Loving (16 page)

E
VERYTHING ABOUT
C
ODY’S NEW LIFE MADE HIM FEEL LIKE HE’D
slipped into some sort of dream. It was the fourth week of June and he was wrapping up another workout with the Oaks Christian players. They had a long way to go to be ready for fall, but he loved the chance to be part of the solution. Already he’d taught them the most important thing. As the guys ran off the field and huddled up, Cody’s voice rang loud above the grunts of his breathless players. “Okay, men. Let’s wrap this up. Whose way?”

“His way!”

“Whose way?” Cody’s voice rang loud across the huddle, more passionate than before.

The guys responded with a renewed intensity. “His way!” They ran through the chant two more times before Cody dismissed them. Then he turned to the place where she was waiting, where she’d waited for him as often as she could since he moved to Thousand Oaks. He remembered how it touched him that Cheyenne would watch his Lyle practices, but this was different.

He wasn’t only touched that Andi Ellison waited for him near the fence, her long blonde hair dancing in the summer breeze. He was grateful to spend time with her. With Andi he finally understood what Cheyenne had meant about Bailey. If he’d loved Bailey the way he once thought he had, he never would’ve run. He wouldn’t have been afraid. Instead he would’ve wanted to fight for her and stay with her and never let her go.

The way he was beginning to feel about Andi.

They were dating now, a change that had happened his second week in town. But he still hadn’t kissed her. He wanted her to know that his feelings for her were inspired by who she was as a person, the hardships she’d overcome, and how she’d found her way back with God’s help. Same as him. They had both experienced things they shouldn’t have. And for that reason too, Cody felt strongly that kissing could wait. The decision was one way he could honor Andi.

“Hi.” He walked up to her and took her in his arms, hugging her for several seconds before taking her hands in his. “We still on for the bike ride?”

“Look.” She pointed to her convertible Volkswagen Beetle parked nearby. The top was down and two mountain bikes were piled into the backseat, rear wheels down, front wheels balanced against the back. “Hope you didn’t wear yourself out coaching.” Her tone was filled with teasing. “Seriously. The path goes on forever.”

“And it’s right on the beach?”

“Yep.” Andi’s eyes danced, and for a few seconds there was only the two of them in all the world. She took a deep breath and blinked. “When we moved here I was still finding my way back. Understanding what I’d done and why.” Her smile made her look like an angel. “I’d drive down to Santa Monica, rent a bike, and ride for hours. Right along the water. Sometimes I’d stop and read my Bible before going back.” Her eyes narrowed a little, the memory of that time clearly still very much alive for her. “It helped clear my head. Helped me forgive myself.”

Cody wanted to hold her and erase every bit of pain and hurt she’d ever been through. But if things went the way he thought they would, there would be time for that. “I can’t wait.” He ran his thumbs along the sides of her hands. “I want to see this place.”

He led her to the car. His truck wasn’t the best vehicle for LA freeways and traffic, so most of the time they used her car, but
she liked letting Cody drive. “I feel safe with you in charge,” she’d told him a number of times. And always Cody took her words in like life to his bones. Andi needed him. That was this new thing he was feeling. She actually needed him. He smiled at her as they set out.

With her he had a purpose, no question.

They drove to Santa Monica and parked south of the pier. Along the path was the occasional bicyclist or in-line skater, but it was Tuesday and for the most part the beach was empty. Cody breathed in the salty sea air and grinned at her. “It’s gorgeous.”

“I told you.” Andi put the car’s top up while Cody took the bikes from the backseat.

“You described it perfectly.” Cody held onto both bike handlebars and took in the scene around them. “The path literally cuts right through the sand.”

“For miles and miles and miles.” She laughed. “I knew you’d love it.”

The bikes Andi had brought were meant for this sort of ride, and as soon as they set out Cody knew they’d be back often.

Andi explained that north of the pier was more scenic and remote, but south was busier and more interesting. “I usually ride south when I come by myself. It feels safer somehow.”

“Let’s go north.” He grinned. “Remote sounds amazing.”

“Yeah. With you it does.”

“Hmmm.” He put his arm around her and rested his head against hers. “Thanks for that.” She made him feel whole and alive and sure about his faith and future. Just being with her.

He stepped back and they climbed on their bikes. As he did, he smiled at her and even with their sunglasses on he felt their eyes connect, felt the unshakable trust she had in him.

They rode under the pier and after only a few minutes Cody saw what Andi meant. The path ran along vast sections of open beach and breathtaking scenery. But they were the only ones on
this section of the trail. “Andi, this is crazy.” They rode side by side, their pace unhurried. “I didn’t know something like this existed.”

“Only in California.” She lifted her face to the sun, her back straight, hair flying behind her in the wind. “I love living here.” The path was far enough up from the water that the wind didn’t make pedaling too difficult.

Neither of them said anything for a while. Cody pictured Andi taking this path in the opposite direction, trying to blend in with the other beachgoers, silently crying out to God for change and direction. “I wish I’d known you better back then, when you first moved here. Maybe I could’ve helped. You know, if we’d actually stayed friends after you left Indiana University.”

Andi’s expression grew thoughtful. “Such a dark time for me.” She was quiet for a long moment. “I ran from Him as fast and hard as I could.” She looked at him and then turned her attention back to the path ahead. “I knew better. I thought the world would be more fun than living for God.” She paused. “When I moved here I was so lonely, so broken. I needed to be alone with the Lord. So I could remember how much He loved me. Even with all I’d done wrong, He loved me.”

Cody stared out at the ocean for a stretch and then caught her eyes again. “That makes sense. I guess God’s timing was perfect then. Bringing me here now.”

“Yes. Always.” She laughed, the sort of childlike laugh that could only come from an untangled wholly healed heart. Her new feelings, the excitement of where this might go — all of it shone in her expression. “I’m glad you’re here, Cody. Really glad.”

“Me too.” He held her eyes as long as he could without turning his attention back to the path. They rode for half an hour and then Cody saw a cove where the sand looked whiter and cleaner and the view even prettier than any they’d seen so far. “Wanna stop?”

“Sure.” Andi didn’t hesitate.

They rode down a driveway into an empty parking lot and set their bikes adjacent to the sand. “Will Rogers State Beach.” He raised his brow at Andi. “We’ll have to remember this.”

“Look at all I missed, always heading south.” Her tone held the familiar teasing. “See how good you are for me?”

And how good you are for me, Andi
. He thought it, but he kept the words from crossing his lips. There was no need to rush what was happening between them. Not when they were enjoying these early magical moments so much. He took her hand and slipped his fingers between hers while they walked toward the water. A few feet from the surf, they sat down and for a while they only watched the ocean, the waves washing in one after another and the seagulls dipping low over the sea.

The silence between them felt easy and comfortable. Andi seemed deep in thought, and Cody didn’t want to say anything to interrupt that. Instead he waited, and in time she turned to him. “God healed me of all of it, every bad choice, every rebellious thing I did.” Sorrow hung in her hesitation. “But he’s still working with me on one thing.”

Whatever it was, Cody wanted to take it from her, take it into himself and handle it for her. So the kind girl beside him would never feel pain from her past again. He still had hold of her hand, and he squeezed it gently, waiting.

“It’s my little boy.” Tears gathered in her eyes and she turned toward the ocean again. “That’s the hardest part.”

In the silence that followed, Cody tried to imagine what that would be like. Giving away a firstborn child. His heart felt heavy, crushed in a different, stronger way by the reality of her courageous and difficult decision. A decision she would carry with her the rest of her life.

Andi’s eyes narrowed, as if she were facing the pain all over again. “I didn’t love the guy. I shouldn’t have slept with him. But none of that was my little boy’s fault.”

“He’s happy, you know that.” Cody’s voice was gentle, barely louder than the ocean breeze. “He’s a Baxter now.”

“Yes.” Her smile was compassionate. She clearly didn’t expect Cody to completely understand. “He’s happy and loved. I did the right thing. I know that.” She angled her head, and a sorrow so great it was tangible came across her. “I just miss him. And for a long time I believed that God wanted me to be alone. Just me and Him. Because I’d messed up so bad and maybe … maybe I didn’t deserve love and a future. Maybe I didn’t deserve a family someday.” She sniffed and a tear slid down from beneath her sunglasses. “That’s the part where He’s still healing me.”

A dozen quick responses came to Cody. How she couldn’t possibly put that sort of sentence on herself, and how God would never punish her that way. He didn’t only forgive, He
forgot
the things of her past. If she knew that giving up her baby boy had been the right thing, then she had to believe God was happy with her decision. That she had permission to move on and to love again and to believe in the life He had for her.

But somehow in the moment Cody knew better than to say anything at all. Instead he put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her to himself. They both watched the shoreline again and let the truth simply be. No matter how right her decision and no matter how real the promises of God, Andi still hurt. This was something that would take time. If anyone understood that, Cody did.

He had no idea how much time passed, but finally Andi stood and helped pull him to his feet. Her face told him she wouldn’t hold on to the sad thoughts another moment longer. This day was to be lived. “Come on.” The laughter was back on her lips. “I’ll race you down the beach.”

“You’ll lose.” He stood and walked toward her. What was it about this girl? He loved everything about her, about being with her.

She slipped her tennis shoes off and tossed her sunglasses on
the sand. But before she could tell him to do the same she looked at his feet. As if she had just remembered his prosthetic left foot, the way his tennis shoe was part of an artificial lower limb that allowed him to run and walk and bike like anyone else. Her smile faded but only for half a second. Then she lifted teasing eyes to his. “You better leave your shoes on. You’ll need every advantage.” Without waiting she took off running down the shore.

“Hey!” His foot didn’t slow him down, but his laughter did. No one had ever felt comfortable talking to him about his leg the way she just had. Even with Bailey the topic never came up. He started running, yelling after her. “How about a fair start?”

Cody had run half marathons and triathlons since returning from Iraq, so catching up to her wasn’t a problem. His shoes were such that water didn’t hurt them, so if she challenged him to a swim, he could do that too. With God and technology Cody had no limits because of his injury. None whatsoever.

“You’re done!” He passed her easily and when he was ten yards ahead of her he turned and ran backwards. “Maybe if I run like this … you know, so you have at least a chance.” He laughed, enjoying the exertion, the way it felt to play with her. “I mean, come on, Andi. I thought you’d at least give me a challenge.”

She slowed and bent over her knees, catching her breath and laughing. When he came close she suddenly sprang toward the sea and flicked foamy water at him. “Come on, Indiana boy. Come get me.” She ran lightly through the surf, splashing back at him as she went. “I’ll show you a challenge.”

He didn’t hesitate, running through the cold Pacific and easily reaching her again. With a single motion he swept her into his arms. But instead of kissing her the way he so badly wanted to, he picked her up and pretended to drop her into a small series of waves. “Really? That’s all the speed you’ve got?” He yelled to be heard above the sound of the ocean.

“Cody!” She screamed, the happy sound ringing out across the water. “Put me down!”

“Okay.” He started to drop her, but at the last second he kept her from falling. No matter how much he enjoyed the laughter and teasing, he had to make one point clear. “You are a challenge, Andi Ellison.” He set her down gently in front of him and kept his arms around her waist. “And besides …” His face was close to hers, and he could feel her breath on his skin. “You’ve already won.”

“Won what?” She was breathless, clearly as caught up in the closeness of him as he was with her.

Before he did something crazy like confess his feelings here in knee-deep ocean water, he stepped back and splashed her. “I’ll tell you one day.” He raised his eyebrows, flirting with her. “I guess you’ll have to stick around to find out.”

“You might be sorry you said that.”

She was still laughing, but her answer hit him hard. Bailey would’ve teased and said something like, “Only if you’re lucky.” But Andi instantly went the other direction. Like she still wasn’t quite sure of how great her worth, or her inner beauty, in light of the ugly marks life had left on her heart.

He brought her close again and hugged her. A larger wave slapped at their waists and their clothes were instantly wet. But Cody didn’t care. What he had to say was more important than their wet clothes. “I would never be sorry.” He moved a few strands of her wet blonde hair off her face. “Being with you … I’ve never felt like this, Andi. Never.”