Madness or Purpose (16 page)

I smell incense and hear the muffled beats of some sort of punk alternative mix from someone’s head phones. Then I see her laying on a blanket face to the sky eyes closed and oddly enough dancing to the beat in some weird fashion.

Abruptly I am pulled from my subconscious because Dean is shaking me awake and yelling my name. “Damn it Dominic, if you are going to work for me you have to show up. Hell, you are living on top of the bar you’d think you could make it on time. He throws an alarm clock on my futon and walks out. I pull my cell out of my pocket and the time reads 10:30pm. I jump up and slam the door behind me as I jog down the steps. I was supposed to relieve Jaron at 9pm. I apologize profusely, but I think Jaron understands. He sees and knows more than he ever lets on. Jaron glimpses the future and his wife Adara knows the past. I finish tending bar around 2am and clean up a bit so I have less to do tomorrow. I never really notice the women. I flirt and smile and let them believe I might just be interested, but no one ever really sees below the surface. No matter how sweet or how hot they are, they are never enough. I make sure the lights are out and so are all the patrons before I drag myself back up the stairs. I had the cook make me a burger so I make sure to snag the bag off the bar before I go. I swear these stairs are longer every time I climb them.

I flop back down on the couch and quickly scarf down the already cold burger. I wash it down with a beer from the fridge and then lay back down on the couch, but not before opening the window. The heat from the bar tends to make it too warm up here, but it’s nice to know I don’t have to pay Dean for much of a heating bill.

Sleep over takes me and I’m sure my beer adds as a sleep aide. I am barely conscious when the intoxicating scent drifts in the window. I know I’m not a sleep enough to be dreaming, but it feels as though I am. I can’t see anything clearly. Everything has a haze to it like some fairytale dream. At first I am an observer. From a distance I see her standing by the door of that shop from earlier. She is waving goodbye to someone she turns to return inside, but something catches her attention. Wait she is looking straight at me. I turn and look over my shoulder and no one else is around. She must really be looking at me! She beckons me with one finger to follow her inside. Every fiber of my being screams at me to follow her and that intoxicating smell. So I do. Before I realize it I have entered her shop and she takes my hand in hers.

At her touch heat surges through my body starting at my finger tips making me fee light headed. She doesn’t speak and neither do I. Through the haze I take in her form. Her hair gently curling down her back and her aura shines around her reflecting off her earrings. When I don’t continue on with her she turns to me. Gently she smiles and winks seductively. Without giving my body permission it is already following her back through the depths of her store. Near the back she pulls back a beaded curtain and exposes a staircase leading up. The staircase is old and metal, but covered in some type of plastic or rubber mixture like you might see on a kid’s playground. After four switchback flights, we pass a landing with a door but she tugs on my hand when I pause. We climb four more switchbacks until we stop in front of a heavy fire door. She reaches up to disconnect the alarm and drops my hand to push it open.

The crisp air hits my exposed skin and I shiver from head to toe. Without her hand in mine the fire under my skin quickly extinguishes but smolders deep inside of me. I remain in the doorway and watch her almost glide out onto the roof top. It’s like a whole different place up here. From the doorway it looks like a grove of trees on hill top with a grassy meadow blanketed in star light, not a roof top in New York City. I notice more details than the last time I was here. As she reaches the trees she seems to notice I am not right behind her. Spinning on her bright yellow chucks she gives me a playful frown and sticks out her bottom lip. I have no idea if anything is real, frankly it’s hard to believe it isn’t real, but once again my body makes my decision without consulting me. In an instant I am once again by her side and she slips her delicate hand into mine and re-ignites the fire under my skin. The girl leads me to a blanket on her roof top meadow and motions for me to lie down on my back. I do as she silently instructs and she takes her place next to me. As we look up at the stars, she intertwines her fingers with mine. For the first time in my life I feel whole and at peace. Everything slowly fades to black.

Gavin and I spend the rest of the weekend laying around the apartment and soaking up just being with each other. We work on controlling our new found abilities and Natasha stops by once or twice to help us work on things. She isn’t herself though. It seems as though someone has turned down her spunky dial. Every time I try to broach the subject she acts as though she has some brilliant idea of something new to test our control with. She won’t even open up to Gavin. She probably wants to, but she knows if he knows I would know. I don’t blame her. We are becoming friends, but I am so new to everything in terms of this “world” I wouldn’t want me involved yet either. Maybe she really just isn’t ready to tell anyone. Once or twice she lets her guard down for a fraction of a second and I can see her mind was plagued with worry, fear, and a bit of excitement. I try to kick her out early each night, because well, she tends to exhaust me. I just don’t run with her kind of energy and her vibrant bubbly type of crazy…well, it’s something I have to get used to. Don’t get me wrong, I love the girl like a sister, but we all need a break sometimes.

Each night after kicking Natasha out, I snuggle up next to Gavin wishing I could have more. Sometimes he allows it and other times he doesn’t. I usually can’t get past taking off his shirt and my own in return. My theory is proving to be more and more correct at least from my view. The more we try to ignore what we want the more frustrated I become and the closer the light bulbs are to exploding each time I get just a little bit of what I want. By Sunday morning I have had enough! I want what I want and that is that! I pack some bags and drag Gavin to the truck. He gives me a slightly bewildered look when I take his keys and tell him to get his ass in the truck. I have to climb up into the cab, but that is really nothing new.

“Zoe what are we doing?”

Gavin demands to know. “Gavin, just shut up and let me drive! We are doing what I want today, and you are going to go along with it. Whether you will admit it or not, I know you are only pushing me away because you are scared! We are going to stay somewhere that isn’t home tonight and you are going to relax!” I blurt out in one breath as I start the engine and practically tear out of the parking lot. “Zoe, you know I’m only doing it for our safety! I don’t think our neighbors would appreciate it if we burnt down or blew up their homes do you,”

he counters through clenched teeth. “I know, that’s why we aren’t going to be at home!” I announce triumphantly. “You aren’t listening to me Zoe! It’s too dangerous, it’s not safe! Anywhere, there are electronics, or walls made of anything flammable we are dangerous.” “Exactly, where we are going there won’t be any of those things!” I grin evilly, knowing I have won. “Just sit back and let me drive! I’ve got it all covered and you and I won’t have to worry about anything!”

Gavin lays his head back against the seat in defeat. He knows he can’t talk me out of it, and he probably doesn’t really want to either. It kills me to see him as he has been lately; full of worry and anxious to even be near me. As I drive he drifts off to sleep and his guard drops. I slip my hand under his as it lies on the seat.

I am careful to only observe and not influence his thoughts in anyway. This is something Natasha has been teaching me lately. Observing like this can allow me to help others and not harm them, by messing with their minds, especially those who don’t know what I am. I would never do anything with ill intentions; I just don’t have that type of thing in me. I have always been the one in the middle fixing arguments, and mending all the torn edges. Maybe that is why I got this crazy idea. I mean Gavin has always been here looking after me, protecting me. I owe this to him as much as I do to myself. I want him to be happy and lately not being with me seems to be hurting him more than anything. I don’t have to be able to see inside his head to know that. In fact he hasn’t slept this soundly in days. I hear him rolling around in the living room and pacing the floors all night. I can see that he thinks about everything I’ve been feeling and I just know this night will be what we need before I start work tomorrow night.

I take the highway out of the city, which of course takes forever. It’s not too horrible though, because most people are entering the city for work tomorrow and not leaving like we are. After a half an hour or so I turn off onto a side road and follow it as it slowly winds away from the main roadways and the paved lanes turn to gravel and eventually to a dirt road. The terrain becomes more uneven and the scenery transforms from cement and sky scrapers to trees and grassy meadows. As Gavin begins to stir I slide my hand back to the wheel and the terrain begins to get a bit bumpier bringing him back to consciousness quite violently. “Where the hell are we ZZ?” Gavin groggily asks. “A secret place I’ve never told you about.” I answer him. He gives me a confused look. I know what he is thinking, we know everything about each other, but that isn’t entirely true. He has been keeping things from me practically our whole lives. I don’t hate him for it or anything. Hell, I don’t even blame him, but it would just be weird if I had nothing to myself. “Just hold onto your panties! We’re almost there.” I tell him. He looks out the window taking in the dramatic change in scenery and I slowly see him relax. His shoulders drop a bit and his breathing evens out.

Absent mindedly his fingers find my thigh and he drums them against it. Each touch sends tiny heat shocks through my skin and straight to, well, let’s just say if I wasn’t sexually frustrated before I am now! He doesn’t even seem to know what he is doing, or does he? Since he is awake his mental walls are up. I can get through them, but it takes more concentration than I can give it now trying to drive the truck down the practically nonexistent road. I remember it being a much smoother drive the last time I was here. That was so long ago though I guess it doesn’t really surprise me that everything has changed. Everything appears more over grown and the road has not been maintained. I’m not even sure that the cottage is still standing. We weren’t the only people who used it, so I hope someone has been keeping the place up and not actually there today. In the worst case scenario I was sure to toss the tent in the back of the truck along with the bed rolls we use when we go camping.

I am beginning to doubt my memory and I’m not sure I made all the right turns, when the clearing comes into sight and the little cottage roof begins to rise over the horizon.

My father used to bring me here. Whenever things got too tough for me in school, or if we had nothing to do during the summer, we came here. Dad called it, “our secret heaven”. In a city like New York, I guess not many could say they had such a place to escape to. I never realized how much those days meant to me until he was gone. I hadn’t even let myself think about this place until yesterday. Remembering little things like this hidden place were too painful. I don’t like crying, and memories like the ones from here usually overwhelm me.

The last time I was here with my father, he told me something. He said, “you know, you are the best daughter a father could ask for. I never have regretted a single moment with you. I am proud of you and the woman you have become. You will go far in life and do great things. Promise me something. Promise me you won’t ever give up. You have strength inside you that you’ve only begun to discover. Honey, you change the world.” When he said it I just blushed and brushed it off. Now I see he was trying to tell me he loved me, and that he knew exactly whom I was and knew how my future laid before me. If only he had said more, left some sort of hint or clue! There is so much I wish I could ask him, so many questions I know he would answer if I had only asked him before!

“ZZ, are you ok?” I felt Gavin’s hand touch my shoulder. I quickly lock up all of my thoughts and turn to face him. “It’s just been a while since I’ve been out here. It’s changed a lot.” I smile at him. “Zoe, where are we? Why have you never told me about this place? More importantly, how did you know it was here?” “My dad used to bring me here. It was our secret. I haven’t been up here since before he died. Gavin, I think he knew. I think he knew everything and he tried to tell me he knew, but I didn’t understand. He often referred to this place as our heaven. He told me in all the chaos of such a city, this was a safe place, a hidden gem.” Gavin just stares at me with a slightly surprised look. His surprise turns into understanding and then his features melt into something dark, and primal.

Without warning his lips meet mine and he pushes me up against the window. Somewhere in his swift movements he has put the truck in park. His touch feels like fire and his urgency overrides my own control. I can hear our hearts racing and feel my body react to his. The horn honks and the windshield wipers turn on and off. Without warning he pulls me down on top of him across the seat and he holds my body to his with one hand behind my head and one on my lower back. He can tell I can’t breathe and instantly I can feel his lips along my neck and jaw. The truck lights keep flashing and the engine revs. Gavin runs his teeth over my ear lobe and I gasp. I feel his chest rumble as he tries to suppress a moan in response to my pelvis pressing against his. The engine cuts out and the only thing I hear is our labored gasps for air. I killed the engine…great that will be a pain later!

I manage to whisper out, “not here” and picture the small cottage in my head. Gavin gets the hint and agrees. I only know because he sits us up and takes me in his arms juggling my weight to free a hand to open the truck door. He reaches the door of the small building in seconds and all I can think is
“I hope no one is here!”
From the looks of the grounds people come here often enough, but it looks like they may walk in instead of maintaining the road. I’m snapped out of my thoughts as the door bangs against the wall and the stale air of the closed up building hits my nose. I wrinkle it in distaste, but I am hurried through my reaction as Gavin plants me on my feet and forcefully begins kissing me again. His hands run down my sides and in a flash he pulls my shirt over my head and then his own. As his bare skin touches mine our marks begin to illuminate. I didn’t bother with a bra this morning and the cool air makes me shiver. Fire runs through my veins and electricity hums in the air around us. Each time we touch sparks actually crackle in the air and the sky begins to darken outside. It’s still early in the day, but thunder rolls in the distance. Lightning flashes outside the window and the wind howls outside the little cabin slamming the door shut.