Loving Eliza (24 page)

“That’s my son.  He’s twelve now.  He’ll be thirteen next month.  The people who adopted him sent me the picture.  I had to keep it hidden because my
boss wouldn’t have liked it if
he knew I had it.  I take it everywhere I go.  He’s the only child I’ll ever have.” She wiped her eyes so she could see clearly.  “There was a doctor who came and made
sure I wouldn’t have another child
.  You see, in my line of work, it wasn’t good to be having babies.
  I’ll never have another child, and I’ll never know the one I have.” She broke into a fresh wave of tears.

He held her tightly against him and let her continue to cry.  The beating of his heart soothed her and after awhile her breathing
and tears
slowed
.  The sharp pain in her heart eased.  He rested his cheek on top of her head and softly rocked her.  She held onto the picture with one hand and held onto him with the other.  Closing her eyes, she took a moment to simply enjoy being with him.  It felt right to be with him, to rest in his arms and be surrounded by his love.

“I’m not like Daphne,” she whispered.  “I can’t give you my innocence and I can’t give you children.  That’s why I left
you
.  I want you to be happy with a good woman.”

He reached down and took her hand, careful to not damage the picture of her son, and pressed it against his heart.

She laughed.  I
t was so typical of him to do something so sweet...and she was overcome with relief.  She’d told him everything, let him see a side of her she’d carefully hidden from everyone, and he hadn’t turned away from her.

“I love you too.  I
think I loved you the first day I met you.  You were such a stubborn man
, but you were so wonderful too.”

He pulled back so he could reach into his pocket.

When she saw that the moonlight caught something shiny, she shook her head.  “There’s no stopping you once you set your mind to something.” He’d come with the ring.  She should have known, and yet, she hadn’t.

He slipped the gold band on her finger.  Then he pointed in the direction of the church.

She laughed again.  A wife.  But not just anybody’s wife.  She’d be John’s wife.  She couldn’t think of anything more wonderful than that.  “Yes, John.  I’ll marry you.”

A smile widened on his face and he pulled her back into his arms and kissed her.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she leaned into him and returned his kiss.
  When she realized her cheeks were wet, she thought she was still crying, but when the kiss ended and she opened her eyes, she was surprised to see that even though he smiled at her, more tears trickled down his face.

“Did you think I was going to say no again?” she asked.

He nodded.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t realize how much it meant to you that I marry you.  I thought any woman would do.”

He shook his head and pointed at her.

She took his hand and placed it over her heart.  “I don’t want to be with anyone else either.”

He inspected her hand.

She blushed, suddenly remembering the food she’d grabbed with her bare hands.  She looked at her other hand and then his shirt.  “I had to watch my money.  I didn’t have enough for food and lodging.  I...” She sighed.  “I spent a lot of days fighting off hunger pains.”

He slid his arm around
her waist and led her to the stream where he washed her hands.  She hadn’t realized how large his hands were until she saw how small hers were compared to them.  His movements were slow and deliberate, gentle and caring.  She had no doubt that
, unlike the other men she’d been with,
this man would cherish her.
  She wanted to be cherished.

Resting her head against his shoulder, she whispered, “Thank you.”

After he washed her hands, he took her to the restaurant and listened while she told him in quiet tones everything that had happened to her.  He joined her in eating and encouraged her to eat anything on the menu.  It felt good to be able to do that...and to be full.  She’d forgotten how nice it was to be full.

Then he took her to the preacher’s house and married her before they went to Molly’s boarding house and collected her things.  And after that, he took her home.

E
liza didn’t say much
that night
, nor did she feel the need to.  Mrs. John Evans.  The name was so new to her, and she rolled it over in her mind as she recalled the vows she and John exchanged at the preacher’s house.  She was now a wife.
  And there was nothing more reputable than a married woman.  It was all so wonderful, and she feared she’d wake up back in Omaha or at Molly’s boarding house and find out this was all a dream.  But it wasn’t.  John was here with her
in bed
, holding her close to his side and smiling at her.  She smiled back and stared at the ring on her finger.  She never imagined something so small could be so profound.

His hand traced
her breast and the curve of her hip
.  He took his time touching her, as if he wished to memorize every part of her body. 
Now that they’d consummated the ma
rriage, his movements weren’t
anxious.  She’d watched him as he made love to her, and not because she was interested in how he looked during the act but because she wanted to know it was John who was doing this with her.  She wanted to fully enjoy the fa
ct that a man who loved her
was with her in bed.

It was all so new yet.  This concept that someone could actually love and cherish her
, even after knowing about
the dark shadows in her past
.  But here she was with John.  She no longer felt alone in the world.  Now she had a place to belong, a place she could take comfort in.  A place that was truly home.

John leaned forward and kissed her shoulder.

She reached up and brushed the hair out of his eyes and let her fingers run through the silky tresses.  She hadn’t done such a thing before, and the action was so gentle she marveled that it could seem sensual in nature.

He lifted his head and kissed her, his lips soft on hers.  She settled against him, taking in the way he felt strong and solid next to her.  Lowering her hand, she lightly played with the thick hair on his chest.  His body was warm, and she snuggled closer against him when the wind drifting in through the window made her shiver.  He wrapped his arms around her and the shivering died down
, and in its place, she began to feel the stirrings of desire.

Long ago, she’d learn to pretend to be enthusiastic in bed.  It was all a show.  There were some men she did feel sympathy for, and they needed comfort more than anything else.  She was soft and slow with them.  Other men wanted it rough, and she’d learned to play along with that too.  But with John, it was hard to know what to do.  The problem wasn’t so much that John didn’t take a lead.  He was gentle despite his passionate movements, but what kind of woman did he want her to be when they were in bed?

She didn’t dare ask him.  It didn’t seem like the thing a wife—a lady—would discuss.  Whores had no trouble asking men what their preferences were.  It came with the job.  But a wife didn’t do this for a living.  She did it because she wanted to.  But how did wives act in the bedroom?  She had one consolation in her confusion.  John hadn’t been married before, so he couldn’t compare her to another wife and find her lacking.  That was good.  And it made her feel safe.  If she failed to act correctly, how would he know?  She decided that she would just have to be what she finally was—a lady.  She’d been given a second chance in life, and she wasn’t about to ruin it, especially when John knew her past and still wanted to be with her.

She wanted to please him, to be the wife he wanted her to be.  And so she let him dictate how things would evolve between them.  When he parted his lips, she parted hers. 
He seemed to especially enjoy brushing his tongue against hers for his hold tightened on her hip.  She liked it too but kept in mind to not be obvious about it.  It didn’t strike her that proper women were explicit in the bedroom.  At least, that was never the impression she got when listening to men talk while they gambled in the saloon.

John rolled on top of her, and once again, she opened her eyes so she could remind herself that she was with him instead of a nameless face.  When he entered her, she involuntarily closed her eyes and bit her tongue so she wouldn’t moan.  It felt good.  She hadn’t expected it to.  It wasn’t that she hated this ac
tivity, but having to do it
all the time made her numb to it.  She didn’t know if it was because it’d been awhile since she’d done this or because she was with someone she loved who loved her, but her body responded easily to him.  She couldn’t avoid the pleasure it brought, nor did she want to.  She just didn’t want it to be as insistent as it was, and to her dismay, it was even more arousing this time than the last time they’d done it.  It was like someone set a spark and it was gradually being fanned into a
flame.

She ran her legs down his, finding the action more stimulating that she supposed it should be.  His movements which had been hurried before due to the novelty of it all had now settled enough so he was taking his time as if he were savoring every moment they were together like this.  She inhaled and tightened her hold on his arms, aware of the ache that was getting stronger between her
legs.  Her breathing grew fast
and her body went from a comfortable warm to a burning heat.  Maybe if she watched him again, she could keep her uncomfortable desires at bay.  Forcing her eyes open, she studied him in the moonlight, trying to concentrate on the way his hair fell over his forehead.

Then he opened his eyes.  The action startled her, and when he smiled and kissed her, she couldn’t think of how to respond.  No man had ever looked at her and smiled during the act before, and she knew why.  It seemed much more intimate than connecting their bodies together.  It was as if she and John had just connected on an emotional and spiritual level.  She didn’t understand it, and part of it scared her so she quickly shut her eyes.  His mouth left hers and he resumed his thrusting, now becoming more insistent.  A groan escaped her lips and she immediately hoped he hadn’t noticed.

A lady.  She was a lady now.  Ladies were dignified at all times.  They didn’t get rowdy in pub
l
ic..or anywhere else.  They were controlled at all times.
  She gritted her teeth, fighting her body for control over the sensations coursing through her.  When he gasped and stiffened, she breathed a sigh of relief.  There.  It was over.  She managed through it, and she was still a lady.  She held him as his body relaxed.  Again, she ran her fingers through his hair.  He kissed the side of her neck and drew her in for a long hug.

She smiled.  “I love you too,” she wh
ispered and rested against him.

***

The next afternoon, John
joined Eliza outside
.  She’d wanted to enjoy the nice breezy day, so he found an old blanket and spread it out on the grass by the house where she set out a basket filled with sandwiches, apples, and bread and cheese.  He thought it was funny that she wanted to eat outside when the kitchen was a few yards away, but she peered up at him with those sweet eyes so he agreed.  He watched her as she fussed over their lunch
and smiled.  She’d
let her hair
fall down in gentle waves over her shoulders which he particularly liked.  She wore a hat to protect her fair skin from the sun and had
on a purple dress.  If it’d been up to him, she wouldn’t
wear anything at all, but she
laughed when he wrote that suggestion down.

“John, if someone comes to see you, it wouldn’t be good for me to be immodest.”

He didn’t think that would happen, but he realized it was a small possibility so he dressed as well.  And now as she placed the food out
on the blanket, he decided he’d
surprise her.  He collected a handful of yellow flowers and put them in a vase he’d made while she was gone. 
He hi
d the vase behind his back and approached her.

She glanced up at him.  “Isn’t this pretty? 
I can’t think of anything to add.  Can you?”