Loving Your Lies (34 page)

I struggled to lift my mother from the hard
stone floor. Her upper body cradled in my arms, she finally opened
her eyes to me.

I freed her of any remaining shards of
glass, then gathered all my reserved strength, and heaved my mother
up from the floor. Half dragging and half carrying, I took her to
her room, where I lowered her to the bed and began stripping off
her shirt.

“Don’t—”

Her weak objection didn’t make me stop. This
wasn’t the moment for an argument. When her body lay undressed
before me, though, I gasped. Beneath her clothes, Charlene was
nothing but skin and bones. If I hadn’t seen her moving around the
past couple of weeks, I would have believed she was the walking
dead.

On her night stand sat a glass of water,
which I held to her lips so she could rinse her mouth and drink a
few sips to get rid of the awful taste. The first mouthful she
spewed into the bucket next to her bed. Then she drank in slow
sips.

From the closet, I grabbed a new shirt,
opening the window on my way. Fresh air drove the nauseating smell
out of the room.

I helped my mother into the sleeves, pulled
the quilt over her legs, and cleaned the blood from her face with a
wet cloth.

She gaped up at me and reached out one shaky
hand.

Too exhausted to stifle the sigh in my
throat, I sat on the edge of the bed. Her hand felt cold, sweaty.
This was our first touch in over twelve years. Nothing was left of
the soft, warm fingers she used to run through my hair when I was
little.

Her mouth opened, but she couldn’t bring up
the strength to speak.

“Don’t worry,” I hushed her. “Everything
will be fine. In a little while.” As soon as Julian came in. I cast
a longing glance at the empty doorway.

The squeeze she gave my hand wouldn’t have
been hard enough to crush an ant. A single tear ran down her cheek
as she made the weak attempt to smile.

“Try to get some sleep now,” I said. “I’ll
clean up and be back in a bit.”

Glad to have a reason to get out of the
room, I left her to rest, struggling to keep my own tears at bay. I
couldn’t allow them to spill over in front of her.

Emptying the bucket into the toilet made my
stomach roll. I sucked in a breath through my mouth then held it
until I was out of the room. With an old broom from the closet, I
started sweeping the kitchen floor. It felt good to have something
to do at this moment. The only other option was to walk back into
my mother’s room. But my mind spiraled, and it needed to calm
first.

With all the memories, which had come back
in a rush earlier, and with the panic I had felt, I found I could
open the door to forgiveness. Even if it was only cracked open yet.
Now, that I didn’t have to see her sorrowful eyes, I wasn’t so sure
if I fully wanted to walk through it.

It wasn’t like she could undo the past
twelve years in which she’d completely kept out of my life. In
which there hadn’t passed a single day that I wouldn’t brood over
why she’d abandoned me.

But this was probably my last chance to find
an answer to those nagging questions. If I closed the door for good
now, she might die before she could ever tell me. And before I
could tell her how much I had missed her in those lonely years.

I realized I’d stopped sweeping and instead
gazed at the blank wall. Heaving a long sigh, I pinched the bridge
of my nose. I knew I would be talking to her eventually, and it
could as well be today. But first I needed to finish cleaning up
the mess.

In the cupboard under the sink, I found a
dustpan for the shards. I knelt on the floor and wiped the broken
glass onto it when the gauze snagged on the broomstick. Since there
was no pain in that hand, I tugged one end loose and began
un-wrapping the bandage. First slowly, but getting faster when
there showed no sign of a burn underneath.

The mull landed in a heap on the counter. I
examined my hand, turned it in the light, and stroked it with my
good fingers. Amazing. Julian had said I had poured boiling water
over it only yesterday. But my skin was completely intact. No
blisters, no soreness. It was like nothing had happened to my hand
at all.

Think.

The story he had told me last night seemed
totally unfamiliar. So there was the off-chance none of it had in
fact happened. But then again, everyone had been worried and
bombarded me with questions when we had come home. My family sure
had seen me burn my hand before Julian took off with me to the
hospital.

Again it all came down to Julian. Something
must have happened that he refused to reveal. Oh boy, would he ever
make sense to me? And when the hell was he going to come in,
goddammit? He should have been checking on my mother over an hour
ago. If he had performed his spooky alien healing methods on her,
she’d probably not even have collapsed. A weird chagrin budded
inside me, and I braced myself to give him a mouthful the minute he
walked in through the door.

Vigorously twisting the bandage to a tight
bundle, I tossed it into the bin underneath the sink together with
the shards. If Julian failed to tell me about his secret, it might
be time to ask someone else. I leaned the broom against the
credenza and strode back to my mother’s room.

But she was sound asleep as I entered. Her
chest lifted and sank in a steady rhythm. I stopped three feet into
the room, weighing what to do. Leave and wait outside, or sit by
her bedside and watch over her sleep. After all, she might get sick
again and needed my help.

I tried to make no sound when I crossed to
her bed and settled on the mattress. She heaved a sigh, but didn’t
wake up.

Hard to say how long I’d sat there, watching
as she slept. But with a soft melody on my lips—the song she used
to lull me to sleep with ages ago and which Julian had played for
me on the piano—my head dipped forward, and I drifted off to sleep,
too.

The feeling of someone’s eyes on me woke me
little later. But my mother’s eyes were still peacefully closed.
Pain shot through my cramped neck as I raised my head to scan the
silent room.

Julian stood in the doorway, thumbs hooked
through the belt loops of his jeans. The way his shoulder and head
rested against the frame made me believe he’d been watching me for
a while.

Should I be grateful that he was finally
here or stay angry that he hadn’t shown up sooner? I tilted my head
back to the wall, deliberating, and eyed him through drowsy slits.
My bottom lip stuck between my teeth, and a sigh rolled off my
chest.

The longing in his eyes was transparent. It
made me wish he’d come closer, so I could wrap my arms around him
and bury my face against his chest.

“Why didn’t you come to check on her this
morning? What have you been doing for so long?”

“Giving you time.” His soft voice floated in
the room.

As my mother stirred slightly, I turned to
gaze at her. She probably felt his presence, too. Who wouldn’t? It
was as if his aura penetrated me in waves with each breath I took.
He might be doing the same to her. Maybe she was afraid of him
after their conversation last night. After all, she’d said her time
was up.

“Is she going to die?” I asked him.

“Not today.”

So life and death really were in his
hands
.
I took a shaky breath, steeling my nerves for the
unbelievable. It was time to go for a few answers. But I couldn’t
find the courage or the right words to begin.

After a long pause, Julian straightened. He
nudged his chin at my hands. “You removed the bandages.”

I inspected my hand from all sides then
dropped it to my lap. “Yeah. Seems like it’s healed. This wouldn’t
have anything to do with you, would it?”

The weak smile he gave me made my heart
flutter. He held out his hand to me. “Come on. Let’s take a
walk.”

So the alien was ready to talk at last. As
silently as possible, I rose and moved toward Julian. Warmth surged
through me as he closed his hand around mine. But before we left, I
cast a concerned look over my shoulder. “Will she wake up while
we’re gone?”

“Don’t worry. She’ll be sleeping until I
call her back.”

Ah, right. Master of minds.

The calm serenity he emitted enveloped me
completely. And suddenly, I had the feeling of being a small child
holding on to the hand of an older and much wiser being than I
could grasp. A person who could decide between life and death,
sleep and awake. Who could heal wounds, inflict happiness with a
single touch, and for all I knew, might even be able to fly.

If it wasn’t for the immense amount of
kindness rolling off him in waves, I would have been scared as
hell. But right now, I looked at him with adoring eyes.

Julian led me outside and past the field. On
the way he waved at Marie and let her know we were taking a little
stroll but would be back in time for dinner.

Behind the vineyards, we crossed a line of
woods. In the shade of all the firs and spruces, a chill slid down
my arms, reminding me that I was just about to leave civilization
behind and head to a place unknown with an alien by my side.

Julian surveyed me from the corner of his
eye. “Are you cold?”

“Just a little.”

Heat ignited where our palms touched. The
unusual warmth slowly soared up my arm. With each pound of my
heart, it spread further through my body.

“How do you do this?” To my own amazement,
my whisper didn’t reflect fear, only fascination. It also occurred
to me that he might be doing some alien hocus pocus to keep me at
ease. Because the feeling was most pleasurable, I didn’t mind the
latter.

Julian didn’t reply. But when we left the
broad strip of woods and stepped onto a wide meadow, his grip
tightened. “Jona, can I ask you something?”

Shuffling through the ankle high grass, I
nodded, hoping to get my questions answered afterwards as well.

“When you overheard your mother and me
talking last night, and of course with the list you already started
about me a few days ago, what did you conclude I was?”

Wariness settled in my sideways glance and
tone. “Will you have to kill me if I’m right with my assumption?
Because if so, I’d rather not say.”

He rolled his eyes. “Of course not, silly.”
Lifting the hand that held mine, he wrapped his arm around my
shoulders and pulled me closer as we strolled.

“Okay,” I drawled. “I thought you’re an
alien. Like Superman from Krypton. Just with different powers, you
know.”

He frowned at me. “That’s your best
guess?”

“I’m wrong?”

“Totally!”

A little ashamed about my assumption, I
thought of the only other theory I had about him. “Apparently you
can resurrect the dead. So, are you into voodoo?”

“No.” Now he almost seemed offended, but not
in an angry way. “I thought you’d figured me out already.”

I frowned, my lips tight. Any normal person
would have been freaked out by all this. At that point, I was
pretty damn sure he was weaving his magic around me to keep me
calm, or else I wouldn’t have been able to have this conversation.
“Then stop playing games and just tell me where you come from.”

He pulled me to a halt in the middle of the
meadow. Apart from the woods behind us and an occasional tree every
few hundred feet, nothing but grass and flowers spread as far as
the eye could see.

With my hand still in his, I gaped into the
face of this devilishly good looking man. His eyes a bright blue,
he seemed to smile, even when his lips remained straight. And
suddenly it dawned on me. His defined features, the way he
performed magic, his boss my mother made a deal with, it all
pointed to—

“Oh. My. God,” I breathed. “You’re working
for the devil.” It definitely was the most absurd thing that ever
came out of my mouth. But it seemed to be the only logical
explanation.

Julian’s mouth dropped open then closed. He
continued to study me with a whole new interest. “Would you be
scared if the answer was yes?”

I’d never before crossed myself, but at this
moment I came terribly close. Only I thought this move might offend
him. So I stood rigid, staring at him with eyes so wide it
hurt.

However, the answer to his counter question
was a definite, “No.”

I’d seen him do too much good to think he
would be a bad entity, no matter who he was working for. Nothing
could take away my feelings for this man, not even the depth of
hell.

The left corner of Julian’s mouth lifted.
“In fact, I’m working for the other side.”

The other side of what? Of hell? I frowned.
“That would be Heaven…But, no.” I laughed at myself for going the
wrong way again. “You’re certainly not an angel.”

A spark in his eyes came with his grin.

My fingers slid from his. “Shit. You’re
serious.”

26

AND THEN HE STOPPED
TIME

A WARM WIND ruffled the leaves of the
nearest lilac and sent their rich, exotic smell down to us. A
platoon of fluffy clouds marched like sheep across the sky. They
created a lulling interplay of sun and shadow on my face. Sprawled
out on the long grass, I enjoyed Julian playfully teasing my jaw
with the petals of a daisy. His head was supported by his hand as
he lay to my left.

“You’re taking it quite well.”

If he referred to me being silent ever since
he told me he was an angel as taking it well, he was right. I knew
I should be totally freaked out, but I wasn’t. “Are you keeping me
calm with your angelic powers?”

“Would you mind if I did?”

I sniffed when he tickled my nose with the
flower. “As long as you don’t tamper with my mind so I can’t make
my own decisions, I think I’m fine.”

“No tampering,” he said solemnly. “It
happens on an emotional base only. All I do is expand my aura a
little and include you in my circle of—” He broke off, narrowing
his eyes. A second later, he smirked. “Of heavenly coolness.”