Maggie Get Your Gun (17 page)

Mr. Smith was lucky he had Vaclav in thrall because that
vampire was ready to fucking kill him, but Mr. Smith wasn't done poking the old
bear with his verbal stick, "You believed everything I told you and played
right into my hands, my old Master.  You should have done a little more
research rather than taking me at my word.  The power of containing souls is
not held in the quartz comb.  It is held in THIS!”

Mr. Smith held the necklace as lightning flashed across the
sky and thunder crashed.  He began to laugh, “Your ego will always be your
downfall!”

Vaclav looked at Mr. Smith as if he was seeing him for the
first time.

“It seems the pupil has taught the teacher a lesson.  Now,
my dear Master…” said Mr. Smith, smiling in a way that would make paint peel
off a wall, “Bow before me!”

Vaclav leaned his head back and laughed, which was about as
pleasant as rat nails on chalkboard, “Never!”

It seemed to be exactly the answer that Mr. Smith was
hoping for.  He held up his hands and all the stones on the necklace started to
glow, “By the power of the Empress, I claim your spirit!  I claim the spirits
of all your minions!  And so I say once more, bow before me!”

And that’s what they did.  Every last one of those fuckers. 
Every stone on the necklace began pulsating and one by one, those vampires bent
down on their knees, casting their eyes to the ground.  The werewolves rolled
onto their backs, showing off their soft little underbellies.

“Swear your loyalty to me!”

“Oh Master Smith,” whispered the army as one.  “We vow to
serve and protect…”

Mr. Smith laughed, surveying all that he owned.  He walked
slowly down the street, as if relishing the experience of defanging all these
monsters.  Next to the saloon was a beat up old wagon, the weathered remains of
what I'm sure was once a lovely little snake oil salesman’s setup.  Legend has
it that the owner was the one who accidentally poisoned the well and killed
everyone in Ghost Town.  Legend also had it that the wagon was totally cursed,
which was something that people tended to respect on The Other Side.

But not Mr. Smith.  He mounted the rotting stairs to the
medicine show stage.  As he stood there, his pallor took on an unearthly glow, like
a bad psychedelic painting stuck under a black light.

Just then, lightning flashed across the sky again and a
crash of thunder shook our flimsy little shanty like it was made out of
cardboard.  The rain started pouring down in torrential sheets.  It was stupid
raining.  Mr. Smith held up his arms and the lightning hit his hands, setting
him on white hot fire.

“Come my children!  Come creatures of the night!”

The werewolves got up from the mud and slunk towards him
like they were a bunch of lower caste dogs, barely worthy of his attention.

“Come those who have fought death and won!” he cried.

And that’s when the horde of vampires came crawling on
their hands and knees towards the medicine show, like dancers in a Britney Spears
video, minus the sexy.

Surrounding this macabre, waterlogged, flash mob was the silvery
flicker of ghosts.  They looked almost like floating, moving ice sculptures. 
They were young and old, dressed in the garb of the prairie.  They seemed kind
of stoked about what was going down like spectators at a cage match.  I guess
“specters at a cage match” was a little more accurate.  I think I might have
caught one of them hawking peanuts.

Killian gave a whistle, “Vampires, werewolves, and
ghosts...”

“Oh my,” I said.

It was going to be a show, all right.

Mom turned to a corner in the room and said, "Thomas,
I know that you don't like the living to interfere with Ghost Town business,
but my daughter is very good at these sorts of things.  Could you let the
others know it would be best to let her and her boyfriend…”

“Killian is NOT my boyfriend," I corrected.

“Which falls fully upon her shoulders because I, for one,
find her quite attractive,” pointed out Killian.

"Can it, elf."

Mom gave my arm a patronizing pat to shut me up as she
clarified for her ghostie pal, “Let her and her 'friend’ decide upon the best
way to dispose of these horrible werewolves and vampires creeping around your
nice little town.  Those creatures are like cockroaches and I would hate for
Ghost Town to get an infestation.”

Her pleasant little chat was interrupted by the sound of Mr.
Smith striking his hands together.  An echo boomed down Main Street, knocking
the host of monsters on their butts.  But instead of scrambling back to their
feet to see if anyone had caught them tripping, they stayed down on the ground.

Mr. Smith slapped his hands together again and there was
another flash of lightning.  The vampires slowly rose and turned towards the
werewolves, barring their teeth.  The hackles of the werewolves raised as their
muscles tensed.  And then the two enemies leapt at each other’s throats.

I was really stoked thinking that they were going to kill
each other off and do all the hard work for us.  But then I realized that
wasn’t what was going on.  The vampires were draining the werewolves of their
life blood.  And the werewolves in turn, had bitten onto the vampires and
weren’t letting go. 

“Is he making vampires?” Killian whispered.

“No, I think he is making werewolves,” said my dad.

That's when the two pieces clicked together in my head.  Vampires
can only be killed when you pierce their heart and the werewolves weren't
biting anywhere near the ribcage.  Werewolves can only be killed by silver
bullets, and unless the vampires had gone out to get some bling up in their
grill, there wasn't silver anywhere around those dogs.

They weren't trying to kill each other.

Mr. Smith was making hybrids.

A hybrid would only be able to be killed by a silver bullet
to the heart.

It suddenly made sense why Mr. Smith wanted the Empress's quartz
comb.  It would make the bearer impervious to silver.

And that would make the hybrids invincible.

“Aw fuck,” I said.  “He’s making vampwolves and werepires.”

Chapter 24

I turned to Dad and Killian.  I felt like I owed them
apology.  You know, since they were probably the ones that were going to have
to deal with my “oops”.

“Sooo… the quartz comb is in the glove compartment of my car...”

Dad looked at me like I was twelve years old again and had
forgotten to turn off my curling iron two hours from home, “And
why
would you go leaving an artifact in an unprotected car, Maggie?”

“I thought if this was a trap, it would be better than
having it in my pocket...?”

Dad shook his head in disappointment, “No new stake set for
you, Maggie.”

Mindy motioned to me from behind Dad’s back that she’d give
me hers.  I shrugged at her.  It wasn’t the same.

Dad looked back at the street, “I count twenty-seven monsters
out there…”

“That makes sense.  Thirty-three spirits for the necklace,
but we killed six vampires…  This is good,” I said.

“Good?” asked Mindy.

“Better than thirty-three werepires.”

“Touché.”

Dad pointed to my Honda, “So we just have to create a distraction
so that one of us can run to the car.”

“If we all run for the car, could we just leave?” offered
Mindy.

“What's your rush to get home, kiddo?  This is quality
family time,” Dad said, giving her hand a distracted squeeze, “Something good
on TV?”

“Yah, it’s a show called ‘I Don’t Want To Die Tonight’ and
I hear it is great.”

“On that theme…” I said, “I think I might have the makings
of a plan…”

“Do tell!” said Mindy.  “I like plans.  Especially when
they focus on ‘getting us out of danger’.”

“Thomas?  You still here?” I called out.

“He’s here, Maggie,” said Mom. “Really, you’d think you
would have gotten SOME of my seeing ability.”

“I didn’t,” I sighed, trying not to let this moment
degenerate into a Greatest Hits litany of all my genetic disappointments.  I
turned towards the general direction of the room and asked, “Thomas?  Would you
mind if we used some items in your house to try and protect it?”

Mom cocked her head to the side, “He said fine.  Just don’t
touch the crystal.  If you touch the crystal, he will haunt you.”

“Understood,” I turned to Mindy, “Okay, Dad and Killian
will unblock the door…”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” interrupted
Mindy.

I took her hands in mine and explained very slowly so she
would understand, “I need you to go through the house and find anything silver we
can use as a weapon.  The pointier, the better.  The more stuff I can stab
with, the sooner we can get home.”

“Fine..." she said, slouching off towards the door to
stand by the armoire.

“Maggie…” warned my dad, I think sensing where I was going
next.

“Dad, you know you have to be the one to go to the car,” I
said as I threw him my keys, “Grab the comb.  It’s in the glove compartment.  And
if you can manage to get us some bullets, too, that’d be great.  Killian and I
will provide you with cover but none of us are going to last very long if we
can’t restock our ammunition.”

I turned to Killian, “Killian, you and I are the
distraction.  We go after Mr. Smith.”

“I’ll go with your father!”volunteered Mom.

I sighed, “Mom, I think it’s best if you stayed here to
help Mindy.”

“She will be fine.  Thomas will take care of her.”

“He’s a
ghost
,” I pointed out.

“This isn’t about Mindy, is it?" She gave me a wizened
ol’ look like she was about to blow my mind, “You don’t think I’m capable of
taking care of myself?  You should have SEEN some of the men who stopped by my
table in Santa Monica.”

“Mom, those were just creeps...”

“I’ll have you know I fought quite a few monsters of the
undead variety,” she said, brushing back my bangs.  “Where do you think you get
your gift from?  Your father?  Lord knows, he wouldn’t know how to take down a
vampire if it fell on a stake he was holding.”

“I have to say I have seen him take down plenty of
vampires…”

“Please.  I taught him everything he knows,” she said with
a little half smile, bumping him with her hip.

Dad squeezed her waist, “It’s true.  Your mom was a black
belt in jujitsu.  The first time I saw her flip a ghoul, I knew it was love.”

Mom giggled as Dad gave her a peck on the cheek.  I just
shook my head.  I didn’t need all these revelations coming out of the family
closet when I had bad guys to beat up.  If she wanted to get herself killed and
Dad was down with it, who was I to argue.

“We’ll talk about this later.  I can’t handle this right
now,” I said, pulling a knife out of my boot and passed it to Mom.  “You two
get the comb and destroy it, and if anyone is still alive, meet back here.”

“How do you destroy the comb?” asked Dad.

“Just smash it.”

“Really?” he said, acting sort of surprised.

“Right?!?  Someone wasn’t thinking of long term durability
when he was putting this spell together.”

“Well, that’s fortunate.”

I looked around the room, “Okay, I think we’re set.”

“Before we proceed, I would encourage everyone to take a
moment to enjoy a particularly pleasing sight,” said Killian, pointing.  “Is
that Vaclav?”

We all poked our heads around the window sill.  Sure
enough, fangs deep in the throat of one of those monster puppy dogs was
everyone’s favorite master of evil.

“Oooo… he is gonna be PISSED,” I grinned. I pulled out my
phone to snap a picture, “Vaclav sucking on a werewolf.  This is better than
catching him flashing his man-boobs at Mardi Gras.  I’m totally putting this up
on Facebook!”

“Maggie!  Wait!” said Dad.

I was so caught up in the delight of the moment, I forgot
to turn off my flash.  And just as I snapped the shot, the light went off,
revealing our location.  The entire horde of biting, bleeding monsters flipped
around and stared at us.

“Smile for the birdie?” I suggested.

Mr. Smith’s voice rang out across the street as he peered
up at us, “At last!  The entire MacKay family in one place.  You must have received
my gift of the jade comb and all came out to thank me, just as I planned."

“YOU'RE behind the jade comb?!  That's fucking bullshit!”

“MAGGIE!” said my mom.

“Frickin’ bullshit?” I offered.

She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at me.

I turned back to Mr. Smith, biting back the words I really
wanted to say, “That is an unacceptable revelation that you have… revealed… to
us.”