Madly and Wolfhardt (5 page)

A flutter in my stomach brought my attention back to the shores of reality.  I felt an awareness, a knowledge.  I felt a recognition stir inside me, one so clear that I wasn’t even startled by the movement that I saw in my peripheral vision. 

I didn’t need to turn my head to confirm visually what I already knew with bone-deep certainty.  Instead, I closed my eyes and reached out with my senses—senses magnified by the water all around me, water that pumped extraordinary life into my veins—and I
felt
.

His eyes were on the side of my face.  They felt like warm honey as they began to move, sliding down my body.  From my throat to the curve of my lower back, to my ankles and back again, they finally ascended and came to rest on my face once more.

My chest ached at the bittersweet pleasure of his presence.  It affected me more profoundly with each passing hour.  I felt consumed with him, consumed by him.  I’d waited so long to feel something so deep and overwhelming.  I’d always assumed it would come with the mating tie.  And, even as I stood there, I believed that it had.  But it was all wrong. 

Yes, it was just as exciting as I’d always imagined it would be, but it was painful—horribly painful—and I’d never expected there to be pain.  I knew that my feelings for Jackson were forbidden, that nothing could ever come of them.  I would never be able to have what my body, my soul and my heart craved most.  I would be forced to spend the rest of my life bound to one man while mourning another.

I tried to resist the magnetism of Jackson, of the supernatural tie that bound me to him in both visceral and spiritual ways, but it was no use.  I couldn’t
not
feel it.  I was drowning in it, like I could drown in neither water nor air.  It took my breath and stole the world from around me, leaving only him and me and what was between us. 

Steeling myself against the overpowering desire, I didn’t turn toward Jackson, didn’t go to him like I wanted to.  Instead, I waited, waited for him—to move, to speak, to turn and go, to do something.  I waited.  But he did none of those things.

Jackson simply continued to stare at the side of my face, the heat of his gaze penetrating my human skin and searing the nerves beneath.  I wondered if he felt it too, and if that’s why he hated me so.

Finally, unable to stand the torture any longer, I opened my eyes and turned my head.  A large, dark form was standing down the beach at the water’s edge, facing me.  As I’d known, it was Jackson.  He was dressed in solid black and too far away for me to see his eyes clearly, but I knew that he watched me.  I knew it as deeply and as certainly as I knew there was sand between my toes and wind caressing my face. 

“Madly, you’re being summoned,” Kellina called from behind me. 

I turned toward her voice.  She was standing at the periphery of the party and, beside her, Aidan was waving me toward them. 

As I looked at Aidan’s smiling face, I wished with all my heart that the tie had materialized between us, like it was supposed to.  It would’ve been perfect in so many ways.  But it hadn’t.  Instead, we’d both tied to forbidden love and now our future was complicated and incomplete.  Broken.  I knew that Aidan would eventually come to that conclusion, too.  When he took the time to examine his feelings for Kellina, he would feel as betrayed by them as I felt by my feelings for Jackson.

I waved to him and turned quickly back toward Jackson.  He was no longer there.  I scanned both the sand and the water, but there was no sign of him.  He’d melted away like a figment of my imagination.  And maybe he had been.  Maybe I’d willed him there, willed him out of the truest, deepest desires of my heart.   Maybe his presence was not meant to be, just as our tie was not meant to be.  Maybe it would fade away, just as he’d faded away.  Maybe…

CHAPTER FOUR

My inner turmoil and close proximity to the sea had stirred up a tempest, a tempest so turbulent it curtailed our party with threats of a violent rainstorm.  I was likely the only one glad to see the ocean-side gathering come to an end.  For me, the entire night had been an exercise in frustration and secret heartache.

It came as no surprise to me when Aidan offered to walk Kellina home, reasoning that I had Jersey to keep me company and Kellina had no one.

“That way, all the beautiful women will make it home safely,” he said, winking at Kellina.

She blushed becomingly and I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to roll my eyes or vomit.  To my credit, I did neither.

“That’s fine,” I chirped as cheerfully as I could manage.  “I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much for inviting me, Madly.  I really appreciate it.  I had a great time.”

Genuine gratitude was written all over Kellina’s face.  She was clearly having the best night of her life, and why not?  She’d met a guy she liked and was fortunate in that the feeling was mutual.  Very mutual.  She had every reason to be aglow, which she was.

“No problem.  I’m glad you could come.” 

And I was.  I wouldn’t begrudge anyone happiness, and it was clear that she was as smitten with Aidan as he was with her.  He was a great guy and she’d be lucky to have him.

As I watched them walk away, I examined their body language.  They were so close their arms brushed as they walked.  Aidan was leaning toward Kellina to listen as she spoke.  Kellina had her face turned up toward Aidan and, even at a distance, I could see that she was enamored.

I’d never believed in love at first sight for a variety of reasons, but it was plain to see that there was something far from casual between the two.  And Aidan, I’d never seen him act this way before.  Ever.  Not even when I’d sensed his attraction to me.  It was mild in comparison to this.  He was tying to Kellina.  I could see it, just like I could see it with my parents.  There was no mistaking it.

My envy and irritation turned to sympathy for Aidan’s plight.  If my tie to Jackson was strictly forbidden, Aidan’s tie to Kellina was an abomination.  It wasn’t just frowned upon or criticized.  It was one of the most egregious insults a Mer could deal to his own kind.  Such unions were supposedly how the pure royal blood had become polluted, giving the Mer non-pure varieties such as Sentinels and bondservants.

Shaking off such thoughts, I turned back toward the dwindling party to search for Jersey.  It was then that I saw that someone else was watching Aidan and Kellina walk away.  It was the skinny kid with glasses I’d seen earlier.  Once again, I thought he looked as lost as I felt.

Just then, he glanced in my direction and forced a tiny, troubled smile.  I returned it, like the kindred spirit that I felt like I was.

He turned to wander off in the opposite direction and I concentrated my attention on the search for Jersey.  When I finally spotted her, she was talking and laughing with two good-looking guys.  They both had blonde hair and athletic builds and, by the looks of them, one had taken a particularly keen interest in Jersey.  Watching her, it was apparent that she wholeheartedly returned the feeling.

I couldn’t help but sigh.  It seemed that everyone was winning tonight.  Everyone but me.  Well, me and the skinny kid with the glasses and braces.

Loathe to interrupt them, yet desperate to get away, I approached Jersey and her two friends.

“Hey, you about ready to go?” I asked without preamble.

All three heads turned toward me.  Jersey’s smile was rife with excitement as she darted her eyes meaningfully to blond number one, the one closest to her.

“Um, not really.  Are you?”

I looked up toward the starless sky. 

“Well, yeah.  These clouds look pretty promising for some rain, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Jersey grudgingly admitted.

“Who’s your friend?” blond number two asked.

I glanced toward him and introduced myself.

“I’m Madly James, Jersey’s roommate.”

“Madly?  As in ‘I’m madly in love’?” he teased with a wink.

I felt a blush warm my cheeks and a smile tug at my lips.  As I looked into his appreciative brown eyes, it occurred to me how nice his attention felt.  It was like a soothing balm to my bruised and battered ego.

“That’s right,” I confirmed.

“I’m Berlin.  How have I missed you in school?”

“We both just started here this year.”

“Who can I thank for that?”

Thoughts of my parents sobered me, putting my ego in the backseat, where it belonged.  There was no room in my life for such frivolity.  I had serious responsibilities that these carefree boys knew nothing about.

“Hey, we could go to our house,” blond number one suggested.

“That sounds awesome,” Jersey exclaimed excitedly.

“Maybe another time, boys,” a deep voice said from behind me.

Chills broke out all over my arms and my breath caught in my throat.  Pleasure flooded me as all my senses honed in on the presence at my back.

Jersey sighed, a loud, put-upon gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by any of us.

“This is my bothersome brother, Jackson.”

Jackson’s long tanned arm shot out from my right side as he offered it to Berlin.

“I’m Berlin Kender,” he said as he shook Jackson’s hand.  “This is my brother, Aken.”

“Aken,” Jackson said formally.  He was still squeezing Berlin’s hand though.

I could see that Jackson’s knuckles had turned white where he gripped Berlin’s hand so tightly.  Berlin looked uncomfortable, but was obviously unwilling to say anything.

I turned to look up at Jackson where he loomed behind me.  His eyes were burning holes right through Berlin.

Finally, he glanced down at me and then back up at Berlin.

“So, city names?” Jackson commented amicably, releasing Berlin’s hand.

Berlin smiled uneasily. 

“Yeah.  Our parents were weird like that.  They picked out names as they were traveling through Germany.”

“Ohmigod!  That is so bizarre.  Our parents did the same thing, only ours are American names,” Jersey said.  Then she grinned sheepishly at Aken.  “Like you couldn’t have figured that out on your own, right?”

The boys laughed.  Jackson and I didn’t.

“I’m just glad they weren’t staying in Frankfurt or Leipzig or Dusseldorf, some place like that,” Aken replied.

“Me, too.  I really like Aken,” Jersey said, smiling coyly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Jackson interrupted.  “You two can talk all about it when you see each other at school tomorrow.”

“Maybe we can get together after,” Aken suggested.

Jersey beamed.  “That sounds awesome.”

The rest of us stood, forced to watch uncomfortably as Jersey and Aken flirted.  I was glad when Berlin spoke.

“Maybe the four of us could get some coffee,” Berlin proposed, looking questioningly at me.

Before I could respond, Jackson chimed in.

“You’re wasting your time, man.  She’s not interested.”

Berlin’s mouth dropped open a little as he glanced from Jackson to me, to Jackson and back to me.

Anger rose, my jaws tightening as I clamped my teeth together.  Purposely relaxing them, I smiled brilliantly at Berlin.

“Ignore him, Berlin.  He has no idea
who
or
what
I’m interested in.  Coffee sounds great.”

Nodding hesitantly, Berlin looked behind me to Jackson one last time before he responded.