Madness or Purpose (12 page)

I point to my throat which still feels charred and is too painful for me to speak. “He’s still in a tremendous amount of pain.” Zoe tells Natasha, who immediately has an idea. She always does. Natasha takes Zoe’s left hand in both of hers and instructs Zoe to move her right from my hand to the hollow of my throat.
“Zoe I want you to visualize a cooling sensation kind of like aloe on a sun burn and I’ll focus on more details.”
Natasha thinks as they both close their eyes. At first it’s as though a spark of electricity shoots from Zoe’s finger tips. It transforms into a cool tingling sensation moving through my skin and into my throat. Small waves of the sensation pulse up my throat followed by a pulling sensation, like the tissue is pulling back together and smoothing out. As the cooling pulses diminish numbness takes over. I slowly open my eyes not that I remember closing them and both the ladies are grinning from ear to ear. “It’s got to be noon by now can we eat I’m starving.” I say aloud. “Of course,” they giggle in unison.

“Dean get your butt in here we fixed him! Aren’t you off that phone yet? You want pizza?” Natasha yells towards the fire escape. Zoe grabs one of the menus from the kitchen and I stand to stretch sitting on the floor has made me all stiff.

Dean steps back in the apartment flipping his phone shut. “You work fast Tash,” Dean comments. He raises his brow and points to my head. I shrug my shoulders and step towards him grabbing him in a bear hug. He tenses, but soon relaxes when he doesn’t burst into flames. “Thanks man.” I say. “You back to yourself then?” Dean asks with a questioning look on his face. “Man, I’m not sure exactly who I am anymore than anyone else seems to, but things are coming back. I’m stable for now.” I explain. Dean nods his head and motions for me to step outside. I follow him. The October breeze feels good against my skin. I still seem to be running warmer than usual, but that may be a permanent change. We both take a seat in the old chairs on the fire escape. Dean closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths.

“Gavin, man, you scared the hell out of me. I thought I was going to have to knock you out and call Jaron and the boys to come haul you off to a safe place.” “You know if I could have helped it I would have right?” I ask him. “Yeah, I know kid. So, how much do you remember about well, everything?” Dean questions me. “I can feel that Zoe and I share a soul. I know I am a guardian. I know she has been valed, and I know we have been together in some capacity since we were nine. I know Natasha is supposed to be a close friend and so are you and I think I remember something about like foster parents that are human. That is about it right now.

I mean every time Zoe shows me something from the past it seems to unlock parts of my memory. I think it really is just a matter of time.” I sigh and feel my eyes flicker red in frustration. Dean sits stiff in his chair. “Don’t worry man, I got it under control, I’m just not used to feeling angry, you know me I’m an easy going guy. It’s tough.” Dean just nods at me.

“Your parents bought you a new bed, stuff to fix the wall, and a new mirror for the bathroom. The guys are bringing it by in a couple of hours. I figure I’ll have them set up the bed and the mirror for you. You think you two can handle the wall repair?” “I think so.” I reply. “Hey Dean,” “yeah kid?” “Am I a jealous guy?” I ask. He ponders my question for a moment and rubs the stubble along his jaw line. “Well, no, but you’ve not been bonded to Zoe until now. Why do you ask?” “Well, I remember something about Zoe’s jealousy causing her to lose control when other women showed affection towards me or interest in me. I mean even just a glance my way made her have rage issues. She made a waitress end up wearing four milk shakes and just about fried Natasha with electricity.” I explain. “I see, maybe you should stay out here with Zoe while the guys are here and you two can work on your memory.” He suggests. I nod and Zoe pops her head out of the doorway. “You two lugs going to eat or not? Pizza’s here!” She winks at me and I feel a wave of compassion flow over me and calm my nerves. We both stand and go inside to join the ladies for lunch. An hour or so later Zoe leads me out to the fire escape because the guys were on their way upstairs.

I set the bucket of ice and drinks on the crates and sit down next to Gavin letting my legs dangle over the edge of the fire escape. I hand him a beer and take a drink from my rum and coke. He gives me a funny look. “Oh come on, we are actually legal we can’t not celebrate a little on our birthday!” I say with a smile. He smiles, shakes his head and twists off the cap and takes a swig. Setting his bottle on his other side he places his hand over mine and intertwines his fingers with mine. His touch is soothing and looking out over the building tops I feel hope for the first time in a few long hours. I continuously feed him memories of our past and I can feel it as the alcohol relaxes him and he lets himself absorb all the details. I finish my first drink and I have managed to block out all the noise from inside. I can feel four additional auras besides Natasha and Dean inside and I’m glad we closed the door. I think some of the men’s comments might set Gavin off if he could hear them.

I close my eyes and let my memory flow. I am so into my own remembering that I didn’t feel Gavin turn his body towards mine until his finger tips ran across my lips and his hand cups my chin. I open my eyes just in time to see his eyes close as he touches his lips to mine. Gently, tentatively at first, he is nervous. I can feel his body shaking. Then I see it in his head, he isn’t nervous, he is trying to hold back. Just the emotions rising from kissing me is making him lose control. I can’t pull out of his grasp and the fire is blistering hot. He is so panicked my presence isn’t enough and my memories do nothing. I manage to grab the bucket with my other hand and dump it bottles and all over his head. He curses and sputters and the bottles fall three floors and shatter on the concrete in the alley way. Steam rises off his body and his face is twisted in fear and shame. Dean and Natasha burst through the door panicked looks on their faces.

“What the hell happened out here?” Dean demands to know. “He kissed me and let’s just say, he took a few steps backward and almost lit me up like a human torch. So, I dumped the bucket on his head” I explain. Gavin’s head hangs in shame and a few tears roll down his cheeks until they sizzled out. Natasha touches my cheek and closes her eyes using the same method as we had on Gavin earlier to speed up the healing of my face and lips. “How about you two come inside the guys just left and relax a bit.” Dean suggests. I take Gavin’s hand and as he looks up at me his eyes flash back to his silver blue hue and he smiles weakly. “Holy hell,” I exclaim as we enter the apartment. “Your parents are way too nice Gavin.” In place of the futon are a nice suede couch and a recliner. The coffee table is made of real wood and there is a second chair matching the couch. I spin around and against the wall is a new flat screen TV! Gavin shakes his head and takes a seat on the couch.

Natasha and Dean stick around most of the day to “hang out” which really means to keep an eye on Gavin. I sit at his feet and flip through the leather bound journal. As I read he reabsorbs his lost knowledge and I pick up a few new things. Natasha tells me little facts she knows and we add some things to the journal as we go along.

Around 7pm Dean and Natasha stand and announce they are leaving. They are sure to point out three new fire extinguishers and scoot out the door. I follow them and lock it behind them. Gavin and I flick through the channels and eat the rest of the now cold pizza.

Gavin pulls me into his side as we settle on an old black and white comedy. “You know, I’m sorry about earlier. I just, I felt like I needed to remind you that I’m still in here, that I still love you and I guess the combination of memories and my feelings for you was an overload on my system. I should have been more responsible.” “I understand Gav; I’ve been in your shoes. We can’t hope to be perfect.” I smile and turn to kiss the hand draped over my shoulder. Gavin shudders and sighs.

“You just have to rein in those hormones boy and we will be just fine.” I give him a big cheesy grin. It’s only 9pm, but it’s been a long day. I stand up, stretch, and yawn. I lean down to kiss Gavin goodnight and as I try to stand back up he pulls me down onto his lap and pulls me back to him. He is careful and gentle, but it still sends electricity all over my body and the lights flash. Gavin lets me pull away and I stand up and head to my bedroom with Relic in tow. He doesn’t follow me knowing it’s best if we keep our distance like this for a while. I strip off my hoodie and jeans slipping under the covers.

Relic settles down on her pillow in the corner by the window.

This will never work! The bed is just too big and too empty without him. I crawl out grabbing a pillow and an old blanket from the pile in the corner. I quietly walk down the hall and enter the living room. It’s dark, but I find I can see much better these days. Gavin is curled up on the floor with one of the fire extinguishers nearby. “Couldn’t sleep huh?” He asks. “Nope,” I answer. “You know we are tempting fate right?” He asks as I snuggle up next to him wrapped in my own blanket. “I don’t care.”I say as he wraps his arms around me. “Sadly, neither do I.” He replies. Almost instantly we fall asleep on the floor of our apartment not knowing what the night will bring.

To Love a Friend

I woke up in the king sized bed alone tucked tightly under the covers. To the right side of my head on the opposite pillow was a note in Gavin’s hand writing.

ZZ,

You were shivering so violently I had to put you in here. I was afraid to warm you up myself. I just couldn’t bear to accidentally hurt you again. I’m even more scared now that I can remember almost everything. I can’t lose you and I would lose my mind if I were the one to harm you. I hope you can understand.

Love,

Gavin

P.S. I couldn’t sleep. I’m out on the fire escape with a thermos of coffee waiting for you.

I stretch from head to toe and as I peel off the covers my skin is covered in goose bumps. I look at my attire and I realize I am only in panties and a t-shirt. Well, that combo of clothing and the windows being open to air out the smoke smell are definitely why I got so cold. I quickly close the window and rummage through my drawers for a pair of sweats and fuzzy socks. I pull a long sleeve shirt and hoodie over my head and slip a pair of shoes on. I remember to run a brush through my messy hair. I know he has seen me worse, but some part of me always wants to impress him to some degree. I see a box of donuts and croissants on the coffee table and I snag a couple on the way by. As I lug the door open with one hand Gavin’s head turns in my direction. “It took you long enough.” He states smiling. Well trying to smile is more like it. His aura is hidden and a bucket of water sits to one side of him. He has definitely been up a long time. Gavin only wears a t-shirt and jeans. I can see my breath in the morning air, so he must still be running hot if he isn’t as bundled up as I am. I sit next to him letting my legs hang down over the edge of the fire escape.

“Did you even sleep Gavin?”

I ask. “Maybe until midnight, but you were shivering so much I couldn’t let you stay out there so I moved you and without you out there with me I just couldn’t fall back asleep. So I came out here to practice.” He said. “It looks like you’ve regained control and you got us delicious breakfast, so why do you look so sad?” I ask stuffing my mouth full of a glazed donut while pouring myself a cup of hot coffee and mixing in some creamer. “Well, yeah I seem to have things under control. But after yesterday, you know when you helped me remember stuff; well I think I am remembering things you didn’t tell me. Things you didn’t know and stuff well, I guess I didn’t know I knew about until now.” Sighing he takes my hand and rubs his thumb over the top absent mindedly.

Gavin runs his hands through his hair and stares at the horizon where the clouds are just turning pink. “Zoe, I just…I don’t know if I can be the man you need. I mean there was a time I thought I could, but maybe I’m not the right one. If you had a choice in all of this would you really still choose me?” I swallow hard and almost choke on a piece of croissant. I cough and sputter a bit. He pats my back to be sure I am ok, but then he removes it as quickly as he offered it. I sip my coffee to clear my throat. Tears brim my eyes. Why would he ask me such a question? I already told him that I loved him and I wouldn’t choose anyone else. “If you’re trying to get rid of me boy, you better think again!” I tease him, but his face is too serious. “Gavin, I chose you a long time ago. If we weren’t fated to be, I would still have chosen you. Remember I am just now figuring out who I am. When I was human or at least didn’t know I was something else I wanted you then. I always have. I was afraid to tell you.

I didn’t know how to tell you. You never dated any girls, hell you never even went on a date, so I figured you felt the same but never said anything. You are the man I need. No matter who or what you are. Look, I know things are crazy and messed up now, but we’ve been there before. Don’t you remember when my dad died? You were the only thing that kept me going. You believed me when no one else did. You saved me. How could I not love you? Why do you doubt me?”

“It’s not that. I don’t doubt you. I just want you to have a choice. I want to know that you don’t just love me because of what we are. I want to know you love me because of who I am.” He replies looking me in the eyes. He reaches up and wipes away a tear that has escaped from my eye. His hand lingers on my cheek and I close my eyes and lean into its warmth. “Gav, I would love you even if someone else was my other half. I would doom us all and love you instead. I am just that selfish.” He leans in closer and gently presses his lips to mine.
“I know, I guess I’ve always known.”
He thinks. Quickly he snatches my last donut and shoves it into his mouth all at once. I laugh and slug him in the shoulder while his face is still puffed out like a chipmunk’s. I stand up and start to head inside before he stops me by grabbing my ankle. “Hey, chill out!