Loving Grace (20 page)

The woman went to her room, laughing softly,
leaving Grace standing there, now having to look at Noel since they
were the only two in the room.

He was gazing at photographs of Seth’s
children and Rita, of pictures of Jared and herself, ones she
hadn’t sent to him. Grace knew he’d discover photos of himself in
Jared’s room, ones she had taken years ago.

Noel’s eyes finally came to rest on her.
“You’re looking at me as if we’re strangers.”

“We are, now.” She sat herself in a
chair.

“You look, relaxed, very happy.”

“And like a suburban mother of a six year
old?” She laughed and sat back.

“I like your hair.”

“Thank you.”

His warm eyes went over her slowly then back
up to her face.

Grace flushed. She was very aware they were
being polite, that neither of them knew where to start getting
reacquainted. She arched her brow. “Are we going to sit here and
stare at each other until Jared comes home?”

His white smile flashed. “I know what Jared
has done in six years. What about you?”

“I still work. I still do accounting and on
occasion, work with Seth.”

“He married a woman from your building?”

“Yes.” Grace smiled. “They’re very happy,
very loud and funny and loving. Rita doesn’t let his ego get
overblown and he’s crazy about his kids. Seth is over the moon for
her. He grumbles, but she’s his world.”

“Good.” He nodded and searched her face.
“What about you?”

“About?”

“Anyone special?”

She stared back. “I should ask you that,
since the media seems to think you have more women than
paintbrushes.”

He shook his head.

“I hardly believe that.” She got up and
walked to the window. “But it’s none of my business.” She looked
over her shoulder. “I live the ordinary life of a single mother.
Nothing exciting except when Jared flushes something down the
toilet and it gets stuck. Everyday things. I’m glad you started
painting again, that the world recognizes your talent.”

“Me too. Grace?”

She turned, her eyes meeting his.

He reached out his hand.

She hesitated, then walked the few steps and
took it, allowing him to pull her down beside him. To embrace
her.

He pulled back, and ran his fingers down her
cheek. “Thank you, for Jared. For keeping me updated and for
allowing mother to know him.”

“You’re welcome.”

“I’ve thought of you so many times. Looked at
the pictures Seth sent back then. I’ve watched that birth film a
dozen times.”

She grimaced and laughed.

“It was beautiful. I should have come here,
been here for you.”

“I understood.”

He let his hand linger on her arm. “I’ve
missed you, Grace.”

She didn’t know how to take that. She was too
close to him, too aware of him and too much, still, in love with
him. “No accountants in Milan?”

He smiled. “No Graces. But—”

She stood again. “Come, sit in the kitchen,
you can talk while I put the roast on.” Grace needed distance. She
needed to keep her hands busy.

The all-white kitchen had big windows looking
into the back yard. Grace saw him take a seat on one of the high
stools. She ground some coffee beans, put it on, then started the
roast, peeling cutting, chopping veggies and trying not to think of
where Noel’s eyes were going, but feeling them all over.

“Tell me about Milan. About your art.” She
glanced up from halving potatoes.

Noel did, talking about a world she could
only imagine, speaking of shows and social gatherings, rattling off
names she supposed she should know, but didn’t.

Grace slid the pans in the oven and washed
her hands, dried them and poured two coffees. She handed him one
and sat on one of the stools, with the counter between them.

Only when he talked about his art did she see
the warmth in his eyes and the life in his smile. She eyed his
long, tanned fingers while he talked about painting new things,
about how driven he’d become when he’d found inspiration...

“I’m so glad,” Grace said softly.

His eyes held hers. “I think you were...are,
a wise woman, Grace. I think you knew what you were doing for me,
giving me a son.”

She simply smiled and shrugged.

He looked down, then back up. “Do you think
he will want to come to Milan, to spend summers there maybe?”

“I’m sure he would. I don’t know how I’ll
handle it.” She laughed. “I’d miss him like crazy.”

“You could always come too.”

“Sure.” Her tone was dry as she got up and
put milk she didn’t need in her cup.

“We could get married.”

Grace sloshed the milk, cursed, and then
grabbed a towel to mop it up. She put the jug in the fridge and
stood with her back to him, searching for some witty quip or
anything distracting to say.

“Grace?”

She turned around, meeting his gaze. “When
did this occur to you?”

“Many times over the years.”

“I see.” She sat down and eyed the
counter.

“I can see it’s difficult for you to believe
that I should have come back, been in Jared’s life, in yours.”

“No. You should have been where you where,
painting.” She sighed and looked up. “That’s your world, where you
belong. I think you should get to know Jared, bond with him, and, I
think, anything else concerning me and you, after six years apart,
is—”

“A possibility.” He cut her off. “Keep an
open mind, Grace.”

“My mind is open. In this century, plenty of
parents, not married, share a child. We do. But that’s all,
Noel.”

He said nothing but Grace got up and started
fixing the rest of dinner, eventually starting a discussion about
Jared and his activities.

~ * ~

Rosalind awoke, and both were waiting when
the bus dropped Jared off. Grace stood on the porch with them, not
missing the fact that half the kids were hanging out the window.
Likely Jared had spread his exciting news.

Her son came running with his backpack over
one shoulder. He paused on the bottom step. He’d looked at
Rosalind, smiled, but was staring openly at Noel.

“Hi, Jared.” Noel came down two steps. He
touched his son’s shoulder and smiled. “It’s wonderful to meet you
finally.”

Jared swallowed. “Hey.” He looked at his
mom.

“He’s been waiting here for you, all day,”
Grace told him.

Rosalind came down the steps. “I want a hug.”
And hugged him until he giggled.

Grace smiled, taking her son’s backpack as it
fell, because Rosalind ruffled his hair, kissed his cheek and
hugged him again.

Laughing, Jared turned to Grace. “She’s
nice.”

“So am I.” Noel sat down on the step. “Can we
sit here and talk?”

“I gotta pee first,” Jared said making them
laugh. “Mom, can I have a juice?”

“Yes.” She went to get it as he dashed to the
bathroom. Then she and Rosalind got dinner on while Noel’s and
Jared’s voices filtered in through the screen door. Grace called
them into dinner a half-hour later. Rosalind and Noel asked him
questions, and more than a bit of her son’s humor showed as he gave
detailed answers.

After dinner, she shooed them out to the
porch and washed dishes. Later, she went out to find Rosalind
sitting on the steps watching Jared and Noel toss the baseball.

“He’s a delight.”

“A scamp.” Grace sat down beside her.

“He reminds of Noel at that age, but has much
of you, more of that American openness. And what a mind.” She
chuckled. “Wit too, I noticed.”

“He’s a normal kid aside from being artistic
and somewhat of an easy learner. He grows bored and restless when
he’s not challenged. That’s the negative side, that restless
energy.”

“Mmm.” Rosalind laughed as Noel missed a
throw, and Jared started razzing him. “Oh, I do like him,
Grace.”

Grace was smiling, seeing that Noel was
taking the guff pretty well. They sat until Jared’s homework time,
at which point everyone settled in the family room. Noel took to
the floor with Jared, watching him do his schoolwork.

That day set the tone for several. It was
Noel who sat with Jared before bed, after his bath, watching TV or
playing a game. Rosalind was affectionate, giving Jared plenty of
hugs and bragging about his sculptures after viewing them. Noel sat
in his room after he’d fallen asleep, sometimes falling asleep too,
across the bottom of the bed.

Grace wasn’t surprised to find Noel in the
kitchen with Jared before school in the mornings, nor did she
protest when he asked to pick him up. She stayed in the background
for the most part, opting out when they took him for ice cream or
ate out, knowing Jared was enjoying it, and seeing her son already
accepting them. By mid-week, he was openly seeking his father out
and returning Rosalind’s hugs.

On Thursday, Rosalind picked Jared up from
school early, for a day to themselves. Noel had already asked for
Friday and Grace had the teacher send his schoolwork home, so he
wouldn’t have to go.

However, the house was messy, quiet after an
active four days, and she picked up laundry and went to the
basement to do the wash. Grace started the washer and paused,
hearing the vacuum above. She walked to the top of the stairs,
watching Noel vacuum the floor, wearing only denims, still barefoot
and shirtless.

She turned and went back down rather than
stare at his still perfect body. It was too much temptation.

He cleaned the family room while she did the
bedrooms, and freshened the linens. When the house was done, she
stood in the kitchen, sipping a soda, as Noel appeared, leaning in
the doorway.

“Anything else?”

“No thanks. I could have done it.”

“Not a problem.” He pushed away and came in,
getting a diet drink from the fridge. He sat on the high barstool.
“You need to get some work done?”

“No. I finished up yesterday.”

His eyes ran down her bare legs. “You up to
dinner out?”

“No. But you can go.”

His gaze held hers. “You’re keeping me at a
distance, Grace.”

“This is your time with Jared. You’ve only
got two more days.”

“Jared and I are fine. He’s a wonderful kid
and easy to love. I already did before I met him. I think I have
passed all his Father tests.” Noel smiled. “Basketball, football,
baseball, music and video games.”

Grace had to smile. “So, you were aware of
that?”

“I expected it. But yes. I sweated some until
he finally hugged me last night and agreed to spend a month with me
this summer.”

“I’m glad you’re getting close.”

“But he’s not here right now.”

She turned back to the window. “We had an
affair, a child, six years ago. That’s not relevant now, other than
you and Jared.”

He came to stand behind her, so close Grace
could feel him. “I don’t want an affair this time.” His hands came
to rest on her arms. His voice was soft, intimate, as he added,
“I’d be willing to live here half the year...”

“No.”

His head lowered and his mouth was close to
her ear. “Is there another man in your life?”

“No.”

“There’s no woman in mine, Grace. I had a
brief affair two years ago. Since then...”

“You’ll have others, Noel.”

“It was sex.”

“So was what we did.”

He pulled her back against him, wrapping his
arms around her. “No, Grace. What we had was much more meaningful.
It doesn’t matter how short the duration was. We gave each other
our bodies, but we gave something damned profound too.”

“Then—Noel. That was a long time ago.”

His mouth brushed her ear. “Oh God. You
didn't even notice...but I fell in love with you, Grace. I just
couldn’t stay.”

“Don’t.” She pulled away and put a foot
between them. “Don’t do this. We have a good relationship, one that
is easy for Jared to deal with. Don’t start lying to me to get what
you want.”

He shook his head. “I’m not lying to
you.”

“You can’t love me and have affairs, Noel.
I’m not a European sophisticate, I can’t play games. You know
that.”

“I had sex with someone, Grace. I’m a normal
man. I’m trying to be honest right now. I have no intention of
having some kind of open marriage with you.”

“We’re not getting married and you don’t love
me.” She tried to leave the room but he caught her arm, and turned
her to face him.

“Grace, you know we’re connected in more ways
than a son. You’ve meant more in my life than any woman has, been
more present to me in here.” He tapped his chest. “Even while we
were apart. I’ve painted you, from memory, drawn you, and dreamed
of painting you again.”

“That’s art, Noel. I’m talking about mundane
life, everyday kind of things, and I don’t think your life is like
that. I don’t think you’re the kind of man who should ever
marry.”

He took her hand, slid it down his chest to
rest over his heart. It was beating swift, hard. “Does this feel
real to you?” He used his other hand to cup her head and pull her
to him. He kissed her, passionately, until there was no air in her
lungs. Noel raised his head, eyes hot and full of hunger. “Does
that feel real, Grace?”

She was close to tears, trembling and too off
guard. “I’m not talking about sex, Noel.”

“Neither am I.” He slid his arms around her.
“But you want me, still, and I want you, Grace. And if there was
nothing between us right now, we’d be reaching for each other with
everything we’ve got.”

Grace closed her eyes, her voice clogged with
tears. “Don’t make me want more than that, then.” Her lashes
lifted, her golden eyes wet with tears. “Please, Noel, don’t. Yes,
I want you. I’d lay with you right now, or right here. But don’t
promise me more.”

“Grace, Grace.” He held her tight, his lips
in her hair, on her temple. “The years have passed but we’ve never
been apart, not really. I left here but I didn’t leave you. You’ve
been on my mind, in my dreams.”