Love's Someday (11 page)

Conversations were going on all around her, but Ashleigh couldn’t concentrate on any of it. Her gaze roved around the room, taking in the comfortable surroundings, then settled on the polished baby grand that sat in the corner. She squinted at the framed photos, recognizing a few of the band and several of Vicki and Chantal. There were also some of Jaclyn and Lindsay and a few of Alex smiling alongside a different woman in each. Ashleigh felt a pang of regret, not for her loss of Alex, but of friends who had been closer to her than her own blood.

Erica’s laugh at something Chantal was saying drew Ashleigh’s focus back to the group. Vicki sat across from them and was studying her the way she did the first day they’d met a lifetime ago. Her dark eyes had no doubt noted every fine line on her face, the slight tremble in her hands, and the way she sat so close to Erica it looked as though they were joined at the hip.

“It’s so good to have you here,” Vicki said as she wiped at her eyes that had grown moist again.

Ashleigh smiled, unable to speak. She wanted to ask,
Don’t you hate me, even just a little?
They seemed so happy to have her there. She could feel and see their love for her, but it was so hard to accept. And then Ashleigh realized she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Eventually, they’d get around to telling her how shitty it was for her to walk away without so much as a word.

“I can’t just sit here and pretend that everything is normal.” All conversation ceased and everyone turned to look at Ashleigh, who felt her face growing hot. When she’d found her voice, it came out a bit louder than she intended. “I just walked out,” Ashleigh said, gesturing with her hands, as if no one in the room understood her point. “Scream at me, do something, but don’t pretend we just lost touch over the years.”

“Okay.” Chantal set her drink down and held up a hand as Vicki tried to intervene. “You broke our hearts. Especially hers,” Chantal said, nodding in Vicki’s direction. “I was angry, and twenty years ago, I would have torn your ass to shreds for doing what you did, but that’s just the point. It was twenty years ago.” Chantal’s voice softened. “I understand why you left, but why cut us out of your life?”

As painful as it was to hear Chantal speak her mind, Ashleigh began to relax. “It was just so much easier to run away.” Ashleigh felt Erica’s arm slip around her waist. “I didn’t want to be forced to think about why and what I was doing. I didn’t want to debate the pros and cons. I just wanted out.” Ashleigh took a shuddering breath. The room was silent as everyone waited for her to continue. She stared at the floor unable to look at Vicki and Chantal.

“After a month or two had passed, I thought about getting in touch, but I figured that you all hated me at that point and I was afraid to face up to it. Then I woke up one morning and a year had passed, and it was just too late.” Ashleigh swallowed hard. “I spent so many years hating Alex, blaming her for everything, but when I was finally honest with myself, it was me I hated. I was the one to blame.”

Chantal exhaled loudly. “We could never hate you, Ash. It just hurt us…all of us.”

“Please
forg
—” Ashleigh’s words were buried in Chantal’s shoulder as she pulled her into a hug.

“You’re forgiven,” Chantal said through her tears. Ashleigh felt Erica’s arm slipping from her waist, giving room for Vicki to join in on the hug. When finally they did release each other, Ashleigh noticed Kaitlyn and Drew huddled together sniffing and passing a box of tissues between them. Erica didn’t meet her eyes; instead she stared at the floor. But it no longer felt like a dream. It was real now, and Ashleigh felt her life beginning again at that moment.

Photo album upon album was dragged from every closet and bookcase. Drew, Erica, and Kaitlyn were going through each one as Chantal explained the stories behind some of the more embarrassing moments caught on film.

“Would you like to see the rest of the house?” Vicki asked when Chantal began another tale.

Ashleigh took her hand, welcoming the escape, and followed Vicki down a hall off the den. “This is our guest room,” Vicki said as she switched on a light. “I should say it’s Jaclyn’s room.” Vicki rolled her eyes. “She stays with us at least once a month when she and Lindsay find something new to fight about.”

Ashleigh moved into the room, taking in the décor. It was definitely Vicki’s touch. The rug and curtains matched the muted colors of the plaid comforter on the bed. Nothing floral, all sharp lines, and, of course, impeccably clean. The surfaces in the connecting bathroom shined, accented by the shower curtain and rugs that matched everything in the bedroom. Vicki was still the neat freak that Ashleigh remembered her to be.

“Jac and Lindsay still fight like they used to then?” Ashleigh picked up a brass bell from the bedside table and raised a brow.

“Oh, yes, you can near about set your clocks by them. The bell was for Alex when she had her accident. I keep it as a reminder of the time she spent here.” Vicki moved toward the door.

Ashleigh followed her down the hall to the next room that served as a home office. Both Chantal and Vicki had a desk. Vicki’s was immaculately organized, and Chantal’s was a wreck. Ashleigh smiled at the arguments she was sure it caused. “What kind of accident?” Ashleigh asked as they moved toward the master bedroom.

“She was broadsided by a drunk.” Vicki moved into the master bedroom. It was no mystery who slept where. One bed stand was covered in magazines and assorted junk. The other was tidy. “Look at this.” Vicki moved across the room and opened doors to the twin closets. Clothes and shoes littered the floor of one, while the other was organized. “I love my little pig,” Vicki said with a shrug, “and one day, I’m gonna lose it and roast her ass.” Vicki walked over and looped her arm through Ashleigh’s. “Let’s go out back, and I’ll tell you about Alex because I can tell you’re pretending not to care.”

They slipped through the French doors off the bedroom that led to a private
sunporch
separated from the rest of the backyard. “This is my haven.” Vicki let out a contented sigh as she took a seat and gestured for Ashleigh to join her. “Do you really want to hear about Alex?”

Ashleigh studied the wall of foliage that surrounded the porch and obscured it from the rest of the yard. She would have to plant one of these at home and make her own secret garden. “To be honest, I’m curious about her.”

“Stands to reason,” Vicki said with a slight smile. “She’s changed a lot over the years. I don’t think I truly realized how much until she had to stay here.” Vicki laughed. “Momma McKinney hired someone to tend to Alex once she was released from the hospital. Alex broke her arm, left leg, and a couple of ribs, and couldn’t do much for herself, but she wasn’t about to have a stranger make her use a bed pan. That’s when it got ugly. She called me practically begging to save her.”

Ashleigh tried to imagine the proud woman that she’d known begging anyone for help. “So her mom is still the same?”

Vicki nodded emphatically. “She only visited Alex once in the hospital, then arranged for someone else to care for her.” The disgust was apparent in Vicki’s tone, but the smile returned. “We got really close when we moved her in with us. She was an awful patient at first. She resented not being able to bathe herself or even dress on her own. I guess I would’ve felt the same in her position.”

“I cannot imagine Alexandra McKinney allowing you to bathe and dress her. It must’ve been torture for you both.”

Vicki threw back her head and laughed. “Bathe her? No way. She demanded that I put a lawn chair in the bathtub and hook up one of those handheld showerheads. No,” Vicki shook her head with a laugh, “there was no bathing Alex. I’d help her undress and dress, which included a lot of profanity on both our parts. I saw so many sides to Alex then, and not just the naked ones.” Vicki looked into Ashleigh’s eyes as her face grew serious. “She’s got her regrets, too…she’s…” Vicki shook her head as if searching for the right words. “She’s not what she wanted everyone to believe she was. I hope when you two see each other again, all the hurts of the past will stay in the past.”

Ashleigh plucked a leaf from a neighboring plant and toyed with it. “I know I have to face her. I’m not as nervous about seeing her again as I was you and Chantal.”

“So you’ll come back next weekend for a barbecue? We get together nearly every Sunday.”

Ashleigh found it hard to reject the offer. She wanted to see the rest of her
bandmates
, but it was the hopeful look on Vicki’s face that she couldn’t deny.

“I’m touching your grill,” Chantal called from somewhere behind the foliage, “and I’m armed with chicken covered in marinade.”

Vicki rolled her eyes and grinned. “Be right there, dear.”

“Okay, but hurry because something’s on fire that I don’t think is supposed to be.”

Ashleigh followed Vicki through the foliage to the main patio, where Drew and Erica were seated at a table still looking at the photo albums. Kaitlyn was sitting at the edge of the pool with her feet dangling in the water. Ashleigh looked at it longingly. It seemed Chantal was reading her thoughts when they joined her at the grill.

“We should’ve told you to bring your swimsuits. We’re gonna be closing it down for the winter soon, so somebody should take advantage of it.”

“It’s September, sweetie. We won’t put the cover on until the end of November. There’s plenty of time.” Vicki gave Chantal a playful nudge. “You’d close it up now if I’d let you.”

Chantal made a face. “The upkeep is a pain in the ass.”

“What are you fussing about?” Vicki asked as she laid the chicken out on the grill. “Alex is the one that keeps it up.”

“Right and it’s a pain in the ass for her.”

“She lives close by then?” Drew asked the question that was going through Ashleigh’s mind.

“She lives around the corner.” Chantal pointed to an opening in the fence situated between two large oaks. “The house that used to sit on the lot behind us burned down last year.” Chantal wrinkled her nose. “Messy divorce. If you go through the lot and make a right on the street, she’s the second driveway on the left.”

Drew filled Ashleigh in on the music store that Chantal and Vicki owned, which obviously did well for them. Their home was in one of the more expensive areas of Baton Rouge, and she knew what little money they’d made as musicians years ago wasn’t supporting any of them now. She wondered what Alex did to support herself. Did Momma McKinney still fund her every whim?

“Didn’t you say she was a lawyer the night we met?” Kaitlyn asked.

Chantal took a seat next to Kaitlyn. “Yep, she followed in her mother’s footsteps.”

Ashleigh’s head spun with that revelation. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Vicki shook her head and laughed. “I know what you’re about to say, but yes, it’s the same Alex McKinney who said she would rather slit her own throat than go to law school. Not only did she go, but she works with Momma McKinney.”

Ashleigh rubbed her brow. “Will wonders never cease?”

“Jaclyn and Lindsay bought Neiman’s,” Chantal called over her shoulder.

Ashleigh sank down into one of the patio chairs. “Okay, catch me up on the last twenty years, but do it slowly because my head is already spinning.”

Erica smiled at the two distinct snores coming from the backseat. Despite her best efforts, Ashleigh lost her battle and drifted off, leaving Erica alone with her thoughts. She was thankful that no one asked her what she thought of the afternoon. She wasn’t sure how she would’ve answered.

She had to congratulate herself on the stellar performance she put on. She’d spent the afternoon poring over bits and pieces of Ashleigh’s life showcased in photographs. She laughed and joked as though her heart wasn’t deeply wounded. She pretended that it didn’t make her feel like a fool to sit there with everyone else seeing those photos for the first time.

Chantal and Vicki were not what she expected. Erica had imagined them to be middle-aged pot-smoking throwbacks from the eighties, still wearing the same old clothes in hopes that they would come back in style. What she found were two very well put together women who still cared deeply for Ashleigh. Erica liked them, but despite their attempts to make her feel welcome, Erica still felt like she was on the fringe. She wondered if she would ever be able to feel like she belonged in Ashleigh’s old world.

“I’m sorry I dozed off,” Ashleigh said after Erica dropped Drew and Kaitlyn at their door. “I just felt so drained, and I couldn’t keep my eyes open.”

Erica pulled into the garage. “That’s okay. I had enough coffee to keep me up for a week.”

“Did you have a nice time?” Ashleigh asked as she followed Erica into the house.

Erica chewed at her lip as she opened the fridge and fished around for something decaffeinated. She wanted to say, “No I didn’t have a good time, and I can’t believe I agreed to go back next weekend, and the pictures of you and Alex making out especially sucked.” Instead, she said, “I like Vicki and Chantal. They’re a lot of fun.” Erica eyed the orange juice, wondering if the bottle of vodka they kept in the back of the pantry was still there.

If Ashleigh noticed that her question was deftly avoided, she didn’t show it. She reached around Erica and grabbed a bottle of water. “I’m going up to take a quick shower. Are you coming up or do you have work to do?”

“I have a couple of things to look over, then I’ll be up.” Erica smiled weakly as Ashleigh brushed her cheek with a kiss and left the room. Orange juice in hand, Erica rifled through the pantry until she found the vodka. She added enough juice to turn the mixture a pale yellow and strolled into her office with the vodka bottle tucked under her arm and no intention of working. She gulped the drink in three large swallows and clutched her chest as the alcohol burned on its descent.