Loving Lily (6 page)

"Is that
why you don't do readings and signings and stuff?"

He nodded.
 
"I hate public speaking
.
"

"I thought
you were in the Navy?" Lily didn't understand.
 
She couldn’t imagine a shy introvert stuck on
a submarine with a hundred other people and no way to escape.
 
It sounded like a recipe for disaster.

He pinched his
nose.
 
"I was a SEAL.
 
I did covert ops.
 
That's the opposite of getting up in front of
a crap load of people and yakking about your writing. "

Covert ops?
Whoa
, Lily thought.
 
That's kind of hot.
 
"Oh," she said aloud, imagining him
dressed in black with weapons strapped all over his body.

He narrowed his
eyes at her.
 
"What are you
thinking?"

She flushed.
 
"Nothing
. "

He opened his
mouth, obviously about to question her further, but just then Betsy walked out
with a tray.

Ha, saved by the food,
Lily thought, relieved.

"One roast
chicken with all the trimmings, coming right up
. "
Betsy smiled as she loaded the amazing looking meal onto the table.

"Did you
make this?" Lily asked, mouth watering.

"She
did," Matt answered.
 
"I begged
her for her famous chicken
. "

Betsy pointed
at him.
 
"You owe me.
 
You’re naming a character after me,
right?"

He nodded
solemnly.
 
"Yes.
 
I keep my promises.
 
You're an angel, Betsy. "

"Hmpf,"
the older woman said, smiling.
 
"Enjoy!" She walked away, humming
under her breath.

Lily was
amused, but Matt distracted her by dishing some chicken and stuffing onto her
plate.
 
She watched him add a few
carrots, bemused.
 
When was the last time
someone had done that for her?
Years, probably.

"So, what
brings you to my little town?" Matt asked her, interrupting her reverie.
 
"It looked like you had a whole apartment
stuffed into your car
. "

It was Lily's
turn to laugh uncomfortably.
 
"It
is
my whole apartment," she said, just to watch the surprise crawl across his
face.

"Oh,
um—" He floundered.

She took pity
on him.
 
"I needed a change.
 
I spent my whole life down near Philadelphia.
 
So far I've driven to Ohio, Maryland,
Connecticut, a few other places.
" She
looked
around, taking in the gorgeous view.
 
"I think I like it here, though
. "

He sat back, cradling
his wineglass.
 
"You should stay
. "

She shrugged.
 
"We'll see
. "
He was nice.
 
What she'd seen of the town
seemed nice.
 
She liked the quiet.
 
She hoped she'd finally found somewhere to
call home again, but only time would tell.

An hour later,
Lily sat back after her last bite of chocolate cake.
 
"Oh my God, I think I might explode
. "

Matt laughed.
 
"Please don't.
 
That would be really messy. "

Lily flung a
leftover pea at him.
 
He ducked, laughing.

"Hey, if
you keep that up, no goodnight kisses for you," he said, ducking when she
threw another at him.

"Who says
I'm going to let you kiss me goodnight?" She readied her spoon, arranging
her last pea dead center in the silver.

He sat back in
his chair, sexy and masculine.
 
"Please let me kiss you goodnight,
Lily?" He lowered his voice.
 
"I'd really like to
. "

Oh, not fair.
 
He’s doing the hot guy voice thing
.
 
Lily shivered as his tone
did funny things to her spine.
 
She
tilted the spoon anyway, though.
 
She had
principles, after all.
 
Suddenly, he leaned
forward, putting a hand over hers.
 
His
thumb rubbed small circles over the back of her wrist.
 
"Let me kiss you, Lily
.
"

She let go of
the spoon.
 
"Wait, you're
serious?" The pea rolled off and down the table.
 
She ignored it.
 
"Me?" She didn't believe him.
 
He was funny and nice, but really, she was
long past hoping for a date, ever.
 
Guys
like him didn't ask women like her out, let alone try to kiss them goodnight.

He blinked.
 
"Of course I'm serious.
 
I’m here, with you, aren’t I?"

Lily let her eyes
run down his body.
 
His jeans did nothing
to disguise the bulge at his groin.
 
She
licked her lips.
 
She
wanted
him to be serious.
 
She
wanted
to kiss him.
 
It had been so long…

Matt groaned.
 
"God, Lily, you're killing me
. "
He leaned over and captured her mouth.

Lily gasped,
utterly shocked.
 
He took advantage of
her surprise and dipped inside, tongue stroking lightly before he pulled back
and nibbled on her lips.

"Lily, you
taste so sweet," he murmured into her skin, hand cupping her cheek.

She couldn't
move.
 
Couldn't think.
 
The entire dinner was like a dream.
 
She licked her lips, trying to figure out how
she’d managed to get to this place after the last five wretched years of her
life, then he kissed her again and she couldn't figure anything out anymore.
 
She'd lost everything in her life, had to
start over again and again, yet here she was, being kissed into senselessness
by an incredibly handsome man.
 
How was
this even possible? Matt had no idea how screwed up she was, that must be why.
 
He wouldn't be kissing her if he knew.
 
She moaned, twisting her fingers into his
shirt.
 
She was going to enjoy this as
much as she could before he came to his senses.

"Lily,"
Matt groaned, kissing down her jaw.

She leaned into
his hand, turning her face to kiss his palm.
 
"What are you doing?" she whispered,
trembling.
 
Everything she thought she'd
figured out about herself seemed stupid, now.
 
Pointless.
 
After Jack had died, she'd pulled herself
through it by not caring about anything too much.

"I'm kissing
you," he said, taking her mouth again.

Her head fell
back and she let him in, let him do whatever he wanted.
 
He slid his hands into her hair.
 
She moaned, overwhelmed.
 
Like a dam suddenly giving way, she started
crying, hands coming up to grab his shoulders.
 
She kissed him back, tears rolling down her
cheeks.
 
He tried to pull back, but she
kissed him again, trying to ignore the way her heart felt: vulnerable and
scared.
 
I never thought I'd feel this
again
, she thought, grabbing at him frantically.
 
This is crazy.

"Lily?"
Matt pulled away.
 
He grabbed her hands
and touched her fingers to his lips.
 
"What's wrong?"

She closed her
eyes so she wouldn't have to see the disappointment in his.
 
Dammit
.
 
"I'm sorry
. "

"Don't be.
 
Tell me what's wrong.
"
He
kissed each fingertip with such gentleness Lily's heart gave a
painful thump.

"I
just—" She tried to say, but had to stop and take a breath.
 
"You don't understand.
 
This isn't me.
 
This isn't who I am.
"
She
brought his fingers to her forehead.
 
"I'm really messed up.
 
I don't want you to get all tangled up in my
shit. "

He drew his
hands away and stroked her hair.
 
"What are you talking about?"

She looked at
him.
 
He didn’t seem upset.
 
She nodded.
 
This was it.
 
The end of her little pretend date, but that
was okay.
 
She'd managed before, though a
hell of a lot more trauma than this small blip in her life.

"Okay.
 
You asked for it," she said, wiping her
cheeks.

He frowned.
 
She leaned in and kissed him quickly, before
grabbing his hands.
 
He didn't protest
when she squeezed a little too hard.
 
"My entire family died in the past five
years.
 
I'm the only one left.
 
Husband, mother, father, brother, my
grandparents, my younger cousin… They're all gone. "

****

Matt stared at
her in shock.
 
"What,
everyone?
How? Was there a fire or something?" He wasn’t sure he
quite understood what she meant, but he’d been
a volunteer
firemen
long enough that he knew how quickly fire could devastate an
entire family.

Lily shook her
head.
 
"No.
 
My brother died first.
 
He drowned five years ago.
 
Then my mother was in a car crash.
 
They say my dad committed suicide.
" She
stopped, took a deep breath.
 
"I don't believe that, but he was found
in the house with a bunch of pills.
 
Jack—" She paused, swallowing hard.
 
"My husband fell down the stairs at work
about a year and a half ago
. "

"Jesus,"
Matt whispered.
 
"Your
grandparents, too?"

She nodded.
 
"They think it was carbon monoxide in
middle of the night.
 
They died a few
years before my brother. "

Matt didn't
know what to say.
 
He looked into her
eyes and suddenly realized what he’d been seeing around the edges of her smile
all along.
 
It was pain.
 
She was like the widows he'd met overseas, the
ones who'd lost their entire families to war.

"It's
okay," she patted his hand.
 
"I'm okay
. "

"Christ,
Lily.
 
I'm so fucking sorry," he
said, knowing his words were completely inadequate.

She blinked
back tears and looked away.
 
"Can we
please go back to the kissing portion of this evening?"

He cupped her
cheek.
 
"Yes.
 
Definitely.
" He
leaned in again, kissing her tenderly, trying to
convey everything he knew about loss through his touch.
 
She gasped and he kissed her again, amazed at
her strength.
 
She was here, alive and
sane, and he didn't understand how she'd done it, how she'd kept going.
 
She was funny and strong and intelligent.
 
He'd seen terrible things, done terrible
things, but he'd never had to live through what she’d had to survive.

"You're so
beautiful," he whispered, kissing her cheeks.
 
"You're amazing
. "

She shook her
head.
 
"Don't be ridiculous
. "

He kissed her
again to shut her up.
 
She melted into
him and he savored the feeling of her in his arms.
 
She smelled like chocolate ice cream and
tasted like nirvana.
 
His dick twitched,
pressing against the zipper of his pants.
 
Yeah, he wanted to make love to Lily, but he
didn't want to scare her away.
 
He had to
take it slowly.
 
He dipped into her
mouth, chasing the sweetness of her.
 
When his phone rang, he ignored it, but Lily
pulled back.

"Isn't
that your cell?" she asked.
 
Her
cheeks were flushed.
 
The phone rang
twice more,
then
stopped.