“Let me feel you
baby.”
She stuck her tummy out at
me proud as fuck and my hands shook when I reached out for her.
Fuck me, I kid you not I felt my heart shift when my hands landed
on that tiny little mound. That was my little girl in there. I got
to my knees and kissed her tummy.
“Hello Caitie bear this is
your daddy.” I had tears in my fucking throat what a
sap.
“Caitie?”
“Yep, Caitlin, I’ve decided
that that’s gonna be her name so if you and your crew had other
ideas tough nuts.”
“Uh Colt, don’t you think we
should discuss this?”
“Not really no what part of
I decided did you not get?”
I sat on the edge of the bed
and pulled her between my thighs so I could study her stomach
before reaching into the nightstand and getting my book.
“Colt…”
“Ssh, let me see.” I read
about what to expect in this trimester and the changes that will
soon be going on in her body.
“I’m not sure about this
shit Kat.” I had no idea I was going to say that shit out loud but
what do you want? I was doing my best here but I couldn’t seem to
keep up, shit kept changing up on me.
“No more sex until after
she’s here.” Fuck how am I gonna pull that off? Months of no sex
I’d have to send Kat to another room to sleep. Who the fuck am I
kidding? That shit would never happen. I’m going to have to come up
with something else. My dutiful wife called me crazy and flounced
out of the room while I read my shit. This pregnancy shit is fucked
that’s all I’m saying. Too many twists and turns.
“Don’t move that fast babe
you might get light headed again.” The last time she did that shit
I almost had heart failure. I got a scream and she was gone. Oh
well. Now that she was no longer in the room looking at me
expectantly I released the breath I’d been holding and tried to
keep the shakes at bay. I knew this girl was going to be my
undoing, from the moment I met her I knew she would make my ass
crazy shit.
KAT
“Elena I think your son has
finally cracked up.” I looked over my shoulder to make sure he
wasn’t coming down the stairs but knowing him he’d be in that book
for at least another ten minutes until he found something else to
make me crazy.
“Why what’s he doing
now?”
“Well my tummy somehow
sprung up this morning out of nowhere and...”
“WHAT…” She screamed loud
enough that I had to move the phone away from my ear.
“I’ll be right there.” She
hung up the phone on another yell.
Oh shit Colt is not gonna
like this. Poor thing he’s trying to keep up but it seems like
every week there’s something new. To top it off, everyone keeps
making fun of him because he spazzes at the smallest things. I have
to admit to having a bit of fun at his expense because he’s just
too cute. My husband has also lost his damn mind; the house looks
like a kid’s store threw up all over the basement. He’s bought
everything he saw on line that had been recommended for newborns.
I’m going to have to go behind him and give away half of it because
he can’t seem to decide on a color sometimes so he gets more than
one of the same thing. Not to mention the racket he made because
he’d bought all little boy stuff and now we were having a girl. I
had tried calming him down by telling him that we could save the
stuff for the next one at which point he’d told me very seriously
that there wasn’t going to be another one. I’d just rolled my eyes
and let him think whatever he wanted. As much sex as was going on
around here I was pretty sure there would be another
one.
Now he’s freaking out
because my tummy is finally showing. I don’t know what he expected
to happen. As many books as he’s been reading you’d think he would
be expecting everything as it comes but no. Any sign of change and
he goes ape shit. I should come up with a new distraction to get
his mind off of this new development. I was sure there would be a
whole new list of rules coming my way after this. He won’t even let
me drive my new car but instead I have to ride with him or in one
of the trucks when I’m actually allowed out on my own. I better go
see what he was up to before he came up with new ways to make my
life a living hell.
“Your mom’s coming
over.”
“Fuck.”
“Not nice.”
“What did you blab about
this time the tummy thing? You’ve got to stop doing this shit to me
Angel.”
“What shit baby?” I hid my
smile. This was a regular conversation in the Lyon home. I’d
stopped telling him that I wasn’t the first woman to get pregnant
and that I wasn’t purposely trying to drive him crazy like he keeps
accusing me of but he would not be soothed. I couldn’t wait to see
how he was going to handle delivery, in fact I wasn’t as afraid as
I thought I would be because he was worried enough for both of
us.
He looked at me like I had
two heads.
“Every time I get used to
one thing you spring something new on me, let me see
again.”
I pulled up my shirt so he
could feel my tummy for the one-hundredth time. I wonder what he’s
going to do the first time he feels the baby move. He’s too cute,
big tough guy brought low by a baby.
“Damn this is really
happening.”
“Duh.”
“Funny. How am I supposed to
fuck you all day if you called nosy ass Elena over
here?”
“Oops, I didn’t know she was
going to lose her shit too.”
Elena showed up twenty
minutes later but she wasn’t alone, she had Daniel in tow and his
new thing is ragging poor Colt to death. The head shaking started
right away.
“What did you do to unman
the Lyon name this time son?”
“Go suck on your pipe
dad.”
“Colt honey you’ve got to
lighten up.”
“Whatever mom.”
“Let me see my grandbaby.”
She spent a good ten minutes examining my tummy and cooing at the
baby while Colt and his father sat on the couch and did what they
did best, grouch at each other. Colt has been trying to wean Daniel
off of weed for when the baby comes but I don’t see that it’s
working so well. He still looks high to me and he’s so funny I
almost don’t ever want him to stop.
“This is cause for
celebration we should call your mom and Char and…” Elena was
rambling on and I looked over at my husband who was shooting
daggers at me with his eyes. I shrugged my shoulders at him she’s
his mother.
“Elena we were planning a
quiet day at home alone.”
“Oh pooh Colton this is
cause for celebration.”
Elena thinks everything to
do with the baby is reason for celebration, I’m not getting in the
middle of their mess let them fight it out.
The day turned into a get
together, which is pretty much the norm around here. Everyone loves
hanging out at our place. These days I get lots of help from the
moms when there’s a party though because my sweet demented hubby
thinks cooking for all these people is too taxing for me. Then
again if I sneeze too hard he freaks.
“Katarina honey, have you
decided on that thing we talked about?”
I knew what my mom was
referring to and my eyes flew to Colt who was looking through his
liquor cabinet for something for the guys who were all out back
hanging out, leaving us girls to our own devices. We were relaxing
in the living room sharing war stories so to speak or more aptly
stories about crazy ass husbands.
Just as I knew he would his
eyes turned my way. He doesn’t appreciate not knowing everything
that’s going on with me. Not in a stalkerish creepy kind of way.
More like an over protective, bat shit crazy husband and father to
be way. He slanted his eyebrow as if to say ‘what the hell is she
talking about babe?’ And this is one conversation I did not want to
have right now with all these people around. I guess the sisters
caught on because people started making their excuses and heading
out to find their men. Leaving me, my mom, Elena and Char alone
with crazy person. I still tried to head things off, at least for a
little longer or until I’d got the nerve to bring it up with Colton
alone.
“Not now mom I haven’t
really…”
“But you seemed so excited
when we talked about it.” Mom catch a clue would ya.
“Talked about what? There
something you need Katarina?” He also hates when he thinks I’ve
hidden something from him. Which I’m now in the habit of doing
because if I even look at a page in a magazine for longer than five
minutes he tries to get me whatever it is that I’m staring at geez.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the way he loves me. But sometimes I get
scared because people aren’t supposed to be that happy are they? I
mean where is the fighting and the name calling and sleeping in
separate rooms? Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.
My life has become so perfect, almost too perfect and I’m always
waiting for the other shoe to drop. Colt has made it his mission in
life to shield me from anything that he thinks will harm me. He
absolutely cannot bear to see me in pain or upset. My poor husband
is going to lose his shit in the delivery room. Now mom had to go
and bring this up in front of him.
“No babe there isn’t
anything I need, mom and I were just talking about natural
childbirth.” I said it like one word hoping he wouldn’t get it and
that would buy me some more time.
“Come again?”
Elena muttered ‘oh shit’
under her breath and I held my breath.
“I said…” I had to take a
deep breath before I could go on because I knew there was a battle
ahead of me. I hadn’t even decided that it was what I wanted to do
it was just a thought but…
“My mom and I were talking
about natural childbirth.”
He looked at me without
saying one word for a good two minutes. I knew with all his reading
he knew what I was talking about.
“Is that where some kook
comes here and you head into the bathroom and do your
thing?”
“Kinda.” I was at the edge
of my seat waiting for the explosion. If Tina knows what’s good for
her she’d keep her mouth shut because her relationship with Colt
was still in the early stages. I don’t think he’s forgiven her for
what went down in Phoenix yet, oh boy.
“You’ve lost your fucking
mind. If all you two are going to do is fill her head with bullshit
you can’t be around her anymore.”
“Colton Lyon you watch your
mouth.”
“Mom I am not fucking
around, this girl cries from a fucking paper cut. She hates pain
and who the fuck wouldn’t? But you want her here with some fucking
whack job who probably doesn’t know their head from their ass with
no medical assistance while she pushes a seven pound human being
out of her body what the fuck are you thinking?”
“Son you really need to hit
your father’s pipe I swear, you make it sound like the stone ages
things are different now midwives have to go to college
and…”
“I don’t give a shit if the
bitch has three PHDs my wife is going to the hospital where my kid
will be born like the other three hundred million motherfuckers in
this bitch.” And with that he was gone muttering all the way. I
opened my mouth to speak but he wasn’t done because he stepped back
into the room with one last word of wisdom.
“You, no more fucked up
ideas I have enough shit to deal with without you losing your damn
mind and coming up with this stupid shit. I’m dead serious and if
you two keep filling her head with shit you’re cut off. The fuck?”
He stomped off and was gone for real this time.
“Mom why did you bring that
up in front of him?” I hissed at her so as not to let him
hear.
“Because I knew you
wouldn’t. You’re right Elena your boy is just stark raving nuts
isn’t he?”
“I told you; I don’t know
how my poor boy is going to make it through the rest of this
pregnancy with his mental faculties in tact. I’ve never seen
anything like it in all my days, not even Daniel with his crazy
self was this bad. Poor Kat I’m sorry dear, just let him rant and
rave and get it out of his system he’s just scared. In my
experience men don’t handle pregnancy and births too well, it’s up
to us women to keep a strong head.”
“Well I’m going to hear
about this for the next week at least until he finds something else
to stress over.” I put my hand on my tummy with a smile because as
crazy as Colt was making me, he was so hot when he got all macho
man on me. I can’t wait to jump him later.
“So I guess this means the
midwife thing is a bust.”
“You heard him, can you
imagine me trying to get around that? He’d probably lock me away
somewhere until after the baby was born. Mom in the future please
try not to bring up certain things in front of Colt he’s trying
poor thing but I think this baby business has sent him
loony.”
“You can say that again for
a minute there I thought he was going to jump on me and his
mother.”
“Colton is going to be an
excellent dad.” Char who had been unusually quiet during the whole
outburst finally spoke up.