Madness or Purpose (21 page)

I rummage through the shirts until I happen on one that looks about the right size. I slip it on and though it’s a bit big it works nicely over my other clothes. I make sure the stack looks the same and I begin to search through the shelves for something to eat. I don’t have anything to open jars, but I should be able to find something in the barn to open whatever I choose. I take a small jar of apples, and a jar of potatoes.

I can’t take much because I left my pack in the barn. I quietly put the board back in place and sneak back.

I make sure to be quiet and slip in the back of the barn. I stow my stuff and crawl around to the front of the huge pile of hay bales. I could live back here for quite a while before I would have to worry about the store being depleted enough anyone would notice me. I make my way around the barn trying not to use the flashlight just in case the beam was to shine out a window or opening in the barn front. The only animals in the barn are an old milk cow with two calves and a few old goats. Most of the animals are still out in the pasture and I did notice a chicken coup. I’ll have to remember to take a couple eggs when I move on. I find some sort of tool that has enough of an edge to it to pry off the lids of the jars and each has a screw on lid too, so I should be able to refasten them and keep them for a short time. Before I return to my hiding place I see an old water cooler and tap the side. It sounds like it has water in it so I turn the handle on the spout and drink as much as I can before returning to the hay.

I am so exhausted when I get back I dig my hole a bit deeper and cover the entrance and drift off to sleep on a the softest bed I’ve laid on in months. I wake up sometime after noon the next day and I can hear equipment outside the barn and the animals making noises. I find a hidden corner on the far end of the hay and relieve myself. I crawl back into my hiding place and open my jar of apples. I eat about half and hid it again. I crawl back into my hole and stretch out. Kittens roam the barn and come to visit me from time to time. I make sure not to speak to them in case anyone is in the barn. I drift in and out of sleep all day and dream about what might have been if I was still with my mother and what might be in the future. While I am dreaming I remember my mother telling me something about a family. She never mentioned a dad, but I remember stories about a girl. I think she was a sister. While I dream I search through my memories and to be safe I try to go into a trance like state so I don’t make any noise.

Eventually the sun fades and I hear a man’s voice. He is talking to the animals in the barn and as his voice fades I hear the huge door slide closed. I lie in the warmth of the hay for a couple hours longer and finish off my apples. I decide I should keep the jar and fill it with water when I go. When I am sure the farmer has retired for the night I sneak back out of the hole and slowly come around the barn. I check to see that all the lights are out in the house and that no one is out and about in the yard. While I was in the barn I smelled meat drying in some sort of a smoke house. As I make my way around the barn yard I locate the small smoke house. I slowly approach it and notice that the door is latched but only with a hook and it looks as though the smoke has stopped rising from the chimney so the fire should be out. I have to get a bucket from the yard to reach the latch. I gently lift it and let the door open. As the door opens the wonderful smell hits me and I can’t remember ever being this hungry. I make sure to only take small amounts from the back or pieces that weren’t secured correctly and fell. I make sure to re-latch the door and put the bucket back. I hurry back to the barn and slip into the dark warm hide away. I eat one chunk and place the rest in my empty jar and screw the lid on tight. I start in on my potatoes and make a meal of it. Once I am full to just about bursting I hide everything away, deep in the hay and snuggle into my little bed.

While I sleep her name comes to me, Zoe. Her name is Zoe and she is somehow related to me. I think back through everything my mother used to tell me and all the things she used to show me. While I drifted in and out of sleep I fiddled with the amulet around my neck. Mom gave it to me and told me every night to guard it well. I am so glad I was able to steal it back when I escaped. I don’t think it really does anything for me, but I might just give me some sort of means to find help.

While I dream bits and pieces of information come back to me and other images and pieces of the puzzle seem to fit together and make sense. I have no idea why I chose to go north, but where I am feels too far south. I have to keep going north. I stole a compass and my mother used to point out the North Star in a book that depicted the night sky. I don’t know who this Zoe is or where she’s at, but I know she is my only hope. As I wake in the late afternoon I hear rain pummeling the roof of the barn, and I know that if it doesn’t clear off I’ll need to stay here another day before I can gather some final supplies and move on. My eye sight is pretty much back to normal and I don’t ache in every joint as before.

The rain stops in the next day and I spend the afternoon planning what I need to steal and take several naps. As soon as the farmer retires to the house for dinner I crawl out of my hiding place and start messing up the temporary home I created. It should look like animals were back here not a person. I make my way to the cellar again and take some more preserved vegetables and I stop by the smoke house and get some more scraps. Today the meat is drier and it’s probably best so I can keep it longer. I can’t be sure when I will find food this nice again. I make my way off the north end of the property and one of the many farm dogs follows me through the woods. I don’t mind the company, and if it wards off anything or anyone out here it can be of some use. The dog pads along a few yards ahead of me apparently scouting the way.

As the sun begins to lighten the sky I scout for a place to hide for the day and the dog still hangs around.

It seems to pick up on what I want and it too searches for somewhere. After about 10 minutes of not seeing the dog it appears suddenly in front of me whining and dancing around. It jogs a few paces and turns to look at me, so I follow it for about five minutes and there in a well covered area is a nice sized hideaway for me well off any paths, but high enough up that if it rains again or snows I won’t be drowning or get buried alive. As I crawl in and check it out the dog disappears. I settle in and pull out some of the food I stole. I don’t fill up, but eat enough to keep off the hunger. I settle in and let my mind wander. A short time later the dog crawls into the hiding place and snuggles up next to me. It doesn’t beg for food or even really acknowledge my presence.

The next evening the dog nudges me awake and I crawl out of the hole to follow it along through the woods again. We continue on this way for a few more days before we find a small town to steal supplies from again and the dog never once begs for food, but seems well taken care of. It must be a good hunter and is taking care of itself. We spend several weeks with the same routine and I can’t even be sure how far we get. We always seem to run into a town or a gas station just as I run out of food. I begin to tire mentally and physically as we near a larger town. I search around with the dog to find an area that is secluded but not too far from the town. I spend the day fixing up a shelter with my stubby hands and short child’s legs. You can imagine the shelter isn’t very pretty and barely adequate. It will keep me dry and hidden. I rest for half the afternoon and the dog roams the area. When I wake up the sun is still up and the temperature is dropping. I pull a bunch of long grass from a meadow like area close by and stuff my little hideaway with it to insulate the area. I finish off the supplies I had stolen over the last week or so and crawl into my sleeping place. Sometime later I feel the dog snuggle up next to me and I wrap an arm around him and fall asleep.

When the sun raises the dog wakes and shakes the dust out of his coat. I follow him through the wooded area towards the town. I follow him down back alleyways and towards businesses. The dog dives right into a pile of garbage and starts to pig out. I notice some crates full of produce near a back door, and I take some apples and carrots and put them into my bag. I hide behind a big dumpster when I hear someone coming.

They yell at the dog, but he pays no attention to them. As the man grabs the crates and leaves a large bag on the step. I know I shouldn’t eat trash, but I bet there is a lot of good stuff left in there. I don’t mean like half eaten stuff, but like stuff they just couldn’t sell. The smell of warm bread pulls me from my hiding place. I close my eyes briefly and focus. I can’t feel any other people, so I pull the bag closer to the dumpster so I can hide again if needed.

As soon as I manage to tear through the bag I find bags inside of different types of food. It’s like the guy knew someone wanted to eat what was still good! I find bagels and pastries as well as small containers of other prepared items. I make sure I don’t take anything I have to keep cold because I have nowhere to keep it. I quickly stuff my bag with everything I think I can carry and possibly keep for a few days. I make my way back to the woods with the dog and hide my stash. I find a small creek and wash myself off. The water is cold and the breeze feels like a strong wind. It’s all in my head, but I crawl into my hideaway and wrap up in my blanket. I need to steal another one, this one is getting ragged. It’s not snowing and the temperature has started rising again, but I can’t be sure what month it is or if I’m going to make it through to the spring. I hope I don’t freeze to death before someone finds me. I really shouldn’t have washed up like that. Just about the time I start to panic the dog shows up and snuggles in next to me until I stop shivering.

After I dry off I bundle up again just for fear of being cold. I eat part of a bagel and head off into town with the dog. We stay towards the back of the buildings and I hide when I think I hear someone coming. I manage to find a tarp in the back of a building. It’s old and dirty, but free of holes and not really that worn. It’s about twice the size I need it to be so I can fold it in half to make it a better barrier to the wind and elements. During our walk through the town I see low hanging clothes line with a dry blanket twice my size but small enough to get in my bag. The dog and I stop under a porch and rest. We are covered by the shade of the porch and hidden behind the posts. A few old men saunter out onto the wood planks and take their seats. For a couple hours they banter back and forth and argue about the weather and the state of the government. I listen to their dialects and notice there seems to be less of a drawl and more of something else. I can’t understand everything they say, but I pay attention to their gestures I can see through the spaces in the boards and try to learn some new things. When the men retreat back into the building the dog and I make our way back to the woods. I figure out how to fasten the tarp to my little home with some rope I found along the way and cover it up with brush to hide it away. I don’t have to do much because it’s already a brown color.

I take another nap and I can tell the difference the new blanket makes and the tarp makes. Before the sun goes down I pull out a book I found laying outside the fence of a school yard on our way back from the town. It has pictures of objects letters and words.

Some I know and some I don’t. I quietly sound out the words from the alphabet.

My mother taught me the alphabet before I could speak. I haven’t heard my own voice in so long it startles me a bit. I found some other books I brought back as well, but they are more advanced and it will take some more practice for me to figure the words in them out. When the light fades and I can’t see the pages anymore, I crawl into my hideaway and snack on some of the food I’ve stolen. I don’t dream much anymore, but sometimes I see her face, or at least I think I do. I’m not sure if it’s my mother or if it’s that Zoe person. They look so much alike it’s kind of comforting. It really makes me believe I have a family.

I hope she really does come looking for me.

As I sleep I try to go over everything I’ve seen around the town and around the wooded area. If Zoe is picking up any of what I’m trying to send out, this sort of information should help her find me. I would keep traveling, but it’s really not a good idea. I don’t know where to head, and it’s best if I set up a safe place here and wait for her to find me, I hope she does. I don’t know her, but she has to be connected to me and my mom. Either that or she is a clone. She has to be the link, the one the men were hounding me about. I endured torture to keep her secrets safe. Every time I touch my face I can feel the scars around my eyes and I can feel the scars on my back pull as I move and bend. Zoe doesn’t know it yet, but she is going to do so much. She was born to save us, and I was born to help her figure it all out. I guess it’s tough enough being on the run, but to be five and alone, and entrusted with such knowledge, that’s just crazy. I keep thinking I should be dead, but for some reason I’m not. As the dog snuggles in next to me I actually pet him for the first time.

At first it was just a flash, a picture of me by the back of the barn. I pull my hand away for a moment or two and then put it back. I get nothing when I replace it. Then as I begin to pet the rough fur again and the dog drifts off snippets of pictures come to me again. I didn’t know animals could be read or connected to. I didn’t even think they had memories like this. After some time the dog keeps replaying a series still frames and then some sound snippets come through. I can’t be sure but the only clear word is Toby. I guess that’s his name. I slowly drift off as well and enjoy the provided mental movie.

Her body trembles as she sleeps and I see the movie that plays in her head. It seems as if a damn has broken and this brother of hers is flooding her with so much information she can’t handle it all. It’s weird how it only seems to come to her while she sleeps. I can’t stand to feel her fear and frustration and watch everything he’s sending her. I shake her gently and open my own eyes. “Wake up ZZ.” Her eyes flutter open and she rubs them with the back of her hands. She twists her torso and moans a bit, not in a sexy manner, more like she is over exhausted.