Loving (29 page)

A
S THEY WALKED UP THE FRONT STEPS
A
SHLEY OPENED THE
door. “Bailey! One month! Can you believe it?” She held her arms out and gave each of them big hugs as they walked in. “Help yourself to salad and bread. The food’s on the table.” Ashley walked inside with them. “I think we’re waiting on a couple of your friends, Bailey. Otherwise we’re all here.”

Bailey hung back a little, chatting with Ashley as they entered the living room. She wanted to watch the moment play out with Reagan and Johnny without turning all the attention on Andi. Something that would make the moment more difficult than any of them wanted.

Erin and Brooke were in a conversation with Katy and Elaine near the salad table, and Reagan sat with Kari in the adjacent living room. Johnny was in her arms asleep, his long legs dangling off her lap. From here, the child’s resemblance to Andi was even greater than it had been at the picnic. He was two now, sound asleep and looking like an angel.

Andi put her things down and walked tentatively toward the two women. Reagan spotted her first and smiled, motioning with her head. “Andi … you made it! Come sit with us.”

She took the seat next to Reagan and stared at the boy. Bailey whispered to her mom. “I’ll be back. I’m going to be with her. In case she needs me.”

Her mom glanced across the room and then back at Bailey. “Good idea.”

On her way to the seat beside Andi, Bailey said hello to the ladies by the salad table. Then she took the chair next to her friend and gave her a quick side hug. “Hi, Reagan … Kari.”

Both of them said hello and congratulated her on the wedding. “A month from today, right?” Kari looked at ease.

“Yes. March 16. Four weeks.” Bailey felt the thrill in a more real way. “I can’t believe it’s almost here.”

Andi’s eyes were still on little Johnny. “He’s beautiful.” She lifted her eyes to Reagan’s. “Can I touch him?”

“Of course.” Reagan also looked relaxed. Their roles were clearly defined, and both of them were on board with that. This was merely a moment they knew would come one day, and probably again several times in the future. “He’s a wonderful little boy. Full of light and adventure.” She laughed. “A perfect match for Tommy.”

Tommy — Luke and Reagan’s older son — had always been known for his mischief. Bailey smiled as she pictured the two brothers.

Though Andi seemed to be listening, Bailey could tell that her entire attention was on the boy. As if he might break, Andi softly brushed her fingers along Johnny’s arm. He stirred slightly and she drew back. “Sorry. I don’t want to wake him.”

“It’s okay. He’ll be hungry soon.”

Bailey felt suddenly self-conscious. Like maybe she should leave her friend to this moment. She stood and motioned to Andi. “I’m going to get lunch.”

Her words seemed to lift Andi out of the moment with Johnny and Reagan and back into the party. She grinned and nodded. “I’ll join you.”

The rest of the shower Andi visited with several of the women and Ashley led everyone through a trivia game to see how well they knew Bailey and Brandon and their love story. No one was surprised when Katy and Bailey’s mom tied for the win.

Before the shower was over, Reagan took the floor. Johnny
was asleep in his portable playpen in the den as she took her Bible from the diaper bag and looked at the faces that filled the room. “When I married Luke, my wonderful future sisters-in-law and Luke’s mother threw me a shower in a New York hotel room.” She smiled at Ashley. “My relationship with Luke didn’t start out the way we hoped. Most of you know we had Tommy before we were married.”

Bailey knew this, and she was pretty sure Andi did. Reagan’s confession was proof that no one came to the room perfect.

She ran her hand over the Bible and continued, her eyes soft and full of meaning. “Everyone went around the room and shared a favorite Bible verse, something that would help Luke and me as we headed into marriage.” She turned to Bailey. “That’s what we want to do now, for you, Bailey.”

Everyone used the moment to pull what looked like decorated index cards from their purses. Bailey had had no idea this was coming, and she was touched by the surprise and the meaning behind it.

“Since I know how much I needed this at my shower, I’ll go first.” Reagan pulled a card from the front of her Bible. “Mine is from Ephesians, chapter four.” She read the verse slowly, each word speaking straight to Bailey’s heart. Especially the last part: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.”

Reagan talked about how she and Luke had struggled at times before and after their wedding, and always that verse would bring them back to the place of love, to the way they felt on their wedding day. “Just be kind to each other and forgive.” Reagan met Bailey’s eyes across the room. “You can get through anything if you have that.”

“Thanks, Reagan.” Bailey imagined a time years from now when she would look through these Bible verse cards and remember the importance of being kind and forgiving. It was a marriage
manual all in itself. “I’ve read that verse a lot of times, but never in light of being married. I won’t forget what you said.”

A few chairs over, Kari Baxter Taylor smiled. “Funny how important forgiveness is. We didn’t compare notes, but mine’s almost like that. It’s from Colossians, the third chapter.” She looked at her card. “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

Bailey felt the familiar goose bumps, the way she reacted whenever she was certain God was speaking to her — in quiet ways from within or through people he brought into her path. Clearly God intended a personal message here, and Bailey was determined to remember it always. She could never let things get so bad or so distant with Brandon that she didn’t stop to forgive or to apologize.

The rest of the verses had to do with clinging to each other and working together, loving in a way that was patient and not easily angered, and serving one another. Her mom went last. She smiled at Bailey and before she could speak tears filled her eyes. Bailey was sitting beside her, and she took hold of her hand. “It’s okay.” She spoke softly, encouraging her mom the way her mom had encouraged her so often over the years. They’d so enjoyed the season of wedding planning that emotional moments like this had been rare.

But Bailey understood. This was her wedding shower, and the insight her mom would pass on to her now had to culminate a lifetime of wisdom. Her mom struggled a moment longer and then found her voice. “I think you know the verse I chose for you. Ever since you were a little girl I’ve told you to hold onto this Scripture, to believe it and live like it was absolutely true.” Her eyes welled up a little more. “And you’ve done that.” She looked at the card in her hand. “The verse is Jeremiah 29:11.” Her
eyes found Bailey’s again. Reading wasn’t necessary. They’d both known the verse by heart for years.

Her mom’s tender voice spoke the words to a place in Bailey’s soul where they would live forever. “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

The two of them might as well have been the only ones in the room. Bailey leaned closer to her mom, wrapped both arms around her shoulders, and hugged her for a long time. “I always believed it.”

“And it was always true.” Her mom kissed her cheek and hugged her one more time. “Your life is an illustration of that, Bailey. God’s promises are alive in you and Brandon. He’s given you more than we could’ve asked or imagined.”

Her words were more meaningful than anyone else in the room might’ve known. Because until that past summer, her mom had been certain that Cody Coleman was the guy who held Bailey’s future. Here … she was telling Bailey a very specific truth: that in Brandon, Bailey had been given God’s very best. More than her mom could’ve asked for or imagined during all those years when they talked about the plans God had for her.

Their hug lasted a few more seconds and then Bailey grabbed a tissue from the table and handed a second one to her mom. “You’re the best. I wouldn’t be who I am without you.”

Her mother’s smile said she felt the same way about Bailey.

As the shower wound down, Bailey collected her gifts — mostly beautiful lingerie and pretty lotions and soaps. Things that would make being married even more fun. The Baxter women all headed out about the same time, except Reagan. She had Johnny on her hip and she came up while Bailey was talking to Andi. Bailey noticed her, and she took a step back. Reagan smiled at her in thanks, and then directed her words to Andi. “I’d love it if you and I could share a few minutes.”

“Do we have time?” Andi lifted hopeful eyes toward Bailey’s mom, who was in the kitchen helping Ashley clean up.

“Absolutely.” Bailey’s mother motioned for Andi to go. “Take your time.”

Bailey took a few steps back. “Definitely. I’ll help out too. We can leave whenever you’re ready.”

This was a moment Bailey had prayed for, that her friend would have the chance to hear from Reagan alone. Not only so they could talk privately about what a gift her decision had brought into the Baxter family, but also so God could use Reagan to speak peace and healing into Andi’s heart.

Even while they did the dishes, Bailey thanked God that these days Andi believed the message of Jeremiah 29:11 as strongly as Bailey had always believed it. The two of them had talked about that recently, and how at this point Cody Coleman seemed to be part of God’s plans for her. For Andi, God’s plans didn’t only include what He had given her. But in what He had led Andi to give away as well.

The great and precious gift of her son.

A
NDI FOLLOWED
R
EAGAN INTO THE DEN,
the whole time wondering what she would say or how she would say it, and most of all how she would survive the next few minutes without breaking down. Johnny was fully awake now, and Reagan set him down as they reached the other room. Then she spread out a mat with the picture of a racetrack and handed him a toy car. “There you go, buddy.”

“Johnny play?” He turned adoring blue eyes at her and pointed to the mat. Andi caught the fact that he didn’t seem to notice her.

“Yes … you can play.” Reagan smiled at him. “Stay in here, okay?”

“K, Mommy.” He laughed and dropped to the floor and began racing the toy car around the pretend track.

“He doesn’t stop moving.” She sat in the nearest chair and Andi took the one beside her.

“I didn’t realize he’d be talking.” Andi was mesmerized by the child on the floor, the son she gave birth to.

“Our kids have all been big talkers.” Reagan laughed. “He fits right in.”

Our kids … Andi let the words rattle around in her heart until they felt comfortable. It was true. Johnny was Reagan’s son. But he was Andi’s son too. No question his lightly tanned skin was proof of his father’s Middle Eastern roots. But otherwise he looked just like her. Right down to his pale-blond hair. She struggled to look away from him and back to Reagan. “Is he always this sweet?”

“Usually.” She smiled at the boy. “He’s been cutting new molars. That can make him pretty fussy.”

“Hmm.” Andi had her eyes fixed on Johnny again. “He seems so happy.”

“He is.” Reagan grew more serious. She turned kind eyes toward Andi. “He’s a beautiful part of our family.” She sighed, her look deeper than before. “I wanted to tell you something, before we said goodbye today.” She reached over and put her hand on Andi’s shoulder. “I wanted to thank you.”

Andi felt the tears, felt them as surely as her next heartbeat. She nodded, unable to talk, and at the same time Johnny stood up and seemed to notice her for the first time. Still holding his toy car, he walked to her and put his hand on her knee. Then his eyes lit up and he grinned at her. “Hi.”

“Hi, there.” She looked at the little boy and their eyes met.
Does he remember me? My voice or my perfume?
She didn’t ask the questions, but she couldn’t help but think them.

“That’s Andi.” Reagan told him. She gave her a sideways grin. “He loves long hair.” She flicked at her bobbed cut. “When we’re
out, he says hi to any girl with hair past her shoulders. Luke keeps saying we have to break him of that before he starts school.”

Andi smiled, her eyes still on the boy. At the same time, he held out his arms. “Up?”

“It’s okay.” Reagan sat back, still relaxed. “You can pick him up.”

This wasn’t something Andi had counted on for today, but deep inside she’d hoped for it. She lifted Johnny onto her lap as he held his car out to her. “Johnny’s car.”

“Ohh.” Andi took it and turned it several directions before handing it back. “I like it.”

He raced it around in the air making engine sounds with his mouth. Then — just like that — the moment was over. He pointed to the mat again. “Johnny play.”

“Okay.” She eased him back to the floor. As they broke contact, the weight of the loss in her heart was so great she wondered if she could take it. “He’s so beautiful.”

“He is.” Reagan smiled again. “He looks just like you.”

“He does.” She uttered a light laugh, one that was more disbelief. “I looked a lot like him when I was his age.”

Once more from the mat, the boy who had grown inside her, the child who would always be her firstborn, looked at her and flashed a toothy grin. He held her gaze so long Andi had to wonder if it was possible. Did he know who she was? Tears filled her eyes despite her smile, and she had to blink to see him clearly.

About that time he did a half turn and ran to Reagan. “Mama!”

The word ripped at Andi’s soul and made her rejoice at the same time. Because whether Johnny had a sense about who
she
was, he definitely knew who his mother was. And who she was not.

Andi watched him run to Reagan and the feel of watching him go was no less painful than it had been the first time she gave him up. Two hot tears splashed onto her cheeks and she brushed
them away quickly. “Sorry.” Her voice was strained, barely loud enough to hear. “I didn’t think it’d be this hard.”