Love's Deception (15 page)

Eighteen

Cat glanced across the wide-open expanse of eastern Oregon. Like waves on the ocean, the rolling mountains and hills stretched as far as she could see. Both Danny and her mother slept. There was ample time for thinking as she drove. The trip had been a good distraction, helping her put the bad memory of Ty behind her. Or so she tried to convince herself.

Her mother had spent time with Grandma Benson. Danny had spent time with his cousins, since two of Eric’s sisters lived in the Boise area. Cat had gone back and forth between the two. Ty had called her cell phone every day, but she hadn’t answered. Hadn’t she made it clear that it was over? Had it ever even stood a chance? He wasn’t a member of the Church. They didn’t have the same values and beliefs. They lived in different states. And he’d lied. Plain and simple, he couldn’t be trusted. Cat rolled her eyes at herself in the rearview mirror. If he weren’t so darn good-looking, she wouldn’t have gotten herself into this mess in the first place.

On the drive to Idaho last week, while Danny slept, Cat had told her mother everything. Every romantic memory made painful by Ty’s betrayal. Her mother had listened. She was a talented listener, and her struggle with cancer had fine-tuned her skill to another level. With the patience of Job she took it all in, refraining from giving her opinion until Cat asked for it.

“So, what do you think, Mom?” she’d said.

It took her mother several seconds to answer. “In spite of my initial reservations, I ended up liking him.”

Cat waited for her mother to continue. But Sally looked out the window, perfectly content to observe the scenery. “Mom, you liked him, but . . . what?”

Her mom looked across the truck’s bench seat and smiled. “No buts. I just liked him. And I liked how happy you were when you were with him.”

Cat gave an exasperated sigh. “But he dated me while he had a girlfriend in California. He let me think he lived here when he didn’t. He let me tell everyone he was a farmer when he was a CPA. How much farther from the truth can you get than that? How can I love someone I can’t trust?”

“I’m still waiting for you to tell me why he chose to keep those facts a secret,” her mother said. “He must have had a reason he felt was valid. What was it?”

Cat groaned to herself.
Why can’t she just agree with me for once? Say something like “That’s awful, Cat. Good riddance. You're better off without him.” But what does she say instead?“I liked him. You were happy.
”

Finally, Cat shook her head and mumbled, “I don’t know.”

“You didn’t give him a chance to explain, did you?”

“Not exactly.”

“I hope you don’t let your quick tongue and your pride undermine your happiness.”

The loving smile on her mother’s face softened the reprimand, but still Cat felt the familiar rush of anger. “Mom, it served him right. For Pete’s sake, his girlfriend called during our date on Wednesday to remind him about spending Friday night with her at a beach house. How much more evidence does a person need?”

Her mom shrugged nonchalantly as if to say she wouldn’t be dragged into an argument over this. So Cat let the subject drop.

For Cat, the next two weeks were a whirlwind of visits to the hospital. Her mother’s operation went well, except that the surgeon found the cancer to be more widespread than even the MRI had suggested. He did what he could, but it was an aggressive form of cancer. Cat had no need to ask for clarification. Her mother was dying. It wasn’t that Cat didn’t believe in miracles—she did, actually. The Atonement and Resurrection of Christ were miraculous, as were the blessings of the temple. Her mother would pass away, but they would be together again one day. That was a consoling thought. But surviving the remainder of her days and raising Danny alone? At night Cat buried her head in her hands while silent tears soaked her palms.

In the middle of all the chaos, Danny had his seventh birthday. Cat bought a cake and a few presents on her way home from the hospital. She stuffed the presents into two large gift bags. He’d wanted a party, one with friends and a piñata. It didn’t happen, and Cat felt terrible. Poor little guy. He deserved more than she had to give at the moment.

Considering how life had treated her in the past seven and a half years, she wondered where she’d be in five more. Danny would turn twelve and receive the priesthood. And five years after that? He would be seventeen—almost an adult, preparing to leave on a mission. A year later, Cat could be alone. Her heart raced in her chest as if trying to flee from the anxiety. The future was too uncertain to contemplate now. She would focus on the present.

Every day she dealt with Danny’s questions about Ty. Her son didn’t understand, and she grew tired of explaining a situation she didn’t fully understand herself.

The night her mom came home from the hospital, Cat went to check on her before bed. Her mother offered a weak smile. “Sit with me a while.”

Cat lowered herself slowly onto the bed, careful not to jar her mother. She didn’t trust herself to speak.

Her mother took a shallow breath and said, “We all have to die sometime, Cat. Open my scriptures to the page I have marked.”

Cat opened the well-worn set of scriptures. “In Luke?”

“No, the one in Alma. Read the verse I underlined for you at the top of the page.”

Cat stared at Alma 12:27. Her mother’s hand must have quivered as she had underlined it, because the lines crossed over the words in places. Cat cleared her throat and began. “But behold, it was not so; but it was appointed unto men that they must die; and after death they must come to judgment, even that same judgment of which we have spoken, which is the end.” Cat wiped a tear from her cheek. “Mom, that’s not what I wanted to hear.”

“I know. And neither did I, but that’s the plan. When we came to earth, we knew we’d die someday. I know the Lord could heal me if He wanted to. But knowing I’ll need to die someday anyway . . . seeing my poor mother die a piece at a time of old age . . . I have to try to be positive about it. Perhaps going now won’t be so bad.”

Cat sat up, new tears running down her cheeks. “Mom, stop. I can’t think about that kind of stuff right now. You can’t give up. The scriptures also say that with God all things are possible to them that believe. Nothing is impossible, and hope and faith precede the miracle. Just don’t stop hoping, Mom. I can’t lose you.”

Her mom opened her arms and Cat crawled into them. She gently stroked Cat’s hair, like she’d done when she was little. “Don’t worry, honey, I haven’t stopped hoping.”

In the warmth and safety of her mother’s arms, Cat felt herself slipping into sleep. But the doors weren’t locked, the lights in the kitchen were on, and the sink was full of dishes. “Mom,” she whispered, “It’s getting late, so I’d better get ready for bed. I love you.”

Her mother stirred. “Good night, my beautiful Catherine. Thank you for all you do for me. I can’t imagine going through this alone.”

In danger of sobbing, Cat simply nodded and left the room.

Over and over, Cat vowed not to think about Ty. But the persistence of her memory battered down her defenses. Her mind played tricks on her. She would see black trucks around town and look to see if it was him, or think she saw his sleeping form next to Danny’s when she walked by his room late at night. And the phone calls. At first he left messages every day, but then his calls tapered off. Secretly, she missed hearing his voice, but not bad enough to swallow her pride and call him back. There was too much going on with her mother to even consider another complication right now.

Between a vacation and a family event in another ward, Cat’s friend Clarka hadn’t been to church in weeks. Cat dreaded the thought of admitting another failed relationship to her, yet it wasn’t as if Clarka was doing much better in that department. After sacrament meeting she made a beeline through the crowd to Cat, who wasn’t surprised to hear her ask, “Where’s your handsome farmer today?”

Might as well get it over with.
“We broke up. And it turns out he’s not a farmer after all. He’s a CPA.”

Before Cat could continue, Clarka smiled and leaned forward. “Girlfriend, that’s even better. You’ve got to get him back. Then you wouldn’t have to worry about your taxes.”

They walked down the hall together toward the Primary room. “Clarka, there’s more to life than taxes,” Cat joked. Then she added in a serious tone, “Besides, he had another girlfriend all along. Down in California. He’s probably gone back to her by now.”

Clarka looked shocked. “That’s awful. After the way he looked at you, I never would have expected that.”

Cat smirked. “That’s men for you.”

“I’ll second that. You never can tell.”

Cat raised her eyebrows when her mother walked down to breakfast one morning in her riding jeans and boots. “What are you doing?” Cat asked.

Her mom took a bowl from the cupboard and a spoon from the drawer. “I’m going riding.”

“Mom, you can’t.”

Her mother harrumphed. “Of course I can. I’m through resting—it’s not helping me anyway. So, I’m going to ride my horse instead.” Cat recognized the nonnegotiable tone, but she didn’t see how her mother could muster the strength to handle her horse. Even simple tasks around the house tired her.

“Do you want me to come with you? I’ll call a friend, see if Danny can—”

“No,” Sally interrupted. “That’s okay.”

“I don’t think you should go alone. What if there’s a problem?”

“I won’t be alone. I’ll be with my horse. And stop worrying, Cat.”

“But . . .”

“You could saddle her up for me, if you want to help me. The saddle weighs more than I’m supposed to lift.”

“Sure, Mom. I can do that,” Cat muttered.

And truthfully, if she were facing terminal cancer, maybe all she would want is one more ride with Ranger.

She paced the barn like a caged lion. Her mother should have been back by now. Finally, Cat pulled Ranger from the field and saddled him. Her mother couldn’t expect her to wait at home forever. Cat left the horse tied to the hitching post and ran to the back door. “Danny,” she yelled, “get your shoes and come on. We’ve got to get on Ranger and go find Grandma.”

He bounded down the stairs and out the door, grinning from ear to ear. Cat studied her son as they walked hand in hand to the barn. He’d never liked horses much. It seemed a person was either born to love them, or not. Danny had obviously inherited his father’s horse gene, not Cat’s. “You excited to go riding, Danny?”