Loving Eliza (14 page)

He sat up and patted the space next to him.

“It’s a good thing you don’t act this way when you’re sober because if you did, I would have left a long time ago.  You need sleep.  Lie down and close your eyes.  Oh, make sure you sleep on your side.  You don’t want to choke on your vomit.”

She turned to leave.  Once morning came and he woke up, he’d be one unhappy man.  Maybe she could get up early and make some coffee.

By the time she made it to the kitchen door, she heard footsteps behind her.  “You need to go to bed.” She peered over her shoulder.  “Rest.”

To her surprise, he stumbled forward and fell on the floor.

She should just leave him there, but she didn’t have the heart to leave him there all night
.  She hurried over to him as he clumsily made his way to his feet.

He straightened his vest and smiled at her.

“Come on.  You need to go to bed.” She reached for his arm.  “This time you have to stay there, you hear?”

He didn’t budge.

“John.  Don’t make this difficult.”

He pointed to his ring finger.

She let her exasperation show.  Even when he was drunk
,
he couldn’t stop proposing to her!  What was she supposed to do with him?

He took a step toward her, and before she could walk back, he wrapped his arms around her.

“John—”

He didn’t let her finish her sentence.

She gasped when he kissed her.  The alcohol sure did make him bold!  He was still gentle, but he wasn’t hesitant like he’d been that day he kissed her by the creek.  She was too taken off guard to know what to do, and for a moment she stood there, in the kitchen with him,
and just let him kiss her.

But the kiss was just as wonderful and sweet as it had been that day
when he first kissed her
.  She didn’t want to enjoy it.  She knew she shouldn’t.  And yet, she did.  It was different when a man who cared for her kissed her than when one who wanted to use her body kissed her.  She couldn’t exactly pinpoint the difference, but she felt it.

Despite her better judgment, she leaned against him and closed her eyes so she could better experience the kiss.
  Even if it was t
his one time, she wanted to thoroughly enjoy kissing
a man who sincerely cared for her.

He cupped her face in his hands and deepened the kiss.  She didn’t realize she was clinging to him until her nails dug into his shirt sleeves.  His lips were soft and warm, and she parted her mouth for him.  He didn’t seem to know what to do, so she traced his lips with her tongue.  He paused for a second before he opened his mouth and let her taste him.  The alcohol was evident, but she didn’t care.  Who knew that kissing a man could be this wonderful?  This kind of thing could get addicting.
  He eagerly responded to her and explored her, as she explored him.  Her heart raced with a mixture of joy and fear.  She didn’t know what else to do but stay near him and experience the moment.
  It was as if no one else existed.  She loved it.  Loved feeling as if they were the only two people on earth and no one could come between them.  For the first time since her parents died, she felt safe and protected.  If only the feeling would last forever...

When his lips left hers, h
e pulled her closer to him and kissed her forehead, her cheeks and her neck.  She groaned.  Her body had been trained to respond to these things, though her heart hadn’t been.  Up to this point, she kept her feelings closed off from every man who’d touched and kissed her.  She struggled for the ability to do that now, but it was hard to do something when a part of her wanted to feel the uplifting emotion that made her feel as if she could walk on water.

When he stepped away from her, she opened her eyes, wondering why he stopped.  Then he pulled something out of his pocket.  She had to squint in
order
to see it in the moonlight.  A ring.  How long had he been carrying a ring with him?  She was too stunned to stop him as he reached for her hand and slid the ring on her finger.

It was the most beautiful gesture a man had ever given her.  She wiped the tears from her eyes and imagined, just for this moment, that she r
eally could be a wife.  Married
to this sweet man and living in this simple house.  The feeling was so real, and she wanted to hold onto it.  She used to dream of marrying a good man long ago.  Before her parents died and her entire world changed.  Back when she was innocent.  But she wasn’t innocent, and no amoun
t of wishing would make it so.

“I can’t,” she cried and yanked the ring off her finger.  Her hands shook as she pressed the warm metal into the palm of his hand.  “I just can’t.”

He fell on his knees and hugged her.

“Stop.  Please.  I can’t take this,”
she said as tears fell from her eyes.  “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

But he wouldn’t release her.

“I’m not who you think I am, John.  You need a good woman, one you can be proud to take home to your mother.  You deserve that.”

He
looked up at her and she saw the hurt in his eyes.  The
greenest
eyes she’d ever seen.  They were as beautiful as his heart.

“I want to,” she confessed, surprised even as the words came out of her mouth.  “I do want to.”

He took her hand again, but she snatched it back before he could slip the ring back on her finger.

“But I can’t.  I can’t!”

She pushed him away and ran out of the house.  She rushed to the safety of her simple dwelling and closed the door.  She leaned against it, and unable to stop her tears,
she spent the next hour crying.

***

The next morning came too soon, and Eliza remained on the floor next to the door.  She’d managed to doze off a few times but she couldn’t successfully sleep.  The kiss
John had given her the night before had unlocked a well of emotions that she
had
trouble handling.  She’d gotten good at putting a mask on her face and acting as if everything was alright when it wasn’t.  Now the mask had crumbled around her and she was left feeling far too vulnerable.

She could still feel the cool metal of the gold band on her finger.  She swore the memory would be seared into her mind forever. 
Was there anything lovelier than belonging to a man who loved her?  But he didn’t know about her past.  If he knew, he wouldn’t care for her.  He just wouldn’t, and she hated the thought that he might not love her anymore.  She wanted him to love her.

But she shouldn’t. 
What about Daphne?
 
Is she here?
 
But she could show up.
It’s been two
month
s
.  If she got delayed, surely she’d send a letter.  Maybe she
changed her mind.  Maybe she i
sn’t coming.

It was possible.  And if she wasn’t coming, would it be acceptable for her to marry John? 
But he doesn’t know.
  Tell him. 
But what if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore?

And so the thoughts circulated in her head.  If she knew how to break the cycle, she’d gladly do it.

Someone knocked on her door.  Startled, she jumped off the floor even though her body was sore and stiff.  She quickly wiped her face to get rid of the fresh tears and opened the door.

“Good morning,” she told John who winced.  She lowered her voice.  “Sorry.”

He held a pad of paper and a pencil.

“Let’s go to the house.  I’ll make coffee and we can talk there.”

He nodded and walked with her to the house.

She placed the coffee pot on the stove, careful not to bang it.  “What do you want to ask?” she softly asked as she got everything ready to make the coffee.

He thought for a moment and then wrote something down.

When she finished, she sat next to him at the table and took the pad.  “What happened last night?” she asked.  It was hard to tell if that’s what he meant, but she figured after being drunk, that he would naturally ask that question first.

He nodded.

“Shawn gave you some moonshine to drink and you got drunk from it.” She paused and chose her next words carefully.  “Do you remember what happened?”

He took the pad and wrote on it. 
Litle.

“You remember a little bit.”

He nodded.

“What do you remember?”

He scratched his head and then wrote down, “Pepl lauf at me. 
Aron tak me home.  Yu tak bootz off.  We kiss.  I slepe on floor.”

Oh great.  He remembered more than she’d hoped he did.  She took a deep breath.  “Right.  You were drunk so you started dancing by yourself.”

He cringed.

“Aaron and Shawn brought you back here, and I took off your boots so you could sleep comfortably in bed.”

He nodded.

“Then you asked me to marry you again and kissed me again.  I said no like I always do.”

He nodded again.

She studied his face.  He didn’t look like he knew anymore than that.  That was good.  If he knew that she let it slip that she wanted to marry him, he’d haul her off to the church right away...whether he was feeling good or not.  She cleared her throat and continued.  “You didn’t make it back to your bed.  You ended up sleeping on the floor.  And now it’s morning and your head hurts.”

He wrote something else and then handed it to her.

She laughed.  “Was the kiss good?”

He nodded, his expression serious.

“If you don’t remember enjoying it, then I guess it wasn’t.” She tapped him on the arm and gave him the pad back.  Good.  They could continue on as if it never happened.  “I bet the coffee’s ready.” She got out of the chair and checked it.  “Almost ready.”

He motioned to her.

She glanced over at him while she grabbed the cups.  “What?”

He held up the paper, pointed to his question and pointed to her.

“Did I think the kiss was good?”

He nodded.

She hid her amusement.  “A lady doesn’t discuss such things.”

Rolling his eyes, he pointed to her again.

Well, she guessed that she could at least make him feel good about himself.  “I didn’t hate it,” she finally said.

He obviously didn’t care for the answer.

“That’s all I’m saying.  Now, the coffee is ready.  You’ll feel better once it’s in your system.” She poured the hot liquid into their cups.  “I know this is terrible timing, but I need to go to the general store.  Frank said the apples will be in today, and I want to try making you a pie.”

He blanched and shook his head.

She placed the cups on the table and sat back down.  “You can’t avoid going to town for the rest of your life
.  So you did something foolish.
  Everyone
’s done something stupid
at one time or another.  You just need to pick yourself right back up and keep going.  You can’t let these things set you back.”

Picking up his cup, he shook his head again before he drank from it.

“Don’t you want to try one of my pies?”

He shook his head.

“What if I told you that this is important to me?  I want to see if I can do it.”

His expression softened.  Then he put the cup aside and wrote, “Mary me.”

“You spelled ‘Marry’ wrong.”

He rolled his eyes.

“M-A-R-Y is a woman’s name.  See?” She wrote the name down.  “M-A-R-R-Y is to wed someone.”

He took the paper and pencil from her and quickly inserted a sloppy ‘R’ to the word.  Then he gave it to her.

“You are impossible, do you know that?”

Shaking his head, he pointed at her.

“Me?  I’m not being impossible.”

He shot
her a ‘you’ve got to be kidding
me
’ look
.

“I told you from the beginning that I won’t marry you.  I can’t help it if you refuse to accept that answer.”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring.

She held her breath.  Did he remember?

He held it out to her.

She gulped her coffee even though it burned her tongue and practically threw the cup in the sink.

He winced, making her regret making the loud noise.

“I should wash up for the day,” she whispered.  “I’ll be back.  If you don’t want to take me to town, then I’ll go by myself.”

Giving her a
‘yuck’ facial expression, he nodded.

“
‘
Yes
’
as in you’ll take me?”

He
sighed but nodded.

“Thank you, John.” She paused on her way to the door.  She walked back over to him and kissed his cheek.  “I’m sorry I left you alone at the town hall.  I had promised I wouldn’t.  I really didn’t think Bethany would keep me away for so long.  You getting drunk like you did was my fault.”