Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (42 page)

Jackser came home on Thursday mornin wit a black eye an a big bloody swollen mouth. I listened while he told me ma wha happened. ‘Sally, I got an awful beatin!' he said as he collapsed in the door. Me mouth fell open, an me ma shook an blinked, an chewed her lip, an went white as a sheet.

‘Wha happened?' she asked.

‘Them bastards, big young fellas they were, started their messin again, throwin stones at me. Big rocks! But I was ready – waitin fer them, I was. An when they came, I let them get close, an then I sprang. Catchin the leader, I gave him a hammerin. A young fella of about fourteen. He squealed like a pig. The bastards had been houndin me night after night. An then early this mornin, aroun six o'clock, two fellas appeared outa nowhere when I was sleepin. Out of me senses I was, an they dragged me te me feet an started punchin me in the stomach an kickin me on the ground. I never had a chance. He was the young fella's aul fella. He was a docker on his way te work, he said! The other fella said nothin. Just stood there wit his legs spread out an his arms folded, watchin. “I don't want te see you here tonight when I get outa the pub!” he said, yankin me te me feet an shovin his big bull face at me. “Or ye'll be in tha fuckin Liffey wit a big chain tied aroun yer neck. Do ya get tha?” he roared at me. Jaysus, Sally! Ye should a seen the size a them! They'd make ten a me. Built like a fuckin bus, he was! Tha's the end a me! No more. I'm not showin me face down there again. Fuck me, no!' An he collapsed on top of the bed.

Jackser's gone te collect his wages an his cards from the job, an sign back on the labour. I'm happy, cos now I might get a bit of rest at last. We took the chance, while he an the ma was out, te lie on the bed. Everyone was exhausted, even the babby was sleepin. I closed me eyes an felt meself sinkin down inta a lovely sleep. ‘Oh! Thanks be te God! This is lovely,' I sighed.

We all woke up when we heard the shoutin. Jackser was comin through the door wit me ma trailin behind him. ‘Can ye believe tha, Mrs? No labour until God knows when! An all cos they said I walked out on the poxy job. Sure, I was only offa the labour fer three weeks! An now ye're tellin me the Vincents are comin no more!' He roared at me ma, spittin wit annoyance, his eyes bulgin outa his head.

‘It's not my fault the Vincents won't give us any more!' me ma shouted back. ‘I'm only tellin ye wha they said te me. Chinny said, when I asked them te call on us, tha they can't do any more fer us. Tha they have more deservin cases te look after!'

Jackser ran at her an waved his arm in the air, pointin te the other flats. ‘Ye mean they're goin te give it te them tha has plenty. While the rest of us starve!'

‘Wha do ya want me te do?' me ma roared, takin off her coat an scarf.

‘Right! Tha's it, I've had enough.' An he made fer the door.

‘Where are ye goin?' me ma screamed in panic.

‘Mind yer own fuckin business,' he said, lookin back at her.

‘No! Give me tha money. Give me them wages ye got from the job.' She lunged at his pockets, tearin at his coat. He grabbed her, givin her a punch in the face, an sent her flyin. She hit the floor.

The kids screamed, an I leapt offa the bed screamin, ‘No, Jackser! Please don't hurt me mammy!' I was implorin him wit me hands joined an lookin up inta his face. He hesimitated, spit comin outa his mouth an his eyes starin outa his head. I was so afraid he'd kill her an the rest of us.

We stayed like tha fer a few seconds, our eyes locked on each other, an then his face dropped an his eyes cleared. An he put his hand in his pocket an took out four green pound notes an handed me two. An he said quietly, ‘Here, give tha te yer mammy. I have te get out, this place is killin me. I'll be back. Look after her.' An he was gone.

I picked me ma up off the floor, an her lip was bleedin, an her cheek was all swollen. ‘Here, Ma,' I said quietly, givin her the money when she was sittin on the chair.

She wiped the blood off her mouth wit the back of her hand an looked at the money. ‘Tha won't last long. He's gone off te drink the rest. What am I goin te do now?' she cried, lookin at me. I stared at her, feelin very sorry fer her. I wanted te do somethin, but I didn't know wha te do. I was still shakin, an I could feel me heart sinkin down inta me belly wit the way everythin seemed so empty. She sat there cryin quietly. An I sagged down onta the bed.

Harry was whingin an pullin at his hair wit tiredness an hunger. His face was black an sticky, an his hair was standin up an matted wit dirt. An then he started bangin his head against the wall. I tried te pull him over te me, but he pushed me away. Teddy lay down again an just stared at the wall, not even blinkin. An Charlie just sat on the bed, not movin a muscle, an looked at me, only movin his eyes, as if te say, maybe you'll do somethin, Martha, te make things better.

I stood up. ‘Ma! I'm goin out. I'll be back.'

She stirred herself. ‘Where are ye goin? Stay here, I want ye. I don't know ... ye'll have te get a few messages, I suppose.'

‘OK, gimme the money! Wha do ye want me te get?'

She didn't answer me. I stood an waited. I felt I was drownin. I had te move. ‘Ma! Wha do ye want me te get?' I asked louder.

‘Nothin! Wait, leave me alone! I just want some peace,' she shouted back, lookin very distracted.

I turned an headed fer the door. ‘Right, go yerself. Ye won't do anythin, ye just want te sit there on yer arse.' An I ran out the door, not listenin or carin when she screamed she was goin te tell tha aul fella on me.

I wandered up Talbot Street, headin fer the pillar. The old woman was sittin there under it sellin her flowers. I looked up at it. The height of it. Some people paid sixpence te climb te the top of it an look down on O'Connell Street. The people looked like ants when ye look down, someone once said. Ye can see the city fer miles aroun, I believe. An sometimes people even go up Nelson's Pillar te throw themselves down. I heard one person threw himself off an landed on the poor woman's flowers. An she's still not the better of it. Then I looked at her, but she still goes on sellin her flowers.

I wandered on up Henry Street, past Moore Street on me right. Them dealers would give ye a dig if ye tried te pick up one of the apples tha rolled on the ground. It happened te me once. I bent down te pick the apple offa the ground an put it te me mouth, an the aul one snatched it back before I had a chance te get a bite an screamed, ‘Go on, get outa tha! I'm not here fer the good a me health ye know!'

I looked at Woolworths on me left, not botherin te go in. Lookin at all them millions of sweets sittin in their glass cases would torment me. I walked on, comin te Mary Street, an stopped, waitin te cross the road. A woman on the other side was agitated. Her head was swingin from left te right, an then she'd fix her scarf on her chin te tighten it an then clamp her hands on the handlebars of the go-car wit two babbies sittin on top of each other. The older babby of about sixteen months old was holdin on te the bars fer dear life. An the babby, about six months old, was screamin an kickin, tryin te knock him off. An then she'd look aroun her at the other three, not much older. An then make a run at the road, tryin te stop the traffic wit the go-car, only te have te make a run back fer the footpath. She almost made it te the middle of the road only te turn aroun when she heard the screams of the kids. Two were still stuck on the footpath, fixin themselves te make a run fer it, an the third was trailin behind her, screamin his head off wit fright an not knowin which way te run. She pulled the go-car back, givin it an almighty yank, nearly knockin the babby out who was sittin on the edge. An his face was purple, an he was lookin at his hands on the bars te make sure he had a tight grip. An he was sobbin, too shocked te even cry. The mammy yanked the little young fella, he was about two, off the ground by the scruff of his neck an hauled him back onta the footpath. ‘I'll be done fer the lot of youse! I swear I will!' she screamed, lookin at them an then lookin te see if there was another gap in the traffic.

She steadied herself, straightenin her back an straightenin her shoulders, an whippin her chin up an down te keep her scarf on, an, grippin the handlebars, made another run fer the middle of the road. Knowin once ye got there, the traffic has te stop an let ye pass! She looked aroun screamin, ‘Come on! Come on! Stay wit me, we're nearly there!' An the three little childre galloped behind their ma, their chins pushed out an their shoulders pushed back, flickin their eyes left an right, an their faces were red, an they were holdin their breath. An when they landed on the footpath, the mammy turned on them, screamin out her breath. ‘One of these days youse are all goin te get me kilt! An I swear I'll be hanged fer the lot of ye's if tha happens!' Then she stopped, feelin better, an said, ‘Come on! Stay wit me, an I'll buy ye's all an icepop.' An the childre's faces lit up, an they were laughin wit happiness. I was so busy watchin all this, I forgot te cross the road. I shook meself an dipped out under the traffic, makin the cars screech te a halt, an carried on up Mary Street.

I stopped outside a grocery shop an looked in. It was a bit dark, but there was loads a food stacked along the shelves, an it wasn't an ordinary shop wit everythin behind the counter. Ye could walk in an help yerself te whatever ye wanted an pay the woman sittin beside the door wit the cash register in front of her. I wandered inta the shop, an it was empty. There was only one woman mindin the cash register an another woman leanin on the counter, an their heads were pushed together tellin each other news. I stopped beside a big box of real butter. Four shillins an sixpence fer a pound! Gawd! Tha's very expensive altogether. Nobody could afford tha in a million years. I picked one up an felt the weight of it an the colour! Wouldn't I just love te lather tha on a big chunk of black-crusted fresh loaf bread an eat the lot till I had me fill. I put the packet te me nose, an smelt the butter. Gawd! What it must be like te be rich!

I looked aroun me. The women were still leanin their heads inta each other an whisperin like mad. I grabbed two pounds an put one under each arm an folded me arms across me chest, tryin te hide the butter, an slid down the shop, not makin a sound in me bare feet. An I glued me eyes on the women, ready te drop the butter an run fer me life. I slid past them, an they didn't even look up, an outa the shop an ran fer all I was worth, turnin left, past the Corporation Office on me right, where ye go when ye want te get a new house. An turned right down Capel Street, past the aul Jewish junk shops, where ye could buy a pram, or table an chairs, or whatever ye wanted, if ye had the money. I ran on, feelin the lovely weight of the good butter under me arms. I finally stopped when I hit the buildins.

I sat outside the gates on the footpath, lookin aroun te make sure no one was watchin me. Big young ones or young fellas could try te rob me. I looked at the butter an thought about it. I'd have te rob the black crusty fresh loaf if I wanted te taste the butter! Tha's no good. Me ma only buys stale loaf bread, cos it lasts longer. Ye can't cut fresh loaf. It goes te pieces. If I bring this home, she'll spare it fer tha bandy aul fella. An we wouldn't get a look in. Too bad!

I thought fer a minute an then jumped up. I raced inta the buildins an knocked on a woman's door. I knew she had a husband workin an a son an daughter even bringin in money! ‘Mrs, me ma sent me up te know if ye want te take this butter offa her. She bought it on the St Vincents voucher fer nine shillins, but she'll let ye have it fer seven shillins, cos she needs the money. An you'll be savin two shillins, Mam!'

She looked at me, te see if I was tellin the truth, an then looked down at the butter an said, ‘All right, then, wait there until I see if I have tha much.' Me heart gladdened, an I waited, holdin in me breath in case she didn't have the money. ‘Here ye are,' she said, comin out holdin her purse an openin the door wider. I could smell somethin lovely cookin. She opened her purse an smiled, lookin at the butter, an counted out two half-crowns an a two shillin piece. ‘Seven shillins altogether, wasn't tha it?'

‘Yes, Mrs!' I said, shakin me head up an down, handin her the butter an takin the money.

I raced down the stone stairs, takin them two at a time, feelin the weight of the money clenched in me fist, an banged on the door. ‘Ma! Ma! Let me in, it's me.'

She opened the door, an I rushed past her. ‘What ails ye? Wha's wrong?' she said, lookin worried.

‘Look! Lookit what I got fer ye!' Her eyes opened wide as she took the money from me hand.

‘Where did ye get tha?' she asked, laughin. An I told her the story. She listened an then shook her head an said, ‘You'd want te mind yerself. If they catch ye, ye'll be put away an locked up in a home.'

I was quiet then, thinkin about this. It was true. Most of the young fellas in the buildins were put away te Daingean an Letterfrack, an tha was the last ye saw of them. An they were never the same again. Then I looked at me ma's face. An she was happy, an I thought it was worth all the trouble just te see her smile. Cos when she's happy, I'm happy, an everythin is grand. ‘Ma,' I said, ‘don't let Jackser get his hands on the money.'

‘Don't you worry,' she said, lookin very serious. ‘I'll have it well hidden!'

When Jackser found out about the money fer the butter, his eyes lit up! He started snufflin an shook himself an rubbed his hands together. ‘By God, Sally! This could be the answer te our prayers!'

I looked but said nothin. Me heart was sinkin. I told me ma not te tell him. But now I could sense real trouble. Ye can't trust me ma!

‘You go out tomorrow an get as much butter as ye can. There's plenty a people'd take it off ye. Go early in the mornin. It's Saturday, an everyone will be gettin their messages. The shops will be so crowded they won't see ye puttin the butter in the bag. Now remember! Get all ye can! An when ye get the few bob, go back again an get yer hands on some grub. Bring back as much messages as ye can get.'