Loving War (12 page)

Well, it’s inadvertently about Rain.

I start to tell her the whole damn story, but I can’t. I know I can’t. As much as I want to do it, it would destroy my relationship with Rain. But what scares me the worst is the fact that it could shred what I have with Tria, too.

“Do you really want the answer to that?”

I can’t blatantly lie to her, because I don’t want to.

She gets quiet for a moment, and her body gets a little more rigid in my arms. But she has to lead this conversation. I can’t.

“Because of Rain,” she says simply. I maintain my silence—guilty by omission—and she blows out a breath that has me worried. “Did you… I mean… Do you love her?”

I thought I did. In fact, I was convinced Rain Noles was the only girl in the world for me. It was as simple as that. She was the only person I tried to be different with. And I tried real damn hard to be just as fucking nice, sweet, understanding, and patient as Dane.

Then I met Tria. I don’t know what’s going on with us, but I don’t feel like I have to try to be someone else with her. In fact, she doesn’t make me try at all. She doesn’t expect me to be like Dane because she prefers the way I am. It’s… damn, it’s nice.

“I’ll be honest, Tria. I used to think I was in love with her, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t have been. I know I love her, but it’s not the kind of love I once thought it was.”

I’m starting to realize you can’t love someone that doesn’t love you the way you are. I was just Rain’s go-to best friend—the one she trusted but never loved in that way.

Tria relaxes against me, and I bask in the way she curls her arms around me, holding me as though she’s afraid this moment might vanish if she looks away. I’ve never had anyone be this way about me.

“Good,” she tells me, and I grin.

“You must like me a little if you’re starting to ask those kinds of questions.”

She smiles against my chest before placing a delicate kiss on my sternum.

“I guess I do like you a little, but I…” Her voice trails off as she sits up, her eyes meeting mine with a great deal of seriousness. I keep my arm around her waist, not willing to give up touching her.

“Kode, I’ve spent most of my life feeling ostracized because of everyone’s awe for Rain. My mom never treated us differently, but I could still tell that she was extra careful with Rain. As a child, you don’t understand that, and it causes you to be bitter. Then at school… things were bad for me. And the Sterlings and Rain were a massive part of that.”

A wave of nausea rolls over my stomach, and I immediately feel guilt for the first time about how shitty we all treated her in school. We were stupid kids, though. Well, I was just an uncaring ass, but the others were just kids.

“I can’t go back and undo the way we treated you, Tria.”

She nods slowly, her eyes falling down to my bare upper half to where the sheet meets my flesh at my hips.

“I know. But that’s not the point I was making. I’ve spent a lifetime feeling like the world chose Rain over me—that she was so much better than I was. I worked twice as hard in school, college, and in life as she did. She makes it seem effortless to do exactly what she wants to with her life and obtain undying loyalty and love from amazing people. I have to work for those things, and yet it seems like I can’t ever achieve the things that come so easily to her.”

She pauses, and my lips tighten. I never realized how much we have in common.

“I’m not bitter—not anymore. I was for a really long time. When I found out Eleanor wasn’t really my mother, I was crushed, and no one was there for me besides the woman who had played my mother all these years. My dad—the only person who ever chose me over Rain—cut me out of his life for finding out the truth. He was too cowardly to face the disappointment in my eyes, and too stubborn to realize that I would love him anyway. I thought after people found out that they would possibly look at me the way they looked at Rain, maybe realize I wasn’t the spoiled girl with the perfect life, and then they could see me. But no one did.”

Dane had mentioned this, but at the time, I was too busy pining for the other Noles sister to fully listen or even care. Now, it’s like my world has reversed its rotation. Rain Noles is no longer the center of my universe.

Tria takes a deep breath, and I lie there unmoving. After a spell of silence, I finally decide I should say something.

“I’m sorry, Tria. I know it’s not worth a damn thing, but I rarely apologize. I mean it sincerely. I’m sorry.”

Her eyes glisten as they look up to meet mine again, and she gives me a sad smile before looking back down.

“I’m not trying to make you feel bad, nor am I trying to make you apologize. I’m trying to make you understand that this thing between us has to stop if you have any feelings for Rain that extend beyond friendship.”

I start to speak, to ensure her that those feelings were slain by her hands, but she holds her hand up and speaks again.

“Rain and I are the same age, separated by only a few months. We have one thing tying us to blood, and that’s the cowardly father we share. We have a woman who loves us both like her true daughters, and that’s kept us afloat. I’m finally building a relationship with my sister, Kode. It’s important that I have this. It’s important that Mom has this. So I can’t play second place again. This thing between us is meaning more to me than I should admit. If you still want Rain as more than a friend—even a little bit—then end it now, because it’ll hurt, and I’ll get bitter again. I’m finally moving past it, so don’t make me feel as though she once again has everything I want.”

The words keep playing over in my head, sounding so much like the way I’ve felt for years, only for different reasons. But she just admitted that I mean something to her, which is shocking. She hated me not too long ago.

I sit up, push her to her back, and put my body over hers to stare down into her eyes. She swallows hard, probably worried about what I’m going to say, so I end the suspense.

“Nothing—that’s what I feel for Rain. Well, as I said, I still love her, but purely in the platonic sense of the word. Pretty sure I like you a little bit, too, and I’d prefer it if this—you and me—could keep moving forward the way we are.”

Her hand moves to my bare side, slowly sliding down my body in a way that has me trying not to be a jerk and just start something with her right now before we’re done talking.

“We’re moving forward?” she asks with a sweet smile.

I lean down to kiss her, groaning when my erect cock brushes against her soft skin. When her legs spread wider in invitation, I barely refrain from doing something stupid.

“Yeah. Forward.” Gazing into her hopeful hazel eyes, I brush my thumb over her very enticing lips. “I’ve spent my life getting overlooked for Dane. I wouldn’t do that to you—not now. Rain loved him. She couldn’t ever see me. Believe me when I say those ties have been burned.

“Dane has always been the wonder for the world to see—the boy who came from the streets but managed to morph into the perfect specimen. It’s hard to compete with. And you know how Dane is—too damn perfect. So I get it, Tria. What I felt for Rain is gone. Completely.”

It’s a freeing confession that has me breathing easily. I feel like I’ve been tied to Rain for way too long. I did it to myself. She never once led me to believe we were ever going to be more, but I clung to her for all the wrong reasons. Now I’m staring down at the girl I really missed out on.

“As long as you’re sure, Kode. I mean completely positive.”

“No doubt whatsoever,” I murmur softly, brushing her lips again with mine. “I’m not looking at Rain, Tria. I see you. Sorry it took me so long to do that, but I see you now.”

She kisses me hard, and briefly I consider fucking her now without breaking contact, but my condoms are in the drawer. I return the kiss with as much fervor and hunger, trembling when it becomes painful not to be inside her.

Forced to break away to grab protection, I quickly scramble to grab a foil pack, stretching across the bed and fumbling blindly so that I don’t have to move completely. Just as I get one out and start rolling it on, Tria speaks words so softly that I don’t think I was meant to hear them.

“I’ve always seen you.”

For a second, I wonder if I heard her wrong, because I’m pretty sure she has always hated me. But I don’t question it. Even if it’s not true, it feels good to hear, and I move back to her lips to pay gratitude while thrusting into her soaking wet sheathe.

Chapter 13

KODE

It’s odd. I haven’t lived with anyone since I moved out of my parents’ house at eighteen. But strangely enough, seeing all of Tria’s things comingling with mine for the past two weeks hasn’t freaked me out. It’s actually a little nice to see her stuff lounging comfortably within my house.

I’ve gotten used to the bathroom counter being covered in girly stuff. And I’ve grown used to seeing bras in very odd places—such as a doorknob or on the towel rack. We’ve developed a system quickly. And damn she can cook. Well, she can cook some things.

The only thing that is pissing me off is not being able to go out in public. I’ll be glad when the damn wedding is over and Tria and I can come out and announce we’re together. But next weekend we’ll be in New York, and I can finally take her out on an actual date. It sucks that I had to push the trip back, but I needed to handle a few deals here this weekend.

“Kode, you in here?” Corbin’s voice booms through the house, and I make a mental note to kick his ass for using his emergency key. If Tria had been in here naked, I would already be kicking his ass.

“What’s up?” I ask, closing the door to the bedroom behind me as I head toward the living room.

“Tria here?” He walks in holding a coffee cup, and he takes a sip before cursing it for being too hot.

“Why would Tria be here?” I ask, shrugging as though he hasn’t figured it out already.

He picks up a bra that is hanging over the back of a chair. Damn. She really does find bizarre places to leave those things. Or maybe I tossed that one there. It’s hard to keep up.

“Really?” he drawls, dropping the bra to the chair again. Depositing his cup to the small end table, he gives me a pointed look before continuing. “You gonna keep trying to play the dumb card with me?”

“That bra could belong to any girl,” I say flippantly.

He rolls his eyes while coming to drop down on the sofa. “Any word on Pete Mercer?”

My jaw ticks at the mention of his name. “Cops aren’t looking for him. Apparently all they do is issue an arrest warrant for breaking a restraining order. I’m looking into hiring a bounty hunter. Considering they usually work for bondsmen, that’s proving to be a little difficult.”

He nods while leaning back, and I take a seat next to him.

“Rain went to the condo where Tria is supposedly staying. Her car was there but she wasn’t, so she freaked out. I covered for you and told her that Tria was with me because she was blocked in. Since I conveniently live just down the road, she bought it.”

Rain is becoming a pain in the ass with her worry. I want to tell her to stop freaking out because I’m taking care of Tria.

“Where’s she at right now?” Corbin asks.

“Out. Her friend Brin came and picked her up. Tria wanted something new to wear to New York next weekend, but I wouldn’t let her leave alone. Not until Pete is found.”

His eyebrows go up in surprise. “You’re taking her to New York? Damn. I guess you really do care about her.”

“You thought I was lying?”

“Well, you never really said one way or the other, and you’ve been avoiding me like I’m the devil since Maverick’s party. Thought I’d come over and squash the awkwardness.”

Looking toward the door, I take a deep breath. Finally, I meet Corbin’s eyes again. Now that he’s here, everything I’ve wanted to get off my chest to someone is trying to bubble out. There’s only one thing driving me absolutely crazy in a bad way right now.

“I wish Dane had told the truth about the letter.”

He strangles on air as his eyes widen. “Seriously? Rain would hate you right now.”

“I know. But it would be out in the open, and Rain would eventually forgive me. Maybe. Dane and I could try to move on from it. And it wouldn’t be hanging over my head like a lit stick of dynamite right now. I’m seriously considering telling Tria after the wedding is over. I wouldn’t risk Rain finding out and it messing up her wedding.”

Corbin blows out a breath, and he leans forward to put his elbows on his knees. “You must really have it bad for Tria. I think it’s best to just let this one die with time. Dane knew she’d forgive him, but she wouldn’t forgive you, man. Not for that. And Tria… You could lose her, too. Rain and her are tight now.”

“I was eighteen when I stole the damn thing. It’s not like any of us thought rationally at that age. I was lovesick. And I swear I thought Dane was fucking anything that walked.”

He shakes his head slowly, probably wondering how things got so messed up so badly. Leave it to me to turn a stumble into a train wreck.

“You were eighteen when you stole it, but the fact that you kept it a secret for six years... A lot happened to both of them in those six years. You want Rain putting that shit on your shoulders?”

My stomach roils. It’s not like I haven’t already thought of that.

“This deep conversation isn’t what I came here to have,” Corbin continues. “Rain wants us all to go out tonight for Maverick’s do-over birthday. He’s pissed because he passed out too early to really enjoy his party. So we’re all meeting at Silk, partying there for a while, and then letting Maverick call the shots. And she’s calling to invite Tria.”

Grinning, I think of all the secret places inside Silk where I can have my way with her.

“Fine. But we can’t get too wasted. Tria has a breakfast meeting tomorrow via conference call about her makeup line.”

“No problem, old man. Two weeks and the girl has domesticated you.”

I flip him off, not bothering to tell him this thing between us really started over a month ago. He still hasn’t figured out that Tria was the girl from the bar that I dumped them for that night.

The front door opens and shuts, and Tria’s voice fills the house immediately.

“Well, I definitely have the underwear portion of the trip covered. I hope you like lacy—”

Her words halt immediately, and the sexiest piece of lingerie I’ve ever seen is quickly shoved back into a bag as her cheeks turn twelve shades of red in an instant. Her mouth opens and closes several times in an attempt to dig herself out of that hole.

Corbin restrains his laughter, but his body shakes from the silent riot going on inside him. I’m openly grinning at her, taunting her without any shame.

“By the way,” I drawl, “Corbin is here.”

She squeaks when she tries to speak, and then quickly clears her throat. “I’m… um… I didn’t… um… no car.”

Corbin’s laughter sneaks out, but he coughs quickly to cover it up, and then smothers the dueling sounds with his hand. After a beat, he finally manages to explain.

“I walked here from the coffee shop down the street. My car was blocked in, and this was where I was coming anyway. Seemed to just make sense to walk it, as opposed to waiting for the jackass to come out and move his illegally parked car.”

Her face is still scarlet, and I stand to walk over to her. That bag is definitely getting packed. I want a better look at whatever lingerie she was just swinging around.

“Stop freaking out. Corbin has seen more lacy underwear than a Victoria’s Secret model.”

Corbin bursts out laughing, but Tria’s face only blushes deeper as she scolds me with her eyes. After I take the bag from her, I peek inside. Yep. It’s going to be a hell of a weekend.

“Corbin figured it out the night of Maverick’s party,” I say distractedly. Is that a corset? Shit. She’s going to make it hard to leave the hotel room, and I really want to take her out on a date.

“Oh,” she says on a long breath. “I guess it was obvious, since he was in the booth with us.”

I put the bag down before I start getting hard. Corbin doesn’t need to be here if that happens.

When I turn around, Corbin has a daring little grin on his smug face.

Tria stands beside me, her body stiff enough to break. So I take her hand and tug her over to the oversized leather chair. When I sit down, I drag her onto my lap. To my surprise, she relaxes against me almost immediately.

“We’re giving Maverick a redo party. Rain call you?” Corbin asks her, trying not to dwell on the awkwardness.

“Yeah. Um… She called me a few minutes ago.”

“Then I guess I’ll see you two later.”

Corbin grabs his coffee before he stands and leaves us, as Tria groans and buries her head in the crook of my neck. “That wasn’t embarrassing at all.”

“Maybe we should just come clean,” I say thoughtfully, even though it sounds incredibly random.

“After the wedding,” she says, snuggling into me. “People will have plenty of speculations to make, and it will distract from Rain’s wedding.”

As much as I hate to wait another month, I agree with her, begrudgingly. I’m sick of hiding her, and I want the fucking world to know that no one else can touch her.

My phone buzzes, and I check it to see it’s Dane who has sent a message. A groan escapes me when I see the updated location of our redo party for Maverick. Dane and Rain’s house. Fuck. Now I’ll barely be able to touch Tria.

“There’s no way to change your mind about that? Because I’m not looking forward to spending all night without being able to touch you.”

I show her the message that states the change of location, and she sighs softly.

“It’s just one night, Kode. You spent eleven years hating me. You can pretend as though we’re nothing to each other for one night.”

I don’t know why, but it pisses me off that she can say that so easily.