Authors: Anonymous
Lucy in the Sky (7 page)
I just don't understand why he has to be like that. I mean, nothing happened. Next time I'll just drink more slowly, and I won't smoke hash on top of it. It's really no big deal.
Lauren just texted me. She said she had fun last night and I should call her when I'm up.
She didn't seem too drunk at all last night. I wonder if she has some tips for not getting quite so wasted? OMG. LOL. Maybe I just won't drink ever again. Jeez. I'm gonna call Lauren. That'll make me feel better.
OH! AND! I'm going to pack for VACATION next week!
That'll make me feel better for SURE!
Blake keeps texting me!
Okay, he's not really texting, he's sextingâall about how he wants to kiss me again. He said he wants to be in the pool with me again, only this time just us, and we'll take our clothes off first.
I sorta blushed when I read that one.
Lauren says he's a horn-dog and Ross says that he's a cokehead.
But I kinda can't stop thinking about him. I keep replaying that scene in his bathroom in my mind, and I get that same feeling, like I can't quite catch my breath, and my pulse races. Then he'll send me a text about wanting to feel my body against his or something, and I get all embarrassed by it, and nervousâlike I'm ashamed of it. Yesterday the text he sent me just grossed me out, and I didn't even text him back.
It's confusing. I want him to like me and I want him to be
turned on by me, but I feel like the cosmos and the pot got me to jump way past this place where it was flirty and fun, and we wound up almost naked in his bathroom. Now it all seems to mean more somehow, or maybe I just want it to mean more?
Maybe it only means more to me, and I feel like every text he sends me is all about my body. That's why I feel weird about it. I'm not sure if likes anything besides my body.
Does that make me one of those crazy girls who is always asking for MORE? I mean, I only hung out with him ONE TIME, and now I am a complete LUNATIC thinking about him ALL THE TIMEâhis body in those little black briefs, the way he felt pressed up against me.
Maybe I just need to hang out with him again and see what happens. I want to, but he hasn't really texted me to ask me out on a date or anything. Maybe I can see if Lauren can set something up so we can all go hang out together.
Today was my last day of geometry summer school!
Cam dropped me off this morning, and Lauren and Ross were waiting for me when I got done taking the test. I'm pretty sure I aced it. And if I didn't, WHO CARES??? At least the tutoring with stupid Nathan paid off. Glad I got something out of that guy. HA HA HA!
Ross and Lauren and I drove down the beach and passed a pipe around. I asked Ross where he gets his weed because I feel like I smoke a lot of it lately. (Am I a total stoner now?) He said he gets it from Ian. Lauren said she's going to try to get a medical marijuana card so that we can go get it legally. I'd never thought about that before.
After we were good and stoned, we decided to drive up the highway along the water. Ross rolled down the windows and Lauren turned up the music, and I let my arm drift out the window. For a second I wondered if it was a good idea for Ross to be driving around stoned, but I couldn't worry about it for even 5 seconds. It was one of those beautiful days when the sky is so blue that you can't believe it's real, like you're watching a movie of the sky. The long grass on the hills along the road was yellowed from being baked in the sun all summer. I just decided it was too beautiful out to worry about Ross, or anything else, for that matter. I told myself that driving stoned is different from driving drunk. I've heard about drunk driving accidents, but I've never heard of a stoned driving accident. Besides, the breeze off the ocean was cool and everything smelled fresh. The salt air whipping through the truck, through my hair, through my fingers seemed to carry every worry away.
Ross pulled the truck off the road into a little parking lot by one of the state beaches and led the way down a flight of railroad
tie stairs onto a stretch of sandy beach at the base of a steep cliff. At one end of the beach were huge rocks and boulders that led to a small cave where we could walk through to a secluded stretch of private beach (if we ducked). When the tide was out, you could make it through. Ross said we could hang for an hour before the water got too high to walk through.
We were the only ones on the beach. Lauren pulled off her top. Ross stripped down to his boxers and they both teased me until I took off my shirt too. At first I was like HELL NO, but then Lauren rolled her eyes, and said, Oh, c'mon, it's not like he's checking you out or anything. She had a point, I decided.
Lauren and I sat there next to each other in our bras, staring out at the water while Ross jumped into the waves and body surfed for a little while. (OMG. Lauren's body is CRAZY. She's so skinny!) After a while Ross came out of the water, all dripping, and golden brown, and gorgeous. He sat down, and the three of us started talking about school. Turns out Ross and Lauren are BOTH coming to my high school! I HADN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT! This school year is going to be SO GREAT!
They both had lots of questions about teachers and what the kids were like and who my friends were. I was sorta embarrassed because I told them that I didn't have many close friends and that I was really glad they were both going to be there. Lauren
asked why I didn't have a lot of friends. She seems like one of those people who makes friends really easily without even trying that hard.
I told them I didn't know why I had a harder time making friends. I'm quieter than Cam is, I guess. I said that people seem so unpredictable to me, and that scares me. Ross laughed and said that he finds people TOTALLY predictable. I smiled and said that it really helped to smoke some pot. And also that Lauren's cosmos helped me be less quiet.
This made Lauren giggle until there were tears running down her face, and Ross laughed too. He said the funniest thing he'd seen all summer was the moment I fell off the diving board at Blake's house, and I started laughing too. We all lay there laughing for a long time. We'd finally get quiet, and then one of us would think about it again and start giggling all over, until finally my stomach hurt.
On the way home, Lauren and Ross took turns quizzing me about Blake, and Lauren almost made Ross run off the road while she tickled me until I gave her my phone so she could read all of the texts that Blake had sent me. Ross wanted to know if I was going to see Blake again, and I said I didn't know how to work that out. My parents would NEVER go for me dating a 20-year-old. I think that's part of the reason that it feels so EXCITING when he texts me: It feels dangerous. Lauren is
going to see if she can set up another party with Blake when I get back from vacation.
When Ross dropped me off, Lauren said she was really going to miss me while I was away. Ross said he would too. I made them promise not to have too much fun without me.
It's so early in the morning I can barely keep my eyes open. Somehow I made it to the gate at LAX with Mom and Dad and Cam. Cam just asked me if I wanted to come with him to get coffee. I don't like coffee that much, but maybe I can get a vanilla latte. Ugh. How come vacation feels like a chore right now?
Later â¦
I never realized how much people drink on airplanes. The people sitting across the aisle from me and Cam are having Bloody Marys. They've both had 2, and the guy just ordered another one. It's, like, midmorning and this flight isn't that long. They're going to be wasted by the time we land.
I wonder what it would be like to drink on a plane?
I've really only drank once. I don't count that wine cooler at the party, but now I notice it more when other people are doing it. Last night at dinner Mom and Dad each had a glass of wine.
I sat there the whole time wondering what wine tastes like. I thought about sneaking a sip after dinner, but then Lauren called, and I forgot about it.
Later â¦
We just had lunch at a restaurant in the airport because our rental car was delayed.
EVERYONE was drinking. Except me and Cam.
Dad had a beer. Mom had a glass of chardonnay. Well, Dad convinced her to. He laughed and said, C'MON! We're on vacation, Margaret! She acted all giggly like she was going to get caught by the wine police or something.
Cam said that it was cocktail hour SOMEWHERE in the world. Mom shot him a look and said, Well, it's not cocktail hour for EITHER of you for at least another few years.
She. Would. Have. A. FIT. If. She. Found. Out.
Maybe I should start hiding this journal. I don't think Mom would ever go snooping. Still ⦠Oh! Our flight's boarding.
Blake just texted me AGAIN:
THINK OF ME WHEN U RUB IN UR SUNSCREEN.
God. He's such a dirty boy!!!
(I kinda LIKE IT!!!)
Mexico is AMAZING.
We drove for about 30 minutes up the coast to this little beach town. Dad rented a house on the water here. The house isn't as nice as ours at home, but it's RIGHT on the beach! When we got here, there were two women in the kitchen who work at the house and make food and clean everything. It's like a hotel only the food is included and it's a lot cheaper to just rent the house for a week.
I am sitting writing this in a little hut that is right on the beach in front of the house. It's nicer than a hut, really. It's just a thatched roof over beautiful tileâsort of like a gazebo, only no walls or lattice. There's a little bar with a sink and some stools next to a grill, and big cushions on built-in benches all around the perimeter that face the water. I watched Cam head down the beach with a surfboard a few minutes ago.
It's so strange being in a place where my phone doesn't work at all. I didn't realize how much I'd been texting Ross and Lauren in the past few days. Or Blake. It's funny; when I think of him my heart races, but I'm not sure I even like him. I feel like he's the ocean and I've fallen in and the waves are too big; like I'm in over my head. I'm not even sure which way is up anymore.
All I can see in front of me is water. The beach seems to go
on for miles, and miles. The sound of the waves hitting the shore is loud and the rhythm makes me take deep breaths. Everything just feels slower hereâmore relaxed.
Except for the waves, it's so quiet.
Today was so FUN! Dad booked this thing called a canopy tour for us and we went zip-lining through the trees. It was scary at first, but it made my heart race in a really fun way. That feeling of free falling really fast for just a few seconds always takes my breath away. It's SO SCARY, but SO FUN. When I was on, I looked down like 5 stories and thought, AM I REALLY ABOUT TO DO THIS??? I couldn't believe it, but I just jumped!
WWWWHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
It was SO. MUCH. FUN!!! As soon as I did it, I couldn't wait to do it again.
Can't wait for dinner! I'm STARVING. The food here is SO GOOD. Tonight the cooks said they were making something called ceviche that is fish and lemon juice and other stuff. I can't wait to try it!
I fell asleep on the beach this afternoon, and I would've gotten SO sunburned except Mom came down to join me and woke
me up just as I was starting to get a little pink. She rubbed some sunscreen into my shoulders, and then I did her back. It was actually fun to lie on the beach with her. She told me she thought Ross was really sweet. I told her about meeting Lauren at the party. At first I was worried that she was going to start grilling me, but she didn't! She said she was really glad that I'd made a friend, and she was excited to meet her.
I also told her that Ross was gay. She just smiled and asked me how I felt about that. All of a sudden I felt really close to her, like my opinion really mattered to her. I told her that I was confused at first because he hadn't told me right away and he was such a guy's guy. He liked surfing and sports and drove a truck and everything. Anyway, we talked for a long time. She told me about this guy she'd dated in high school who wound up coming out when he went to college, and the story was so funny. Maybe not the story, but the way she told it. It was like we were girlfriends sharing secrets.
Dad was reading up in the little hut-gazebo thing and came down after a while of hearing us laughing. He brought Mom a margarita and me a Diet Coke. We all sat there on the beach and watched Cam riding waves. It felt so good to be there with them, to feel like I was part of something special.
We had dinner outside tonight. Dad grilled burgers in the little outdoor kitchen. We all lounged around and ate until we
were stuffed as the sun set over the ocean. Mom and Dad just went for a walk down the beach together after it got dark, and Cam is up at the house watching a movie.
I'm just sitting here listening to the ocean, thinking about how lucky I am that my mom and dad are still together, and how fun this trip is. And look! No drinking or drugs required. Mom left almost a full margarita after dinner, and I thought about trying a sip of it when she and Dad left on their walk, but you know what?
I'm good.
Just like this.
Just where I am.
Back on a plane.
Back to cell phone signals!
Next stop: home.
Later â¦
OMG.
Like a MILLION texts popped up on my phone the minute we landed.
Okay, not a million, but a lot.
A lot were from Ross and Lauren. Most of them were from
Blake. Blake sent me texts every single day. Lots of them. And every single night, he sent even more. Blake sent me a lot of texts in the middle of the night. The later the texts, the sexier they were. I was sitting next to my mom as the plane taxied to the gate, and I had to put my phone away because I didn't want her to see any of the really sexy ones. He texted me pictures of himself. Shirtless. And more. It's weird. I'm not really sure why guys think girls want to see that. I mean, I guess it's one thing to feel it pressed up against me in his bathroom, but â¦