Love's Someday (15 page)

Erica took her cup of coffee to the kitchen table and sat down. Her gaze settled on the pictures held by magnets to the refrigerator door. One in particular caught her attention. Ashleigh’s face smudged with dirt smiled back at her. She’d taken that picture the day they landscaped the front yard not long after Ashleigh moved in. Erica struggled with reconciling that the woman in the picture was the same one in the videos and pictures she’d seen over the past two weeks. The woman who Ashleigh had been was a complete stranger, a stranger who was now a part of her life whether she wanted it or not.

Erica grimaced when she took a sip from her cup and lukewarm coffee filled her mouth. Glancing up at the clock, she was surprised at how long she’d been sitting there lost in thought. Time for breakfast had come and gone, but so had her appetite.

“Did you sleep at all?” Kaitlyn asked when she climbed into Erica’s SUV. She put on her seat belt and pivoted in the seat so she could look at Erica.

Erica glanced in the rearview and frowned at the dark circles under her eyes. “My allergies always act up when the weather starts to change.” Erica shifted into reverse, hoping that Kaitlyn wouldn’t press her, but her hopes were dashed when Kaitlyn asked her to take the long route to work. “Got something on your mind this morning?” Erica asked as she grudgingly obeyed.

Kaitlyn reached over and laid a hand on Erica’s arm. “You’re troubled, I can see past your poker face.”

Erica’s eyes burned when she faked a smile. Her emotions were closer to the surface than she was comfortable with. She focused on the road and took a sip of coffee that helped force down the lump in her throat. “This is just more of an adjustment than I thought it would be.” Kaitlyn remained silent waiting for her to elaborate. “The videos…I don’t know who that woman is.”

“I’m having a hard time with that, too.”

“You are?” Erica felt immediate relief at Kaitlyn’s admission. “I thought it was just me.”

“No, it’s not just you. Me and Drew talked about it for a long time last night. In the candid stuff, she seemed like the Ashleigh we all know, but in the onstage footage, we didn’t recognize her.” Kaitlyn tapped her travel mug against her teeth for a second as she thought. “She just seemed to morph into someone else. I don’t know how else to describe it.”

“I feel like I don’t know her.” Erica put her empty travel mug in the cup holder and squeezed the steering wheel. “I know she’s dealing with things, too, but…it feels like the woman I do know is slipping away from me.”

“You need to let her know how you feel.”

As Kaitlyn extolled the virtues of communication in a relationship, Erica resumed construction on her emotional fortress. A new brick fit into place each time she was forced to confront Ashleigh’s past.

Ashleigh was startled when the cell phone in her breast pocket vibrated, indicating a text message.
Can we talk?
She felt a twinge of nervousness as she read the words. That phrase always seemed to mean that whatever was going to be discussed was serious, maybe even painful. Her hand shook slightly as she hit the talk button. “Talk about what?” she asked, trying to sound unconcerned.

“I feel bad about putting you on the spot yesterday,” Vicki said. “I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“You’re forgiven, it’s no big deal.” Ashleigh nudged the door to her office with her toe until it closed.

“I think it might be a ‘big deal,’ and I’d like for you to discuss it with me.”

“Vic, it’s…it doesn’t matter if I can’t do it anymore.”

“Have dinner with me tonight. I’ll meet you halfway in Zachary at Chili’s.”

Ashleigh leaned back in her chair and smiled. “You’re as bad as Drew and equally persistent.”

Vicki laughed. “I think we may be sisters. I’m gonna have to ask Mom about the milkman. So, does six work for you? I can make it later if you need me to.”

“Six is fine,” Ashleigh said with a sigh. “Erica’s working late anyway.”

“See ya then.”

Ashleigh had already been grilled by Drew over lunch, and now she’d spend the evening with Vicki doing the same about an equally sensitive subject. Relentless, Drew poked and prodded, wanting to know what it was like to face Alex again. She didn’t want to analyze the innumerable feelings that swept through her during that encounter. Didn’t want to ponder why Alex made her nervous even after the shock of seeing her again wore off. Drew didn’t seem convinced when she’d said that she felt nothing during their reunion. It wasn’t a lie, but not the truth, either.

Erica sounded distracted when Ashleigh called to tell her about the plans with Vicki. Ashleigh could hear Bob Barrett’s voice in the background. “Is Dad checking up on you?”

“Yeah, he says he’s here to help.” Erica sighed. “He’s been telling fishing stories to anyone who’ll sit still long enough. The only people working around here right now are me and Kaitlyn.”

“Should I bring you something to eat?”

“No, if I get hungry, I’ll make something, or I’ll invite myself to dinner at Kaitlyn and Drew’s. Tell Vicki I said hello, okay?”

“Will do, I’ll see you later, love you.”

“Love you too, Ash.”

A last-minute walk-in patient caused her to run late. There would be no time to run home and change. Dressed in Tweety Bird scrubs, Ashleigh plugged her favorite CD in the player and sang along with the music. She struggled to hit a couple of notes, but otherwise her voice still sounded strong to her own ears. If she practiced and got her vocal chords back in shape, then maybe—

What? This foray into her past had dredged up a longing that she hadn’t been able to admit to herself, much less anyone else. She wanted to experience music again. She could’ve sat for hours and played Vicki’s piano and probably would have if Vicki hadn’t pushed her to sing. Playing the piano and guitar were second nature, and she knew it would take her no time at all to master those instruments again. Her voice was another matter. Her parents taught her to demand perfection. The thought of her voice failing her was crippling.

Ashleigh pulled into the parking lot and spotted Vicki standing in front of the restaurant with her cell phone pressed to her ear. She looked good in jeans and a hunter green pullover, making Ashleigh regret even more not being able to change out of her work clothes.

“Look at you,” Vicki said with a grin as Ashleigh approached. She tugged at Ashleigh’s shirt. “I bet you have one of these with Bugs Bunny.”

“I thought I’d dress up for this occasion.” Ashleigh returned the tight hug that Vicki gave her. “And yes, I have two Bugs
Bunnys
.” Ashleigh ran her fingers up the sleeve of Vicki’s lightweight V-neck sweater. “You always did have the best taste in clothes. We need to go shopping so you can make over my wardrobe.”

“It’s a date.” Vicki looped her arm through Ashleigh’s and pushed her way through the door to the restaurant. “It’s the perfect time to shop. There’s always great sales at the end of a season.”

“We’ll have to bring Drew,” Ashleigh said as they were seated. “I’ll never hear the end of it if I go on a shopping trip without her.”

They decided to order appetizers as a meal, Ashleigh’s favorite. Vicki chose nachos, and Ashleigh ordered the Southwestern egg rolls.

Vicki reached across the table and clutched Ashleigh’s hand. “I can’t believe we’re sitting here like this. Remember how we used to spend whole afternoons in IHOP drinking coffee and talking about everything and everyone?”

“Yeah, God, it seems like a lifetime ago.”

Vicki gave Ashleigh’s hand a squeeze before releasing it, then propped her elbow on the table and rested her chin in her palm. “I guess in a way it was,” she said with a wistful smile. “Are you happy with your life now, Ash?”

“I was…I mean I am.” Ashleigh gnawed at her bottom lip as she met Vicki’s gaze. Like Drew, she made Ashleigh feel as though she could read her thoughts and was waiting for her to put voice to them. “I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed you all.”

“And?”

Ashleigh shook her head. “I don’t know. I just feel unsettled. I can’t describe it.”

“Could it be that you’ve ignored a passion for years and now that you’ve been confronted with it, you can’t deny it anymore?”

Ashleigh couldn’t help but smile. “Am I really that transparent?”

“I saw it when you sat down at the piano, then I messed it up when I asked you to sing.” Vicki tilted her head to the side and narrowed her eyes. “You have that same mortified look right now.”

“I’m just afraid that I’ll open my mouth and nothing will come out or what does will sound like nails on a chalkboard.”

“Are you serious?” Vicki asked with a laugh and quickly sobered when Ashleigh didn’t join her. “Ash, you may be a bit rough around the edges, but I’m certain that you haven’t lost the ability. You’ve never sung in front of Erica or Drew even?”

“I haven’t sung in front of another soul since leaving the band.”

Vicki stared at her incredulously. “You’ve never just sung along with something on the radio?”

“Yeah, when I’m alone.” Ashleigh threw up her hands in frustration. “I can’t make myself do it in front of people. Just the thought makes my throat close up.”

Vicki reached over and took Ashleigh’s hand again. “What if I sing with you? Come to the house one night this week, and we’ll work on it, just you and me.”

“I’ll have to think about that,” Ashleigh said as their food arrived. After their drinks were refilled, Vicki moved to another subject.

“Have you had any contact with your family?”

“Nope.” Ashleigh popped a nacho into her mouth, buying herself some time to cope with another uncomfortable topic. “I wrote them a letter once, but it came back undeliverable. I don’t know if they moved or just sent it back unopened.”

“Does it still bother you after all this time?”

“Yes and no. I don’t even know if Mom and Dad are still alive. Kim’s probably married with kids. Hell, she may already be a grandmother by now. It bothers me that I don’t know these things, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t care, either.” Ashleigh let out a weary sigh. “I’m not angry at them anymore, but I doubt I’ll ever forget that they disowned me.”

“Tell me about Erica,” Vicki said, obviously thinking she was veering onto something less disturbing.

“She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me,” Ashleigh admitted without hesitation. “It sounds corny and trite, but I knew the minute I met her that we were going to be together.” Ashleigh smiled as she thought back. “When we started dating, I worked shift work. She’d drive all the way down here to take me to breakfast when I got off at six.” Ashleigh shook her head. “She had to get up at four to be here at that time.”

“What a little trouper. She must’ve really wanted to get into your pants.”

Ashleigh laughed as she tossed a chip at Vicki. “We actually dated for about a month before we slept together.”

“You lie!” Vicki tossed the chip back.

Ashleigh raised her right hand. “I swear. We were both looking for something long-term so we took our time.”

“How does her family feel about your relationship?”

“They were distant in the beginning,” Ashleigh said with a shrug. “Erica dated a few women that they really didn’t like, so when I came along, they were prepared to dislike me, as well. Now they treat me like one of their own.”

“Aw, Ash, I’m really happy for you,” Vicki said with a sincere smile.

Ashleigh waved her off, suddenly feeling embarrassed. “Tell me about you and Chantal. How’ve you two managed to remain together all these years? What’s your secret?”

“Communication and compromise. We learned that the hard way,” Vicki said seriously. “We broke up for a while about ten years ago.”

Ashleigh was stunned. “For how long?”

“About six months.” Vicki took a sip of her tea and pushed her plate away. “That’s a chapter of my life I wish I could go back and rewrite.”

“What happened?”

Vicki shook her head and shrugged. “We just let the relationship stagnate. Working long hours, not spending any time together other than to sit in front of the TV. We fought a lot, and unlike Jaclyn and Lindsay, it drove a bigger wedge between us. One night, she walked out and that was it.”

“I can’t imagine you two being apart. You’ve been together since what, birth?”

“High school,” Vicki answered with a smile. “She was my first and supposed to be my last, but that didn’t happen.”

“Vic, did you cheat on her?” Ashleigh dreaded the answer.

“I would never cheat on her, and she didn’t cheat on me, but we did see other people during our hiatus.”

“I can’t picture you with anyone else. Was it anybody we know?” The smile slipped from Ashleigh’s face as she considered one possibility.

“Alex is like a sister to me, always has been,” Vicki said as one eyebrow rose. “And no, it was no one you knew. Unlike Chantal, I only slept with two other women.
She
plowed as many fields as she could.”

Ashleigh chuckled at the euphemism. “Was it weird being with someone else after only being with Chantal?”

Vicki rested her chin in her hand again. “It was kind of exciting, it was something new, but after everything was said and done, I felt empty. Instead of distracting me, it made me miss her even more. I was miserable.” As if on cue, Vicki’s cell phone rang. She pulled it from her purse and grinned as she looked at the ID. “Speak of the spouse,” Vicki said as she flipped the phone open.