stole a glance in Robert's direction. He seemed completely absorbed in eating his meal. Finally she found the courage to say, “I'm going to ask you a personal question. I'll understand if you choose not to answer."

Robert's fork made a clattering sound as it hit the table. “About what?” he asked defensively.

Emily drew a deep breath. “I want to know what you said to Kevin when the two of you talked last Sunday."

Robert took a quick sip of water. “Why do you ask?"

Emily pushed her plate away. “Kevin talked to me later that night. He was upset."

"And he came crying to Mamma, why didn't you ask him what happened?"

"It wasn't just what you said. Kevin, or more to the point, Stacy, picked up on the fact that you and I were ... Stacy thought we were...” She faltered, not knowing quite how to delicately word an indelicate assumption. “Stacy felt the tension in the room. So did Larry. They said as much to Kevin."

Robert wadded his napkin into a little ball and dropped it in his cup. “Is this about what Stacy felt, what Larry assumed, or what I said to Kevin?"

"A little of all three,” Emily admitted with reluctance.

"And what about me and how I felt?” Does that matter to you at all?"

"You know it does.” Emily felt tension tighten in her stomach.

An enigmatic smile twisted his lips. “After what I've done, I can't imagine why you'd give a damn."

Emily asked point blank, “Did you quarrel with Kevin?"

"We traded a few insults and then I told Kevin to mind his own business.” Robert vaulted to his feet. “Is that what you called me here for?"

Emily was reluctant to admit that it was. “I was concerned."

Robert put both hands in his pockets and raised his head to stare at the ceiling. “Was that concern for me or for Kevin?"

Emily replied, “For both of you, of course."

Robert sat back down in his chair. “But mostly for Kevin.” He closed his eyes and grimaced, as if in pain. “This is between you and me, Emily, no one else has any part in it."

"Robert, please, try to—” Emily's response was interrupted by a knock and the sound of the back door opening.

Kim stood into the kitchen entrance. “We brought Boo home. He's in the backyard."

Amy peeped over her sister's shoulder. “We gave him his dinner."

Emily motioned with one hand. “Come in. Would you like something to eat?"

"We've had dinner.” Kim entered slowly, with Amy following close behind. Kim stopped when she saw Robert and inclined her head in his direction. “What's he doing here?"

Emily chuckled. Kim had all the finesse of a steamroller. “He's having dinner. Can't you say hello?"

Before Kim could answer, Amy put her hand on her sister's shoulder. “We have to go.” It was obvious that neither of the twins was happy about Robert being at Emily's house.

Emily stood. “Thanks again for looking after Boo."

"We love taking care of him.” Kim turned to go. “Don't forget, you're going to the museum with us tomorrow. The bus leaves at nine o'clock."

"I'll be ready.” Emily closed the door behind the departing girls and turning leaned against it. She was surprised to see Robert putting on his coat. “Do you have to go?"

"You don't have time for me.” Robert buttoned his coat and turned up his collar. “You never did.” Turning his back to her, he walked away.

She followed him into the living room. “You're walking away from me again."

He stopped and stood perfectly still. “Maybe that's because you're rejecting me again."

Emily knew the pain rejection could bring. “Don't go away angry. We can talk about this."

"I'm not angry.” He stood with his back to her and his feet wide apart.

Emily extended both hands in a pleading gesture. “You sound angry. Can we talk about this?"

"I've been trying to talk to you for twenty-five years and you've never yet found the time to listen."

"I will now, if you'll give me a chance. I don't understand why you think I've rejected you."

"Then I'll spell it out for you.” He turned to face her. “I want to be number one in your life. Call it jealousy, call it childishness, call it what you will, but that's the way it is. I want to be the most important person in your life and I never have been."

Over the past several years, she had neglected him and she had paid a bitter price for her folly. “Surely you don't resent me going on an outing with a group of teenagers from the church.” She extended her hand toward a vacant chair. “Stay awhile, we can talk."

"For how long, until the next phone call, or the next unannounced visitor shows up, or you remember some chore that just can't wait?"

Something in the tone of his voice made Emily know if he went away now, he might never come back again. “There won't be any interruptions. If someone calls, the answering machine will pick it up. If someone knocks, I won't answer the door. I won't even bother to bring Boo inside."

Robert sat down on the couch and patted the space beside him. “Come sit beside me."

Emily opted for the chair across from him. “Where do we start?"

"You tell me, Emily. Tell me what I have to do to bring you back to me."

She looked at him with a pathetic mixture of hope and doubt. “Tell me about Susan."

Robert's turned pale. “That's over. It has been for a long time. Can't we concentrate on us and how we can find our way back to each other?"

"That's what I want more than anything in the world but if we ever hope to do that, we have to find out what went wrong in the first place. That means you have to tell me about the other woman."

Robert took off his coat again, and tossed it on a footstool. “I could say it just happened, or blame Susan, but the truth is I was attracted to her first and I made the first overtures."

Over a rush of pain, Emily asked, “Did you love her?"

"No. I thought I did, at first. By the time I realized it was nothing more than infatuation and a need for the attention of a desirable woman, it was too late. I had already asked you for a divorce."

"You could have come to me and told me you wanted to try again. Why didn't you?"

"Because I didn't think it would do any good.” He gave her a faint dubious smile. “You'd made a new life for yourself, right down to finding another man to take my place."

It took a while for those words to register. “Do you mean Thad?"

"I'm not blaming you. I let you go, but knowing you were with another man almost killed me."

"Thad was never more than a good friend."

Skepticism raised Robert's brows. “I'd ask how good a friend, but I don't want to know. I blame myself for pushing you into the arms of another man."

"And I blame myself for your affair with Susan.” Emily had never had the courage to admit that before. “If I hadn't been so blind and so selfish—"

"No!” Robert's cry rent the air. “You can't blame yourself for my stupid mistakes. If I had known, if I could have foreseen the far-reaching effects of my folly, it never would have happened. It's like throwing stones into a pool. The ripples keep expanding. I've lost your love and my parents’ respect, I've alienated my children and still the circle widens.” His jaw clenched. “I've sold my share in the real estate firm."

"Why?” Shock caused the word to stick in Emily's throat.

"A combination of self preservation and regret, Susan is a partner in that business. Seeing her every day, having to work with her only sharpens my guilt."

Emily felt a moment of pity for the other woman. Then all her concern turned toward Robert. “If you need money, I realized quite a profit from the house."