Loving Laura (The Cantrelle Family Trilogy) (8 page)

The last of Laura’s irritation with him vanished. He looked so tired.

“So what will you do?” he asked. “What are you going to say if he asks you for your answer? Try to put him off, or pretend you were going to accept?”

Laura had had plenty of time to think about this, but still she hesitated. She knew what her answer was, but she felt an odd reluctance to say it. “I’m going to tell him I had decided to accept his offer.”

“Is that wise? Even though I don’t want you to dash his hopes until he’s stronger and able to take the disappointment, are you sure you want to lie to him?”

She bit her lip. “It won’t be a lie.”

For a long moment he didn’t reply. Laura’s heart thudded slowly as they stared at each other. Lord, she thought, I’d never be able to lie to
him.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” he finally asked.

She sighed, stroking the thick fur on Phoebe’s back as the cat inched closer. “Yes. If Norman still wants me, I’m going to marry him.” Disquiet gripped her as she heard herself speak the words aloud. She didn’t know if she was doing the right thing or not; she only knew she didn’t seem to have any choice.

She’d always imagined when she was planning to marry she’d be filled with joy. She’d had all these romantic daydreams—daydreams fostered by her escape into movies and romantic novels during her growing-up years. But today all she felt was a weary acceptance. When Neil didn’t comment, she glanced up. He opened his mouth, then closed it as they both turned in response to a loud thud against the front door. Laura could see Denise’s face through the glass in the door.

“Open up! I’ve got my hands full,” she shouted from outside.

Neil got up and opened the door, and in the flurry of helping his sister with the food, the subject of Norman was dropped. But Laura knew Neil hadn’t forgotten about her revelation because while the three of them ate the spicy lasagna, salad, and rolls Denise brought, Laura caught him looking at her with a thoughtful expression in his eyes.

He made her feel so uneasy. How he could be Norman’s brother was beyond her. There was none of Norman’s open, easygoing manner about him. With Norman, she’d always felt nothing was hidden, what you saw was what you got. But Neil was an enigma. She never knew exactly what he was thinking. Every time he looked at her, she wondered if she had something smeared on her face.

What else does he want from me? she thought, meeting his look squarely, almost defiantly. I’ve told him I’m going to marry Norman. If he wants me to say I’m wildly in love with his brother, well, then he’s asking too much. But even as she told herself not to let Neil’s scrutiny bother her, she wished he’d leave.

Finally he finished his meal, wiped his mouth on the paper napkins Denise had provided, and stood. “I’ve got some things to take care of this afternoon. Thanks for the food, Denise.”

“Are you going back to the hospital?” she asked.

“No, not today. Since Nicole and the folks are there now, I’m going to move my stuff over to Norman’s place this afternoon.”

Laura stiffened. Norman lived in the apartment over the company’s office. The last thing she needed right now was to have Neil in such close proximity. She would never be able to relax with those eyes watching her every move.

“You’re not staying with Mama and Papa?” Denise asked.

“I like my privacy.”

“Well, I know Norman thinks you walk on water, so he won’t mind.”

“Got him fooled, don’t I?”

“Yeah,” Denise drawled, giving Laura a wink, “One of these days he’s going to wise up. See you for what you
really
are.” Then she grinned and pointed to her left cheek.

Wordlessly, Neil bent down and kissed her cheek, giving her a quick hug as well. “Why I put up with your lip,” he said.

“Oh, you love it,” Denise retorted.

He kissed her again, and Laura felt such a sharp yearning inside her, it was almost like a physical pain. Their loving relationship symbolized everything Laura had always longed for and never had.

When he turned to Laura his eyes were still twinkling, but the twinkle faded as his eyes met hers. “Well, I guess I’ll see you again.”

“Yes. Thanks for bringing me home, and . . . everything.”

Now a quiet concern shadowed his eyes. “It was my pleasure.”

After he walked out the door, Denise turned to Laura and said, “It’s so good to have Neil home. I hope this time he’ll stay.”

Laura nodded, but she didn’t agree. In fact, she fervently wished that as soon as Norman was better, Neil Cantrelle would go back to the Florida Keys . . . and stay there.

* * *

Well, at least she wasn’t a doormat, Neil thought as he got into Nicole’s car. The sad-eyed Laura had some spunk. Good. She’d need spunk to get through the weeks ahead. He wished he felt better about what she was planning to do, and that surprised him. If someone had told him yesterday that he’d be concerned because Laura was going to accept Norman’s offer of marriage, he’d have told them they were crazy. After all, that’s what he’d been hoping for, wasn’t it?

Neil frowned. Everything had changed in the last twenty- four hours. Norman was still his first priority, which was why he hadn’t tried to talk Laura out of her decision, but Neil was afraid no good would come of it.

Still, was it any of his business if she wanted to sacrifice herself? Did he have any right to interfere in her life? In Norman’s life?

Still struggling with these questions, he drove to his parents’ home, gathered up his things, then made the five-minute drive to the office. His father had given him Norman’s keys, and Neil made short work of unlocking the outer gates, then Norman’s apartment, reached by an outside stairway. It took him less than ten minutes to hang up or put away his few belongings. The place was neat, but comfortable, reflecting his brother’s personality, Neil thought, as he looked around.

The apartment also brought back memories. Neil had lived there himself, when, as a twenty-year-old, he first tested his wings and left his parents’ home. He smiled, remembering. His mother had protested, saying he was too young, but his father had backed him up.

“Neil is a man, Arlette,” he said. “He don’ need to be under his mama’s eye all the time.” He winked at Neil.

“Why? Is he going to do something he’s ashamed for me to see?” she demanded, black eyes flashing with temper.

“That’s his business,” his father teased.

“Neil Joseph Cantrelle! You just remember, okay? If you do anything bad, you have to confess it to Father Richard, okay?” his mother warned. She pronounced the priest’s name in the Cajun way –
Rhee-card
.

Neil rolled his eyes, and his father laughed, slapping him on the back.

The next day, Neil moved into the apartment.

Now, as he remembered those exciting days when he was a rookie on the Baton Rouge Police Force and everything in his life seemed so new and full of promise, he sighed. He had lived in the apartment for four years, until he and Erica were married. He still hadn’t wanted to move; he’d liked the apartment but Erica wouldn’t hear of living over a roofing company office.

“No way,” she said. She opted for a new, glitzy apartment complex in Baton Rouge. “I don’t want to be under your mama’s thumb.”

Neil had succumbed. When they were first married, he would have done anything to make her happy. It took him eight years to discover the truth, that he could never make her happy. Their marriage was a mistake from the beginning. Erica wanted different things from life than he did. He guessed on some level he’d always known that, but with the blindness of youth, he’d ignored the signs and plunged on, his desire for her overriding his good sense. He’d tried for a long time to make things work, hanging on to his illusions, and in the end, that refusal to face the truth had cost him dearly. It had also cost other people dearly.

Maybe it was time to right some of the wrongs he’d left behind.

Two hours later, he stood on a small rise overlooking Lake Verret near Napoleonville. Under the benevolent branches of a twisted cypress tree dripping with Spanish moss, a gray granite headstone rested. It was the first time Neil had visited the grave site since the day of the funeral, but it looked exactly the way he’d remembered it in countless dreams.

He stared at the words etched into the stone.

Kendella

Beloved Son James Edward

Killed in the line of Duty

Dead leaves had gathered at the base of the headstone, and Neil bent to his knees to brush them away. His hand was shaking.
Jimmy. I’m sorry. You’ll never know how sorry. Please forgive me.

As he knelt there, his chest felt so tight he could hardly breathe. Tears blinded him. He squeezed his eyes shut. All the anguish stored up over the past three years, all the regrets, came gushing forth. He leaned his head against the headstone. How long he knelt there on the cold, damp ground, he didn’t know. But when he finally rose to his feet, brushing off the knees of his jeans and pulling his leather jacket closer around him, he felt better. He felt as if Jimmy understood.

Filled with new purpose, he turned and walked away. He didn’t look back.

* * *

Laura spent a quiet afternoon with her cats and Denise, who popped back and forth between the two halves of the house. Laura usually preferred to be alone when she needed to think, but Denise’s cheerful, bustling presence was comforting today.
Maybe I just don’t want to think too deeply.
And she had to admit -- it was nice to be coddled. She had had very little coddling in her life. Might as well make the most of it, she thought. She smiled gratefully as Denise brought her a steaming cup of Earl Gray tea.

“If it’s not too much trouble, Denise,” she said, “would you mind bringing me one of my pills, too?” Her head had begun its dull throbbing again.

“Sure. Do you feel up to Jeannine coming over for a few minutes? She’s home from school and begging to see you.”

Laura’s spirits immediately lifted. “Oh, I’d love to have her come over,” she said eagerly.

She spent a happy twenty minutes with the en
g
a
g
in
g
ten- year-old. Jeannine, with her father’s blue eyes and her mother’s dark, curly hair, was a lively sprite with a wide grin and bubbly personality.

“I’m sorry you were hurt, Laura,” she said. She sat on the end of the couch, holding Phoebe on her lap as Pete rubbed against her legs. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, honey.” Laura thought if she could have a child like Jeannine, she’d be the happiest woman in the world. Denise was so lucky. Jett adored her, and she had two great kids.

All too soon Denise was back, shooing Jeannine home. “Laura needs to rest,” she said. “You can come over tomorrow.”

After mother and daughter left, Laura slowly got up from the couch. She
was
tired. It would be good to take a nap. But first she walked around the apartment, turning on all the lamps. Only then did she feel secure enough to go back to the couch and lie down again.

She hated this weakness in herself, but the thought of waking in the dark terrified her. The cats, sensing her anxiety, tensed, too. Pete’s ears were up, as if he heard something, and Phoebe’s tail twitched rapidly as her blue eyes stared with unblinking observation of Laura.

Laura knew she should get professional help. She’d known that for years. And she wanted to; she was tired of being a freak. But she also knew if she sought help she would have to talk about the reasons for her fear, and she still wasn’t sure if she could. That was one of the things that really bothered her about her plans to marry Norman. He knew about her fear; they couldn’t work together every day without him finding out. But he’d dismissed it, telling her not to worry about it.

“It’ll go away,” he’d said, “if you quit thinking about it.”

But Laura knew it
wouldn’t
go away. And Norman’s airy unconcern disturbed her, because it was so typical of the way he dealt with problems. But Norman had good qualities, too. He was gentle, tolerant, and undemanding. He would be comfortable to live with, not expecting much from her.

Unlike his brother.

Very unlike his brother.

There was nothing comfortable about Neil Cantrelle. The way he looked at her, the things he said to her—everything about him was unsettling. She had a feeling he would never be undemanding, whether it was in his everyday relationships or as a lover.

Now, where did that come from?

Carefully, she explored the thought. Remembering the dark, questing look in his eyes, those eyes that hinted of sadness and disillusion, and the curve of his sensual mouth, she could feel herself blushing. Blushing, for God’s sake.
What’s wrong with you? This is a totally unsuitable train of thought, so get it out of your mind. Neil Cantrelle is your future fiance’s brother, and you’d better not think about him any other way. Ever.

But her disturbing thoughts refused to go away, and even as she slipped into sleep, she was seeing the shape of Neil Cantrelle’s mouth and wondering what it would feel like pressed against her own.

* * *

“Neil!”

Alice Kendella’s gray eyes widened in shock as she stared at Neil through the screened door.

“Hello, Alice,” he said quietly, his manner belying the tension in his body.

She put her hand to her mouth, and he could see how it trembled. “Oh, Neil,” she breathed.

“Aren’t you going to ask me in? Or am I persona non grata?”

“Don’t be crazy! Of course, you can come in!” She flung the screened door wide and opened her arms.

Heart full, Neil gathered the diminutive blonde in his arms. She smelled like talcum powder and soap, and he hugged her hard. When they broke apart, she had tears in her eyes.

“Neil, I’m so happy to see you.” She took his hand. “Come in. Let’s shut this door. It’s cold out there.”

Drawing him forward, she pulled him into a cluttered living room. The room was as familiar to Neil as the rooms in his family’s home. He’d been here so many times.

“Let’s go back into the kitchen. I was feeding the kids an early supper,” Alice said in her breathy voice. He had always teased Jimmy, saying that Alice sounded just like Marilyn Monroe.