Loving Laura (The Cantrelle Family Trilogy) (11 page)

“Forget it. We were both overreacting. Now, can we talk about what happened tonight?”

“Okay.” She squeezed lemon into her tea. “What do you want to know?”

“Was Norman upset when you left?”

She shrugged. “I’m not sure. He was very tired, but I don’t know if the tiredness was brought on by our conversation or simply because he’s still so weak.”

Neil stirred sugar into his coffee. Steam floated from the cup. The sounds of clinking silverware and the zing of the cash register mingled with the strains of Dusty Mitchell singing “My Cinderella Girl,” one of Laura’s old favorites.

She took a deep breath. “Neil...”

He looked up.

Her heart skipped. She wet her lips. “Neil, I haven’t told you everything.”

His hands stilled.

“I...I purposely tried to make Norman mad before I left his room.”

“What!” He dropped the spoon, and it clattered on the Formica tabletop.

“I accused him of feeling sorry for himself, of being a coward.” She watched the play of emotions cross his face. First shock, then anger, then a dawning approval, and for the first time that evening Laura began to think maybe, just maybe, she’d done something right.

He smiled, and a warm feeling spread through her. “Smart girl,” he said softly. “Very smart girl.” Then his face once more fell into sober lines. “Do you think he’s going to be all right?”

“I hope so.”

“What you did—trying to make him mad—that was a good thing to do. Norman’s always been a fighter.”

“I know.” Their eyes met again, and the warmth curled around in the pit of her stomach. His next words were as soft as a caress.

“I can see why Norman’s crazy about you.”

Oh, God, why was he looking at her like that?
Laura wanted to look away, but like a magnet, her gaze remained locked with his. More and more uncomfortable by the look in his dark eyes, Laura strove to speak lightly. “Well, I can’t. I’m a very ordinary person.”

Just then, the waitress walked up with their orders. By the time she’d plopped their burgers in front of them, given Neil a few more bats of her eyelashes, and tucked the check under the little china container filled with packets of sugar and sweetener, the awkward moment passed. When Laura looked at Neil again, his face had settled into its impersonal grooves once more.

“My father has asked me to help out at the office,” he said a few minutes later. “There’s a bid that needs to be finished. Something about a new school?”

“Yes, Norman was working on it the day before the accident. I’d forgotten about it.”

“I thought I’d come in on Monday.”

“Okay.” She hesitated. “Do you know anything about the business?”

“I used to work for my father every summer. The three years after high school before I enrolled at the Police Academy in Baton Rouge, I worked part-time for him and went to college part-time.”

“How long were you a cop?”

“Twelve years.”

Twelve years. She wished she had nerve enough to ask him what had happened to make him quit the way he did.

He was silent for a long time. Then, as if he’d read her mind, he said, “Did Norman tell you what happened?”

“No. All he said was that there was some trouble.”

Neil finished the last two bites of his hamburger, wiped his mouth on his napkin, then leaned back against the back of the booth.

She studied his face, saw the darkness that shadowed his eyes. “Would you like to tell me about it?”

He sighed heavily, picked up his discarded fork and tapped it against the Formica tabletop. In a low voice, he said, “I was what’s known as an up-and-comer in the department. I was idealistic and eager.”

As he talked, Laura watched the play of emotions over his face.

“I was promoted steadily, and when I took the exam to make sergeant, I passed it easily. Eventually, I was transferred into Narcotics, which was where I met Jimmy.” He stopped, looked at her, his eyes sad. “Jimmy Kendella was another eager-beaver type. When they made us partners, the two of us became really tight.”

He began to shred his napkin. Laura motioned to the waitress. When the girl came over, Neil stopped. “Can I have more tea?” Laura asked.

“You want more coffee?” the girl said to Neil.

After she left, he continued, “I’d never had a friend like Jimmy before. I could tell him anything—”

Laura wondered what he was thinking as his brows knit and his voice trailed off. “Go on,” she prompted.

“Jimmy and I, well, we were as close as two people can be.” He gave her a halfhearted smile. “A good partnership is like a good marriage, I suppose. You know without being told that the other person will always be there for you.” His face clouded and he stared at the steamy windows.

“The department had been working on a big drug bust for months. But when it finally came down, the big boy, the man in charge—a well-known mobster named Tony Abruzzi—got away and went into hiding. But we had somebody in the tank who agreed to testify against Abruzzi. It was our chance to put him away for a long time. Stakeouts were set up at all his known haunts. This whole operation was a big deal, given number-one priority. Jimmy and I were assigned to the graveyard shift watching his girlfriend’s house.”

Laura sat quietly. The waitress brought their coffee and tea, then left. It amused Laura that even though Neil paid no attention to her, the waitress couldn’t seem to stop herself from trying to catch his interest.

“At the time I was having some serious problems with my marriage. My wife was real unhappy. She hated me being a cop. She’d wanted me to quit for years.” He stared down at his cup. “She especially hated it when I was gone at night. She kept calling the department, saying she had to talk to me. Twice during the stakeout someone had to come and replace me, and I went home. Both times there wasn’t anything wrong.”

He sighed, the sound full of weariness and regret. “Anyway, this night, for some reason, she took it into her head to follow me when I left the house. I still don’t know why. But when I’d only been at the stakeout for about five minutes, she showed up.”

His eyes met Laura’s, and her heart went out to him. “I couldn’t believe it. A cab pulled up in front of the apartment, and Erica got out. She marched up to the door and banged on it, yelling my name. I had to get her out of there. Jesus, she could have blown the entire job. She was practically hysterical, demanding to see the woman I was with. When she saw Jimmy inside she quieted down, but the damage was done. She was there, and she’d made so much noise, no telling who’d heard her.”

Laura cupped her hands around her warm mug, her eyes never leaving Neil’s face.

“Anyway, I told Jimmy to call for backup. I rushed her out the door and around the corner to the street where I’d left my car. I gave her my keys and ordered her to leave. I was so mad at her I felt like strangling her.”

“Then I ran back. When I was at the end of the street, I saw Jimmy race out of the apartment where we’d been hiding. Across the street, on the porch of the house we’d been watching, a man was standing at the door. He turned out to be Tony Abruzzi. Jimmy yelled something—whether he was yelling at me or Abruzzi, I guess I’ll never know. Abruzzi whirled around, they both fired, and they both went down.”

He gulped some coffee, his eyes filled with pain as they stared at her over the rim of his cup. Something stirred deep in her belly. “God, I couldn’t believe it. For a minute, I couldn’t move. Then I ran. When I reached Jimmy, he was dead.”

Laura shivered. She could imagine his pain. She ached to comfort him.

“The whole thing was a fiasco. There were so many unanswered questions. And the only people who knew the answers were dead!” He bowed his head. “I can’t forget it. I dream about that night all the time. It was my fault.”

She reached across the table to touch his hand. “It was an awful thing that happened, but you’ve got to stop blaming yourself for what can’t be changed.”

He turned his hand palm up and closed his fingers around hers. The feel of his warm hand wrapped around hers filled Laura with something queerly like happiness. “I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but I can’t help what I feel,” he said quietly, his thumb rubbing against the back of her hand, sending a shivery trail up Laura’s arm. “If only Erica hadn’t shown up. That’s what I keep telling myself.”

“You had no control over your wife’s actions.”

He released her hand. “Maybe not. But I had control over mine. And there’s something else I haven’t told you...”

She waited.

“Jimmy was a little impulsive, and I knew it. I’d always been the one to keep him straight. I depended on him for some things, and he depended on me for others. He never let me down. But the one time he really needed me to be there, I wasn’t.”

“I don’t see what you could have done differently,” she said reasonably. “You didn’t know your wife was going to show up like that. And you
did
tell your partner to call for backup.”

“He
did
call. He just didn’t wait for them to show up.”

“But why not?”

“That’s one of the things I’ll never know.”

“Neil, can’t you see that you’re being unreasonable? There were lots of things at work here. Lots of people have to share the so-called blame. Okay, so maybe you feel you shouldn’t have left, but your partner shouldn’t have run outside like that, and your wife shouldn’t have followed you, and lots of things shouldn’t have happened that did. None of that can be changed. You’ve got to let go of it, Neil. You can’t let this affect the rest of your life. Your partner wouldn’t have wanted that.”

He grimaced. “Easier said than done.” He drained the last of the coffee from his cup. “Well, that’s enough about me. Are you ready to go?”

They drove the rest of the way home in silence, and Laura wondered what he was thinking. She knew talking about what had happened had been painful for him, but she also knew he had to work out his feelings by himself. No one else could make him come to terms with what he viewed as his failure. She already knew enough about him to know he was a very honorable man, so his belief that he’d let Jimmy down must be extremely hard to accept. She hoped he wasn’t angry with her though. She
had
said an awful lot in the restaurant. Maybe he resented it.

When he pulled into the driveway of the duplex, he turned off the ignition, then turned slowly to face her. He reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. “Thanks for listening.”

He wasn’t mad. Thank goodness. Then, taking her completely offguard, he leaned over just as she turned toward him, and the kiss that he’d probably meant for her cheek landed at the corner of her mouth. Every nerve ending leaped at the touch of his Ups. She could feel the heat of his hand covering hers, his warm breath against her skin, smell the faint hint of spice from his after-shave and the heady scent of male emanating from his s
kin
and clothes and hair. Her heart thrummed up into her throat as her startled eyes met his.

“Laura...” His voice sounded gruff.

She held her breath. She knew she should open the door of the truck and get away. Get away fast.

Because what she wanted most in the world right now was for him to put his arms around her and
really
kiss her.

He wanted to kiss her.

He wanted to kiss her more than he’d wanted anything in a long time.

The knowledge slammed into him like a bullet slamming against a shooting-range target. He clenched his teeth and called on all his self-control to keep himself from reaching for her. He wondered if his breathing sounded as loud and ragged to her as it did to him.

Did she know what he was feeling?

He could see her eyes shining in the darkness. Then, so quietly it was more like a sigh than spoken words, she said, “Good night, Neil.” She opened the door, slid out of the cab, and walked carefully up the steps to her front door. He trembled from the sheer effort of controlling his chaotic emotions as he watched her disappear inside.

Neil had always been proud of his self-control—a control honed to a fine edge—first by his years on the force, then by the past three years. He was a master at submerging his feelings. But tonight, his feelings tumbled unchecked. In a daze, he started the track, drove to Norman’s apartment, climbed the steps, opened the door. All the while he was remembering the concern in her brilliant blue eyes when she listened to him tell his story. He was reliving the warm feeling her quiet laughter had evoked, the easy camaraderie they’d shared at the café. And he was telling himself that all he’d felt there in the cab was a healthy surge of desire because he’d been without a woman for so long, and because she had been so sympathetic. No big deal. Right?

Hands not quite steady, Neil poured himself a strong drink and got ready for bed. He could still feel the dark intimacy of the cab, the softness of Laura’s hand when he held it, the faint scent of flowers clinging to her skin—a scent that had filled his senses when he kissed her cheek.

His pulses raced as he remembered the rush of longing that tore through him, how badly he’d wanted to haul her up against him and cover those soft-looking lips with his. A deep shudder ran through him as his body, even now, responded to the dangerous desire that he hadn’t been able to banish.

Sinking onto the side of the bed, he raised his glass and took a long swallow. The whiskey burned its way down his throat, firing his belly. Neil closed his eyes.

What in God’s name had happened tonight? What was wrong with
him
? Laura was the woman his brother loved! Off-limits. He drained his glass and set it on the bedside table. Switching off the lights, he lay in the moonlit room and stared at the ceiling.

The whiskey hadn’t helped. He’d thought it would dull the edges and help him sleep. Instead he lay there with his eyes wide open.

Hours later, he was still awake. He couldn’t get Laura out of his mind. His body ached with need. His soul ached with loneliness. His heart ached with guilt.

He wanted her.

Something in Laura had called out to him, and he had responded. The knowledge reverberated through him — stark and undeniable.