Mad Addiction (Crazy Beautiful #2) (24 page)

Ryan

“C
are to tell me what the fuck this is about, Brooks?”

I hold up the scrap of paper I woke up to find beside my empty hotel bed and place it on the counter.

Last night was a mistake. I’m sorry.

Kelley looks nervous as she places her bag on the floor.
She fucking packed a bag already?

She looks sadly at the note and lets out a deep sigh before saying, “We both know it’s true . . . we got caught up and took things a little too far.”

I cross my arms, challenging her. “And which part was the mistake, exactly? Marrying me or begging me to fuck you?”

She winces at my harsh words, but I don’t care. I want everything out in the fucking open. When I woke up to find she had left . . . fuck. Let’s just say it’s been a long time since I felt abandoned. This is what happens when I give in and let a weakness get the better of me.

Her voice hardens as she gathers her resolve. “That’s not fair, and you know it. Jesus, Blake, you don’t even love me!”

She looks at me with such fucking sad, wounded eyes I’m caught off guard. “What the fuck? Of course I do.”

“Then say it.”

I pretend I don’t know what she’s talking about. I hate feeling this out of control. She’s never said it either, so what if she’s trying to play some sick fucking mind games? “Say what?”

She throws me an accusatory glare. “This is what I mean. We had a deal and you had to go and mess it all up.”

Afraid I might lose my fucking mind, I instinctively get defensive. “Oh, so now it’s all my fucking fault. If that’s the case why bother apologizing?” I toss her note angrily on the kitchen counter.

She stares at me powerfully and steels her fists before shouting, “Because I am sorry. I’m sorry I moved in with you, I’m sorry we lied to everyone, and I’m sorry we pretended to be together. But most of all I’m sorry I ever screwed you on that stupid fucking storage shed floor in the first place!”

Her words feel like a sharp knife to my gut. I grind my teeth together, trying to stop the pain from tearing through my chest. “I never forced you to stay. If you didn’t want this you should have said so.”

“Well I’m saying it now! I need love, Ry, true love, not whatever we have . . . this just hurts. If I want to give fate a chance I have to stop messing around by pretending this fake relationship means something more.”

That makes me grunt sarcastically before raising my own voice to shout. “Fate could be pounding down your fucking door, Kell, but you’d be too busy dreaming to even hear it. Although apparently unless a guy is riding some sissy fucking white horse it means nothing. You think that shit is real? Maybe love is supposed to fucking hurt and that’s how you know it’s real.” I motion between us. “We’re real. This is real. You spout all this bullshit about true love but I don’t think you even know what that fucking means.” I turn and grip the back of my head, frustrated she can be so blind to what’s right in front of her. If I can see it, why the hell can’t she? Maybe I haven’t been the best about verbally expressing my feelings, but haven’t my actions proven anything?

Things get real quiet before I hear her speak in a near whisper behind me. “You just think it’s real because we’ve been pretending for so long we can’t tell where the lie ends and the truth begins.”

I hear a soft
clink
before the door opens and closes with a final
thud
.

I turn to find my grandmother’s ring resting on the cold, bare counter next to a loop of twine. That, along with the torment of her words ringing in my ears, keeps me from going after her. I put my heart on the fucking line only to have it ripped to shreds. She doesn’t want me. She doesn’t want
us
. Why should she? I was an asshole to think I could be different for her. My half-assed attempt at love wasn’t enough, and I don’t fucking blame her for wanting more. I let my guard down to give into some sweet, sick craving, and, like all addicts, am left with nothing but pain. Pain I feel, pain I caused. My past finally caught up to me and in the end my son will grow up without a father just like I tried to avoid in the first place.
Great fucking job, Blake.

I storm into the kitchen and tear open the top cabinet, tossing shit aside until I find the one thing I’m looking for buried in the back. I forcefully break the seal on the bottle of Jack and pour a generous amount into a glass. Desperate to do anything that will numb the fucking throbbing agony twisting deep in the pit of my chest, I bring the cup to my lips. At the last second before it reaches my tongue, I catch a glimpse of my damaged reflection rippling through the bottom of the amber liquid.
Fuck!
I pull my arm back and violently throw it with full force against the kitchen wall. With my head in my hands I slink down amidst the broken glass, letting the liquor pool on the floor around me.

Kelley

A
s soon as the door closes behind me, I can’t help but feel like I’ve made yet another huge mistake. I look down to my naked finger, which makes the pit of my stomach feel hollow.

No, it’s not real . . . it can’t be real. Ryan Blake plus Kelley Brooks do not equal a happily ever after.

As much as I wanted to believe differently, they just don’t.

I head to the elevators, needing to put as much distance between Ryan and I as possible. It’s the only way out of this.

When I enter the lobby I see Darrin smiling. I try to hide my red, splotchy face from view but it’s no use.

As he comes over to help me as I struggle with my bag he can immediately tell I’m upset. “Hey hun, what’s wrong?”

All it takes is his big, warm hand on my shoulder and sympathetic eyes staring at me to cause a full on breakdown. A fresh wave of tears stream down my cheeks, and this time they’re loud, ugly, and blubbering.

Darrin’s face clouds with concern as he tries to soothe me, pulling me into a giant bear hug. “Oh boy. It’s ok. Hey, now . . . there, there.”

I take a few gulps of air, trying to regain some semblance of composure as I realize how embarrassing this is. It doesn’t help Darrin’s shirt is now soaked with my tears. And probably some snot too.

With one hand he reaches for his handkerchief and slips it to me between us. I nod into his chest to indicate my gratitude and blow my nose. Loudly. Once my all-out sobs turn to a mild whimper, Darrin cautiously releases me.

“You want to tell me what happened?”

I shake my head. “It’s all so complicated. This isn’t how my life is supposed to turn out. I’m supposed to meet the right guy, fall in love, get married, and start a family, not be pregnant
while
getting married and
then
fall in love.” I sniffle at the absurdity of the situation.

Darrin must be confused as hell, but thankfully he doesn’t show it. He just pats my cheek and says, “That’s what always screws us up the most, isn’t it? Picturing what should or could have been. You can’t live your life with a bunch of what-ifs. The best you can do is wake up every day and ask yourself, ‘Am I happy?’ If the answer is no, you do something to change it. But if it’s a yes, well then you go on and let yourself be happy.”

His simple way of looking at the world fascinates me. Can it really be that easy?

“I don’t think I can do that.” I admit truthfully.

“Sure you can. Isn’t that why you were with Ryan in the first place—because he makes you happy?”

He eyes me with an expectant smirk. I look down at my feet, not wanting to think about how Ryan makes me feel. “I don’t know,” I whisper.

Darrin reaches down to pick up my bag and holds it out to me. He says in a serious yet playful tone, “Well then that’s probably the first thing you need to figure out.”

Ryan

Thirty-seven Weeks

T
hirty-six.

There are thirty-six things in this room that remind me of Kelley.

It’s been thirty-six hours since I’ve seen her.

It took me thirty-six weeks to realize I loved her.

And it took about thirty-six seconds to lose her when she walked out the door.

I fucking hate the number thirty-six.

A knock at the door pulls me from my thoughts. I debate answering, but the pounding gets louder, pissing me off. I get off the couch and violently swing open the door to reveal Lucas and Kinsley.

I don’t even bother saying anything. I just turn and stalk back to the couch, muttering
“Fucking great,”
under my breath.

They follow me in anyway, and Lucas asks, “You ready to go?”

“Go where?” I bite, having no clue what the fuck he’s talking about.

“Out for your birthday dinner, smartass. Now where’s Kelley? I’m starved.”

Lucas starts looking around the apartment and I want to hit something. I clearly forgot about tonight and I sure as shit don’t feel like celebrating. “She’s not fucking here. I have shit to do tonight anyway so you guys can just go.”

They obviously pick up on my not-so-subtle shitty attitude, but before Luc can give me crap for it Kinsley steps in. “Did something happen with Kelley?”

“No, it’s just fucking over is all. Hell, it was never anything to begin with. The point is she left, and I’m busy tonight so can we do this some other time?”

“Dude, what the hell? It’s not like you to be so goddamn pissy.” I can tell Lucas is concerned, even if he doesn’t sound it.