Loving Justice (El Camino Real Book 2) (13 page)

“Hell.” She was running from him. Justice tapped Cochise’s shoulder lightly with the reins, giving him permission to overtake Shasta. He raised his hand as they passed one of his crews who was setting posts. January was the month when they checked and repaired all of the fences. The portion which had been taken down by the sinkhole forced them to build a whole new section to protect the animals. “You can’t outrun me, Charlee. Shasta is no match for my Appaloosa.”

“Don’t talk about her. She’s loyal, and she tries really hard.”

He got the distinct feeling they weren’t just talking about the horse. “Let’s head toward the hot springs and set up camp. We won’t be too far from the sinkhole and the trailhead that cuts across my property.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

Sarcastic looked good on her. The view he had from the rear of her heart-shaped ass draped across the saddle didn’t look too bad either. “Where do you live?”

The path was beginning to narrow as they headed into the wooded area. Charlee eased Shasta over to one side, and Justice brought Cochise up even with her. “I have an apartment in Austin, on the west side where the hill country starts. I’m about two blocks off the Colorado River, just a one bedroom apartment.”

“So, you live alone?”

“I did say one bedroom, Justice. No roommate.” When she met his eyes, she saw they were twinkling.

“Unless he was sharing your bed.”

“No one in my bed but me,” Charlee murmured. “Can we change the topic of conversation, please?” The deeper they went into the trees, the darker it was getting. She knew they only had about a half hour ride to go. “I called the office and they’re sending someone down tomorrow to do the radar tests. We’ll have to meet them there.” A rustle in the bushes caused the horses to hesitate. “What was that?” she asked.

“Deer probably. We also have a few wild horses still around.”

“I’m glad to hear that. I remember when you adopted some of them.” Charlee knew the range for wild horses was disappearing fast. The big ranches, like El Camino, could provide a habitat for them to continue to thrive and reproduce.

“There’s a snow white one. I’ve tried several times to get close, but he won’t let me within five hundred feet.” Justice patted Cochise on the neck. “I’ve seen him stand on that ridge near Lavaca Canyon and rear up on his back legs. He’s a sight, looks like something out of an old west movie.”

“I hope I get to see him.” She let loose her ironclad grip on the reins.

“Or it could be a bear,” he added dryly.

Charlee jumped in the saddle, causing Shasta to misstep. “Dang you, Justice.” Charlee fussed.

“Easy, easy.” Justice leaned over and touched Shasta, calming her. “Sorry. Actually, there have been sightings in the area. There is a small breeding population of black bears in this part of Texas.” When she looked around furtively, he assured her. “I’ll protect you, don’t worry.”

Charlee bristled. “I have always been able to take care of myself.”

Justice smiled. This was almost like old times. While her mind was on other things, he decided to ask the question that was bearing hard on his. “A while ago you said your feelings for me got out of hand, that you used to worship the ground I walked on.” He watched her shoulders tense. She didn’t look at him, rather she kept her eyes straight ahead. “Do you still feel the same way?”

“Why, does your ego need stroking?”

He could see he’d teed her off, her mouth was pooching out. All he could think about was kissing her. “It’s not my ego that needs stroking.”

Charlee whirled around in the saddle so fast, she almost fell off her horse. Justice had to reach out a hand to keep her from losing her balance. “You didn’t just say that.”

“I did.” Justice knew he was treading on dangerous ground. If she had no interest in him, his teasing would only alienate her. He might lose her as a friend. But he was willing to risk it, the stakes were too great. “I can’t get my mind off that kiss we shared. And like I said before, I’ve dreamed about you since you left, Charlee,” he confessed. “I don’t know what triggered it, but over the years I’ve had blistering hot dreams about you.” Justice shifted in the saddle. Even the sound of her voice made his blood run hot. Hell, he’d been hard since he’d realized it was her at the red light.

Charlee started to shake. “Who knows what triggers dreams.” He didn’t remember the night they shared. Charlee knew he didn’t. “So, what are you saying?”

“You aren’t married, you don’t have a steady boyfriend. Do you?”

“No.” She could see that they were approaching the area where the sinkhole was located. Cave Canyon was just up ahead and the hot springs on the other side of it. “There isn’t a man in my life, and I’m not pining away after one either.” With that blatant lie, she tried to put a cap on his suspicions that she was still head over heels about him.

“Why not?” He had to know.

Charlee bit the inside of her lip. He just wasn’t going to let this go. “Because I learned my lesson. I remember how stupid I was—” She stopped talking, the words sticking in her throat. “Let it go.” She wasn’t angry anymore, not since the baby. But all of it had changed her, forever. Charlee hadn’t even been able to date another man. She’d tried a few times. Most of the time she was okay, but when the nights were darkest, she felt a ragged pain and a loss that ate a hole in her heart.

To say Charlee had his attention was putting it mildly. There wasn’t a chance in hell he was letting anything go. “When? Who hurt you?” Jealousy ripped into him like a bullet.

“Justice…don’t.” They arrived at a clearing overlooking the hot springs, a picturesque place framed with large limestone rocks and a bubbling warm pool. There was still enough light for them to see. Memories of swimming in these waters as a young girl came to her. And now here she was with Justice again and neither one of them were children.

Charlee prepared to dismount, taking hold of the horn and beginning to swing her leg over.

“No, come here. Let me help you.”

She looked over her shoulder, and he stood there, arms outstretched. He wanted to help her down. God, this wasn’t wise, but Charlee didn’t argue. She placed her hands on his broad shoulders and held her breath as he pulled her off Shasta and down into his waiting embrace. “Thanks.”

“God, you smell good. I noticed it the other day. Sugar cookies.”

“It’s just my body wash,” she explained softly.

Justice couldn’t resist, he buried his head in her neck and inhaled. “I’d like to wash your body.”

She trembled. “Justice, we can’t…”

“Why in God’s name, can’t we?” He held her tight, nuzzling her neck, and Charlee felt her pussy flood with warmth. “We’re both adults, we know what we want. And I want you.” He kissed her again. “Your necklace is in my way.” He lifted her hair and went to move the cord to one side when she froze.

“No.” She tried to stop him from touching it.

But he’d lifted the thin cord from her neckline and held the tiny star in his hand. “Where did you get this?”

She pulled out of his arms and walked away. “We need to build a fire. It’s going to get cold tonight.”

“That’s my necklace, where did you get it?” His tone was low, grating and serious as hell.

Charlee stopped walking, then turned to face him. “I didn’t steal it if that’s what you mean.”

He methodically tied the horses to a bush, then wordlessly began to unsaddle Cochise, and she did the same to Shasta. Why didn’t he say anything?

As Justice mechanically went through the motions of setting up camp, his mind was whirling. She didn’t say anything but did her part, staying as far from him as possible while still getting the sleeping bags and food arranged. He noted that she put the bags on opposite sides of the fire.

“We won’t have to sleep out here. I have a tent and a small heater stored in one of the caves.”

“Oh, is this one of your standard dating spots?” She tried not to let jealousy color her words but it was impossible.

“Hardly, but I had one of the men drop it off today. I was planning ahead.”

She grunted, thankful for his foresight but not ready to say so. When everything was set, he rose to his feet and marched over to her. “I never said you stole anything, it’s not your style. But I’m giving you five seconds to tell me about the necklace because I can distinctly remember turning the house, office and my truck upside down looking for it. I never took the damn thing off.” He was right in Charlee’s face and when she tried to move away, he stopped her, his hands clasping her upper arms. “Talk to me. Now, dammit.”

“Like I said, I was stupid,” she whispered with a measure of self-disgust and poured her heart out. There was no escaping it. “The night of Abby’s surgery, you drank too much. It was dark, you were too drunk to drive, and I helped you home.”

“What?” Justice frowned, his eyes piercing into her own. He shook his head as if trying to dispel the possibilities. Hazy impressions fogged his brain. “You were the one who took me home from The Broken Spoke?”

“Yes, I helped you.” She helped him home and then helped him break her heart. Somehow when she’d imagined making peace with the memories and with herself, this wasn’t what she’d had in mind.

“What happened, Charlee?” The possibilities were tormenting him.

She sought a way out of this, but she couldn’t even think of a convincing lie.
God, help me.
Maybe she could tell Justice enough to satisfy him without completely humiliating herself. “I took you home, I helped you in. Out of nowhere you decided you wanted me. I was weak, I’d always…longed for you.” She closed her eyes, unwilling to see the expression in his eyes. With a harsh laugh, she just let the truth spring from her lips. “You were drunk enough and horny enough to fuck the flat-chested tomboy.” She heard his harsh intake of breath. “I haven’t forgotten a moment of it. You forgot it all. That’s why the next day at the diner hurt me so much.”

“I…we…o, God.” The dreams.

“We…had sex.” Tears stung her eyes, and she furiously wiped them away. He reached for her, but she wrenched from his grasp. “When I was about to leave, you called me Zelda and then you blocked me out of your mind.”

When she saw the expression on his face change from shock to anger, horror slammed into Charlee. What had she done?

“You came to The Broken Spoke.” His words were slow, as if he were trying to make sense of them.

“Yes, you called me, and I came to you.” The sun was going down, shadows playing across his face.

“You spent the night.” He rubbed his eyes, trying to grasp images that seemed to flicker in his head.

“All night. Before we went to sleep, you gave me this necklace, told me to wear it and never forget.” She touched the star, then jerked it hard and handed it to him. “The next words you spoke to me was another woman’s name.”

“Did you want me? Did I rape you?” He ignored the star she held. There was no way he could take it back.

“No, you didn’t rape me.” She laughed sadly, letting her hand drop. “Are you kidding? You know how much I loved you. I would have done anything for you.”

“You were a virgin.” He stated it as a fact, no doubt about it. “Did I treat you gently?”

“No.” She shook her head, wanting him to feel what she felt. “You took me hard, Justice.” At his despair, she finished the verdict. “You fucked me hard, and I loved every second of it.” She raised the star again. “Take it, I don’t want it.” Love and despair warred within her chest.

Accepting it from her fingers, Justice asked, “Have you had it on since we parted?” His head was spinning, his pulse was pounding, and there was more hope in his heart than there had been in many a day.

“Yes, I couldn’t bear to part with it. It was all I had left of you.” Charlee looked from the necklace in his hand, then back up to his eyes. Lord, how she loved him.

He pulled her close. “I want you to wear it.” Placing the cord over her head, Justice lifted up her hair and settled it gently around her neck. He kissed Charlee gently, reverently on the lips. “The necklace did its job, you didn’t forget me, and I had the dreams because my body and my heart could never forget you.”

Everything was the same and yet everything was different. He felt like he’d come home. “I can’t believe this.”

She took his thick wrists in her hands and tried to push him away. “I don’t think either one of us can believe it. Too much has happened and too much time has passed. I had no intention of telling you any of it, not right now.”

“Charlee, listen.” He put his hands on her face. “I woke up that day with one of those damn cluster headaches. There’s no telling what was on my mind, what I was thinking about. Since then I’ve learned that certain things can set them off, alcohol being one of them, also trauma or even certain smells. I am so sorry.”

She pulled out of his arms and started working around the camp. Kneeling on the ground, Charlee began to take out food items; sandwiches he’d packed and a thermos full of coffee. “You made love with me, yet you said her name.” He just didn’t understand the depth of her anguish.

“I have no explanation, no memory of it at all.” He protested. “What I can tell you is that I haven’t dreamed about Zelda for the last eight years.”

“Have you dated her in the last eight years?” She stood, confronting him.

“Once or twice,” he admitted, seemingly with reluctance. “We attended a few charity functions together. There was never anything more than that. Like I told you, Zelda had no desire to live in Bronco and my life is here.” Charlee shrugged. Knowing geography played a role in Justice’s decision over Zelda wasn’t exactly comforting.

“Let’s sit down and eat. Come on.” He spread blankets on the ground and situated the saddles so they could lean against them. “Tell me what happened exactly. We made love, you stayed with me all night, then what?”

Charlee stared at the fire, sipping her hot drink. “When I went home that morning, Curtiss met me. He knew I’d been at El Camino. All of the time we spent together, he’d always assumed there was something going on.” Her breathing hitched. “Seeing me coming from your house at daybreak with the same clothes I’d worn the day before just confirmed what he’d always suspected. He called me your whore and hit me.”

“Fuck!” Justice hated the fact that Charlee suffered.

“I told him it wasn’t like that, but what defense did I have? That morning, it was true. And the sad fact was that I’d always wanted you. Like the scripture says, I’d been committing that sin in my heart long before I committed it in real life.”

“It wasn’t a sin.”

Maybe not, Charlee thought, but she had sure been punished for it. Getting pregnant. Losing the baby.

Justice set down his cup, reaching for her hand. “The day you left, I was there.”

“What?” Charlee’s heart began to pound.

“I came to see you, you weren’t answering my calls. When I drove up, you were leaving with a man.”

This whole thing was sad. “Hampton Forbes, the lawyer who helped me. He became a great friend.”

“How good of a friend?” Justice grumbled.

“Hampton and his partner stood by me through it all.” In the firelight, she could see Justice’s questioning glance. “They’re gay.”

Justice coughed. “Oh, I see.” He cleared his throat. “I’m so sorry.” Justice didn’t know what else to say. “I wouldn’t have hurt you for the world, you have to believe that.”

“I do.” She folded the half-eaten sandwich back up. “I think I’ll take a dip in the hot springs.”

Justice watched her go. Everything she’d told him and all that happened seemed surreal. What he did know was that there was something between them, something more than a childhood friendship, and he wasn’t about to let it slip through his fingers a second time. “I’ll join you.”

Charlee had only taken a step or two when he announced his intentions. “I don’t think so. I didn’t pack a bathing suit.”

“Since when do we need one? We always swam in our underwear. And skinny dipping is always an option.” Before she could protest, he began stripping. “Last one in is a rotten egg!”

Charlee hesitated only for a moment. Why fight it? This was what she’d been longing for. They couldn’t turn back the clock, but they could move forward. She had no illusions about tomorrow, but if she missed out on the possibilities of today, that would be her own fault. “First one in has erectile issues.” Ha! That didn’t make sense, but it was the best she could do at the moment.

Justice barked out a laugh, almost choking. “I can guarantee that I don’t have erectile issues.”

Charlee shimmed out of her clothes, leaving on her bra and panties. She had others and these would dry. An opportunity to play with Justice couldn’t be passed up. “If you say so.” The night was cold but the moon was bright and when she ran across the last few feet before jumping into the water, Charlee squealed with delight. She knew what to expect, she’d swam here before. But when the warm waters washed over her skin, it was one of the best feelings ever, and when big, strong hands clasped her around the waist, well, it was what dreams are made of.

“Gotcha!”

If he only knew—he’d had her all the time. Wanting to prolong the fun, she wiggled from his grasp and swam away. The hot spring was a small slice of heaven. During the day, the spring formed a natural grotto, the shining waters of the dark blue pool were framed by limestone walls. By night it was a silvery paradise, smoke rising from the warm water as it married the cooler air. “Catch me if you can!” She dove deep and turned a few somersaults, feeling free for the first time in forever.

Justice laughed. Charlee could always swim like a fish, only now she was more like a mermaid, and he couldn’t wait to get his hands on her. “The chase is half the fun.” Listening for her movements, he went after her. When his fingers encountered warm sweet woman flesh, he sighed. “Come here, I want to hold you.”

She didn’t need any more encouragement than that. Charlee stilled and let him pull her to the shallow side where they wouldn’t have to tread water. The whole pool was only about twenty-five feet across, a perfect personal hot tub. When they reached the edge, she could hear the horses shuffle and the fire crackle. But louder than that was the driving beat of her heart. “I’ve missed you so much.” The confession was torn from her soul.

“Oh, I’ve missed you too, sunshine.” Justice let his lips feather kisses on her temple. “I didn’t feel whole after you left. Several times I almost hired a PI to find you, but I didn’t think you wanted me to look.”

Throwing her arms around his neck, she hugged him tight. “I would lie in the bed at night and imagine you coming for me, like some knight in shining armor.”

“I’m so sorry.” The rough pad of his thumb smoothed tenderly over her cheek. “Can we start over?”

Her eyes fluttered, her lashes spiked with tears. “Of course, we’re best friends, or used to be. I’d like to be again.”

Justice moved nearer, pressing his lips to her forehead as his fingers tangled in her hair. “I’ll always be your friend. But I can’t lie. I want more. I think lovers should be friends, don’t you?”

Charlee shook with a combination of need and nerves. Placing her palms on his chest, she rubbed his skin, feeling the roughness of his chest hair under her fingers, the beating of his heart beneath her touch. She wanted to touch him, hold him, convince herself this was real. In her darkest hours, imagining moments like this had made it possible for her to survive. “Are you sure? Remember who I am. I’m just Charlee.”

Underneath the water, he let his legs rub against hers. Above the water, he caressed her face, neck, shoulders, dispelling the chill and infusing her with warmth. Charlee was here. Changed. Very different from the starry-eyed girl who had been his shadow for most of their lives. Yet, it was her. She was warm and real and within his grasp. “There’s no one better than you. Just Charlee is all I want,” he breathed next to her skin. “Just Charlee is all I need.”

He watched her face, her eyes studying him so close, those beautiful brown eyes that had haunted his dreams for so long.

“I want you. I’ve always wanted you. Just you.” Her hands trembled as she caressed him. Seeing him, being able to touch him—love him—was all she’d wanted for the past eight years. And now that he was here, she couldn’t bear to make a mistake.

Justice held her against his chest, his palms moving over her back. “I’m here, there’s nowhere I’d rather be.” With a little pressure he pulled her to meet his kiss. Charlee’s mouth opened instinctively and his tongue darted out, gently soothing her lips. As they kissed, the years rolled back, and Charlee let go of all her regrets. This kiss made up for the first date she never went on, the prom she didn’t attend, the day he wasn’t there when she said goodbye to their baby.

She luxuriated in his attention. Justice was exquisitely tender, his mouth moving over hers with reverence. “Justice, I…” Charlee wanted to tell him she loved him, always had. But he already knew that, and even though she was in heaven at the moment, she had no illusions this was anything more than an amazing interlude. One she wanted more than anything.

“What, love?” His fingers moved slowly on her scalp, kneading and petting as he deepened the kiss.

“Do you know how much I’ve wanted this?” Maybe she couldn’t tell him she loved him, but showing him would be a gift to them both. Charlee pressed closer to his body, letting her breasts press against his chest. Lord, he was so built. Big, broad chest, muscular arms. No one looked better than Justice—no one. She wanted him to touch her…anywhere. But she couldn’t ask. A lifetime of feeling less than adequate had shaped her responses. If Charlee couldn’t ask, she could give. “Can I touch you?” He was big and hard against her. Not waiting for permission, she reached between them, molding her hand around his cock. The warm water bubbling around them made him feel like velvet in her palm.

“God, I love your hand on me.” He threw his head back and gave himself over to her stroking.

“If we could go back to the fire, I’ll do more than touch.” Charlee was being bold. The weather was nicer but out of the water, their bodies would cool fast.

Justice sucked in a harsh breath, the idea of her mouth on him was enough to propel him from the pool. He grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her, his eyes eating up her beautiful body as the firelight danced over the seductive curves. “Here, get into the tent. The battery powered heater has warmed it up.”

A small lantern lit the interior as bright as day. Suddenly she was shy.

“Let’s get off these wet clothes.” He shucked his red briefs and her eyes zeroed in on his erect manhood.

“You’re as beautiful as I remember.” Going to her knees, again she reached out to touch him. He didn’t stop her, but stood still, holding his breath as she ran her palm over his hard length.

She licked her lips, ready to take him in her mouth. That was when he saw her tremble. God, he was a selfish bastard. “You’re cold.” He went to his knees in front of her. His Charlee was so tempting. “I want to see you too.”

This caused her to stop, withdrawing, looking down and folding her hands in her lap. Time and pregnancy had changed her body. She wasn’t as small up top as she’d been before, but Justice could have anyone he wanted. “Turn the lantern off, please.”

“Not on your life.” Justice held out his hand. “I’ve fantasized about looking at you, touching you. I don’t want to miss a thing.”

He lay down flat, pulling her on top of him until they were touching all the way up and down. They lay close enough to the heater that their skin was drying quickly. Raising his head, Justice joined his mouth to hers, taking her lower lip between his teeth and sucking on it. “That’s what I want to do to your nipples.”

Oh, mercy. “I’m so excited, I may faint,” she whispered as he reached around her to unhook her bra, then tug her panties off. “I remember the last time we did this. I was so shy. So afraid you would hate my breasts.” The straps fell from her shoulders, and he pulled it on off, bearing her to his eyes and hands…and lips. “I’m still afraid.”

“In God’s name, why?” Justice breathed, totally entranced. She lay on top of him, leaning over. Her beautiful breasts were right there, hanging down, delectable. “You’re perfect.” He cupped both of them, moving his palms in a circular motion. “Look, you just fit my hands…and mouth.”

Charlee gasped when his tongue swirled around first one nipple then the other. “Ah, that feels so good, Justice,” she whispered. She closed her eyes and groaned out loud when he finally pulled the sensitive tip into his mouth. His dark head nursing at her breast was a picture of eroticism. An unfathomable need blossomed in her chest and spread between her legs. A need only he could meet.

She ran her fingers through his hair as he plumped the small mound, sucking and toying with them, caressing her till she whimpered for more. Charlee’s insecurities lessened with each touch, each lick and nibble. The man was driving her crazy with desire. “Justice, oh, Justice.”

Pleasing her was the most important thing to him. He wanted to be inside of her more than he wanted to live, but he could wait. She couldn’t.

When he finally removed his mouth for her breasts, Charlee felt bereft. “Don’t stop,” she pleaded. But when he eased her over on her back and moved further down until his head rested between her thighs, Charlee tensed up.

“Ladies first.”

“No one has ever…” Of course no one ever had, she’d never been with anyone but him.