Made to Love (12 page)

Reagan

NPreston:  Can we talk?

                I stared at the blinking cursor beneath
Nathan’s message.  There it sat, blinking over and over, mocking me because I
had nothing to say.  No witty reply.  No explanation for my silence of the last
day and a half. 

Well, that wasn’t entirely true.  I did have
plenty to say.  I just didn’t know
how
to say it.  I knew I couldn’t
avoid Nathan forever, but had childishly submerged myself in work in hopes I
could at least pretend for a bit longer.  I had ignored all his attempts to
reach me yesterday.  Selfish and unfair, but I hadn’t been ready to face him
after the fiasco at his house.  Brooke had left for the airport this morning
while it had still been dark out, and I’d decided to come into work after
seeing her off.  I’d been closeted in here all morning, refusing to even
venture to the bathroom for fear of running into him.  I still wasn’t ready to
face him.  But I could only play coward for so long.

RAndrews:  Yes, I think we need to.

His reply was immediate.

NPreston:  My office, 10
^th
floor.  Ask for Nancy.  She’ll bring you back.

RAndrews:  K.  Now?

NPreston:  Now.

My heart thudded loudly in my chest as I
pulled out my compact and hastily checked my appearance.   I’d spent the last
twenty four hours rationalizing my time spent with Nathan.  I had come to the
painful realization that perhaps it was just better to end it now before things
went any further.  It was becoming rather obvious that, for reasons I had yet
to explore, I was becoming attached to a man I barely knew, and the feelings he
invoked in me, while both scary and exciting, were not something I needed to
deal with right now.   And that freakish episode at his house?  I was furious I
had allowed myself to be found in a position for that to happen in the first
place.  I had never, in all the years I’d been sexually active, had an anxiety
attack like that with any of the men I’d been involved with.  I made myself
clear from day one, so they’d never did anything to trigger one.  They’d never
asked questions of me, either.  Acceptance of my conditions was required;
understanding was not.  Nosy men never lasted long with me, because I didn’t
need twenty questions about my motives. 

But Nathan?  He would ask questions.  Worse,
he’d expect answers.  And I supposed, perhaps subconsciously I’d known that,
which is why I’d hesitated to have that conversation with him.  And look where
that had gotten me. 

So, painful though it was, I needed to put an
end to this.  It was the only way I could see to hopefully remaining friends,
but not letting him in on just how messed up I truly was.

Nancy, who I assumed was Nathan’s secretary,
was a short, older woman with a warm smile.  She escorted me to a large set of
dark double doors, announced my arrival and quietly left, leaving me standing
just outside the doorway. 

Moment of truth, Reagan.  Moment of truth.

I slowly stepped into the doorway, standing
there for a moment in an effort to calm my racing heart, which had swelled at
the first sight of Nathan in almost two days.  He was standing behind his desk,
his blond hair ruffled, and his beautiful face marred by a worried crease
across his forehead.  The need to cross the distance between the door and where
he stood, to kiss that gorgeous mouth, was sudden and urgent.  Bolstering my
resolve, I cautiously stepped into his office.

He immediately walked around his desk and
without a word, held out a hand toward the sleek leather couch against the side
wall.  I perched myself awkwardly on the edge of the seat.  My emotions were at
war, battling between the need to race back to my office and continue
hibernating there, and the very overwhelming desire to just say ‘to hell with
it all’, lay down on this couch and let Nathan do what he would. 

We still hadn’t spoken a word, and the
silence hung heavy between us. 

Where should I begin?

“Hi.” 

His voice sounded raspy, as if he hadn’t used
it in a while, but the sound of it swept over me just the same.  I didn’t know
if I would ever tire of hearing that voice, or the things it did to me.   “Hi.”

Nathan moved to the other end of the couch,
and sat on the edge as I was, elbows resting on his knees.  He squinted his
eyes at me, a wry smile crossing his features.  “I haven’t seen you for a bit. 
You don’t call; you don’t write. . .” 

I couldn’t help myself.  I laughed, some of
the tension dissipating from the room.  I could do this.  I
needed
to do
this.  “Yeah, I know.  Things just kinda got crazy, and I’m sorry about that.” 
I was back to staring at my hands, which were folded in my lap.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Not yet.” 

We sat side by side, silence falling between
us again, as I stared out at the Manhattan skyline.  This was getting us
nowhere.  We needed to talk this through, but we weren’t getting anywhere with
these uncomfortable lapses in conversation.  One of us needed to make the first
move.  Seeing as how I was the one with the problem, it should probably be me. 
I closed my eyes, mentally counted to five, and then turned on the couch to
face him. 

“Here’s the thing.  I don’t want to talk
about it; I can’t.  And I don’t know when, or if, I will ever be ready to do that. 
And I realize that poses a slight problem for this. . .us,” I paused, pointing
a finger first at him and then at myself.   “It’s not you. . .I like you; I
do.  But I also realize that it would unfair of me to expect anything from you
when I can’t even give you full disclosure. . . .at least right now, anyway.  
So,” I halted again, nervously smoothing down my hair, and taking a deep
breath.  “I think it may be better for the both of us if we just, you know. .
.remained friends.”

Nathan had continued to sit with his elbows
resting on his knees, staring at the floor, the entire time I’d been talking. 
Now, I watched as he continued to sit unmoving, almost as if he hadn’t heard a
word I’d said.  Did he agree?  Or, had I made him angry?   Perhaps, after what
had happened between us, he didn’t even want to remain friends.  Silence
continued to stretch between us, and I resisted the urge to shake him and demand
he say something.  Anything.

After what seemed like hours, but could
really have been no more than half a minute at most, he turned his head and his
eyes met mine, and held.  Those eyes, framed by the most ridiculously long
lashes any man had a right to have, held concern, frustration, and perhaps a
bit of sadness as well. 

Or maybe that last part was just my hopeful
imagination.

And then, “Is that what you really want,
then?”

No.  It was not what I wanted at all.  I
wanted to scream my denial, and beg him to just forget every word I’d uttered
in the last five minutes.  “I think it would be for the best.  I mean, with
work, and you being the CEO’s son, the gossip alone—“  I stopped mid-sentence,
realizing I was fast approaching the point of mindless rambling.  Somehow, this
conversation was not going how I’d envisioned it on the elevator ride up here.   

“I’m not worried about that,” he countered,
and then held up a hand when I opened my mouth to speak.  “I hear what you are
saying.  It’s obvious there are things about you I don’t know.  And I won’t
deny that I want to know those things.”  He hesitantly reached for my hand, and
I took it.  “But the last thing I want is for you to feel pressured, or
uncomfortable.  I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that way.  It’s just that I
think I like you too much.”  He lifted my hand to his lips and softly kissed
it.  The feel of his warm, soft lips on my knuckles almost shattered my resolve. 

“I want more with you than just friends.  I
want you.”  There was so much emotion packed into that one sentence that I felt
as if I’d been sucker-punched in the stomach.  This I had not expected.  “And
being just friends?  Shit, that’s gonna be new for me, and I’ll admit, probably
a little hard.  But for you, I will do it.”  His hand tightened on mine.  “I’ll
be the best friend you ever had,” he joked.

“I would like that,” I admitted. 

He leaned over slightly and nudged me with
his shoulder.  “Whenever you’re ready, okay?”

I couldn’t explain the sudden burning in my
eyes.  He was being understanding, and it was more than I could’ve asked or
expected.  I didn’t know if I would ever be really, truly ready for anything
more than friendship with Nathan, but I wanted to be.  “Okay.”

We stood then, and Nathan walked me to the
door.  Leaning down, he briefly kissed my cheek then opened the door. 
Immediately he was all business.  “So, Miss Andrews.  You’re all set for
tonight?”

Aware someone could be within earshot, I
followed along.  “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.”  The thought of
entertaining Robert Johnson had taken a backseat the last day or so, in light
of everything else, and I suddenly was anxious to have it over with. 

“Excellent.  We’ll talk soon, then.”  His
eyes sparkled as he winked at me. 

Returning his smile, I hastily made my way to
the elevator, feeling largely relieved, and as if a giant weight had been
lifted off my shoulders.  I’d come out not having to explain my painful past,
and Nathan hadn’t tossed me aside like yesterday’s news.  All in all, a minor
victory.  Feeling better than I had in two days, I headed to my office to
refresh myself on preparations for tonight. 

“Tonight’s the big night, huh?” Danielle
raised her eyebrows in my direction as we made our way to the lobby.   She and
Bailey had barreled into my office shortly after noon, insisting I join them
for lunch.  I had been silently praising myself on being able to sequester all
thoughts of Nathan to the back of my mind, and completely focus on Isaac’s
talking points for tonight.  I had been ‘in the zone’, and was planning to just
grab something quick and continue working, but Bailey had piqued my curiosity
when he’d mentioned sushi.  It was something I’d never tried, and truth be
told, I was eager to get out of my office for a bit. 

So here we were, heading to SUteiSHi, where
my taste buds were about to have an experience of orgasmic proportions. 
According to Bailey, anyway.  “Yeah, don’t remind me.  I’ve been trying to
pretend that it’s not the most important dinner in my career,” I joked. 

“I told you I would go with you if you wanted,”
Bailey offered, as we walked out on to the street.  “Just say the word, love.”

“I know, and it’s sweet of you to offer.  But
I’ll be okay.”  I hoped I sounded convincing. 

Bailey had made prior reservations, and once
we arrived, we were ushered quickly into our seats.  I fidgeted with my
chopsticks as we gave the waitress our drink orders.  The menu was
overwhelming, and I had no idea what most of it was.  I looked up to find
Bailey watching me over the top of his menu.  “Need some help?”

I laid the menu down.  “I have no idea what
to order,” I confessed.  “Isn’t it all just raw fish?”

“Oh, honey.  Sushi is so much more than just
raw fish,” he replied in mock outrage.  He motioned to our passing waitress. 
“I’ll order for you.  Got any allergies?”

 Orders placed, conversation shifted to the
one topic they knew nothing about.  Me.

“So, why New York?  Do you have family
here?”   This from Danielle.

I blinked a few times, and gulped down a
swallow of my Pepsi before shaking my head.  “No.  My mom lives in Texas.”  I really
didn’t want this to be a ‘get-to-know-Reagan’ lunch, and hoped Bailey would
take pity and change the subject.

“Really?  That must be hard.”  Bailey leaned
in, as if hoping for some really good scoop.  Clearly, he was just as
interested and was obviously going to be of no help.

“It was a big move, but I am adjusting.  And
what about you two?  Any family?” 

My attempt to change the subject was a
success, and Danielle’s face lit up as she began to tell me about Micah, her
awesome and apparently drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend of three years.

Bailey snatched up his dinner knife and held
it to his wrist.  “If I have to sit through one more conversation about how
wonderful your boyfriend is, I will take my own life,” he proclaimed
dramatically.

“I can’t help that I happen to be dating the
hottest man in Manhattan” Danielle smirked. 

“Honey, please.  You are forgetting our young
Mr. Nathan Preston” Bailey raised an eyebrow and looked towards me.  “What do
you say, Reagan?  Nathan Preston; sex in a suit, right?”

I felt heat flush my face as they both stared,
awaiting my response.  “Um, sure.  He’s okay, I guess.”

Give nothing away, Reagan. 

“Just
okay
?”  Bailey was incredulous. 
He shook his head at me as if disappointed.  “Girl, a man that fine should
really come with his own warning label.”

Danielle erupted in giggles, and I zoned out
as the two of them continued to catalogue the many attributes of the man who
had kissed several inches of my body, quite thoroughly, less than forty-eight
hours ago.

Sex in a suit?   If they only knew.

Nathan

Though my initial plan had been to seduce
Reagan into my bed, in hopes of curing this
need,
or
want
for
her, she was proving to be a game-changer.  It wasn’t every day, or any day for
that matter, that I found someone who made me sit up and take notice.  Reagan
commanded my attention and she has it.   After ignoring me all day yesterday, I
wasn’t entirely sure she would respond when I IM’d her this morning.  I had
already made up my mind that if she didn’t, I wouldn’t hesitate to present
myself at her office, to hell with propriety.  Enough was enough.  But she had
responded, and my first sight of her in two days had left me shaken.  It was
almost as if she had this invisible magnetic pull, and I was powerless to
resist it.  I’d wanted to hold her, kiss her, tell her I was sorry for whatever
it was I had done to make her run again. 

But she’d changed the game with her friends
thing.  That I hadn’t expected, and I had wanted to howl in frustration.  She
was by the far the most interesting, challenging and attractive woman I had met
to date, and she wanted nothing more than friendship?  I couldn’t recall ever
having been friends with a woman; they were too clingy for anything more than
the occasional romp in the sack. 

Could I be friends with her?  The truth was,
I didn’t know.  How could you be friends with someone you fought the urge to
kiss every time you saw them?  Someone you imagined naked every time they
crossed your mind?  It was unchartered territory for me, and I wasn’t sure I
would survive the trip.  But a friendship was all she was offering, and I was
greedy enough to take it.  Because not seeing her anymore wasn’t something I
was ready to do just yet.   I had to see this thing through. 

So, I had shoved my frustration to the side,
and agreed.  A friendship is what she would get.  A minor setback, to be sure,
but I didn’t doubt we’d be FWB’s before long.  This was me, Nathan Preston.  A
little confidence in my game was warranted. 

Jake’s words from last night niggled at the
back of my mind.  Was it the chase. . .the challenge of getting this one in my
bed, just to prove I could do it?  Or something more? 

I drug a hand through my hair.  I was growing
weary of all the questions.  It shouldn’t be this complicated; we’d barely been
involved.  I still couldn’t quite grasp the fact that I’d been on the receiving
end of the infamous “it’s not you, it’s me” speech.   Jake would have a field
day with this one.  

  My cell phone trilled loudly in the silence
of my office, and I glanced at the display.  With a heavy sigh, I slid my
finger across the screen and answered.  “Hello, Mother.”

“Nathan, darling, I am so glad I caught
you.”  Mom sounded all cheery and together, not a slur detected.   “I’m meeting
Anna Bradshaw for lunch, and it occurred to me that her niece Whitney is in
town.”

My mother paused dramatically, as if the news
of this Whitney’s arrival was enough to have me on my knees, ring in hand.  Her
matchmaker schemes were both predictable and largely unsuccessful.  “And?”

“And, I think it would be ideal if you were
to call and take her out for dinner.  Tonight?”

Unbelievable.  Despite knowing she couldn’t
see me, I shook my head anyway.  “I have plans tonight.”

“Well, break them.  She will only be in town
until Sunday evening, and is really a quite lovely girl.  You need to have some
fun, Nathan.”

I stifled a laugh.  My mom’s feigned belief
that I somehow had no time for fun was ridiculous.  Of course, what she really
meant was that I needed to have some fun with someone worthy of the Preston
name.  “I’m sure she’s stunning, Mother.  But like I said, I have plans.  And
don’t worry.  I expect them to be fun ones.” 

Another lengthy pause.  Shit, I’d probably
somehow hurt her feelings.  Despite her faults, Mom really did mean well.   I sighed
and leaned my head back against the chair, eyes closed.  “Why don’t you text me
her number and I will give her a call for perhaps tomorrow evening.  Will that
work?”  I had no intention of following through, but she didn’t need to know
that.

“Wonderful, darling.  I will let them know to
expect you.”