Loving Eliza (16 page)

John shook his head and nodded toward the groceries.

“Alright.  Go on home.  But don’t stay away for too long.  You got yourself a keeper,” he replied.

“I’ll see you soon, John,” Daphne promised.

That, Eliza thought, is exactly what I’m afraid of.  She breathed a sigh of relief as the two left.  She caught sight of the group of onlookers before she turned and walked in the direction of John’s wagon. 
He walked beside her and gestured, but she pretended not to notice that he was trying to get her attention.  Instead, she stared straight ahead, only to glance back one time at the church.  She should have married him when she first got here or at any of the other times when he asked.  But now she missed her chance, and it was too late.  Now she wouldn’t ever know what could’ve been.

***

John didn’t want to leave town.  He didn’t want to marry Daphne.  It was unfortunate that she had been delayed, but let Old Willy, Buck, Troy, or even Shawn marry her.  Shawn was close enough to her age since she was eighteen.  Daphne had four men to choose from.  Certainly, that was more than enough.  She didn’t need to be with him.

There was only one person he wanted to marry, and that was Eliza.  He
had
tried to get her attention as she walked back to his wagon, but she wouldn’t look at him.  He thought she was actually going to marry him until that stagecoach pulled in.  There had been a hesitation in
her
step and she had a thoughtful
look on her face, as if she was
finally giving it serious consideration.

But then Chandler had called out his name and that was it.  All along, Eliza had been holding out for Daphne to appear.  And now she got her wish.  He sat in front of his work bench where the block of wood waited for him to cut into, but he didn’t feel like working.  He felt like finding Eliza and hauling her to town and to the preacher.

He looked out his window and saw that Eliza hadn’t returned from the creek.  Maybe he should go there and ask her what was on her mind.  She hadn’t told him anything.  In fact, she remained quiet the entire way back.  That wasn’t like her.  And it worried him.

He took the ring out of his pocket and examined it.  It seemed to him that something important happened last night, but he couldn’t remember exactly what it was...well, besides the kissing.  She had said something that gave him hope.  What was it?  He sighed and shoved it back into his pocket.  He didn’t want to put the ring on Daphne’s finger.  He was going to have to explain to her that he loved Eliza.  It wasn’t exactly what he was looking forward to, but it had to be done.  Then he could assure her that there were other single men who would be more than happy to be with her.

A horse neighed and he turned his attention to the window.  Old Willy rode up on his property.

John frowned and stood up.  He put the hat on his head and ran out to meet him.

Old Willy stopped the horse.  “Thank goodness.  John, my fence broke down an’ that neighbor’s dog has been findin’ his way into my shed.  You know that’s the shed I keep my paints in.  Well, the dog seems to think he can
jump all over
the
place and knock
them down.  I can’t go on like this.  If he keeps on destroyin’ my paint, how will I ever stay in business?  Can you repair the fence?  I’ll give you more free paint.”

John nodded.

The man looked relieved.  “Thank you,
John.  I’ll be at home.  I don’
dare leave that place for long.”

As Old Willy led the horse into a run, John turned in the direction of the creek.  He paused.  He should bring something to write on.  He didn’t know how to explain the situation to her through gestures.  Once he retrieved the paper and pencil from the kitchen table, he walked to the creek where he found Eliza.  She was resting against a tree and had apparently fallen asleep.

No wonder she stayed here for so long.  He sat next to her and got ready to wake her when he realized that she’d been crying.  What made her sad?  He gently shook her arm.

She slowly opened her eyes
and jerked up when she saw him.  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She rubbed her eyes and blinked several times as if she was having a hard time waking up.

He took the pad and wrote, “Rong?” Then he showed it to her.

“What’s wrong?”

He nodded.

“Nothing.  I’m just tired, that’s all.  It was a long night.”

He didn’t believe her, so he shook his head.

“Fine.  If
you
think there’s something wrong, then tell me what it is.”

He thought
of
all the possibilities
and couldn’t find any
thing
that applied.  Finally, he shrugged.

“So there you have it.  Is that why you came out here?”

Recalling his reason for being there, he w
rote, “Wily cam.  Need fix fens
.”

She read his words.  “Willy needs you to fix his fence?”

He nodded.  He did like being able to write his thoughts out.  It made it easier to communicate.

“How long will you be gone?”

He thought over how much tim
e it might take and held up two
fingers.

“Two
hours?”

Smiling, he nodded.

“I’ll have something ready for you to eat when you get back.”

As she stood, he reached for her hand.

“What?  Is there more?”

He pointed to her ring finger.

She pulled her hand away and snapped, “I can’t believe you.  Daphne’s in town now.  How can you persist in this
now that she’s here?”

He wrote, “No want her.  Want yu.”

“She came all this way to marry you, John.  She’s a good woman.  The kind you need to marry.  She’ll make you happy.  She’ll give you lots of children.”

He shook his head and pointed at her.

“I can’t give you what she can.  I just can’t.”

Then he remembered the previous night when she looked down at him and said she wanted to marry him but couldn’t.  He smiled and quickly wrote, “Yu sed yu want marry me.  I rember.”

She snatched the pad from him.  “Don’t you have a fence to fix?”

He jumped up and took the ring from his pocket.  He pointed to her finger and then the ring.

“Get out of here!  Go!” She threw the pad into the creek and stormed off.

He followed her.  He knew she wanted to be alone, but he couldn’t leave her be until she told him why she still rejected him, even when he told her he didn’t want to marry Daphne.

“Stop it!” She whirled around, making him jump back.  “Just stop.”

He pointed to his temple.

“You already know what I’m thinking.”

He shook his head and pointed to the ring and then to his temple.  Then he shrugged.

She groaned.  “You won’t give up, will you?  No matter what I say or do, you just won’t stop.”

Taking her hand, he pressed it to his heart.

She yanked her hand away.  “You love me?”

He nodded.

Letting out a bitter laugh, she flung her arms in the air.  “You love a prostitute, John?”

What was she talking about?  He shook his head and pointed at her.

Her face turned dark.  “I am a prostitute.  That’s what I did in Omaha.  I got paid to have men come to my bed.”

He shook his head.  No.  She wouldn’t do that kind of thing.

“What’s so hard to believe about it?  It’s true.  I started at fourteen and went on until earlier this year.  I’m twenty-seven.  I was enterta
ining men in my
bed for nearly thirteen
years.  I had all kinds of men, John.
”

He didn’t want to hear anymore.  He put his hands over his ears and closed his eyes.  She was lying.  She was just saying it so he’d back off from proposing to her.

She strode up to him and grabbed his hands.

He opened his eyes and saw the anger in her face before he heard it in her voice.

“
It didn’t matter what color or age they were or even what they wanted to do.  I did anything they wanted.
I’ve done many things, John.  I’ve seen some perversions that would make your head spin, and in the end, I couldn’t tell what was right and what was wrong.  I just did it because I had to.  But most of the men who came to me were lonely.  They just wanted someone to be with, to take the edge off the pain that was in their life for one night.  I did it all.  I gave each one what he wanted and it didn’t matter if he was married or not.  Some of them had a wife and children waiting for them at home.  Do you get that?  I committed adultery too.  And you want to marry someone who’d do that?”

He shook his head
, denying it.  She was just telling him this to get rid of him.  She didn’t really do any of it.

“
That was my job.  That’s who I was.  Now go to Daphne.  She’s never been touched by a man.  I can tell these things.  I’ve done it long enough.  You haven’t been with a woman.  It’s apparent in the way you kiss.  You two need to be together.  A man and a woman who
haven’t been tainted by the world need to be together.  She’s a nice woman.  She’ll treat you well.  She’ll love you and give you children.  I can’t give you childre
n.  The doctor my boss hired
made sure of that.  They don’t like whores to get pregnant.  It’s bad for business.”

He didn’t want to hear anymore.  He pushed her away and ran to his house
.  He didn’t even slam the door behind him.  He just
collapsed on the floor and gave into the need to cry.  He couldn’t recall the last time he cried.  It must have
been
when he was a child.  As much as he wanted to
keep denying Eliza’s words, he couldn’t.  No
t really.  He clutched his chest
.  His heart
hurt.  It hurt to think of Eliza with other men who paid her to do things that were supposed to be between a man and his wife.  All his life he’d believe in the sanctity of the marital bed.  To think of those men kissing and touching her in places where they shouldn’t...It was too much.

Why?  Why would she choose that life?  An
d at such a young age? 
She’d been fourteen.  She’d done that for t
hirteen years?  Thirteen
years of men groping her and doing things...things he really didn’t understand
...to her
.  He knew not
hing about lovemaking
, but there was no way that could be loving.  How could a man love a woman he bedded at his convenience?  Why did she do it?  Did she enjoy that kind of thing?  Is that what she wanted?

He couldn’t believe she was happy doing that.  If she was happy, then why would she leave?  He didn’t understand any of it.  He didn’t even know if he wanted to.  But he had to.  He still loved her.  He had to find out
.  Sitting there on the floor and wondering wasn’t going to do him any good.

After he managed to collect his thoughts and clear his head enough for a reasonable conversation, he left the house.  She wasn’t anywhere in sight, but the door of her little home was closed and she’d drawn the curtains in the windows.  Steadying his le
gs, he walked forward,
trying to think of how to approach this situation.

When he reached the door, he heard her crying.  It hurt her to tell him what she did, he realized.  That meant that she hadn’t been proud of it...or liked it.  Didn’t it?  If it made her happy, s
he wouldn’t be
cry
ing
.  He had to find out.  He knocked on the door.

Silence came from the other end.  He waited for her to open the door but she didn’t.  He knocked again.  Still, she refused to let
him in.

A horse neighed, and John turned to see Aaron riding in his direction.  “Old Willy said you planned to come over to work on his fence.  What are you doing here?”

John motioned to the door.

Aaron rolled his eyes.  “Look, take it from a married man.  If a woman doesn’t want to talk, there’s nothing you can do to make her.  Now come on.  You can talk to her when you get back.”

Deciding his brother was right, John reluctantly agreed and got his tools together and headed for Old Willy’s place.