Lussuria (New Version) (30 page)

I don’t think I can do this. It’s so uncomfortable.

Marissa stands. “Donita, Fran, please, this is Lexi.” I’m grateful for her control of the situation. Fran stands and cautiously comes around the sofa towards us. She holds my hands, looking at me with tired, wearied green eyes. She is beautiful. Her jet-black hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and she has glorious skin, with gorgeous, thick lips.

Suddenly, I feel sorry for her. I don’t know where it comes from, but I care. I really care. I hug her, and she drops her head on my shoulder as if surrendering a defeat and digs her fingers into my back, clinging on.

My heart is pounding fast.

I feel cold,

I feel hot.

My body quaking, my throat is constricting. It’s a surreal moment, I don’t want to let go of her so I hang on a little longer. I whisper in her ear, “Francesca, I have said my prayers for you and your family, I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position today, sorry you’ve had to endure what you have, and I’m sorry I interrupted your meeting with Lucca. Please forgive me.”

She smiles and nods, then sighs and sits back down with her mother, who doesn’t look in my direction; she clearly doesn’t want me here, nor does she have any intention of getting acquainted with me.

Lucca is chalk white. He looks over to me and mouths a quiet, “Thank you,” and smiles, but bows his head. Donita stands and heads straight for him. She hugs him close, kissing him on the forehead. She is speaking Italian to him, and I don’t know what she says, but it sounds like a prayer of some sort.

Lucca looks like he is ready to be sick, his complexion has paled. I do not know what to do with myself, the room is silent and everyone seems to be supressed by the thick oppressive atmosphere. “Lexi, come here and sit, please” Marissa calls over. I walk reluctantly and perch myself on the end of a sofa. This is very awkward. I tingle with nerves and worry my fingers in front of my mouth. When I look at Fran she smiles softly to relax me.

Apprehensive. Nervous. Broken.

There’s no mistaking the anguish and grief on Fran’s face... No one should have to bury their child. I close my eyes and hurt for my Mother, my stomach now hitting the floor. I want so desperately to hold my own Mom in this moment; I miss her holding me tight.

Anna lightens the mood by telling us about tickets she managed to get for a popular music show at the festival. She then goes on to talk about Savio, her oldest brother, and his wife Kate, and the day she had to waitress for them at short notice. Everyone laughs but Donita, who is still deep in discussion with Lucca. Marissa intuitively sees that Lucca is withering and wilting somewhat by Donita and her prayers, so she excuses herself and asks Donita to join her elsewhere in the villa, taking her friend away from Lucca to give him a little reprieve.

He stands and stares into space, bewildered, then sees my upset and he switches back onto full alert. He comes over to sit by my side to comfort me when I should be comforting him. I know he’s not himself and this is going to take a lot of time, a lot of work. He’s so thoughtful towards me and being selfless ignoring his own affliction.

“Lexi, Lucca tells me you are a Physiotherapist.” Fran breaks the silence. She speaks so softly and quietly like a mouse, I wonder if she’s always like this or if her trauma has made her withdrawn.

“Yes, that’s right.” I’m glad she is making an effort; it does make this unbearable situation a little easier to cope with. I ask her about her designing and she genuinely smiles when I mention her work. I’m warming to this stranger; she seems pure and I just wish it was not under such awkward circumstances.

“What are your plans while you are here?” Lucca asks Fran.

“I’m only here for another week, then I’m going back to Milan.”

Anna sits on the edge of the sofa and puts her arm around Fran’s shoulder. “We should have a night out while you’re here, if you’re up to it.”

“Yes that would be nice,” Fran replies.

I need to square my head around this. I’m sure I can befriend her. It seems to be easier for me interacting with Fran than opening my heart being truthful to Lucca. I know I will need to deal with that soon. Marissa returns with Donita. “Francesca, I’m going to stay a little while and have some dinner. I have a lot of catching up to do with Antonio and Marissa. What do you want to do?”

The more the merrier, right?

Fran looks at me, then at Lucca, so I try to ease her tension. “Fran, it would be lovely if you stayed for dinner. I’m sure you and Lucca have a lot to catch up on.” Lucca relaxes his shoulders and grips my hand tightly, thanking me.

“Well, if everyone is okay with that, then I suppose it will be fine to stay a few hours more.”

“Excellent, we will eat in our dining room. Anna, would you come and help me?” Marissa states.

I stand up, but Lucca pulls me back down onto the sofa. “Lucca, I’ll go and help your mom. You stay here and talk with Fran and Donita.”

He kisses me on the cheek, as not to cause Fran discomfort. “Thank you, Lexi dear. That’s very thoughtful.” It’s not Marissa’s voice, it’s Donita’s. She walks over and takes a seat next to Lucca, softening her gaze towards me. Anna hops up and takes my hand. I give Lucca a reassuring smile before following Marissa through the Villa and into the kitchen.

After helping to set the table, there isn’t much I can do, so Anna and I have a seat outside with a glass of wine while we wait. “Anna, do you get on well with Fran?”

“Yes, but we lost contact after the tragedy, she is withdrawn now, she was never really like that before.” I nod.

“To be honest Lexi, I don’t know how the girl has managed to pull herself through these past few years.”

“He was a mess; he drank way too much, and well was not short of female company, partied all the time after Fran left, mamma and papa had to sort him out”.

“So Fran left him?” I dwell on this for a while.

“Yes. Don’t worry he’s not that person anymore, he just never coped with the grief very well, and Fran shut him out. I think that got to him more, he did really love her before she went distant,” my face drops. “Lexi, sorry I should not be saying these things to you. Don’t worry, that’s long gone, and besides he loves you, it’s so obvious. He was never as loving and attentive with Fran the way he is with you and from what I’m aware, he’s never had any other committed relationship. You definitely have stolen his heart. I know him and he wants you more than anything.”

I smile, this does reassure me. Antonio calls us for dinner, and we enter the dining room. There is no sign of Lucca and Fran, although Donita is already sitting at the table, as is Marco.

I wonder why Lucca and Fran are not here yet. I feel hopeless, so I go and find Marissa to help her with entrees. Just as we set some plates down, Lucca and Fran enter. She smiles at me fondly. I watch her greet Marco, hugging him in a tight embrace, then sits down next to him. Lucca follows me into the kitchen where the chefs have left the rest of the entrees and some breads. He wraps his arms around my waist, and I can smell whiskey on his breath.

Shit!

“Is everything okay with you two then? Did you get a chance to talk?”

“Yes, she likes you, and she is happy for us. Thank you for being so understanding. This has been a challenging day, and I plan on making it up to you.” He nibbles the bottom of my ear.

“What did you have in mind?”

“Well, it starts with you being naked.”

“Don’t mind me, but you could at least wait until after dinner.” Anna giggles as she lifts parmesan and a peppercorn mill from the worktop, then hops away with them.

I‘m scorched red again!

Lucca sits next to me at the dining table, placing his arm casually around the back of my chair. Everyone enjoys their food and the lovely wine. Donita and Marissa share old stories. They reminisce about Sandro, Fran’s father, and everyone laughs along at the funny stories.

Everyone, but Fran and Lucca.

Fran remains quiet, I watch Lucca gingerly. He’s topping up the wine glasses, and drinking his awfully quick, he’s uncomfortable and restless listening to stories of Sandro. I wonder if he still holds himself responsible for the car accident because he wasn’t there that day to drive Fran to her appointment. I must speak to him about this another time.

“Lexi tell us about your parents,” Antonio asks.

Fuck!

File E for Exposure. Exposure and Interrogation.

I knew this was going to happen.

Lucca takes my hand under the table. I look at him, afraid I’m going to hurt him even more by telling the truth, but I just can’t bring myself to lie anymore, not with Fran and Donita grieving so badly. It would be inappropriate of me.

I take a deep breath, then exhale. “My father is dead. My mother…she is ….” I can’t finish.

“It’s okay, Lexi. You don’t have to,” Lucca whispers.

I look at Fran and I’m afraid to keep my emotions to myself. I want Lucca to have respect for me. I need to start being truthful.

“My mother is…. unwell. She’s troubled mentally, and has been in and out of a psychiatric hospital for therapy.”

The room is silent. Lucca tenses, and let’s go of my hand.

Oh my God. He’s angry with me, thoroughly pissed off. I hurt him, I know it.

Fuck!

File W for Wish. Wishing I was bloody honest in the first place.

“Oh Lexi, that’s awful. You poor girl. Well, we don’t need to be talking about this just now, but were here, sweetheart, if you want to. Antonio, why don’t you tell Donita about our plans for the extension?”

I‘m thankful that Marissa has eased the situation once again. Fran smiles at me with sympathetic warm eyes; we share more in common than Lucca it seems. Donita appears shocked, Anna tops up the wine and Lucca throws his drink back quickly.

Holy hell, this is not good.

The next hour passes with Lucca giving me the silent treatment. He is dry and cold with me. After coffee and truffles, Donita and Fran get ready to go. After saying goodbye to Lucca, Donita is sniffling; the wine has made her very emotional. She holds my hands.

“You are sincere, and I like you, Lexi. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry for being rude to you earlier this evening. Please make sure you take good care of Lucca. My thoughts go out to your mother.”

I’m overwhelmed at her kind words. Marissa takes her through the Villa to the front. Fran and Lucca just stare at each other for a long time, his eyes bleary, hers sorrowful. He hugs her, wrapping his hand around her neck and kisses her on the side of her cheek. I blush and look away. Fran knows it’s making me restless she moves onto say goodbye to me, she hands me a business card with her details on it. I place it in the tiny concealed pocket in my skirt. “Please keep in touch. If you ever want to talk, please don’t hesitate. It was lovely to meet you.”

She knows I am as closed as she is. Its woman’s intuition.

“You too. Please take care.” I smile and hug her goodbye.

Lucca grabs his glass of wine and storms into the hallway, mumbling something under his breath. Antonio escorts Fran out, leaving me with Anna and Marco. I feel helpless.

“Go and get him, Lexi. We will clear up,” Anna suggests.

I find Lucca in the study, sitting on the sofa with a glass of whiskey. He throws it back, then pours another, refusing to lift his head to look at me. I guardedly walk towards him.

“Will you speak to me? Are you going to keep ignoring me? Please Lucca, I need to explain.”

He throws back another whiskey. I’m disgusted with him.

“Come on, we’re going” he orders indignantly. He storms by me, pacing down the hall to inform Marco. I pick my handbag up, but don’t have time to say goodbye to anyone as Marco escorts me into a car outside. Anna runs out just as the car is pulling away. I wave to her from the car window sadly.

“If you are not going to talk to me then I would like to go to Sofia and Franco’s. I’m not going back with you just to watch you get wasted and ignore me.” I look out of the window.

“Marco, please continue driving to the farmhouse,” he instructs.

I shake my head. I feel cold, shivery and sick with nerves. We sit in silence all the way home. When we pull up at the farmhouse, he staggers out of the car, opens the front door after a few attempts, bangs into the door frame, then charges on.

“Marco, thank you for the lift. I’m sorry you’ve been caught in the middle of this,” I mutter to him.

“You’re welcome. Don’t be too hard on him. He’s just been challenged today, that’s all. I’m sure he’ll be back to his normal self tomorrow.” He puts his mobile number in my phone in case I need him for anything. I thank him, then head into the farmhouse to face my reality.

My blood is boiling, but I don’t want to make a scene. I walk into the kitchen and look out through the glass. Lucca is sitting outside, a beer in his hand and slumped back in a chair with his hand on his forehead, fractiously rubbing it. I walk out and notice he has my journal sitting in front of him.

My stomach is knotting. I need to give him an explanation. I kick my heels off next to the table, then sit down opposite him.

“Can we talk about this, please? I don’t like seeing you like this,” I beg.

“Well, you should have thought of that before you were dishonest with your twisted lies.”

That stings.

“Lucca, I never meant for this to hurt you. I just can’t…”

“Oh, wait. You just can’t talk about it, am I right? Tears are pooling in my eyes, he’s forgone a complete personality change. I don’t believe he can be so cold, this is not him, the person I trusted with my body and I was willing to trust with my mind, I just need more time.

“Let’s open the journal and see if there is any honesty in there. Oh look, blank pages. Funny that. Just my luck to go from one fucking messed up crazy woman to another. Must be my lucky day,” he adds, slurring his words.

I’ve been stabbed in the heart. I’m wounded, torn and shredded. He has hurt me. I’m shocked. I’m completely disgusted with him. I hate him right now.

I need to go.

I stand up, sniffling and wiping my nose on the back of my hand.

“What! Are you running too? Well, I suppose that’s what fucked up crazy people do. You really are just like her. She runs, you run. Guess you won’t need this then.” He picks up the journal and fires it right across the patio. It crashes into a plant pot and smashes it. I scream as my body flinches.