Lucky Penny (12 page)

“Things are fucked up,” he said ignoring me. “I’m supposed to be here working things out.”

“And how’s that going?” I lifted my head slowly to meet his intense gaze.

Blake’s lips drew into a thin line, and he released a slow breath. “It’s complicated.”

Exhausted by his cryptic responses—and unsure if I was ready to hear the truth—I changed the subject. “Do you speak to anyone else from back then?”

“I found Bennett after I left. Well, more like he found me. We still keep in touch.”

I nodded. If I had bet on one relationship withstanding the test of time, it would have been theirs. Blake looked up to him like a brother, and Bennett always held a soft spot for his younger foster sibling.

“How is he?”

“Good. Life turned out real good for him. He won’t believe this when I tell him.”

Ignoring another cryptic statement, I simply replied, “That’s good.”

We sat enjoying the peace of our surrounds. The water lapped at the shore at one end of the lake, and the trees surrounding the area swayed gently in the breeze. The sound soothed me. Everything about this place was healing, and I could see why Troy and Tina picked it to do the work they did.

After a few minutes, Blake shifted again. “Penny, what happened after I left?”

I let out a small groan. “Geez, Blake. Talk about turning all serious on me.” I tried to follow with a smile, but I was too tense. I knew if I looked in the mirror, I’d be grimacing.

Frustrated with myself… Blake… our whole predicament, I glanced back at the fire needing a few seconds to center myself. The others were goofing around, making the most of our downtime before the last group arrived tomorrow. Marissa cozied up in front of the fire next to Liam who, despite her best efforts, still looked more interested in the fire than in her. She sat so her body angled toward us, making me smile. Marissa had become a really good friend. I was going to miss her.

“I’m sorry.” Blake sighed. “I just feel like we’re losing time, and there’s still so much I want to know. There’s not enough time.”

You don’t want to know
, I whispered silently to myself.

“I don’t want to walk away from here in two weeks and regret things.
More
things.”

He was making up lost time or, at least, trying to. I got that. I did. But opening up didn’t come easy for me. I was used to bottling things up until I was like a pop bottle ready to explode, and even then, I could only give so much. Only things that felt safe to reveal.

“After you left, things were okay for a while. Derek and Marie even managed to be nice to us occasionally. I hate to say it, Blake, but it was almost like they were glad to see you go.”

Blake tried to look offended but ending up laughing. “Doesn’t surprise me. Derek hated me.”

Those three words changed the energy around us. The silence no longer felt comfortable but strained.

It was like no matter what we talked about, however hard we tried to avoid it, everything always led back to the one thing too painful to talk about.

This was our legacy.

“Not as much as he hated Chris. Those two really went at it.”

“Someone finally stood up to him?” Blake sounded surprised, but I also heard a tinge of regret in his voice.

My eyes dropped from his face and swept down his frame. Blake had clenched his fists at his sides, and his whole body had tensed. He played a good game of seeming as if he was in control, but I saw the truth. Blake was standing on the precipice about to fall over at any second.

Some things never change.

“You could say that.” Wanting to bring Blake back to me, I added, “Remember when Bennett aged out? I’ll never forget the look on Marie’s face as he strolled up the path yelling at the top of his lungs ‘so long, fuckers.’”

Blake’s jaw relaxed a little, and he tilted his head at me. “Yeah, I remember. It wasn’t all bad in there. I earned your first kiss, if I remember correctly?”

The playfulness I had become accustomed to watching whenever Blake interacted with the boys and other counselors was back, and just like that, some of the tension evaporated. And made my cheeks flush. I didn’t doubt it would return. It was always with us—just under the surface.

But for now, we could bury our heads until the next time.

I helped Marissa drag the last of the canoes up the embankment to the storage shed. The girls had gone on ahead to clean up.

“Did you know Blake has someone back in Columbus?” The words almost lodged in my throat, but since our conversation two days ago, it was all I’d thought about. Who was she? What did she look like? Did he love her?

Marissa’s smile faltered as she said, “He does? Is it serious?”

“I don’t know. He said it’s complicated.”

We hoisted the last canoe onto its hanger. Marissa dusted herself off and turned to me. “I bet. The love of his life turned up.”

“Marissa, can you be serious for once, please?”

She held her hands up laughing. “Sorry. I just can’t resist.” We started the short walk to the shower block, the girl’s laughter traveling in the air. “Besides, it true.”

“It sounded serious,” I said quietly.

“No way. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, the way he watches you across the fire. He never takes his eyes off you. Besides, as far as I’m aware, he hasn’t mentioned a girlfriend to anyone here. It’s probably just a clingy hook-up who needs a reality check.”

It hadn’t sounded that way, and the fact Blake didn’t give me any details suggested there was more to it. But you didn’t willingly argue with Marissa.

As if she could hear my thoughts, Marissa halted and turned to me. “Anyway, would it matter if there was? It’s not like you’ve been jumping for joy at being reunited with him.”

“Marissa!”

“Oh, come on, Penny. I know you two have a rough history, but it’s just that, history. In the past. You can’t let your past dictate your future. Mold you, sure, but define you? Nuh-uh! The Penny I’ve watched grow over the last couple of months is stronger than that.”

Was I?

Most days, I didn’t feel it.

I’d made progress, sure, but the truth was that I was still tethered to the ghosts of my past in ways I hadn’t even realized until I saw Blake again.

So much pain tainted our story, I didn’t know if we could rewrite ourselves a new ending… or beginning.

“You’re overthinking this.” Marissa took my hand in hers. “I’ve watched the two of you together. Everything you felt for Blake all of those years ago is still there. It’s written all over your face every time you look at him. And I don’t doubt for a second that it’s the same for him.”

Warmth spread into my cheeks, and I dropped my eyes. Why couldn’t I just be normal instead of damaged and confused and terrified to step out of the shadows?

Why couldn’t I let myself live in the moment for once.

“I know you’re scared,” Marissa went on. “And that’s okay. But tell me one thing, Penny. Can you live with yourself if you leave here without giving him a chance? A real chance?”

I looked over at the lake where Blake’s group was attempting to cross the water on homemade rafts. His polo shirt clung to his chest as he helped a boy onto the floatation device.

“Well, can you?”

Could I?

Blake had healed me once, and then he had broken me in a way from which I never truly recovered. But somewhere over the last two months, he had started to put me back together. Piece by piece. My head had warned me, tried to keep me away, but my heart recognized him. They called to each other, sought each other out.

Blake already owned my heart.

He always had.

But could I give him my damaged soul as well?

Age 14

“W
hat in the hell have you done to your hair?” Amy scowled at me as she entered the den and snickered into her hand.

Bitch.

I ran a careful hand over my head and shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Oh, you soooo have, you styled it. Is it for your girlfriend?” Her voice grated on me like nails on a blackboard, and when Amy folded her pudgy arms over her chest and huffed looking far too pleased with herself, I wished for a moment I was Bennett. He always knew exactly the right thing to say in these situations. But I was never going to be as cool as Bennett was. Instead, I said the next best thing, “Piss off, Amy.”

“Blake and Penny sitting in the tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes-”

“Cut it out, Amy. Go bother someone who cares.” Mason swatted at her, and she shrieked, spinning on her heels and storming out of the room.

“So what is up with your hair, dude?”

“Nothing.” I ducked my head.

Did it really look that stupid? All I’d done was sneak a little bit of product from Peter’s secret stash underneath his bed. I just wanted to make tonight special.

“She’ll notice,” my foster brother said with a grin.

“Who’ll notice?”

He helped himself to a handful of my chips and slouched down next to me. “Penny, dickwad. Who else?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mase.”

His eyes sparkled with amusement. “Sure, you don’t. Just be careful. If Derek and Marie catch on to the two of you always sneaking out, the shit will hit the fan. For all of us.”

I mumbled something under my breath trying my hardest to act cool. He was right though, I knew that. But I didn’t care. Not today.

Penny was my best friend, and she deserved a birthday to remember.

Dinner was the longest thirty minutes of my life. One thing Derek and Marie insisted on was that we all ate together. Every evening, we had to sit around and pretend to play happy foster family. Except tonight, Penny’s seat was empty. She had joined the debate team at school and they had an away meet. Although I was pleased for Penny since it was the first thing she had showed interest in since arriving here, I now officially hated Tuesdays.

“What time is Penny due back, Marie?” Amy said in her sickly sweet voice, the one she saved just for the foster momster, as Ben, the new kid, called her.

I shot Amy a warning glare and laughed into my glass when she yelped. Mason winked at me, and I knew he had probably stomped on her foot under the table.

“She’ll be back before lights out. Now, eat your vegetables.”