Loved by You (21 page)

“Hard to picture Mom camping out.”

“It’s the reason we live this way now. She vowed one day she’d have all the luxury she wanted. Determined woman, your mother.”

The wonder and love in his voice made her think of Will. Her heart constricted.

“We knew that we’d make it. We just needed a break, one person to give us the space to prove what we could do. We thought it was Harbor Fire.”

“And it was.”

“Yes, but what you don’t know is that we snuck on stage before the real opening band could and began to play. We called ourselves the pre-opening. Before anyone figured out what had happened and could come escort us off stage, we had the crowd.” His eyes shone with the sweetness of memory. “Your mother had them at the first note. I still get goosebumps thinking of her singing that night. She sang from her soul, as though she was channelling angels.”

He faced Bijou, his gaze clear and direct. “Do you understand what I’m telling you, Ruby Red? Decide what you want and don’t take no for an answer.”

She got goosebumps now. “You think I should crash the concert and sing regardless of what Mom said?”

“Of course not. I know better than to suggest such a thing.” His eyes twinkled. “I’d never contradict your mother.”

His tone said the contrary. She frowned, thinking through the details. “I wouldn’t have a band. Your musicians wouldn’t play with me unless Mom sanctioned it.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure out what you need to do. You’re your mother’s daughter. When I look at you, I see her at your age.” He smiled sweetly. “It’s a lovely thing to see, the beauty love creates.”

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Daddy.”

He stood up. “Nice dress, by the way. You should wear it when you play your set.” He winked at her and began to whistle as he strode out.

She hopped up and unzipped the dress. She was going to perform at the concert—she’d been set on that from the beginning, and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

It’d be a good bouncing off point for her. From now on, she was in charge. Rosalind and Will were right. She was good, and she already had a name as a birthright—there was no getting away from that. She just had to get other people to realize how good she was.

It was time to own it.

First: wowing everyone at the concert, and to do that, there was only one man she wanted at her back. She just wasn’t sure he’d want to hear from her.

Will answered on the second ring. “Bijou?”

His voice sent shivers of excitement up her spine, at the same moment lighting butterflies in her stomach. “I have a proposition for you.”

There was a pause, and then he said, “What makes you think I want to hear it?”

“Because you like me.” She exhaled all her nerves and went for it. “Because if we’re going to have a relationship, I need to trust you enough to ask you to help me.”

“I didn’t realize we were having a relationship,” he said warily.

“I’d like to change that.” She paused and then added, “If you’ve already given up on me, I’m going to be crushed, but I’ll know you weren’t right for me and move on eventually.”

“You’ll be crushed?” he asked with interest.

She frowned. “Of course I’ll be crushed. I told you numerous times that I liked you.”

“Yes, but you didn’t want me to be your boyfriend.”

“Clearly I had no idea what I was saying. But I’m asking you to be my boyfriend now.”

“Why?” he asked baldly.

“Because I miss you. Because I like talking to you, even when you reply like a shrink.”

“I am a shrink.”

“I won’t hold that against you.” She sighed. “Secretly, I like that you’re a musician, too. I like that you understand me, and that you can play with me.”

“We play well together.”

“We do,” she said softly, thinking of the way he kissed her. “I want to play more.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, just as softly.

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

She frowned. “Okay, what?”

“I’ll be your boyfriend.” She could hear the smile in his voice. “Now that that’s taken care of, what do you need my help with?”

Something that felt an awful lot like love swelled in her chest. She swallowed it down—when she told him how she felt, she didn’t want there to be any doubt that she meant it purely for who he was.

But for now … “Will Shaw, you rock.”

He laughed. “So do you, Bijou Taylor, and I can’t wait until the world knows it, too.”

Chapter Twenty-six

Head down, KT walked through the foundation to the music room in the back.

Ashley was already there, fingers warming up on the keyboard. She was shrouded in all black, and her hair fell forward into her face with the intensity of her playing.

KT paused to listen. Amazing—it played like a loving conversation, with whispers and moments of passion. It was something Ashley had made up on her own—maybe the girl was making it up on the fly. How did someone that young understand emotion that deep? It’d taken KT thirty years to get it.

The girl had crazy potential. It made KT feel bad about what she was about to do.

She pushed forward. “What is that noise you’re making?” she called out.

Ashley lifted one hand in a brief one-finger salute and then continued playing.

KT couldn’t help smiling. She was going to miss this kid. She grabbed a chair and set it next to the bench, waiting for her to finish.

The girl went on for five more minutes before the music ran out. She stopped and faced KT with a scowl. “You better not tell me to play it in another key.”

It’d been perfect the way it was—not that KT would admit that. “I’m done torturing you, Spike.”

Ashley frowned, looking fierce with all her black eye makeup. “What?”

“I’m done. I’m out. You can find a teacher you like to learn from.” She swallowed her sadness. Somewhere along the way, this surly girl had crawled under her skin. Just like Chance.

The bench legs screeched as Ashley pushed back from the piano. “You’re just going to quit?”

“You didn’t want me here to begin with,” she pointed out. “You’ve argued with me every step of the way.”

“Well, yeah.” Ashley’s expression said
duh
. “It’s what teenagers do. But adults are supposed to fight back and put us in our place.”

KT threw her hands in the air. “Well, excuse me if I didn’t get the memo.”

“You said you weren’t going anywhere.”

“Well, things change, kid.”

Ashley’s eyes narrowed, and she put her hands in her hips. “So what do you want?”

Completely lost, KT shook her head. “What do you mean?”

“What do you want to stay?” The girl waved her hand, motioning to bring it on. “You want me to practice more? You want me to study the scales? What?”

“There’s no bargaining here. This is my last day.”

Ashley slammed the keyboard cover down and yelled, “Well, screw you if you’re giving up on me.”

KT gaped at the girl and then stood up, her hand outstretched. “I’m not giving up on you.”

“Yeah right.” The girl barked an ugly laugh as she stomped out of the room.

“I’m not,” KT called after her. Because really she was giving up on herself.

Chance’s words popped into her brain for the millionth time:
You’re a coward
.

KT wanted to deny it—they raised her hackles each time she replayed them in her head. But she couldn’t argue with him. He was right—she was totally a coward. What she was doing to Ashley was all because she couldn’t man up.

It pissed her off.

“You okay in here?” Gwen asked, peeking in from the doorway.

“No.”

Gwen smiled and walked in. “Ashley seemed really upset.”

KT nodded. “I told her I wasn’t going to give her more lessons.”

“Bummer.” Gwen sat on the bench and ran her fingers across the keys in a jaunty rendition of a Bach sonata.

“You play?” KT asked, surprised.

“Remnants of my misspent youth,” the woman said. “My mother insisted it was proper for a young lady to play. I really just wanted to play drums.”

“You should have had my parents. You could have played it all.”

Gwen shrugged. “I believe we get the parents who can teach us the most, even when it’s what we
don’t
want.”

“You play the hand you’re dealt,” she said, remembering Chance’s words.

“Looks like you’re folding,” Gwen said with a knowing look.

“Damn it, I know. I’m letting everyone down. Bijou, my mom, Ashley, Chance, and myself.” She stood up and began to pace. “But I’m just not cut out to be in the limelight like Bijou. Why do they think I should do that? Bijou can have the adoration. I just want to play my music in peace.”

“So play your music.” The woman nodded at the piano.

Fear froze KT mid-step.

Gwen came up to her and took her arms gently. She was a petite woman, but she radiated larger than life. “My grandmother once told me that the gift of life comes with a price; you have to live it to its fullest. To waste the gift is sacrilege. She used to say it was the same as taking someone else’s life.”

“Harsh.”

She shrugged. “My grandmother wasn’t a woman to mince words.”

“Did she say anything about fear?”

“That it was nature’s way of ensuring we didn’t grow too bold.”

“I don’t think I’m in danger of that.” KT took a deep breath and exhaled. So she was killing herself by not living to the fullest. “My mom would agree with your grandmother.”

“My grandmother was a wise woman. She’d have liked you. She’d have given you this”—Gwen reached up on her tiptoes and kissed both KT’s cheeks, in a French way—”and told you to walk bravely.”

The thing was, she
wanted
to walk bravely. She thought about it as she headed home. People didn’t understand how awful it felt for her to play in front of an audience. She didn’t want it to be that way.

Chance’s words flashed in her mind.
Then play by different rules
.

To release her music by herself seemed so hard. She’d have to get a production team, and someone to do cover art.

But her music would have a purpose instead of just sitting on top of her piano.

Growling, she pulled her hair. She needed space to think.

So, of course, she ran into her mother in the garden before she could escape unnoticed to her cottage.

“Hello, sweeting,” her mother said, looking up with a smile. She wore a floppy hat you’d expect on a gardener and was using a hand shovel to dig up some flower from the bed in front of her.

She hadn’t seen her mom since that night when she broke off the fake engagement. She didn’t know what she expected, but it wasn’t the pleasant greeting she received.

KT approached cautiously, waiting for the fallout. When her mom kept digging, KT finally exclaimed, “That’s it? You’re not going to lay into me, or give me a guilt trip?”

“You feel guilty enough already, Karma.”

She sat cross-legged on the grass next to her mom. “So this is reverse psychology?”

Sighing, Lara laid aside the tool and stripped off her gloves. “Come here, sweeting.”

KT took her mom’s hand and scooted closer. Her mom angled herself toward her. “None of this was about torturing you. I simply want you to break out of your funk.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Funk?”

“Darling, you’ve been in a funk since you were four years old, and it’s my fault.” Lara sighed sadly. “I’ve relived that moment in my mind so many times all these years, wishing I’d done something differently. I’d just been so proud of you and wanted to show you off. Then when you froze and got so upset, I tried to compensate for my blunder by letting you retract into a shell. I thought eventually you’d break free.”

“You blame yourself?” KT asked incredulously.

“Of course I blame myself. I’m your mother. If I’d been less proud, if I’d reacted quicker, if I’d insisted you get back on the proverbial horse instead of coddling you …” She frowned. “I should have done something.”

“Mom, this isn’t your fault. It’s my life.”

“You can’t honestly tell me you’re happy with your life, Karma.”

She had been, until she realized what she’d been missing.

Lara brushed aside KT’s bangs. “I thought you’d made some headway with your music and Chance. What happened?”

She huddled into herself. “I got scared. Chance was right.”

“Oh, Karma, everyone gets scared.” Her mom cupped her face. “That’s where people we love come into play. They hold our hands and help us get through the times we need support.”

“You don’t get scared.”

Lara laughed. “My love, for the first year after we hit the big time, I used to vomit before every show. I blamed you of course—”

“Me?”

“Morning sickness.” Lara grinned. “But truth of the matter was I only threw up right before going on stage. Anson, my dear, sweet husband, held my hair and rubbed my back and then we’d go on stage as if nothing had happened. I was always okay once I was on stage, but right before I was a mess.”

KT shook her head. “I didn’t know.”

“Well, it’s not glamorous.” Lara smiled. Then she sobered and squeezed KT’s hand. “I know performing isn’t your thing, but making music is, and you’re selling yourself short by not finding a way to do what you’re meant to do.”

“And if I still don’t want to perform in the concert?”

“I love you no matter what, Karma. I can’t say I won’t be disappointed, but this is your decision.” Her mom hesitated and then said, “Karma, isn’t there
anyone
you trust enough to play in front of?”

Chance. She’d still been terrified but not so much that she’d completely frozen.

“He loves you,” her mom said, reading her mind. She squeezed KT’s hand. “If you asked him back, he’d come. With a small amount of groveling, of course.”

“You think so?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think, Karma. Don’t you think he will?”

She remembered the way he’d looked at her right before he’d walked away, like he’d wanted her to come after him. She got to her feet and brushed off her butt. “I’m going to make sure he does.”

Her mom smiled wide. “There’s my girl.”

Since the night of the ill-fated engagement party, KT had come to three conclusions.